A few weeks had flown by like a dream. Hannah and Harry had spent most of it together; in her or his bedroom or he took her out on a sort of date.
At one occasion for example, to The Zone.
They were just lying in Hannah's bed, satisfied, having just come off their highs. Harry's head was in Hannah's lap and she was absent-mindedly playing with his hair.
“We should go out tonight. Let loose, have fun. We should go to a party or something.” Harry suddenly spoke up.
Hannah's eyes were still closed, enjoying the way Harry's breath spread over the lower parts of her body. She was so utterly comfortable.
“Oh so you are not having fun with me?” she teased.
Harry turned towards her in her lap, a deep frown apparent on his face. “Of course I am. But you know... change of scene and stuff.”
“Yeah I agree but last time I went out it was disastrous regarding my self-confidence and I also met you.” Hannah pulled a face and Harry squeezed her thighs, apparently not amused. She let out a laugh. “I'm joking. But still it was so awkward that I couldn't handle a guy who got a bit carried away.”
“Yeah but I was there and I so will be there this time. So you have no reason to say no. Please?” Harry definitely knew how to get his way with Hannah and this time wasn't any different.
So they got up and took a shower together (not a good idea since they spent a bit too much time under the water), and then Harry just threw on a pair of boxers that he'd left at Hannah's (and that she'd washed) and the same clothes he'd worn before.
Hannah tried to put a bit more effort into her appearance but got teased by Harry every time she tried to apply blusher (“You're quite flushed already”) or lipstick (“And how am I gunna kiss you?”). She eventually gave up and went for only mascara and eyeliner.
However, Harry had no intention to stop her from picking out something nicer to wear. Hannah chose a crop top and a high wasted figure-hugging skirt that ended at the middle of her thighs. She decided on flats because she thought no-one wanted to see her wobbling in heals, drunk.
Harry's gulp and his eyes never being able to leave her body as they left the Miller house made Hannah think it was worth to be a bit cold in the short clothing she wore.
They abandoned the option of driving and took the bus instead; and as they walked to The Zone from the stop Harry's hand never left Hannah's waist. She felt like he was downright proud to be with her.
The party was in full swing inside. People crowded in every corner; most of them on the dancefloor and a considerable amount grouped around the bar. After getting rid of their coats, Harry led Hannah to the counter and managed to order a drink fairly quickly.
Hannah felt a bit out of place. It was comforting that this time she was with Harry, however. They managed to grab two stools and chatted for a while whilst downing shot after shot for Hannah to be more comfortable with heading to the dancefloor.
When her eyes were rather glazed over and Harry felt the alcohol burning in his veins as well, he led her to the middle, squeezing through couples in heated embrace. They found a relatively spacious spot that they could occupy to dance a bit.
Hannah definitely felt out of her mind. The music pumped inside her body, and she almost involuntarily moved to it. Harry's arms were around her hips as she danced and he swayed a little, too; but, as he said into Hannah's ear, he wasn't really a dancer.
When her eyes travelled up to meet Harry's, it was the end of her. The friction between her grinding body and his almost still one was exhilarating as it was; and now she sank into his intense gaze. Harry's eyes (that she never really could tell the colour of) were full of lust, admiration, and affection.
These surrounded Hannah, and although she felt like she'd sunk under them, she didn't feel like drowning at all. And that was a first.
She put her arms around Harry's neck, pulled him down, and kissed him with all her might. They'd stopped moving; the pair of them just stood in the middle of The Zone's dancefloor crowded with swirming and grinding hot bodies. The music was still loud, almost disturbing, but for Hannah and Harry it felt like they were in some kind of a sound-proof bubble.
They separated after someone crushed into them whilst dancing around, and as they looked up at each other with timid smiles and touching their own lips, Hannah could have sworn Harry was about to say something. But it was either only her drunken mind playing tricks on her, or he decided against speaking.
-
Hannah honestly felt like it was all good to be true. She and Harry left that argument behind, completely forgotten. They barely spent one day apart. This is what honeymoons must be like, she thought.
He even introduced her to his mum properly. She was the loveliest person ever, and even though Harry was a bit concerned that his mum's overly motherly kindness, questions, and delicious cooking would make Hannah sad about her own lost parents, she didn't think about it like that. She was only a bit sorrow when she realised she could never introduce Harry to her parents.
