Anything is better than nothing. Living with my dad was rough, him coming home drunk, expecting me to have cooked food, have cleaned the house, and more before he got home. He was abusive, verbally and physically and it was hard for me to hold my own.
Luckily I had a plan; on the night of my eighteenth birthday I was gonna leave and he wasn't gonna even know what hit him. I've been planning this since the day my mom left. She too was tired of my father and decided to leave me here to deal with him. She left without saying a word.
It was a cold night in the middle of winter, the heat wasn't working because my father hadn't paid the bill. I laid on my bed reading my favorite book for the 100th time. There was no bed frame and no box spring, just the mattress. I was used to having nothing with a little bit of something, ever since my dad had lost his job when I was 9 we haven't had as much money as we used to. We lost our house, our car, and we even had to give away the family dog.
My mom was the only one working. She worked at a small laundry matt washing people's clothes at a drop-off. That night she was working overtime and wouldn't be home until 3:00 am. She took late shifts often and I would usually wait for her, occupying myself with a book or two.
My dad had been getting worse over the years, he goes to the pub every night after having a day of unsuccessful job interviews. He would drown his sorrows with liquor and I understood why you don't feel pain when you're numb.
But he would come home first and usually just sprawl himself on the couch and watch T.V when he does. But that night was different. As I was reading my worn-out copy of The Little Prince, I heard a disturbance downstairs. I always kept my door locked because I never knew if my dad was gonna do the unthinkable at any second.
I unlocked my door and stuck my head into peer down the stairs, it was silent. I was just about to close my door when I heard a woman's voice. It wasn't my mom's.
I slowly crept down the stairs, thinking that maybe it was one of her friends who just came to check on me. When I got to the final step, I took in the sight in front of me.
My dad and a woman I've never seen before was on the couch in the living room. His pants were at his ankles and were pressed behind the womans back, thrusting and grunting.
I dropped my book and covered my mouth. My book was not so silent, it made a small thump that echoed ever so slightly through the room. The sound caused my dad to turn around to face me and instead of stopping her whispered to me.
"She's better than your mom." He said, and laughed.
I couldn't believe what I was watching, my Dad was fucking a woman who wasn't my mother, in our house, on the couch where my mother and I would play board games while letting me watch. I ran back up to my room and locked the door. I regretted unlocking it in the first place.
~
Later that night my mom came home, I had already fallen asleep. The women had already left and my dad was asleep on the couch.
I heard my door open and heard rustling around the room, I thought nothing of it. It was probably just my mom, taking off her work clothes and getting ready to sleep.
Suddenly the rustling stopped and it was silent. I started drifting back to sleep but then I felt a pair of lips pressed against my forehead. I thought it was my mom just giving me a kiss goodnight.
But little did I know it was my mom giving me a kiss goodbye.
~
The next morning I looked to my right and instead of finding my mother sound asleep I found the necklace that was always wrapped around her neck so securely.
It was a locket, and when I opened it I was expecting a picture of her and her father like she had in it. But it was replaced with a picture of me and her in our backyard on my 8th birthday hugging and smiling for the camera.
It was at that moment that I realized that she didn't leave for work, nor was she downstairs cooking breakfast. She wouldn't be coming back, and that kiss on the forehead would be the last.
~
Today is my birthday, I turn 18 at exactly 3:15 am. I've been making preparation ever since she left. I started working when I was 13, doing babysitting jobs and walking peoples dogs for a couple of bucks an hour.
Then I started to make a little over minimum wage by working as a waitress after school at the local diner. All of it was to leave that house that was barely being held together by the supposed man of the house.
After five years of working, saving, and keeping up with school all at the same time I finally had enough money to move away. I had a full scholarship at Pace University, so I could still attend school without paying for books so all my money will be for rent and groceries since in my building I don't pay for anything but rent.
I packed my stuff starting at the beginning of the year. I knew he wouldn't notice he never comes into my room. Starting with my books, I packed them in boxes and stuffed them in the closet along with my small bookshelf where it wasn't noticeable. Then my clothes little by little throughout the year. There wasn't much to pack, I didn't have much.
When the day finally came I had everything packed and set. I was waiting in my room for my friend Eto to call me. She was helping me move my things into the new studio apartment.
My phone chimed its ringtone as my friend was calling me.
"Hello?" I answered picking up some of my bags.
"Yeah girl, I'm downstairs." She said her usual sassy tone.
