(July 6th, 2017)
xoxoxoxo
"Oh god, yes! Mmh, god, u-uh! Yes! UH!" Gerard threw his head back, that stupid grin stuck on his blissed-out face, fingers clawing at Frank's naked back desperately, as he was being pounded into their mattress hard enough to make the whole bed shake, hitting the wall rapidly with a satisfying thud.
His legs tightened around Frank's waist, and he bit down on his lip to stifle more moans, as the younger leaned down to suck on his neck harshly, making sure not to bruise the areas you can't cover with a shirt later.
"Uh, god. Be loud for me baby. I wanna hear your pretty noises," Frank panted, and Gerard let out a happy groan, followed by his breath hitching when Frank found his prostate again and aimed for it.
"Frank..." he stuttered out in a whine, feeling the pool of heat in his stomach become more and more unbearable, and with one final hit of his prostate and an arch of his back he came with a long, loud moan, releasing all over their stomachs and the sheets, all along panting and shaking underneath his husband, who came inside him shortly after.
Once Frank had caught up with reality again, he pulled Gerard up for a messy kiss, the two wrestling in the sheets for a while until they ended up with the older straddling the man below him, whining softly as Frank kneaded his ass with a possessive growl.
The young man flipped them over again, to prop himself between Gerard's legs, and he gave his husband a wide grin as he stroked his fiery hair back gently.
"Happy birthday Gee," he whispered, and ducked down to kiss him again, both of them smiling into the calm kiss, as Gerard wrapped his arms around the other's neck.
"Mmh, I'm so lucky to get to celebrate it with you," he moaned. "I love you."
"I love you too sweetheart," Frank whispered, and then smirked, poking Gerard's side and watching him squirm helplessly. "Now come on, we have guests in about an hour."
"I know..." Gerard sighed, asking for one more kiss with his eyes, and Frank pecked his lips shortly before getting up.
They rolled off the bed lazily, slipping on some casual clothes. They really didn't care which clothing item belonged to who. They just wore the first thing they saw, heading to the kitchen hand in hand to make some coffee.
They loved that small apartment. Everything was so convenient and familiar. Simply because it was the exact same apartment Gerard had when they first met five years ago, the same apartment Gerard owned since he was twenty years old. He couldn't bring himself to move out. He wouldn't be able to handle the change, and that apartment meant way too much for him to just sell away.
You would've thought he would WANT to move out, get as far away from that house. It held every tiny memory he had from most of his one-night-stands, too many things happened there, he got raped there, he broke Frank's heart there... those walls held every minute he shared with Jonathan.
But actually, that was the exact reason for why he couldn't move out. Giving up the house meant giving up Jonathan. Both of them had already learnt to let go, he knew that, but if there was one thing he didn't want to do, is to forget that man.
They've had the best time of their lives together in that apartment. Breakfast, lunch, dinner, sex and movies, talks and cuddles, sweet words and teary drama. It was all too much. Gerard couldn't watch it fade away, he couldn't see himself living in any other place, because he wanted to face those memories, all of them. It reminded him why he chose Frank over any other guy in his life, the fact every inch of the place screamed Jonathan's name only helped convince him that Frank was the love of his life.
That might not make sense to anyone he tells that to, but to him it makes sense. It makes perfect sense. He'd said it himself. Jonathan Lano was a part of him, a part of who he was, hell, he was a moment away from marrying the guy. And without Jonathan, he didn't know if he would've ever been able to prove his love for Frank, or even meet Frank.
So he stayed. And Frank agreed to stay there with him. They only made a few changes, added a few rooms to make it bigger and more domestic, rather than a single man's puny apartment, who occasionally brought home another person to spend the night with and then continue to live alone.
They made changes, but the memories stayed the same. Gerard even considered keeping a photo of Jonathan somewhere, but eventually just slipped it into his family album, right next to the photos of Michael, and it would make him smile and cry whenever he looked down at those images, along with the ones which held his beloved grandmother's face.
And even though they couldn't change location, they still made some changes within themselves. Gerard wanted to get rid of his longish black hair, it reminded him of too many bad things. Instead, he cut it a bit shorter and dyed it red. He decided it fit him, and Frank said it looked hot, so he kept it. He even lost some weight. Frank never dyed his hair again, instead he let it grow a little, to where it almost touched his shoulders. The older thought it was cute.