Although Hannah didn't know about it, Lily kind of took the role of a worried parent. Once, when Hannah had yet to arrive home from work but Harry was already there, Lily sat down next to him on the sofa with a serious look in her eyes. That shut Harry up, even though he was just about to make a comment about the obvious lovebite on her neck.
“Listen, pal. I get that Hannah forgave you for your whore-like attitude because she's too whipped. And obviously you like her, too, but it may or may not be for the sole reason that she basically never leaves your bed.” she started, not even stopping to take a breath. Harry opened his mouth to cut in, but Lily held up her hands.
“I'm not finished. I don't know about your thoughts, feelings, or intentions because you're a fucking male and God knows I can't decipher your species. But I know Hannah like the back of my hand. I'm not saying she's in love with you, but, and she's gunna kill me if you ever tell her I told you this, so please don't; she definitely feels strongly for you.
“But, my dear, she's been a fucking mess ever since Finn and... the other stuff. You kind of revived her, but as you could see when you confessed your little stunt, she's fragile as fuck and finds it hard to trust people. Still, she finally let you in.
“So if you fuck it up one more time, Harry, if you hurt her, I swear to God that I'm going to ruin you. You're going to die by the hands of a fifteen year-old girl, understand?” Lily finished with a devilishly sweet smile.
Harry blinked a couple times. He wanted to say something, anything to word his thoughts but quite honestly, he felt like he had none. As if he had lost the ability to speak.
But Lily was still staring at him, her eyebrows pulled up expectantly, so he swallowed. “Okay.”
When Hannah came home, all chirpy and rambling on about funny stories with customers that had happened earlier on in her day, Harry was still sort of frozen. Hannah tried perking him up with some food, kisses, even offering to strip for him (something that he had been pestering her about).
After none of her efforts worked on him properly and he was still only able to smile faintly at her, she realised his mind was obviously somewhere else.
This is it, Hannah thought. He had finally had enough. Although Harry was somewhat infatuated with her for more than a couple weeks, he got bored of her just like he always did with girls; he'd admitted it himself that he never stayed with the same person for too long.
A bile started to rise in Hannah's throat, blocking any kind of way for her to breathe, and she soon felt like she was chocking. She shot away from Harry in the bed, slouching beside the wall in the far end.
Harry didn't seem to notice and after a couple of awkward attempts at conversation (in which none of them were too engaged), he announced that he was tired and would go home. Hannah didn't even look at him as he planted a small kiss on her hair and left the room without a word.
The echo of her door shutting closed rang in her head for hours on.
-
The following days Harry, clearly out of guilt, went all out for Hannah. He said nothing to her about Lily's warnings for him but he sort of promised her not to share that with Hannah anyway.
He wasn't sure why he'd acted that way. Perhaps he was a bit taken aback by Lily's words and suddenly Harry felt like Hannah was this precious fragile china vase that he didn't deserve and would most probably break, which he didn't want to happen.
So he did everything he could to make up for his behaviour the night before. He showed up at the store the next day but Hannah wasn't in. Apparently for the first time in history, she'd called in sick.
Harry thought it was odd, but thought nothing of it at first. He went to her house and let himself in with his key. He shouted for Hannah, but almost immediately Lily appeared in the hall and Harry groaned inwardly.
“Where is Hannah? Is she okay? At the store they said she was ill?” he asked Lily, constantly trying to get passed her and go find Hannah on his own but Lily managed to block his way.
“Yeah she's... unwell. Maybe you should just go home.”
“What? No, what's wrong with her? Does she have a cold? I can deal with that...”
“Oh my God, are you really that horny? She's not fine, just fuck off!” Lily practically shouted.
Harry blinked a couple of times, then mumbled, “Alright, I'll just come back tomorrow then.”
Hannah, who had winced at her sister's harsh words to Harry, squeezed her eyes shut as the door closed loudly after a leaving Harry, much like the day before.
In all honesty, she wasn't really ill. But after her scare that Harry might have got bored of her, she realised she needed to face her feelings and she was only able to do that if she wasn't around Harry.
It was a slight shock, but if she was honest with herself, no surprise to Hannah that she had fallen for Harry. Fallen in love. But she was frightened.
