~THY NEXT DAY~
Phil sits at a table prepping for the French lesson he has scheduled with Zoe. Zoe arrives and plops down across from him. "Can we make this quick? Roxanne Korrine and Andrew Barrett are having an incredibly horrendous public break- up on the quad. Again." "Oh, yeah, um, okay. I thought we'd start with pronunciation if that's alright with you." "Not the hacking and gagging and spitting part. Please." She said rolling her eyes. "Well, there is an alternative. French food. We could eat some together. Saturday night?" "You're asking me out? That's so cute. What's your name again?" "Phil. Listen. I know that your dad doesn't let you date. But I thought that if it was for French class it'll-" "Oh, wait a minute. Patrick..." "Phil." "My dad just came up with a new rule. I can date when my sister does!" "You're kidding! Well let me ask you, do you like sailing? Cause I read about this place that rents out boats..." "Big problemo, Polo. In case you haven't heard, my sister's a particularly hideous breed of a loser." "Yeah yeah. I noticed she's a little anti-social. Why is that?" "Unsolved mystery," Zoe said shrugging. "She used to be really popular, and then it was like...she got sick of it. Or something. There is a bet as to why, but I'm pretty sure she's just incapable of human interaction. Plus, she's a bitch." "Well yeah, but I'm sure, you know, that there are lots of guys who wouldn't mind going out with an a...difficult woman. I mean, you know, people jump out of airplanes, ski off cliffs. It would be like extreme dating." "You think you could find someone that extreme?" "Yeah sure, why not?" Zoe reaches out and touches his arm. "Would you do that, for me?" "Oh yes! I mean, you know, I could look into it."
~LATER THAT DAY ˎ₍•ʚ•₎ˏ~
Pj leads Phil down a set of concrete steps to a secret gathering of dating candidates for you. "Now, I have gathered a group of guys. Couldn't be more perfect. Padua's finest." Pj said sounding proud. They enter a dank room, wherein waits a very mostly crew of the most unlikely specimens one would expect. Phil shoots Pj an unsatisfied grimace. "Hi. How ya doin'?" Phil asks trying to seem welcoming. "Would any of you be interested in dating Y/N L/N?" What follows is a truncated interview process, where each candidate, in turn, sits in the interview chair and gives his response. The first guy just laughed hysterically. The second one stares blankly. The third one just said, "Ho, I've never been that ripped." Finally, the fourth one "Maybe if we were the last 2 people alive, and there were no sheep... Are there sheep?" And with that, it was over.
Several dissection charts of frog anatomy hang on the walls. The class is busy dissecting frogs. Pj and Phil, naturally, are lab partners. Dan and his punk rock friend, Chipper, are hacking away at their own specimen behind them. "Did I, or did I not, tell you it was pointless? No one will go out with her." Pj explained. Dan pulls out a butterfly knife and impales his frog violently with it. Phil notices the display. "Hey, what about him?" Phil asks nodding towards Dan. "Him? No no. Don't look at him. He's a criminal. I heard he lit a state trooper on fire. He just did a year in San Quentin." "Yeah, well, then at least he's horny." "I'm serious, man, he's whacked. He sold his own liver on the black market for a new set of speakers." Dan has taken out a cigarette, but just as he lights it on the Bunsen burner, Chipper seizes it and snuffs it out. Frustrated, Dan plays with the Bunsen burner instead. "He's our guy." Dan notices them watching him and they quickly turn away.