Jason couldn't sleep. All he could think about was Arianna. Is it possible that she didn't love him anymore after all? Just the thought of that caused an unbearable pain in his heart. He thought about how it felt to hold her in his arms again, to make love to her. Did she really think that all they had was great sex? He sat in the library of his parent's large home in total darkness. He opened a bottle of his father's aged whiskey and drank. He poured another drink and stared at the fiery liquid in the glass. He downed it in one gulp. He wanted to drive the thoughts of her out of his mind. He didn't want to feel anything. He wanted to be numb. He sat the glass down and started pacing around the room. The house had never been a home. Not the kind that Arianna had with her parents or the kind that she had made for Brianna. And he realized then what Arianna meant earlier. He never gave her all of himself. She never met his family, never saw how he lived. Though she never said so, it must have bothered her, kept her from feeling like she could trust him completely. He stood looking out the window into the night when the door to the library creaked open. He turned to see who it was breaking into his solitude. From the light shining in the hallway, he saw the silhouette of his mother standing in the door frame. She came into the library and turned on the light. Her eyes swept the room and saw the bottle of whiskey, almost gone, and the empty glass.
Vivian Forsyth-Williams was a very proud and astute woman. Even at seventy years old, she was a lot sharper and quick witted than most people half her age. Standing just five foot three inches tall, she commanded attention when she entered a room. An indescribable kind of sadness was in her eyes as she looked at her son. She didn't like seeing him in pain, and right now she knew that he was. Whatever it was that was bothering him, he kept to himself, though she had an idea of what it was. She thought of Arianna Jones and her daughter, Brianna, her granddaughter. This filled her heart with guilt. She felt that she had failed him somehow, as his mother. To preoccupied with her own pain in his earlier years to pay little attention to him. Then he had that horrible fight with Jackson the night he left, and two weeks later he took off for England. Without saying goodbye. And it was all Jackson's fault. Jackson. Just thinking of him angered her. She loved Jackson, always had. And that was the problem. Too proud to tell him just how much, too much in love with him to walk away. So she did just what Jason is doing now. Sat in a darkened room and found solace in the bottom of a bottle or so she thought.
She walked over to the chair Jason had just got up from and sat down. She lifted the bottle and sat it back down on the table. "Didn't I ever teach you it's never good to drink alone?" she asked in a sad voice. "What's troubling you Jason? Every since you got home, I can tell that there is something bothering you," she said astutely.
Jason laughed, but it lacked warmth or cheer. "How very astute of you, Mother. The agility of your mind never ceases to amaze me," he replied sarcastically.
"There's no need to be so bitter Jason. I heard you come in about an hour ago and I simply came in here to make sure you were alright," she replied, sounding genuinely wounded.
Jason relented. He let out a deep sigh and sat down in the chair next to her. "I'm sorry Mother. I had no right to speak to you that way. It seems that no matter what I do or say to anyone lately, it's wrong."
Vivian glanced at Jason. So like his father he is. So alike, yet so different. Jason has a heart. And its breaking, she thought sadly. She's never been able to forgive Jackson or herself for that matter, for driving Jason away. Bitter regret gripped her heart. She should have told Jason long ago about Arianna and what Jackson had done. And the part she played too. "Jason, does it by chance have anything to do with Arianna Jones and her child? Your child? My granddaughter?" she asked him quietly.
Jason's eyes flew to his mother's eyes then. His face became a mask of suppressed rage. "You knew too? You knew I had a daughter and you didn't tell me?" he yelled. Jason jumped up from the chair and started pacing the room. "How could you Vivian? This I would have expected from Jackson, but not from you," he finished loudly.