Because this was definitely not something either of them wanted to happen, and she was sure it wasn't what Harry felt or needed at that moment. Hannah could almost picture the cliché chick-flick scene that her life she feared resembled: the girl starts to feel a bit more in the casual relationship but when she admits it to the boy, he runs far far away after humiliating the girl and crashing her heart.
Now, she definitely didn't want that. She wanted no more heartbreak and loss in her life, thank you very much. She wasn't really up for getting humiliated for the way she felt, either.
All in all, she was trying to distance herself from Harry out of fear that she would only fall deeper and her feelings would come to light.
It was, however, a pretty difficult task considering that he showed up at her work, her house, and even after getting told to “fuck off”, he kept texting her to get better and just inform her about his day in his usual Harry-way.
Furthermore, he came back everyday. Sometimes he came when Lily was at school, so Hannah had to hide in her bathroom and literally beg for Harry to go home because she was just “miserable and looked horrid.”
When he didn't come on Friday, Hannah thought he'd maybe given up. That he either got tired of trying to get a hold of her when he wasn't really that interested anyway. It hurt her to think that way, but given her mindset, it was for the better.
So on Saturday morning she allowed herself an early morning (just to be safe) trip to the shops to get some food because Lily was starting to complain about stale bread and pizza overdose. Hannah was going mental anyway, having been wrapped up in her bedroom all week.
She scanned the shelves in the local Tesco, taking her time. The store was eerily empty as it was about 5 minutes after 6 in the morning, not a time on a Saturday when people liked to be up. And that was ecaxtly what Hannah enjoyed. No crowd, no stripped down shelves, and, most importantly, no Harry.
After dealing with the half-asleep boy behind the till and paying for her items, she stepped out into the brisk morning and started walking home.
Hannah strangely enjoyed cold mornings. The empty streets and the silence that was only broken when a lone car passed were just a few of her favourites. The best thing was when the cold air nipped at her skin and got through, filling her insides and freezing her to the bone. Making her feel something other than an aching heart and anxiety-filled mind.
When she rounded the corner to her street, someone grabbed her arm and pushed her to the wall of a fence. Hannah was so astounded she didn't even think to scream.
Her heart, however, felt like crying out loud when she laid eyes on the person who stopped her so forcefully.
“Will you tell me why you've been avoiding me this entire week?”
Hannah gulped, still in a state of shock. She said the first thing that came to her mind; not an answer, but another question. “What are you doing here so early?”
Harry sighed and rolled his eyes. “Apparently this is the only time I can get you to speak to me.” He paused for a moment, eyeing her up and down. “You don't seem too ill.”
“I... I'm better now.”
“Right.” Harry's tone was sarcastic. “What the hell is going on?”
His hands that were planted on the fence next to Hannah's shoulders in an attempt to trap her there, left the wall and travelled to her hips. Harry tried to pull her into him but she resisted to give into the embrace; only her hips met his as she couldn't fight his strong hands there.
“I... I don't know what you're talking about.” she tried to wriggle out of his hold. “I really need to get home. I have milk and... and all kinds of stuff with me that I need to... I need to put in the fridge.”
Harry finally let go of her but grabbed her bags instead. “Alright, let me help you carry these.”
Obviously he had every intention to go home with her. Hannah wanted to just bury her face into Harry's shirt, and wrap her arms around him, and hold him, to be held. But she couldn't. She was torn and she felt near panic.
“No, no, it's fine. I'm fine.” she tried to retrieve her bags but Harry was stubborn. There was an amused smile on his lips as he watched Hannah struggle. He doesn't get it, she thought desperately. She just wanted to get away. “Just give me the damn bags, Harry.”
“And how would that look? A man letting the girl carry the bags home?” he was still playful. Hannah steeled herself.
“For fuck's sake Harry, I don't want you to carry my bags! I just want to go home. So give me the sodding bags and leave me alone.” she cried out.
Harry's shoulders slumped. Hannah only thought they did because her gaze were only on the bags and they descended a couple inches in his hands. She didn't dare look up at him. She tried to take the bags again and this time he let them slip from his hold without a fight.
Hannah left hastily, her heart shattering and leaving a tiny piece behind with each step she took away from Harry.