I chuckled. "Okay, I'm coming."
Everything was already downstairs (my suitcases'), and I had already put furniture into the apartment before moving in. The only thing I needed to move was my clothes and books.
I grabbed my duffle bag and went down the stairs. As my foot touched the last step I realized that I actually was doing this, I'm moving out of this place for good.
I looked around and took it in for the last time. This was home, but it was time to go.
~
I looked down at my phone at all the missed calls and text messages from my father. I sighed and hesitated for a moment as my finger lingered over the 'Block Caller' button. I sighed and clicked it and deleted his number, it was time to let go.
I looked around the new apartment and took it in. This was mine, this is the first thing that I was able to call my own. The first thing that my father hadn't bought for me. The first place I could feel safe. As I looked around my stomach made a loud gurgling sound, I was super hungry.
I decided to go for a walk and while I was at it get something to eat. This would be a good time to look around my neighborhood. Luckily, as Eto was driving me here I saw a Chinese restaurant down the block.
I walked along the paths, thinking of what my dad must be doing right about now. He's probably just walking in, finding that I'm not there and tearing the house apart in anger. My father wasn't always a terrible man. Before my dad lost his job we were a stable family, we were inseparable. We had dinner together at the table and talked about how our days were. We went to the movies every Friday, we even had family fun nights on my dad's days off. My father was much more loving and was an occasional drinker. But that has changed now.
As I walked into the Chinese restaurant, a bunch of guys sitting in a booth turned to look at me. They stared as I walked over to the person at the counter and ordered my food. I stood there waiting for my food to be cooked and they went back to what they were talking about.
"I told you, they are up to no good. I knew they were unloyal right when they joined us." Said one of them.
"Yea," one of them agreed. "They messed with our package and our money we have to get payback."
There were about 5 guys sitting at that booth, they were all Asian and they were all wearing black. Whatever they were talking about was very important because they started arguing and yelling at each other in whatever language they were speaking. I must have been staring at them because the one at the end of the booth was staring right back. He had a bunch of piercings and tattoos, he was so intriguing.
He looked away from me and joined in on the conversation. "I'm not in this, its gonna be an all-out brawl. I'm not with it." He said angrily getting up and storming out. I had watched as he got up. He was tall and lanky, I could tell under his baggy shirt.
I was so busy trying to figure out what they were talking about that I hadn't realized my food was finished and that the guy behind the counter has been trying to get my attention. I paid for my food and thanked the kind man. The sun was just setting and I didn't want to be outside in the dark, I'm not really familiar with this neighborhood and I don't want to get lost.
~
I got off the elevator at my floor and walked towards my door. I was fumbling for my keys when I heard muffled noises coming from the apartment across from mine. It sounded like someone talking. I put my ear to the door and eavesdropped on the conversation.
"Jimin, I don't want to be apart of this. It's going to be war and I'm just not ready for that." The man behind the door said, the voice was oddly familiar.
There was silence from behind the door for a while with an occasional hum of 'hmm' or 'mm-hmm'. Then the man from behind the door spoke once again after a while, "The boss doesn't need me, there are other people who are good at driving the getaway car and shooting a gun." He said.
My eyes widened, a gun? This was starting to get a little scary, but I couldn't stop listening.
There was a long pause until he finally said something, "Okay fine, I'll come for the pickup today, but if something happens..." He said.
His voice was super close to the door now, so I could hear everything. The person he was on the phone with said: "Nothing is gonna-"
All of a sudden the door opened and I was caught. I tried to play it off and act like I tying my shoe or fixing my hair but I knew that wasn't gonna help me.
"What the fuck are you doing?" He said to me with a disgusted look on his face. I realized it was the same guy who was staring at me at the Chinese restaurant. He was much taller than he seems and he had more tattoos then I thought. He was towering over me with a look on his face like he'd just found a piece of shit under his shoe.
"Um...um." That is all I could say. I was frozen, I was gonna say I was just tying my shoe or something but the look on my face probably gave me away.
"Umm? Listen, miss, I don't care what you were doing. But I know that you weren't fucking minding your business." He said angrily pointing a finger at me.
"I-I'm s-sorry," I said my voice shaking.
"Mind your business lady." He said closing the door behind him and pushing me out the way. He put his hands in his pockets and walked toward the door saying 'Stairwell B.'
I stood there, holding my breath. Still facing his door that said 5D.