Vivian tilted her head defiantly. "Keep your voice down. You'll disturb your father," she said softly. "I didn't know it was your child at first. I thought the child was his. I hired a private detective to follow your father. I know it doesn't speak well of me, but I had to know who the woman was that had...that had stolen his heart from me. The report the detective brought back had pictures of a beautiful black woman, successful, charming, and young. So I kept a close watch on her life, when she finished college, when the child was born, where she worked, where she lived and the people she saw. When I didn't find any link to your father I dismissed the whole idea. And then the reports came with pictures of her with the child. All I had to see was those blues eyes to know that what I feared the most was true, or so I thought. So I went to see Ms. Jones. Only I didn't tell her my real name or who I was. I learned from the reports that she worked as a counselor at a local women's shelter. I went there and after meeting her, I knew that she could not possibly have been involved with Jackson. She was much too good for that, not the sort he usually kept company with. But there was no mistaking the resemblance. So that's when I approached your father and demanded that he tell me why you left the way you did," she stopped and waited for him to absorb it all.
When Jason said nothing she went on. "I told your father if he didn't tell me exactly what he'd said or done to drive you away that I would leave, and take my money, and most of his, with me. Your father may be a heartless bastard, but he's no idiot. He told me the story that he told you, that he offered her money to end things with you and that she had accepted it. But Jason, that wasn't exactly the way it happened. He did offer her money yes, but she refused. So he put the money in a trust for the child, to be paid to her mother on her sixteenth birthday, providing you never knew the truth. He told her that you were just passing time with her and weren't really serious about her. He showed her pictures of Shelley and led her to believe that there was more to your relationship than there actually was. After he told me the truth, that's when Jackson suffered the first mild heart attack. While he was in hospital, he admitted that what he did was wrong and that all he ever wanted was the best for you. He honestly thought he was protecting you, but from what I don't know," she paused again to give Jason time to take it all in. "The years passed with no word from you, only the occasional Christmas card or odd phone call, so I never told you the truth. We continued our shame of a marriage and he continued to carry on with his mistress," Vivian stopped choked by the pain of Jackson's betrayals. "Three weeks ago I found the woman in question and approached him with the evidence. Then he had the second heart attack, and that's when I sent for you," she stopped again and looked at Jason. He sat with his head down, arms resting on his knees. He raised his head and ran his long fingers through his hair. When he looked at her his blue eyes were filled pain and agony.
Jason could not believe his ears. Everyone conspired against him, the three people he loved most in the world, "You had no right, none of you, to mess with my life this way. All of you, with your good intentions stole sixteen years of Brianna's life from me that I can never get back," he said in a flat emotionless voice. "Or Arianna. I've lost her forever and it's your fault, just as much at it is his."
"I know you feel hurt and betrayed, by those that claimed to love you, but all is not lost. Don't be like me Jason. If you love her, fight for her. Maybe if I would have fought harder for your father, things might have turned out differently, for all of us. The point is son, you have to forgive your father. So you can move on." He looked at her then as if he were going to object.
"Not for him Jason. But for you. You owe it to yourself. Don't make the same mistakes with Arianna and Brianna that he made with us. Now, I think it's time we both got some sleep. You're going to have one hell of a hangover in the morning when you wake up and Brianna is going to be counting on your being a constant fixture in her life from now on," she said as she stood to leave.
Jason looked at her with questioning eyes. "How do you know so much about Arianna and Brianna?" he asked.
She smiled and said, "Because she was important to you. I was there, under the guise of one of her clients, in case she ever needed anything. She didn't know of course, but I was there. I watched her grow into the strong woman that she has become in the past sixteen years and I got to see Brianna grow up. You should be very proud of her. She's a remarkable young girl. I'm sure there were times when she missed not having a father in her life, but Arianna has made sure that she was well loved and well taken care of. I know that can't replace the years you've missed but just remember that you have the rest of your lives to try and make it right." And with that she kissed him on the cheek and started to walk out the room.
Jason grabbed her hand and held her back. He turned her hand over and kissed the inside of her palm. He looked at her with unshed tears in his eyes. "Thank you Mother. For watching over them for me."
Vivian rubbed her free hand through his hair. "I know I wasn't the best mother to you when you were growing up Jason. But I wanted to do something right, not just for you, but for myself too." Quietly she left him sitting alone in the library.
He sat there thinking about the past, the present and the future. And he knew for certain that he had no future without Arianna and Brianna in his life. What he didn't know was how he could convince her that they could have a good life together. The kind of life her parents have and the kind of life that he never knew was possible until now. If it took him the rest of his life, he would prove to her that she was more than just a small matter of the heart.