-
After spending the rest of Saturday in her bedroom crying, Hannah was emotionally (and completely) drained. Lily tried to talk to her, to get her to share what was happening. Hannah sketched the situation for her, attempted to describe her feelings and revelead her fears that Harry would never reciprocate them.
Completely out of character, Lily didn't roll her eyes or make any sarcastic comments. She caressed her sister's back, pet her hair, and let her pour her heart out. When Hannah fell asleep, Lily climbed in the bed next to her and held her close the whole night.
The next day Hannah turned to something she had never done before. She hoped to get some kind of a relief out of it, some kind of supernatural advice, she didn't really know. But for the first time ever, she went to visit her parents' grave.
Lily asked her where she was going; honestly she was just afraid her sister would do something stupid out of desperation. Hannah mumbled a vague “to the cemetary” that didn't soothe Lily's nerves at all.
It took a bit of time for Hannah to find the grave. It had been 5 years since she last went there, and she made sure to forget every detail about the ceremony and the scene in which her parents shouldn't have been for many years.
She finally found the grave overgrown with grass. She angrily tore at them, trying to make the stone to be seen again so that she could read her parents' name and pretend they were there.
When she could clearly see the details, Hannah fell to her knees. She stared at the grave for minutes before suddenly starting to speak.
“Hi... mum, dad. I know it's been a while. I know some people think I'm a terrible daughter for not coming here once. I might be. But I'm sure yiu understand. You would understand, if you were here. Because you aren't.
“And I tried to be strong and grown-up and responsible and all that shit. But it's just... I just wanted a break okay? And especially now, I just don't know what to do, or what I'm supposed to do... I don't know anything.
“I wanted a break. And he was... he was just that. He was like a safe heaven, a comfort zone. You would have liked him, mum. He's so polite and respectful, but so cheeky! I bet he would have made you blush, too.
“He was supposed to be a distraction, a break. But then... I guess because something's wrong with me, I'm stupid and foolish and immature.... I've grown more and more attached to him, I've fallen in love with him.
“Despite everything; although he had a girlfriend at the beginning and he was shagging another girl as well, I still fell for him. How is that even possible? Am I set to self-destruct? Am I a masochist or something?
“Well... I guess I understand myself in a way, because he always made me feel... amazing. He made me feel wanted, like I was interesting; and I swear it was not just about sex. We had great conversations, too.
“But I can never tell him how I feel. He would never reciprocate these feelings. It's not because he's an arse, but because he's just not like that. But I can't keep doing what we used to now that I know that I love him. And it's so hard because he's still trying to... I don't know, he's still trying and I have to push him away and it breaks my heart.
“I don't know what to do! I never had to deal with these things, Finn was just... Finn. Daddy, what is he doing? And how? What am I supposed to do, mum?” By that time, silent tears were running down her face. It was silent for a few minutes.
“Well if they can't answer that, I might as well do so.” Hannah turned her head so fast to the side that the air swooshed in her ears.
There he sat, next to her in the grass, not too close but not too far, either. How he had found her, or had sat down next to her without her noticing, she didn't know. She gulped and looked away.
“How much... how much did you hear?”
“I guess I arrived just in time for the endgame. You know, when you were asking your dead parents questions, how I'm not an arse... how you love me.” Harry angled his body towards her.
Hannah shut her eyes closed. “I didn't mean for you to hear that. Like ever.”
“Why?”
“Because I don't know what to do.”
“How about talking to me instead of talking to a stone?” he quirked an eyebrow.
Hannah scoffed. “You're not very sentimental.”
Harry nudged her, and she took it as an encouragement for her to go on. And because he'd heard the main thing anyway, she decided she might just let it all out.
“I have no idea, Harry. You've heard it; yes, I love you. I'm a silly girl who just proved it once more that girls aren't very good at casual relationships. I know you... you probably don't feel the same, and that's okay. I mean it isn't but I've been preparing myself for that.
“That's why I didn't want to see you this week. You know, if it's a goodbye, then I want to be the one that breaks it down to myself. That's what I did with Finn, too; I sent him away, because I knew I'd just ruin him if he stayed and he would have hated me in the end anyway.
“Finn... I thought I was in love with Finn all this time. I actually thought that up until he came to apologise, you know when you told me about you fucking another girl?” Harry flinched at her words. “Anyway, I realised it then that I don't even know him to love him anymore. I don't even know when I started to love you.
