IT (A Bob's Burger Parody)

De hothamandcheeseday

1K 28 10

Several months after Andy Pesto mysteriously disappeared from sight on a rainy October afternoon, his older b... Mai multe

Foreword
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De hothamandcheeseday

Jimmy Jr, Louise and Rudy walked together, side by side, soon to be empty jansports clinging to their backs.

"There's a room filled with theatre people and Courtney has to take this super-theatrey audition and-"

"Wait, so how does it work?"

Rudy paused for a second, forgetting how Courtney explained her audition to him.

"They slice a tip of her boob off."

"But then she'll have nothing left."

Jimmy Jr and Louise felt Courtney snake through the space between them.

"Hey Court, what happens at your audition, it says they slice a tip of your bo-boob off."

Courtney's face turned bright red, Louise whistled from around Rudy's shoulder.

"Yeah and I think the theatre dudes gonna pull up your shirt, turn to the crowd and say 'where's the melons?'."

"Louise, it's not a cult."

"At the audition, I read from the script, make a foreword, and suddenly, my dad will become super proud of me."

"That's for damn sure, that's what your dad told me in bed last night."

Louise echoed her voice in a round of "Ohhhhs" as she raised her hand for a high-five, which Courtney ignored.

As the four walked across the busy corridor, Logan Bush, Darryl Whitman, Lenny Destefano, and Peter Pescadero eyed the group like a piece of candy.

Just as Tammy Larsen made her way to the bathroom, with a signature look on her face, signifying that she was mega-pissed.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Tammy entered the bathroom, a smug look on her overly-makeupped face.

The bottle blonde charged for the stall her and her posse knew Jocelyn, the supposed slut of the school, was smoking.

Tammy kicked the stall, a grunt escaping her lips, causing Jocelyn to jump and roll her eyes.

She motioned for Julie to stop filling the trash bag with water and trash left over to rot during Seymour's bay's excruciatingly hot summer, and creep into the other stall, waiting for the attack on Jocelyn.

"Are you alone in there, Jocelinch, or do you have the whole school in there with you, huh slut?"

Jocelyn sighed, pressing her cigarette against the stall door.

"I know your in there, little shit, I can smell you. No wonder you don't have any friends."

"What is it Tammy, am I a slut, or a little shit? Make up your mind."

Tammy scoffed, slightly getting more angrier.

"Your trash. We just wanted to remind you."

Jocelyn gazed up, noticing the full trash bag ready to be dumped on her.

She grabbed her backpack and cover her head with it, the wetness of the trash sliding off of her backpack and onto the floor.

"Haha, at least you'll smell better."

Jocelyn bit her lip, sighing as she dropped her backpack to the floor.

"Let's go girls."

And for once in her life, Jocelyn's eyes filled with tears, but it wasn't because of Tammy or Julie or anyone, it was because she was too weak, too insecure, to fight back.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Louise, Courtney, Jimmy Jr, and Rudy stood outside the busy school yard, emptying their backpacks into the garbage cans.

"Best feeling in the world."

"Trying tickling your pickle for the first time."

The gang peered over at Louise, who had spent her time around way too many boys to make sense.

But Rudy broke the uncomfortable silence.

"So, uh, what do you guys want to do tomorrow?"

"I'm busy, I have training."

"Training?"

"Yeah, that Bakeneko samurai game down at the Wharf?"

"That's how you want to spend your summer, inside of an arcade?"

"Beats spending it inside of your dad."

Again, Louise raised her hand to high-five any of her friends that understood her racey joke, but Courtney pushed her hand down, clearly annoyed.

"Aren't we gonna go to the Wharf Bay?"

"The ba-ba-barrens."

"Right."

The group nodded in unison, clearly disappointed in the gang's activities for their first day of summer break.

"Tina Belcher's Mom."

The group turned their heads to face a cop car, just a few feet away from the school entrance.

In front of the cop car was a woman who looked haggard, far too haggard to appear the age she was, holding a missing sign, her eyes examining the schoolyard.

As if she was searching for hope.

