("I Was Human"
Can't relate
My fav quote in this fic: "As you two were quietly standing next to each other, you still developed a screaming desire louder than any silence"
Okay but headass I literally got up and like cried when I wrote this)
Flowers that fade like all of the days I loved, they died out
You were the first newblood discovered by Prince Maven and his entire house. You were exposed to the company of everybody who attended the Queenstrial with Evangeline watching over you like a vulture. You were the one that decided your fate that day. And after that, and after Elara changed your name, you were forced to dress in layers of bright lies. In all honesty, you didn't pay attention to Maven when you were first forced to get engaged to him. You looked at the things you used to love doing and looked back in disgust. You were truly getting used to becoming a silver.
Cal would always give you his hand to support on, but you knocked it away. You don't need him to help you. You don't need anybody to help you. All you need is yourself in this crazy, wild world.
"You are the most stubborn red I've ever met," Maven says as he stands next to you, looking at you as you look out a window. He has a small on his face while you stay emotionless. He looks at you, squinting his eyes at how easily you fit into being a silver.
"And you are the most irrelevant silver I've ever met," you reply with a mocking smile. Maven is surprised, almost offended. You try to walk away. You don't want to talk to him. You hate to admit it, but you were happy just being a servant. You never wanted to be apart of the people you were cleaning up after. You never wanted to be a silver. And you don't and never will have any patience for them.
"If you're going to spend the rest of your life with me, you're going to have to be a little nicer." Maven says as he grabs your arm.
And all, and all, and all I feel is pain
You can feel his hot fingers tingling against your arm. Your chest clenches as you try not to turn towards him. You are trying not to pay any attention to any silvers. You don't want to. They are the ones that took your life away from you. They are the ones that will all perish one day. You are trying to think this way, but inside, you don't. A part of you wants to stay with Maven. A part of you knows that he wants to protect you. But you don't want him to. You want to maintain your own status of not caring for silvers.
"Being rude to me is not going to benefit you in the future," he says in a softer voice. You turn to him slowly, looking into his sensitive blue eyes. You see through them easily. There's no way he's as innocent as he's trying to be.
"I'm sorry," you blatantly say. Maven lets go of your arm, and you walk away.
I shoulda known that, I shoulda known that, I shoulda known that
I won't see you again
Maven watched you walk, loving how fun you are. A part of his mind was twisted. He never really loved you passionately. He loved the thought of being married to you forever and keeping you trapped with him. He has a passion for the way you exist and how you act. But you aren't playing the game like he wants you to. And frankly, it's kind of making him happy.
We were the same in both the heart and mind
You don't exactly distaste standing next to Maven or talking to him. Sometimes it's pleasant. You love looking at his pointy cheekbones and slim face. He never fails to fill you with acknowledgment, something you have learned to appreciate. You can't decide whether you like him or not. All you know how to do if lie to yourself. Maven knows how that feels. You both grew to be indifferent towards marrying each other. You both had internal fights about whether or not it's worth it to admit feelings towards each other.
And as you two quietly stand next to each other, you still developed a screaming desire louder than any silence.
With nights I took for granted all along
"So you put your hands over mine -no, like this," you take Maven's hands and flip them over before placing yours under his. He smiles at you, showing his emotions on his sleeve. You are showing him a game you played with your friends when you were younger. You both are sitting on his bed, playing late at night. You both are wearing your night clothes. You almost always spend your nights with Maven recently. He's just a big comfort to be around.
"And you're supposed to move your hands out of the way before I hit you, okay?" You slur. He nods, propping himself up. You do the same, looking him in the eyes. He's staring at your hands. You are so happy being with him like this.
And so you acted quickly, moving your hands around his as you try to strike him. He was quick to pull his hands away, laughing as he did so. You watched him smile with his hands to his chest. He looked like a child. He looked happy.
I couldn't see the future, not at all
You reach out to grab his hands, pressing your fingers against his. He faces his palms towards you as you two press your entire hands against eachother. It feels... unique. The sight of your redblood fingers against his silverblood ones reminds him of his mother. He presses the tips of his fingers against yours. You stare at your hands as he stares at you. His head starts to spin.
"Maven," you whisper in your sweet voice. He has it settled into his mind. He doesn't want to chain you up or keep you for himself. He loves you. He loves you like you are his first love.
He grabs your face, pulling you into a kiss. He feels like he's going to regret doing this. He's going to regret doing anything. But he can't control his life, or himself. So he's going to do what makes him happy while he still has the chance.
You kiss him back, your heart beating in a way you never knew it too.
I knew, I knew, I knew but here I stand
You frowned as you stood next to Cal, Maven and Elara are across from you. And to the left, Tiberias. A Tiberias who is weak, half alive, and getting murdered by his firstborn son. Elara controls them both, leaving you to watch. But you don't scream, or at least, you stopped after the surprise. You are just stuck in your mind. After Maven refused to stand by your side, you cried. You screamed. You almost lost control. But you didn't. So now, with makeup streaming down your face, you watch as your life falls apart right before you. It hurts in a way that nobody can describe better. All of the sweet moments you didn't even consider until now. What did they mean? What is Maven trying to do? It took you weeks to finally trust him. Was this his plan all along?
Hurting from words I thought would just pass by, followed as I ran
And after the crown from Tiberias's head rolls in front of Maven, you look at him one last time as his fiance. He looks at the crown that is covered with his father's blood. Then, he looks at you. Your eyes widen as you stare into his helpless ones.
