I wonder where the green arrow is. Surely he knows where I am, so why won't he come?
I hear an alarm go off down the hall and check the alarm clock next to me for the time.
5:30 a.m.
It hadn't occured to me to realize that Im laying in a millionaires guest room, in a famous house, with famous people. It also hadn't occurred to me that Im laying in a bed, awake at 5:30, staring off into space; until now.
I'm boarder line wanting to go and see who is up because I'm starving.
When I round the corner, I see both Thea and Oliver sneaking around. I hear them whispering, but can't make out what they're saying. And then Oliver raises his voice, "Thea, quiet down she could be a light sleeper." There is a pause and I cant make out what Thea says, but then Oliver speaks louder again. "We cant risk her finding out all because we wanted to protect her! Now quiet down!"
I step out of my room a little more, so that they can see me, but quickly realize how rude it would be to interrupt and ask for things at someone else's house.
I turn around and try my best to quietly get back into my room when I hear my name being called. Great.
I turn back around and Thea jogs over to me after sending a look to Oliver.
"Hey, um, how much of that did you hear," She says, her voice has a unique tone to it.
I decide to plan out my words carefully, "Nothing. Dont worry. Even if I did, I'm not the type to spread rumours anyways." I say, loud enough for Oliver to hear. I want him to trust me some day. Enough to tell me what he was just talking about. Enough to not have to hide anything from me.
"Alright," Thea says and turns around.
"Uh, Thea?" I say before she can walk away. "Got any snacks?" I smile lightly and she does too.
"Yeah," She says and I follow her down the hall, past Oliver to the kitchen.
"Help yourself," She says, and extends her arm before heading back upstairs.
I watch as Oliver and Thea scurry around the house again.
I really wish I could go to my apartment to get a few things.
I reach in the fridge for a cold waterbottle and somehow manage to knock over the carton of eggs, cracking nearly half of them on the floor.
"Shit," I whisper under my breath, dragging it out a little.
"Never took you for the swearing type," Oliver says and gives a smirk along with his comment.
I smile awkwardly, half startled and half happy that he even came down here when he was obviously busy trying to do something else.
"Whats the hurry around here at 6 a.m?" I say in a teasing tone.
Oliver grabs a bunch of paper towel and takes a while to respond. "We just like to get up early," He says.
I decide to leave it at that and change the subject.
He hands me a glob of paper towel and we both get down on our hands and knees to clean up the mess I made.
This reminded me of when I had to clean up spills the next morning after a long night of constant drinking. I paused, closed my eyes and tilted my head down to try to remember exactly what it felt like to be wasted. For some people, its a good feeling, but for me its in between good and bad. It was almost like I was punishing myself, forcing myself to keep drinking, but then I liked it so much that when I wasn't drinking, the only thing that I wanted to do was drink some more.
The feeling is vaguely in my bones, I can remember only certain parts, like the light feeling and the greatness of feeling like I'm a cloud. I close my eyes shut tighter, trying to force the feeling to come back to me. I switch back from the pill and the alcohol for a while, trying to squeeze whatever dignity I had left out of me, like a sponge wanting more, but theres nothing left to soak up.
I feel a warm hand on the arm that's holding the wad of paper towel. I figure that I accidentally totally zoned out, which is so not what I want right now.
I resume my cleaning, forcing myself to keep my gaze off of Oliver's warm eyes.
The awkward tension grows.
Oliver stands up and I realize that Im scrubbing at a clean floor. I stand up too, pretending like I was just getting the last few drops out of the creases. I follow his arm and place the wad in the trash, and then silence.
He doesn't know what to say. I don't know what to say.
I finally can't resist the warmth of his eyes and let mine gaze into his.
There's a strange moment of a romantic something. It is definitely something.
My phone alarm goes off, ending the something moment. I look at the screen. Right. My meds. Or alcohol. Whatever you prefer.
I look at Oliver, and then down at my phone, and then back at him.
"Mm" I say, not able to get any real words out yet. "I can't take the second round of pills without eating but the doctor said if I don't take it that.. Ill be back at square one. What do I do?" I say, forcing it out and sounding like an uneducated two year old who relies on her parents for every decision.
"Here," He says, rooting quickly through the cupboard and grabbing a bagel. "You like these?"
I nod, feeling even smaller.
He pops a bagel in the toaster and leans back. "Im sure a few minutes won't matter."
"Thanks," I say.
He smiles greatfully.
"No, I mean.. for everything. Not just letting me stay in your.. beautiful home, but for everything." I say, hinting that he actually helped me through things. He's helping me right now even. I wipe away a tear that forces itself out of my eye.
