HAPPY NEW YEAR!
-
You were afraid to wake up.
To have your eyes open and witness what was before you, whose arms you were so desperately tangled in, and whose warm breath seemed to be lingering about near the end of your cheek...you were afraid to wake up.
You were afraid because you knew exactly who it was.
One eye peeking to spot the nose before you, you allowed your forceful gaze to move around the man. It was a struggle to not panic when realizing who had such a grip at your waist. The fact that his fingers were peeking into your sweater and burning at your skin wasn't helping your thumping heart.
It was Hoseok.
Struggling to not make noise, your uncertain, shocked, and slightly embarrassed form started to slowly move away from the fast-asleep man that was before you. Swallowing hard when his fingers held tight at your skin, linking into the start of your pants, you panicked, almost falling straight off the bed as you tried to sneak away all over.
The man didn't wake his eyes, instead, he smiled a little in his sleep before twirling away face-first into the pillow. Moving your hand on top his that was glued to your heated skin, you managed to break free of his hold by lightly having his hand fall onto the bed underneath him.
"We're still not done talking," Hoseok said softly, his voice hoarse when noticing your form trying to sneak out from the closed door of his bedroom.
You froze, swallowing hard when hearing his woken form. You didn't say anything, nor did you turn back to face the man. You simply straightened your back, fixed your undershirt on your body before shyly glancing at his sweater that you had on from the other night. Pulling it down, you moved strands of hair away from your face while leaving.
How'd this happen you ask? Well, from the cry fest that was last night, all had moved to Hoseok's bedroom. Just you and him. For some reason, you couldn't let him go the entire night as you sobbed and scolded, ranted, emotionally drained yourself out. It was a process you didn't remember much as the both of you were vulnerable and tired. It was a surprise you allowed your stubborn self to cuddle and sleep in his lap...only to now? Wake up embarrassed. Great. Fucking great.
Cheeks red, you moved through the unfamiliar hallway quickly. Trying so hard not to think of the position you had just woken up in, you could still feel the part of the skin Hoseok touched to be tingling.
"Where should I meet you tonight?"
You jumped, glancing over at the man that was sleepily rubbing at his eyes, he was also slightly red when staring at you. There was something in his eyes that resembled you and your embarrassment, so you found security in that. Swallowing, you stared away from the man before rushing your steps towards the possible exit.
Hoseok's brows creased in when seeing how fast you instantly started to run. Pursing his lips, he wanted to call out for you but he didn't, instead, he slowly moved in the same direction. He had a small smile on his face when seeing how comfortably you wrapped his sweater to your body.
Your head was whipping around softly, shoes soft when rushing through hallways. Making sure not to make much noise, your breath hitched when you bumped straight into another form once making your final turn. Seeing as the man grabbed your arms, and slowly helped stable you, your eyes were in awe.
Namjoon's face twitched in slight awkwardness when staring behind his shoulder and over at all the members that instantly stood up and straight at the sight of you. Gently letting you go, he apologized even though you were the one at fault for the crash. Seeing him move and bend in a bow, you glanced at the other boys not to far from you and noticed them bowing as well. Even Jin and Yoongi bowed, which immediately struck you as inappropriate since they were older.
Quickly bowing yourself, you forced in a nervous chuckle before begging for your eyes to meet PD Nim that was your ride here in the first place. Sure, the man was probably holding all of what you said to him at heart. You had fought with the man, showing him just how badly he broke you trust. Because he had, him along with Bang PD had betrayed me and gone behind my back. That wasn't a hard thing to swallow...
Feeling uneasy when seeing a sleeping PD Nim on the couch, you moved to instantly stop near his side. Before you could even touch the man, just by your voice, the man awoke.
"Y/N, I—"
"Can you drop me home?" you softly whispered, barely greeting the man properly before standing back straight and away from the couch. Stepping back and gasping when feeling another torso you bumped into, you saw the mob of boys that were once in the kitchen now right behind you. This time, the one boy that was close to you was younger. It was Taehyung.
Seeing as he instantly had his eyes widen, he repeatedly apologized and moved back. Consistently bowing, he was dragged back by Jimin who started to nervously smile in your direction before glaring and scolding over at Taehyung who was still shocked that he accidentally invaded your space out of curiosity.
Staring at all the boys that stared and analyzed you before them, you wished for PD Nim to hurry up. Seeing as he eventually did stand up beside you, you greeted silently the members before trying to rush for the door.
Did you make it without bumping into a third body? No. Here, came Hoseok finally making it to the living room and blocking you from running towards the door. He apologized gently, slightly smiling when seeing you incredibly red. Nodding simply, you moved around him quick before rushing out of the dorm entirely.
PD Nim sighed, "I'll drop her off and then I'll meet you all at the building."