The two stepped into the kitchen. Gerard was just about to reach for the coffee machine, when he was suddenly shoved gently against the counter and turned sharply to face the shorter man, who smirked up at him.
"What do you think you're doing, Mr Way?" Frank asked in a purr, and Gerard returned the smirk.
"Making coffee, officer."
Frank shook his head and took the older's wrists, pinning them to one of the cabinets above his head.
"No coffee making on your birthday, sir. Leave it to me."
He kept Gerard's hands bound as he reached around his waist to turn the coffee machine on, pressing his body against the other's in the process.
"At least let me take some mugs out," Gerard pleaded, rolling his hips against Frank's in hopes to convince him to let him move, and the younger grinned devilishly.
"Not gonna happen. Go sit at the table, I'll bring your coffee over to you."
"Frank," the older man whined, bucking slightly faster, and his husband was quick to still him.
"Don't get me hard Gee. Our friends are coming over soon."
Gerard huffed in fake annoyance, and Frank kissed him quickly before sending him off to the table with a light smack on the older's ass, causing Gerard to squeak and glare at him lovingly.
On his way there, he stopped to turn the radio on, the voice of the usual broadcaster hitting his ears from the familiar radio station.
"I still can't believe Kelly doesn't work there anymore," Gerard chuckled, and Frank smiled at him as he was pulling out two mugs and placed them on the counter.
"I think she's happier in her new job. Also, giving up the radio station meant she could come back to live in Jersey, close to us. I'm happy for her."
"Me too," Gerard said. "And I think you wouldn't last a week without seeing her face."
"That's very true," Frank grinned to himself, pouring the coffee as Gerard sat down in one of the chairs. "So what is Bob planning to do with the record store?"
Gerard shrugged. "Pretty sure he's gonna keep it. He wouldn't want to give up something he spent so much time and money on."
"I heard there were some serious offers from good buyers. He can make a lot of money from selling it. It could help him and Jane buy a bigger house."
"He might sell it. I'm not sure though. He loves this store."
"And now," the cheerful voice of the young male broadcaster came from the speaker. "For our usual morning habit, where you guys send us songs, along with a personal note to someone special, and we play them here. And today..."
Gerard felt a pair of hands caressing his face, and turned to meet Frank's smiling face inches from his. He grinned happily, and Frank kissed his forehead.
"We have a beautiful love song, devoted from Frank to... Gerard."
Gerard's eyes widened in surprise. Frank chuckled and stroked his face, confirming the older's thoughts.
"Along with a note... 'I will never forget how you put this as our wedding song. Happy birthday. xoxo'. Let's hear it, shall we?"
The steady sound of drums echoed through the room, as Frank pulled Gerard up to his feet so they were standing in front of each other.
The older recognized the song immediately, and couldn't do much except for staring at his husband with complete awe.
"When you first sang it to me, all those years ago," Frank began, carding his fingers through the red strands of soft hair and smiling. "I told you I'd have that as my wedding song."
"I remember," Gerard whispered, still in shock.
"And on our wedding day..." the young man already had small tears in his eyes, from the sweet memory of the best day of his life. "You surprised me, by playing it in the background of our dance. I loved you so much at that moment Gee, more than I thought I could ever love anyone, more than I love Kelly. You made every dream I had come true. And I won't ever forget that, because you mean so fucking much to me. And you... you asked me to dance at that moment. So I was wondering..." he looked deep in Gerard's eyes, his favorite pair of eyes in the whole world. "Would you like to dance now?"
It was already the beginning of the second verse. The older man had to comprehend the offer for a second, and then he nodded frantically, making Frank almost laugh at how cute he was.
"I'd love to dance with you, Frank Iero," he whispered softly, letting his arms fall around the other's neck, as Frank wrapped his arms around his thin waist, and they danced.
They danced because there was no reason for them not to. Because there was nothing and no one out there to stop them from doing so. They were free. Absolutely free, and in love, and together. They moved together as an act of pure happiness, as the second chorus of "Summertime" kicked in, and they were left more content than ever to be able to do that. They survived. They've went through everything, and they fucking survived. They deserved to dance.
When the song ended, they stayed hugged, close, foreheads pressed together, as Frank tightened his grip around Gerard's waist, causing him to blush as his heart rate picked up, something he could never get used to, even after all this time, even after all they've been through, but he loved it.
