Song: "Everglow" By Coldplay
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"Sooo, can I see what else is in the box?"
Sure," he said. "I've got nothing to hide." I rolled my eyes at the irony of that statement. He went to get the box and sat down next to me. "Are you sure you want to see this? Some of it is pretty sappy."
"Yes, but only if you want to show me. I'm okay with not seeing any of it. I want to show you that I can trust you."
The mournful look in his eyes told me that he was indeed very sorry for keeping secrets from me. "I want you to be able to trust me. That's why I want to show you." I nodded in acceptance. He opened the box with a tiny key that I'd never noticed before, which was hanging from his keychain. The first thing he pulled out was a bubble gum machine ring with a large purple "stone" on it. "This cheap thing was what I gave her after our first date. I was such a cheeseball," he laughed. "I asked, Is it too early to ask you to marry me?"
"Okay, that is kind of corny," I admitted. "But your accent was probably stronger then and I'm sure you were a cute little thing."
"A cute little thing?" He bantered. "Let me show you some pictures." He dug to the bottom of the box and brought out a small stack of photos highlighting his high school years with Cathryn. His hair was much shorter and so curly but I could still see the same handsome, sweet man who was sitting next to me.
"Oh, you were such an adorable dork!" I laughed.
"I beg your pardon," he frowned. "I was a dashing, suave, charismatic man about town."
"Sure you were," I teased. "She was a lucky lady," I smiled and gave him a smooch.
Next Harry showed me ticket stubs to movies and concerts they'd attended together, a playbill for the musical they were both in their senior year, and sure enough, flattened, dried flowers.
"I used to pick little flowers for her and tuck them behind her ear," he told me. "One day, when my hair was starting to grow long, she picked these and tucked them behind my ear. And she made me wear them all day! I pretended to be annoyed, but obviously I loved it."
Next, he pulled out what I had first thought was just a rock. But upon closer inspection, I saw that it was a ceramic plaque with the imprint of a key and the words "Our First Home" painted onto it, also including their names, their wedding date and the address of the house that Harry had just sold.
He showed me the rest of the contents of the box and I could see why it was so precious to him, with or without the necklace.
"Thank you for showing me, Harry." I kissed him again. "I'm very honored that you did."
"Would you...I mean, it's okay if you don't, really, but would you like to see our wedding album?"
"Of course, Harry."
He got the album and eagerly sat down next to me. I sensed that this was good for him, sorting through the memories, another important step in the healing process. He was absolutely stunning in the wedding photos, if a bit younger and more innocent. She was lovely as well but the images didn't hurt me as one might suspect. Rather, in analyzing the wedding pictures, I recognized something in Harry that I already knew, yet it became that much more clear - Harry had an exceptionally devoted heart, and I knew that I was privileged to be the object of his devotion now.
More tears were shed throughout the afternoon, but they were no longer of the gut-wrenching, desperation-filled kind; they were beloved tears, holding memories of a precious time now past. Harry closed the album with a deep, cleansing sigh. He smiled warmly and then kissed my forehead. "Thank you."
"You're welcome."
"Now," he said, "it's my turn to address a few things."
"Sure," I nodded. "But will you first make me some toast? My stomach is still a little hungry, believe it or not."
He looked like he wanted to tease me but then thought better of it. Without a word, he went to make some toast with butter and brought it back to me.
"You know," I said, still feeling silly for looking the darn thing up on the web, "I even read that a dead person's spirit can make people physically ill, although Cathryn seemed too nice to make me suffer like this." Maybe that was too much. From the scowl on his face, I thought maybe I offended him. Maybe it was still too soon to be joking like that. But then he burst out laughing.
"You're right, she was too nice to do something like that," he said, nodding aggressively. "But I wouldn't put it past her parents when they're dead and gone."
"Oh my gosh," I chuckled. "You're so bad. Okay now, what did you want to talk to me about?"
"I think we need to set some ground rules for when we fight," he suggested.
"Sounds fair."
"First, the few times we have fought, you have been the one to say that we won't talk until you're ready, and that doesn't seem fair to me."
"I guess," I said, "but you were the one who messed up both times."
"Oh, I see," he said in a slightly agitated voice. "Well, to be honest, you kind of screwed up this last time, too."
"How?" I demanded.
"Sweetie, I told you I was working on something a few weeks ago. When you asked what it was, I told you it was 'like a job.' I did not specifically say I had a normal 40-hour-per-week job, employed by such and such a company. I told you I'd fill you in on the details at a later time. Remember?"
"Yes."
"The other day, you screamed at me about not going to work and lying about having a job, but I assure you, I didn't lie. I am working on a project that could turn into something big. I just didn't work on it for a few days after you told me about your dreams because I had to come to terms with everything you said."