"Can I come with you?" Taehyung blurted instantly, watching as all glanced in his way. The boy shrugged, face scrunching, "Sorry, I guess I'm just too excited to see the baby. Maybe coming along would better my chances..."
PD Nim chuckled at that, mumbling something underneath his breath before moving towards the door to follow your tense form out. Here he was, about to hear you probably give him the silent treatment for the rest of eternity. Was he going to try to speak to you in the car however? Yes. He was going to try and wasn't going to give up any time soon...especially when seeing how broken you had gotten the night before.
Hoseok watched as the man moved alongside him, hesitantly freezing before him. Hoseok knew what was going to be asked. So he prepared with all truth.
"What happened between the two of you?" PD Nim asked, remembering how you were cuddled about in Hoseok's clothing while storming out.
The boys were instantly attentive at that again. Curious and some trying not to grin as they moved to crowd around Hoseok subtly.
Hoseok swallowed down a huge lump down his throat as he instantly shook his head. "Nothing of that nature," he explained, knowing half of them were already starting to jump to conclusions, "We kinda just...cried. She got cold so I did what I could," Hoseok softly let out, not letting much of what happened last night leave his mouth. He wanted those memories for himself and not for the men around you. He wanted the fact that he held you the entire night to be something only he knew of. It was his little secret behind the doors that were closed with just you behind it with him. You and Him. Nothing more.
"What exactly goes down now?" PD Nim asked, unsure over where you stood with Hoseok and Yeri meeting now.
Hoseok's nose scrunched hard and fast at that. He didn't know. So instead of answering, he allowed the muscles in his shoulders to flex instead.
-
Your muscles at every point, inch, and square of your body were flexed. Tense for days straight, it was hard to find peace within yourself when having Yeri out. Afraid that things from the outter side of the hotel would fog up and creep into your paranoia, you allowed your child only into the arms of a confused Kevin.
Kevin questioned you on a regular, his eyes filled with concern when trying to ask if you were alright. But you weren't, and you hadn't since the night at the dorm. The night you slept in Hoseok's arm after years and years of promising the hatred towards him to remain forever. You cried and broke before him again and that fact alone brought you in an uncomfortable circumstance.
So yes, you stayed lost in your paranoia and silence while keeping Yeri shielded.
The boy asked for many days out and you let him go out if you were by his side. You or Kevin. You or Kevin. Only Me and Kevin.
"Mommy, I wanna see PD Uncle again, can I—"
No.
"Bang Uncle said he'd take me here Mommy..."
No.
"...I want to see Angel..."
You didn't answer.
Yeri's eyes would soften every time you chose to ignore Hoseok ever existing. It was confusing to why or how you managed to hold such dislike for the man. Yeri was confused, wanting to know but not wanting to ever upset you. Being a child of yours, even at a young age, the boy understood to never throw stress at you. He taught that to himself when he would hear or see you cry. It tore him a part and prevailed anything. If it made you happy, he was ready to never ask about anyone again. Not even about new friends he had met, like Hoseok.
He remained in your arms forever, smiling when you smiled. Squealing and running when you whined and tried to catch him. That's where his happiness lied, and the boy knew that's when you smiled the most. So, he kept at it.
He kept at trying to get his mother to smile and never cry.
.
.
.
Two days pass more, muscles still at a flex, you were slightly relaxed however. Smiling more, ruffling at Yeri's head more. You finally had him involved in your blog and pictures more. Posting up your works that were finalized with the help of Kevin, you were back to feeling free in the town you grew up in.
Visiting tourist sites for the fun of it, you were giggling at everything Yeri would run about around. Seeing how sweet Yeri was with Kevin, your brows would furrow a few points when seeing how he'd drag the man around. The excitement the boy would get when around the men in his life...from Kevin, to PD Nim, and Bang PD. It was all such a different relationship and you could connect the dots when realizing why it was like this.
.
.
.
The third day of a new week, muscles less tense, you visit PD Nim to apologize to. Although you still felt he was in the wrong, the disrespect you showed to the man was something that hurt you as well. So, you went, Yeri in your hands, to greet the man.
There, you saw Hoseok. You saw him, moving through the hallway in the distance, his eyes on you and Yeri. Seeing the longing in the idol's eyes made your whole body move in question. But you forced you eyes away from the man so quick. You focused on PD Nim before you.
What caught your attention later was the look on Yeri's saddened face. The very hold he had on your hand while leaning against your leg was something you hadn't felt before. It was a hesitant hold, as if Yeri was debating to let go and run. And that on its own seemed to make your heart fall to the pit within you.
Once leaving, you tried to poke at the boy's cheek and have him laugh. But no, there was no use. The boy tried to hide his saddened form but none helped. He was upset and you knew exactly why.