They'd almost forgotten about their coffee. When the smell in Gerard's senses, he reluctantly let go of Frank and went to drink his much needed dose of energy.
As the two were sitting together at the table, holding hands, there was a short knock on the door, and they downed the last bits of their mugs before getting up to open the front door, coming face to face with the four familiar people, their best friends.
"Bob!" Gerard grinned as he hugged the bearded man. Bob let go of his wife's hand to hug his friend, with a cheerful "happy birthday".
Frank turned to say hello to Jane. "It's been a while," he commented, and then gestured to the prominent swell of her stomach. "How long do you have left?"
"Less then a month," she replied, looking down happily.
"I'm sure she'll be as beautiful as you are," he said genuinely, and Jane thanked him before making way so he could greet the other couple, the two girls holding hands and smiling at him.
"Frank!" Kelly exclaimed excitedly, nearly pouncing into his arms, and he hugged her tightly, longer than the others have hugged. Everyone noticed, but nobody said anything. They knew it was an old habit of the two, after the time they've spent living together. It was always hard for them to pull apart, even after Frank married Gerard, even after Kelly married Livvie. They were inseparable.
Gerard greeted the two other women, before everyone gathered around in the kitchen, which they recently extended so a living room could fit beside it.
"So, Gerard, decided to give up the black hairstyle?" Bob commented, and Gerard ran a hand through the red strands of his hair, smiling gently.
"Needed a change," he shrugged casually, and Bob nodded in understanding.
That's when a familiar high voice was heard from the hallway, and everyone turned to watch as the eight year-old black haired girl ran into the kitchen with a wide grin on her pale face.
"Dad!" She chimed happily, hugging Gerard's waist tightly, and he smiled as he crouched down to kiss her head.
"Hey there sweetie, you woke up early today," he said, ruffling her long hair, and she giggled in her cute voice along with a peck to his cheek.
"Couldn't miss your birthday daddy. The others are awake too."
"Well go get 'em then. We'll all be waiting for you here," he said with another kiss on her head, and she nodded quickly before exiting the room, leaving Gerard smiling up at his husband brightly, and slowly stood up, noticing the surprise in everyone else's faces.
"Others?" Bob asked, and the two nodded happily. "Didn't you only have two-"
And then young Elena reappeared, followed by her little "brother", a baby cradled expertly in her hands, and five year-old Michael jumped to hug Frank, as Elena handed the other girl to Gerard, who looked up at his friends while wrapping his arms safely around the small baby.
"You adopted another one?" Livvie asked eventually. He nodded again.
"Her name is Rose," he replied softly, "Yes. We decided not to tell you, surprise you when you get here. We only got her a few weeks ago."
"She's beautiful," Jane said, stepping closer like everyone else to get a better look at the new baby, who stared up curiously at the red haired man above her, as he gave her an adoring look, as if she was the most amazing creature he'd ever seen.
"You guys are amazing," Kelly said, and the couple chuckled and looked at each other lovingly.
"I know," Frank said, quietly wiping a happy tear that was beginning to form in his husband's eye.
Michael and Elena got closer, wanting to be a part of the family love, and Frank and Gerard embraced them before everyone turned to the impressive cake on the coffee table in the living room.
"We'll let you eat that instead of breakfast just this once," Gerard turned to his kids as Bob was slicing the cake slowly. "But don't get used to it," he warned with a smile, and the two giggled and nodded.
Everyone were settled on the couch in a matter of minutes, talking cheerfully and enjoying the event. Kelly even announced at some point that the artificial insemination she's gone through had worked, and now she and Livvie could finally start their own family, which earned them happy comments from everyone and a lot of excitement from the kids. When Michael and Elena got bored, they put some cartoon on the DVD as the others continued to talk.
Everything was in peace, until... another knock was heard on the door.
Bob stopped Gerard before he got up, telling him to keep holding the baby, and went to open the door himself, seeing a young man he'd never met before standing there.
"Can I help you?" He asked gently, and the boy pulled out an envelop, handing it to the bearded man, not saying anything at first.
"Yeah, I... I was told to give this to Gerard," he eventually spoke.
Bob stared at him silently for a while, looking down at the envelop and then back at the boy.