“But that doesn't even matter. The thing is Harry, that I don't want to be alone. I've already been that, for much too long. I want to be with someone, and I don't necessarily mean in a relationship, but I want to be with someone emotionally.”
Hannah paused for a moment. “For a long time, I thought what Finn and I had, or at least what I felt for him, was THE love. But the thing is, he was only my light bulb. You're my moon.”
Harry stared at her blankly. “It's not really a compliment I get every day.” Hannah let out a laugh.
“You know they say moths use the moon as a kind of navigation. But when they are trapped inside, they take artifical lights the moon, and the silly things always crowd around them, trying to find a way out. Makes more sense now?”
“Okay, I might not get that every day, but it is the most beautiful comparison I've ever heard.”
Hannah looked down, suddenly wary of Harry's response. It felt good and somewhat easy to let him know about her feelings, but now as she was waiting for a response, she was more afraid than ever.
“I... I'm not really good with words. So keep that in mind.” Harry smiled a nervous smile at her as he started. “I only know that you're literally the first girl who I... I want to spend time with. I mean outside the bedroom.
“I haven't been with many girls, but I haven't really been with them, that's for sure. It was just sex and it never bothered me because it was just a distraction to be honest. When I was 16 and started college, I met Poppy.
“She was gorgeous and I was a goofy and horny sixteen year-old. Obviously I fell for her because she was so completely out of reach. She was like... 2 years older than me. Super fit. An absolute dream.
“And one day, when we were accidently in the pub at the same time and she was utterly drunk, I had my chance. I lost my virginity to her on the back seat of her car. And I couldn't have been any happier.
“But she didn't want to be... official, public, or exclusive for that matter. Still, at parties or at random places, sometimes even school we met up in private. It kind of hurt that I had her yet she was so out of reach.
“So this is why I started occasionally sleep with other girls, too. She did the same but she kept coming back. I never had a relationship, as I told you, but because I was infatuated with her but Poppy never wanted me seriously.
“Okay I had a girlfriend once, you know, Liz. But that doesn't count because I technically didn't even know. So yeah... But then I met you and we didn't have sex the first time we met or the first time I went to your house.
“And when we did have sex, it didn't end. And after a while, I realised we talked and started doing things. And I did not think of Poppy while I was with you. I even stopped it with her shortly before I told you about her. That's when you left for a couple days and I had time to think.
“Obviously, I hated myself for being a shit person and clearly hurting you. And I realised it was because I cared. Because I never wanted to hurt you. I wanted you to forgive me. To still have you in my life. I realised I loved you,” he whispered the last sentence.
Hannah snapped her head up. She felt like grinning, bursting into tears, hugging him, and slapping him at the same time.
“You've known for that long? Why the fuck didn't you tell me?”
“I didn't think it needed to be said.”
“It would have spared me a lot less suffering.” she mumbled.
“Well this week hasn't been my best, either.”
Hannah looked up at him and she couldn't fight that smile any longer. Harry grinned back at her.
“How did you know I was here anyway?”
“I went to you house to tell you all these things and Lily told me you said you'd come here. Judging by her face she thought you came here to bury yourself.” Harry laughed.
“Bless her.”
And then Harry took a hold of her arm and pulled her into him. He searched her face and Hannah looked at him with anticipation. He finally leaned in and kissed her slowly, gradually building it up until they were full on snogging. In a cemetary.
When they pulled away panting, Hannah motioned towards the grave they were sitting by. “By the way, these are my parents. This is the only waay I can introduce you to them. Let's just say they both like you, okay?”
“Thank God I don't have to sit through awkward dinners and talk about my intentions with you with your dad.”
Hannah laughed and Harry joined in. They stood up (Hannah had pins and needles in her legs by then) and brushed their jeans off from the grass.
As they walked out of the cemetary hand in hand, Hannah could only hope she would always be this happy. With Harry, it seemed possible.
The end.
(a/n): Well first of all, I'm so sorry it took so long! I could list a good number of excuses but I won't do that.
Secondly, thank you so much for everyone who actually read this story. I can count you on one hand but I'm still happy and at least I can honestly say I love every single one of you.
So this is the end of "hannah", there will be no epilogue or sequel. I hope you liked it!
Please comment and vote one last time. :)