Oliver comes closer to me, keeping his gaze locked on mine.
On the last second before our bodies would have collided awkwardly, he opens his arms and brings me into a warm, protective hug.
I never noticed his muscularness until now. His collar bones are largely present, his pecs are big, I can feel his abs hugging my body, and best of all, I can feel his strong arms securely placed around my body.
I inhale deeply, trying to get a breath of fresh air and take in the moment. His cologne is strong, yet sweet. There, but barely there. It's perfect. It's like a kiss of manliness, not too much, and not too little, just enough to have you needing more.
"Thank you." I hear him say under his breath.
I wonder why he said this.
I feel another body leap onto us out of nowhere. I had my eyes shut, and my face was too far buried into Oliver's chest anyway.
My body leaps with fear, starting from my feet and crawling up my entire body. My body jolts awkwardly, and my heavy, unsteady breaths fill the air. I'm so stiff that Oliver lets go of me, which takes away a little bit of the pain from my back wounds, but adds 10x more fear.
I turn so that I'm no longer facing him, when I notice that I left a puddle on his nice blue shirt and Thea is standing next to him. It was her trying to be loving, not Donny trying to hurt me. Oh god what have I done. I totally just embarrassed myself again.
I can feel Oliver and Thea's worried gazes on each other.
So I'm fragile. And I hate being that little fragile thing that nobody can ever touch because the second that you do, she breaks. And right now, I'm exactly that person.
I can feel my hand shaking by my side, so I lift it and squeeze it in an attempt to block it from Oliver and Thea's view, and to make it stop.
My bagel pops. Horrible timing because now everything is totally awkward.
I hear shuffling behind me and a few seconds later Oliver holds a plate with my prepared bagel on it. He is also holding a glass of water.
What a baby. Cant even make herself a stupid bagel.
I wipe my face and take a breath before looking at him.
His face is normal looking, and I think that he even tried to throw in a smile for me. But his eyes tell a totally different story.
I wonder what happened on the island. I bet he wonders what happened to me during my life of hiding too.
"Thank you," I say, taking the food and drink. "Do you mind if I take this to my room I gotta take my pills right away."
He nodded and smiled, allowing me to go on my own.
I could feel their watchful gazes on me as I walked up the stairs and down the hallway.
I ate my bagel on the way up, trying to eat it as quick as possible. Trying to force the memories out of my mind. By the time that I reach my room, I'm already done eating and I place my empty plate on the nightstand and bend down to the floor to where I had spilt the pills earlier. We missed a few when we tried to clean them up.
I decide I could just sit on the floor for a bit so I lean against the bottom of the bed, and pick up two pills, staring at them for a while.
My eyes go out of focus and my mind drifts to a dark place. I remember something.
The windows are cracked in my home. I hear crying and someone or something creating a lot of noise. It sounds like papers shuffling around. I enter the living room cautiously, nothing. I try to follow the sound, my heart picking up every time I take a step forward. By the time that I enter my room, the intruder is gone. My room is trashed, and the noise and crying stopped. But when I walk in, a firm hand grips the back of my hair, yanking me to the ground. The person is Donny, and he places his hand over my mouth before I can react. My eyes are so wide. My breathing is loud and unsteady, and my head aches. How could someone betray me? Someone I loved. How could someone that I had children with turn on me?
"Now you shut up and don't say a word," He lashes out, and I nod the best I can. For the first time in my life, I'm scared of the love of my life. He pulls me up by my hair again, keeping his hand over my mouth. When I'm on my feet, he pulls me very close to him, I can feel something rock hard in his crotch area, the horny bastard. Im facing away from him, my back tight against his front.
"This is for all of the wrongs you have done me. I have been thinking, thinking and thinking. The best way to k i l l someone is to hurt the ones they love." He says. My heart starts to pick up, panic taking over my body. Donny's grip tightens on my body, and he pushes me over to the other side of the bed, which has about two feet of space between the wall and bed. My eyes drop and I try to scream through his hand, but he tightens his grip even more, forcing his hand into my mouth. He keeps his hand over my mouth and the other one stays on my hair. He lowers me to the ground, forcing my face down to an inch above my sons body.
"M ...om...m..yy," Eddie says, his hair matted with blood and his face swollen, barely able to talk.
I can't open my mouth to say anything to him. I feel a breeze rush past my soaked cheeks and through my tear blurred eyes, I watch Eddie close his eyes for the last time.
My body goes limp, and I stop fighting.
My whole world was lost that day.
That was the day I became weak.
This chapter took a long time, I know. Ive been working on it all week. Please comment your thoughts! :)
Thanks