"Who's this from?" He asked, eyebrow raising curiously. The kid's gaze averted to another direction, somewhat nervously, and he was quiet for long minutes, until he could finally form a proper sentence.
"Just... give this to Gerard," he said, before turning around and walking away, leaving no room for further questioning.
Bob looked at the piece of paper in his hand, as he slowly shut the door, and frowned.
When he finally returned to the living room, everyone turned their attention to him, but his gaze was fixated on one person.
"Gerard... can you um... come with me for a sec?" He asked. Gerard looked over at Frank, who nodded encouragingly.
"I'll watch her," he said gesturing to Rose, and Gerard handed her to him before carefully standing up and following Bob into the kitchen, where the bearded man held the envelop out for him to take. "What's this?" He asked.
"Just take it," Bob said quietly. Gerard reached a slightly shaky hand to grab the, seemingly, letter from the other's grasp, turning it around in search for address, or a name, anything. At the back of the envelop, the words "FOR GERARD ONLY" were scribbled, in a tidy handwriting he recognized immediately, and his eyes widened as he froze.
He slowly looked up at Bob, as if asking him for help with his eyes.
"I suggest you open it," his friend said, his gaze filled with sympathy, and eventually Gerard swallowed again and nodded, slowly unfolding the envelop in his hands and pulling out a piece of paper. There was something else in there, but right now, he was far more interested in the mysterious folded paper, which was apparently the unexpected letter.
When the elder found it in himself to open it, he noticed the lines and lines of well known handwriting. He wasn't sure if he could read it all at once, instead deciding to start from the top of the page and keep going until he reaches the bottom, or until he gives up and collapses as a result of over-emotions.
He threw one last glance at his best friend before turning back to the letter, fear bubbling inside him as well as curiosity and hope.
How bad could it already be, anyway?
xoxoxoxo
'"Just stop your crying,
it's a sign of the times.
Welcome to the final show,
hope you're wearing your best clothes...
You can't bribe the door on your way to the sky.
You look pretty good down here,
but you ain't really good...
Stop your crying baby, it'll be alright.
They told me that the end is near,
we gotta get away from here.
We never learn, we've been here before,
why are we always stuck and running from the bullets?'
Gerard,
I don't know if you would want to hear from me again. Hell, I don't even know if you're alive. I'm going to assume you are, if you're currently reading this.
I had to contact you somehow, not out of desperation, I just wanted to get a proper closure, because neither of us really got to say goodbye last time we met...
You're probably married to Frank by now. You two are a good match. I hope he treats you well, vice versa.
I don't know if you stayed in Jersey, because I'm not the one who sent the letter to your address, yet I'm sure you're living in a nice house, surrounded by your loving friends and husband. You've always been able to find your light.
And as for me, I found my light in a quiet neighborhood in New York, where I live with my incredible husband, David (he's a vampire), and my beautiful daughter, Mary.
I finally found a proper life, but you'll always be on my mind. Who would be able to forget, huh? Maybe you've forgotten, maybe you didn't. Maybe you tried to deny me for the rest of your life.
We never really got to talk about that night five years ago, and I don't believe that we should meet again to discuss it over, for the sake of us both. I'm afraid it will be too much, so I'll just share my feelings with you through those written words and hope you understand the purpose behind what I'm doing, behind everything I've ever done.
I won't lie to you; I wanted to die after that night. The diamond ring felt like just another empty object without meaning or depth, and so did everything else that related to you, to us. I felt as if there was no point in living if I didn't have you here, that killing myself would redeem me from those memories, that constant feeling that you are missing.
I tried to jump off a bridge one night, but a young woman stopped me in the last moment. She hugged me, told me it's okay, told me there is always something to live for. She was almost as warm as you. Almost.
I think that was what encouraged me to move on, eventually. I never got to thank that girl properly. I never saw her again. But she saved my life, and for that I will always be grateful, because now I get to live a life again, even without you, and I think I'm finally okay with it.
I'm not mad that I lost my wings. I never really needed them anyway. I don't need another reminder that I'm just another vampire in this messed up life, and the things that I did to you.
I have no excuse for what I did to Michael. It was that single moment of madness and worry for you that just made me not think anything through. But he's in a better place now. He's not in pain anymore. He's not hated by anyone. He doesn't drink. He's safe.