I remembered the conversation clearly and yelling at him, of course. "I'm sorry," I murmured. "I guess I didn't listen well enough. Forgive me?"
"I forgive you," he said, smiling his one-of-a-kind dimpled grin. "I promise I will show you very soon what I've been working on okay?" He leaned in to kiss my lips but I pulled away. "I don't want to get you sick," I frowned.
"I'll take my chances," he said, and planted a kiss on my mouth before I could stop him. "Going back to the ground rules for fighting, I don't think it's fair for you to call all the shots, even if I messed up. If we need to talk, then we need to talk about when we should talk, don't you think?"
"I think so," I giggled, crinkling my face while I repeated what he'd just said in my head and then again out loud until it made sense. "So I shouldn't just walk away and say, 'We'll talk when I'm ready' because that doesn't give you any say in it at all."
"Exactly," he said, smiling warmly. Then, "I'm sorry I didn't say anything about your dreams when you first told me. They all made perfect sense, actually. Even the one when Cathryn told me it was time to go."
I widened my eyes, eager to hear his explanation for that one.
"I had been struggling with the idea of selling the house. I told you I felt like it only held memories of grief, but I still worried that it might be the wrong decision. If for some stupid reason Cathryn was still there, would she be upset with me for selling it and walking away? Your dream told me what I needed to hear, that it was time to go. Obviously, I made the decision before I knew about your dream, but it was good to know she approved all the same."
"Sorry," I said. "I guess I should have told you about the dreams, too, huh?"
"Yes, you should have. So I wasn't the only one keeping some big secrets," he answered.
"Well, to be fair, I thought you'd just think I was insane," I chuckled a little. "Hey Harry, your dead wife spoke to me."
"Don't underestimate me," he smiled back. "If you had talked to me, you would have found that I was much more understanding than you thought I'd be."
"Sorry," I whispered once more. I sighed deeply, just as Harry had a few moments ago. "Remember when we agreed to be not ready together?"
"Yeah," he chuckled, an embarrassed smile lighting up his face.
"Are we still not ready?" I asked, thinking maybe all of our misunderstandings and miscommunication had been a sign we should heed. Maybe we should take a step back, even though that was the last thing I wanted to do.
Harry gave me an understanding smile. He feathered his hand through my hair and then caressed my cheek. "I think we're much more ready now than we were four months ago. In any case, I'm not ready to be without you again...." I sensed a "but" on the tip of his tongue. Even though I knew he'd wait if I wasn't ready to continue our relationship, and I would likewise wait for him, neither of us wanted to choose that option.
"I don't want to be without you either," I whispered into his palm which was still resting against my cheek. "I think we've come a long way. If we had it to do over again, maybe we really should have taken it slower, but it's too late for that now, isn't it?"
"It sure is," he replied. "I'm hopelessly, without a doubt, in love with you. And nothing is going to change that."
"I'm in love with you, too. Just as hopelessly."
"So promise me something," he said. "If you ever start to feel unsure of my feelings for you, or intimidated because of my late wife, please talk to me about it."
"Okay. And will you promise me the same thing? To talk to me, I mean. Don't keep things from me just because you're afraid they'll hurt me. I need you to be honest with me about everything. Even if it means you just have to say, 'I'm dealing with some grief right now.' You don't always have to tell me every detail, but I want to have some clue about what you're going through."
"Agreed, my sweet. Agreed."
"There's one thing I don't understand, though," I mused, thinking back to my dreams. "Why did that email say that the lotus box was in the library stacks on the third floor?"
His astonishing grin captivated me once more. "Obviously that part wasn't literal, but that was the place where we met, so it makes sense that it was a reference to me."
"You're right, that makes a lot of sense." I laughed, thinking of that ruffled, scruffy, smelly Harry that I had first encountered at the library."
"What's so funny?" He asked.
"Just thinking of when we first met," I answered. "I could never have imagined it would turn out like this." He cocked his head just a bit, encouraging me to elaborate. "I thought you were homeless and maybe I'd buy you some food or give you some money. Or even help you to find a job."
"Yeah, you mentioned that. You did bring me food, remember? Many times."
"Yeah."
"Your tender heart is the biggest reason I fell in love with you," he smiled.
Feeling cheeky, I responded, "Your matted hair was the biggest reason I fell in love with you. And that unkempt beard." He burst into uncontrollable laughter, kissing me soundly and holding me tight.
Here are some pics of Harry and Cathryn (Felicity Skinner) The girl in the wedding photo looked like she could be the same girl with her round, dimpled cheeks :D
And of course, Harry and Regan - I just wish he was smiling in this manip.
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There's more to come. I bet you all want to know what's up with Harry's work situation. And there are a few guesses as to Regan's illness - you'll have to wait and see if it clears up now that the necklace is gone. Hang in there! <3