"Cal, run!" You cry out. Elara shields her son, not caring that her stepson escaped with a broken mind. You try to follow, but you are caught in his essence. Your hand slides against the wall before you turn back. You look at Maven, fear in your eyes. Fear in his eyes.
"Trusting you surely benefitted me, didn't it?" you spit before rushing out. Maven clenches his fist. You don't know what's happening or why. What does Maven benefit from destroying you? Does he just want to marry Evangeline? Are you the one thing keeping him from the throne? Or more accurately - were you?
And yet, and yet, and yet I stay alive
Cal grabs your hand in a way he's never grabbed your hand. He holds your hand in a way he never got to hold it like he wanted. But you don't care. You never will care. Maven's screams echo throughout the halls, his voice that you know all too well haunting your every step.
"There's nowhere for you to run!" He screams. Is that real, or in your heard? You can't tell. Is Elara filling your mind or are you destroying yourself? Suddenly, behind you begins the storm of sentinels. Officers. Cal can run fast, but not as fast as you. You think about all of the years you've spent running from your problems. All of the years you've spent running from your emotions. Running from yourself. From Maven.
I shoulda known that, I shoulda known that, I shoulda known that
I won't see you again
Cal fought back before you could bring yourself to. His fire dripped from the walls and spilled onto the floor, causing the smoke alarms to go off. The loud screech of the alarms only aches your head.
You stop running, holding your hands in your face as you refuse to turn to the fighting crowd. The light from the windows begins to drown as the lamps extinguish. Suddenly, everything is as dark as a void. Nobody can see. Nobody except you. And that's your ability. You can control light; distinguish it. Something you learned from Maven.
Standing in city lights that dim
"(Y/N)," Cal's voice erupts from right next to you. He screams, reaching out to your arm. You don't want to give up. You don't want to surrender. You've surrendered all of your life, why should right now be the same. Cal repeats your name, holding you with both of his hands. You don't look at him. But slowly, the sunlight returns. The lanterns ignite, and you're under arrest.
All I can do is stare out and look at them
You feel like Maven has betrayed you. Yet, you feel like he's still on your side. Was he ever on your side?
You look around you, blankly staring at your surroundings. Your dress, bloody and torn, reeks of death. It's red. You're red. You notice the low and heavy ceiling that you can practically touch.
"This is that arena, isn't it? I never truly fancied those little shows silvers perform." You admit to Cal, who sits in the corner. Your fingers only graze the ceiling as you try to reach out to it. You remember going to the Bowl of Bones mostly because all of your friends did. You could have snuck away, hid in the forest, but you chose to be there. You chose to watch the fights in horror and a weird touch of anticipation. Those, the same feelings you feel now.
Flowers that fade like all of the days I loved, they died out
You look at your hands, missing the feeling of power surging through them. Silent stone, it must be. God, you are acting like such a silver. It makes you take a deep breathe, wondering what's wrong with you.
"It looks like so much fun," Maven's voice sends shivers through you. You back away from the bars, not realizing how close you were. Cal stands immediantely following Maven's voice. His stance, a true stance of soldier, intimidates you more than it intimidates Maven. You don't know how you feel. You never truly knew. Do you love Maven? Can you forgive him? You want to. You're making up emotions for yourself. You're making up a life that you just aren't. But that's what you're good at, adapting. You know how to adapt. But it's time to have the world adapt to you rather than you adapt to the world.
You look at Maven, even though you hate doing so. His face is clean, the circles under his eyes are gone. He looks anew. He looks like he's enjoying this. Your hand begins to tremble. You can't tell if you're aching to strangle him or to caress him.
And all, and all, and all I feel is pain
Maven looks at you, locking you in his gaze. To his delight, you flinch. He puts his hand through the tight bars, his slim wrist resting against the metal as his hand relaxes.
"I can save you," he whispers to you. Cal, protectively, stands at your side. But without him, you walk closer to Maven. You don't need Cal to protect you. When will he learn that? You will continue to knock him away until the day you die. And with Maven, as he tries to shove you down, you'll learn to overcome and conquer.
"You can?" You seductively walk closer, putting on your most innocent look. Maven's heart begins to shake. He knows it's not real. He knows you don't care as much as he wants you to. But still, he falls for your charm. No, he can't. He can't fall for you anymore. You'll only bring him down. He has had goals and dreams since he was a child. You are a mere obstacle. As much as he loves you, he'll put you to the side for now.
Before you can grab his hand, he pulls it back to his side.
"If you wanted to spend the rest of your life with me, you should have been a bit nicer." He mocks as he takes steps back. Cal opens his mouth, rushing to your side. You wave your hand, instructing him to be quiet. He grabs your hand, pushing it away from him.
"Mavey, why would you do this to us?" His voice lacked any love that he once had.
I shoulda known that, I shoulda known that, I shoulda known that
"So you can learn from your mistakes and never trust anyone ever again." He answers plainly, smiling devilishly. He cackles to himself, his teeth gnashing like metal.
"Anyone can betray anyone," you mutter under your breath as you watch him back away. Maven glances at you, giving you a reassuring look. You glare at him back. One day, you'll get him. You'll destroy his being and everything he is. You want to. You need to. You won't let him play on you any longer.
I won't see you again