Lauren's standing in front of the school building, staring at the front doors as a crowd of students rush by her, with exactly one goal in mind.
She's been putting this off for weeks. She hates herself for it, honestly - she really wishes she could just have the courage to actually tell Normani just how she felt. It was eating her up, a confession that she desperately needed to make. And today she was going to come clean. It would feel so good to just tell her, to just let it all out. She was going to march up those stairs and tell Normani exactly how she felt -
"Hey, Lo!"
Or, not.
"Uh," Lauren says awkwardly, "Hi, Mani."
Normani comes up to Lauren and slings her arm lazily around Lauren's shoulders. Lauren can't stay silent any longer. The words are building up in her throat and she's prepared to say them. She is, honestly. She's just not sure how Normani will react. "How are you?" Normani asks her and Lauren knows that's a perfect oppurtunity to tell her.
But Lauren's not that smooth. "Uh, I'm good. I'm good. How are you."
Normani stops them in front of their lockers and turns towards Lauren, a serious look in her eyes. "Are you okay?" she asks. Lauren's caught in Normani's eyes for a second. They're beautiful, really, and they shine even when Normani's sad, always showing Lauren a whole new world that she never knew existed. Then she realizes Normani's just asked her a question and normal people actually reply.
"Yeah," Lauren says, nodding vigorously. "I - I just, I have to tell you-"
The bell rings and Normani gives a couple curses. "I'm sorry, I've got to run, I have a huge test, I can't miss it," Normani apologizes her, and a part of Lauren is relieved, because it was going worse than Lauren imagined. "We can talk at lunch?"
"Okay," Lauren agrees, nodding, and then Normani's gone with a quick smile and a wave. Lauren opens her locker with a long sigh and refrains for hitting her head against the door.
She heard once that if you have a crush on someone for more than four months, it's love. Lauren's been crushing on Normani for as long as she remembers. She can't picture having it any other way.
What Normani tells her at lunch will decide her future, it really will. Lauren's just not sure if she can handle that.
*******
Turns out, Lauren's not. As soon as Normani sits them both down at lunch Lauren's brain turns into incoherent thoughts. She can't possibly work out how to tell Normani. But she has to tell her something, because Normani's concerned already. "So, tell me what's up," Normani says.
Lauren can't think. She doesn't know. Should she just say it outright? Should she allude to it? No, who is she kidding, she can't do that. She's not clever enough and definitely not that brave. "I," Lauren begins, and suddenly an idea is thrown into her head - one that could fail miserably - and she says, "I've got a blind date."
Normani blinks a couple of times before smiling. "Wow! That's great. Did he talk to you online, or did a friend set you two up...?"
"Actually, it's a she," Lauren says, and then gives Normani a hopeful look. If Normani's not okay with the fact that Lauren likes girls, well...then the entire plan goes out the window.
But Normani barely reacts. "My bad," she says. "So. How did you first talk to her?"
"Well," Lauren says, "You could say a friend set us up and...well, I would, uh, like your help in planning the date."
Normani's eyes light up and so does Lauren's heart. She's glad she could make Normani smile that way. "I would love to," Normani says. "When is it?"
Lauren said that she's going to do this today, and she's not one ot break her word. "This afternoon. After school's out."
"Where were you thinking?"
"I actually hadn't thought of a place yet," Lauren confesses. Anywhere's good with her.
"Uh..." Normani thinks for a minute before declaring, "The zoo. You should go to the zoo. It's fun, it's simple, it's sunny today...unless you hate the zoo, or-"
"I like it," Lauren says, nodding. She knows Normani likes the zoo herself.
"You're going to have a great date, Lo."
I hope you do, too, Lauren thinks, but she doesn't say it aloud.
*******
Normani's driving Lauren towards the zoo, but Lauren doesn't actually want to get there. She wants this moment to last forever, so she doesn't have to face what comes after she comes clean. What if Normani hates her? What if Normani's weirded out? What if Normani never wants to talk to her again? A million things run through her head before Normani looks over, slightly concerned. "Don't worry," Normani says, "You look gorgeous. She'll love you."
"No, you look gorgeous," Lauren says, before widening her eyes as she realizes that she's said it out loud.
"Well, thank you," Normani laughs.
The car pulls up to the zoo parking lot and Lauren's drumming her fingers against the seat, trying to stay calm. Normani's already pulling into a parking space and she cannot handle how fast time is flying. "So, do you want me to come?" Normani asks. "Or, would you like to go alone? I mean, I don't see anyone here to meet you..."
"Well," Lauren whispers. "There's...I have to tell you something."
"What is it?" Normani asks, turning off the ignition and turning herself to face Lauren.
"I...There's no blind date."
Normani doesn't say anything for a few seconds and Lauren swears they're the longest seconds of her life. "So why are we here?" Normani says finally. "This isn't some weird kidnapping plot, is it?"
Lauren lets out a dry laugh. Her heart is pumping faster than imaginable and her hands are sweating. She's finally going to do it. "I was going to tell you at lunch," Lauren says, "But I...I didn't know how to. I still don't, really."
"Tell me what?" Normani prompts gently, and Lauren swallows, racking her brain for just the right words.
"The thing is," Lauren beings, "Is that - well, I...I like you, Mani."
Normani doesn't say anything, but she doesn't run away in disgust, so Lauren continues, "I have for a while. And this date - this is for you." Lauren pauses before she finishes her answer, glad to finally voice her thoughts, "Normani, will you go on a date with me?"
Normani intakes a sharp breath and her eyes hold so many thoughts Lauren can't tell what's going through her head. Her mouth opens slightly and she's about to say something, but Lauren knows she's not sure what to say. What if she says no? Lauren doesn't think she'd be able to bare it if Normani says no. So instead, Lauren blurts out, "If you don't want to I understand. Maybe I should go. I'm sorry, I shouldn't have forced this on you-"
"Lauren," Normani interrupts, "I haven't said no."
Lauren swallows, but she stays silent.
"I just..." Normani breathes in deeply before continuing, "You could've told me, back at school. Or even earlier! I wouldn't have gotten mad."
"I didn't want things to be awkward between us," Lauren says quietly. "But I can't keep it a secret anymore."
"Well, Lauren," Normani says, "I think...I think you're really brave for telling me this, and I..."
There's another awkward silence. Lauren has to refrain herself several times from talking or running away, as fast and as far as she can.
"Yes," Normani says, and Lauren's world freezes. "Yes, of course I'll go on a date with you."
"Really?" Lauren whispers. A smile breaks out on her face when she sees the honesty in Normani's eyes. "I mean - oh my god. Um. Thank you!"
Normani laughs, and it's the best sound Lauren has ever heard. "Let's go!" Normani cries, and she's getting out of the car. They run towards the zoo and Lauren swears she's never had a happier moment than that one.
She's finally done it, and it feels just as good as she thought it would.
No. It feels way better.