And as for you... you gave me the world, Gee. I can never forget you, I don't want to forget you. I have always loved you and always will. But I won't ever try to get you back.
I didn't keep the ring. I gave it to a young girl who wanted to propose to her girlfriend. She seemed lovely. I hope they'll put this ring to good use, because for me and you it was never going to work.
And if there's one thing I realized about our relationship, is that you could never love me as much as I loved you. I don't blame you. I blinded you, for eight years. I made you doubt everything, because I just wanted to be yours, and for you to be mine. Although I'd say you were the one blinding me, in a way. I couldn't help that strange addiction to you, the desperate love and undying attraction that wouldn't let me get over you. Luckily, I'm over you now.
I've grown up since then. I don't seek revenge, I'm done with plans. All I ask now is for your forgiveness. I think you forgave me, and you're happy now, and by me, if you are, then the past thirteen years have been worth it all along.
Don't reply to this letter. This is our goodbye. You will forever be on my mind and in my heart, and I wish you every good thing you could ever possibly dream of, because you are special, Gerard Arthur Way, more special than anyone I've ever met, and the time we had together will always be a part of who I am, and I think it's a part of you, too.
Happy birthday.
I love you.
Goodbye, Gerard."
xoxoxoxo
Gerard was too frozen to move at first. Everything around him seemed too blurry and unclear to be real.
He felt almost too overwhelmed, too shocked to even register the tears that were now streaming freely down his face, as he continued to stare down at the paper, the paper...
He slowly looked into the envelop, at the second object tucked in there neatly, innocently. It was a small printed photo, a selfie, from all those years ago, when he was still young, when he was still innocent, when he was still with...
It was him and the other man, in a random mall, eleven years ago. The two were holding two ice cream cones in their hands, the younger puckering his blue ice cream covered lips at the camera, as Gerard's eyes were shut and his mouth was pressed to the other's cheek in a kiss, as if he didn't notice the photo being taken.
The elder laughed silently at the beauty of the faded reality they once shared. He couldn't make a sound except for the short, quiet sobs that escaped him, and he pressed the photograph to his forehead, as if trying to preserve every detail in it and treasure it forever.
He almost didn't notice Frank's head poking into the kitchen, staring at him sadly, followed by Elena and Michael, who immediately ran to hug their crying father from each side, and he wrapped his arms around them with a soft giggle, the papers still clutched tightly between his fingers.
"Why are you crying daddy?" Elena asked worriedly as she looked up at the man.
"Did someone hurt you?" Michael asked innocently. Gerard shook his head, wiping the tears quickly and trying to smile weakly at his kids.
"No, of course not," he whispered. "It's just a long story, kids."
"About what?" Elena pressed, curiosity clear in both their eyes. He shook his head slowly, chuckling and eventually deciding to tell them, at least a little bit.
"Daddy used to love someone, a long time ago. A very special man."
"Was he pretty?" Elena asked, still hugging his leg. He nodded, grinning widely, as fresh tears left his eyes, and he felt his children holding him even tighter.
"He was very pretty," he replied softly. "Almost as pretty as Daddy Frankie. But he lives somewhere else now, with a different man. And I'm here with your amazing dad."
He looked up at his husband as his kids burst into loud giggles, at their father's romantic nature. Frank was smiling at him, leaning against the wall as he shot Gerard loving gazes.
Gerard wiped his eyes again, looking down at the words his demon with angel wings wrote for him and him only, and then back at the young man he shared a ring with.
Frank understood. He knew Frank understood. Their eyes told everything to each other. The younger understood that Gerard will always love another man beside him, knew he had to share the elder's heart because he didn't have a choice, but he will always be Gerard's first choice, Gerard's present and future, so he let someone else own Gerard's past. He wasn't angry. He wasn't jealous. Gerard willingly belonged to him and that's what mattered.
So he let the older say it, he let him say those six words he was dying to say for years, not caring who heard.
And Gerard's voice came out weak. More fragile than he would've probably wanted. But he let it out, and immediately felt relief wash over him, because those words were what spun his world around, the air he breathed, the eternal thought he carried with him everywhere he went. The words he will stick with forever, until he was nothing but dust and a cold stone. The six words that changed his life.
"I love you too, Jonathan Lano."
~(To) The End