"Does she really expect to see her at school?"

"I don't know, unless Tina Belcher has been hiding out in home ec for the past few weeks."

"You think they'll actually find her?"

"Yeah, in a ditch, all decomposed, covered in worms and maggots smelling like Rudy's moms's underwear."

"Dude, just shut up."

Jimmy Jr interrupted the quarrel.

"Sh-She's not dead, she's just mu-mu-missing."

Louise nodded quietly.

"Sorry Jimmy, she's missing."

Rudy rolled his eyes, the gang heading towards the road.

"You know, the barrens aren't that bad, who doesn't love splashing around in shitty water?"

Louise felt her backpack being pulled back, colliding with Courtney, the two collapsing onto the grass.

Lenny took ahold of Courtney's ponytail, wedging her light purple ribbon between his fingers.

"Nice noose, lesbian."

He threw the ribbon into the oncoming bus' window.

"Fucking losers."

Peter belched in Rudy's face, who winced as if in pain.

The gang of boys, often referred to as the asshole club, swaggered away.

"S-s-sock It Bush!"

Jimmy Jr known he shouldn't have done that, but his instinct told him to fight back.

Logan turned around, a smirk on his face.

"Wh-what was that? Ji-ji-jimmy?"

The taller, lankier boy got in Jimmy's face, biting his lip.

"You know you got a free ride this year because of your brother, that all ends now."

Logan turned his attention to the police officer, who was watching Logan like a hawk.

"Summers gonna be a hurt train, for you and your faggot friends."

The teenager licked the palm of his hand, sliding it down the Pesto boy's face.

The gang watched as the asshole's club drove away in their convertible, not even looking back at their victims.

"Wish he'd go missing, wouldn't mind doing it."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Are you gonna let me go by or not?"

Gene, startled, turned around, his eyes focusing on Jocelyn, who was standing in front of him.

"Oh...I'm..sorry...I'll just."

The boy's bike slid out of his hand, he dropped his project onto the concrete, his headphones being the only thing not on the ground.

Jocelyn rolled her eyes at the struggling boy.

"Logan and his goons are on the other side of the school."

"Oh I wasn't-"

"Everyone knows he's looking for you."

Gene looked away, blushing slightly.

"Whatcha listening to?"

Jocelyn pulled off his headphones and placed them on her head, closing her eyes for a more second before opening them and smiling brightly.

"New kids on the block?"

"I don't even like them! I just-"

"Wait, your the new kid right? Now, I get it."

"There's nothing to get."

Jocelyn placed the headphones back on Gene's head, giggling to herself.

"I'm just messing with you. I'm Jocelyn Vanderbilt."

"Yeah I know that, because, uh, we're in the same class, Social studies. I'm Gene, but pretty much everyone calls me-"

"The new kid. Well, Gene, there are worse things to be called. Let me sign this."

Jocelyn pulled the yearbook peaking out of Gene's opening pocket in his green jansport, pulling a pen out of her jean pocket.

She let the pen cap rest between her teeth as she wrote out her name in, gorgeous (as Gene described it as), handwriting.

Have a great summer new kid on the block ;) -Jocelyn Vanderbilt

Gene stared at her, mesmerized by her beauty.

Jocelyn handed back the yearbook, winking as she turn into the empty schoolyard.

"Stay cool, Gene from Soc class."

"Yeah, you too Jocelyn."

"Stay tough, new kid on the block."

Gene smiled to himself at the new nickname, staring at Jocelyn, who was halfway to the edge of the school grounds.

"Please don't go girl..that's the name of another...new kids on the block song."

Gene trudged away, his bike to his right, his Seymour's Bay history project tucked between his left armpit, and his headphones, still blaring 'new kids on the block' dragging his him.

Author's note:
Thanks for reading! For those who have seen it (2017), there are some scenes I will not be writing into this fanfic because there was no way I was gonna fit that much detail into one scene that is probably pointless. (Patrick getting killed, Eddie and his mom, mike seeing pennywise for the first time, etc) But I do promise to keep this story as updated as possible.

- Gracie

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