Biting down at your lower lip, you moved to the exit of the building.
.
.
.
You watched as Yeri left. Hand in Kevin's the boy was laughing and smiling as he waved his goodbyes over at you.
Returning to Kevin's sister's wedding, you waved them away, laughing when Kevin almost fell while trying to walk backwards.
It had been an extra two days after the BigHit building visit and something within you felt the need to make an assertive decision...the decision that stemmed to linger within your mind for days on repeat nowadays.
Your baby was gone and you were left with inner questions.
.
.
.
"He's gone and I didn't even get the chance to know," Hoseok said softly, seeing as you awkwardly avoided him and moved in the direction of the hotel's elevator.
It wasn't a surprise when seeing the upset idol move with you, away from the hotel room door behind you and towards the silenced hallway.
"You could've at least told me," he softly let out, heart broken.
You could hear the fear in his voice. It was the slight fear of never getting to see Yeri again, and something within you felt uneasy. There was a clear chance of something breaking within the man but you didn't acknowledge it.
You avoided him and his words, playing blind and in denial of your recent thoughts as you moved.
.
.
.
You spotted Hoseok in the building again when coming to speak with Bang PD.
Both men that you trusted with all your life now wanted to apologize. You didn't say anything, simply listening to them both speak their heart out the entire time.
"I've known Hobi-ah for the longest time," Bang PD said softly, "although I apologize for hurting you, I'm not sorry for doing what I did. This boy wants to be a part of Yeri's life and I support it."
You had your eyes on the door. Nothing but the door.
"Just once..." PD Nim said softly, "Just once, look past your stubbornness and all that you think you know about Hoseok. Just once, see things from a clean slate if it means something bigger and better could happen for Yeri."
Your jaw clenched harshly at that. Biting back all you wanted the two men to hear, you swallowed it all up when hearing what was spoken next.
"...instead of fearing of what could happen with Yeri or how Hoseok could hurt him," PD Nim softly tried, "Try to see how Hoseok could maybe make him consistently happy. Because he does make Yeri happy, whether you want to admit that to yourself or not."
You got up, softly whispered out a goodbye before abruptly leaving.
When spotting Hoseok near the opposite rooms, you didn't stare over at him for too long before moving towards the elevators that were far near the end of the hallway. Staff passed you, and some people you didn't quite know.
You ignored all eyes, only then realizing you had been giving almost every soul the silent treatment recently.
.
.
.
"You avoiding me?"
Your breath shook, eyes wide and form instantly wanting to crawl into a hole. Twisting around, you found your breath to grow lose when noticing who was so close behind you. The movement alone made your cheeks redden a little when seeing how Hoseok's lips almost brushed your surprised one's while rolling back onto your heel.
You didn't say anything, staring around the lobby of your hotel before turning back around so you could wait for the elevator to come and pick your form up. Stalker, you thought internally, seeing as Hoseok didn't seem to leave at all, his form close behind you still.
"The silent treatment, I see," Hoseok mumbled out, smiling a bit.
You heard it in his voice and wanted to crawl into a hole even more. Instead, you tilted your head back, casually pretending you were standing your ground and not internally screaming at the top of your lungs.
"Well..." he said gently, moving close behind you to the point where his forehead was almost brushing against the back of your head. Your entire posture fell at that, eyes shutting deeply shut when feeling his belt hit the back pocket of your pants around your bum. "...then just listen to me for a second."
The elevator came. You heard it open and chattering of individuals come out, but you didn't step in yet, chest heaving as you listened to the man.
"I'll be waiting for you by the flower shop where you had found me years ago," Hoseok said softly, his lips moving towards your ear, "Come tonight at midnight."
Hoseok noticed as you didn't move for the elevator and he smiled before forcing himself away from you. Moving back, he watched how tense the muscles in your back were.
"...and if you don't show," he softly let out, voice sweet, "Then I guess I'll just be left waiting until you come. We have a broadcast tomorrow morning, mark my words, I will miss it if you don't show."
You didn't say anything, eyes slowly fluttering open as you forced your feet forward.
You moved into the elevator.
"I'll wait forever if I have to," he finished sadly, face a tired mess and he turned to move and exit through the lobby.
Your eyes softened a little at that. Turning around in the elevator before it could close, your eyes went from Hoseok who was slowly becoming a speck in the distance, and towards a familiar boy who was awkwardly waiting for the elevator two steps away from the one you were in.
"Kennah?" you softly asked, growing red when noticing the boy had just witness so much.
Kennah laughed loud, nervously, and forcefully as he waved at you. The boy quickly ran off, trying his hardest not to curse over at himself over always getting himself accidentally mixed around drama.