If our bruises were temporary
We wouldn't continue to hide past lovers in our poems.
Carve out the most important parts of ourselves and put them into hands that cramp and shake
We wouldn't kiss with both eyes open
Kneel over broken staircases to pray broken prayers.
Engrave lovers names in our body's with blades
Including the ones who haven't hurt us yet, but damnit history seems to repeats itself.
Our minds wouldn't wander at 3am searching for a tombstone to lay themselves at.
Live blinded by regret,
Let our souls drop when we hear past abusers names.
Have to maintain faltering smiles
Push back constant tears.
Tip toe through our unconscious
Because we know we have to be careful
Something self destructive lays within us.
We wouldn't continue to fall for conditional lovers.
Trip over past mistakes and fall back into our "it'll be better this time's"
Stay in toxic relationships
Never make an effort to see if there is anything different
Because even hell can get comfortable if you spend enough time there.
We know toxic, we know abusive, we know sadness.
We're used to it.
So damn hurt we believe the world is only painted black and white
Have never seen gray,
Our bruises weren't meant to be temporary.
***
I don't know why I started to write this but if I could I'd scream this from rooftops. We can't just get over it, our sadness is prolonged.
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