[Addie.]
“Of course Sergio, of course! It was my damn intention on breaking your heart.” I quote the words with my fingers and I continued to scream at him. Sergio cringed at the harsh tone of my voice. “You think I kissed Ramos on purpose?” My heart clenches, I hadn't spoken of him in the longest time. “Yeah well, reality check, no. Besides that was months,” I emphasize the word. “ago!” It's been months, nearly a year since I've even stepped foot in Madrid. I hadn't accompanied Sergio to any of his away games. It wasn't because of Ramos I feared of bumping into, it was because I had my own things to work on here in Valencia. For one I wasn't a personal assistant anymore, journalism had been back on the table for a few weeks now. It had been exciting to write again. Mainly I was free lance, I did a few interviews or write articles for the newspaper and magazines, even made a television appearance once or twice. Point of the matter was, I had been making my own money and living with my boyfriend. Soon to be ex should I say. “But you think just because I kissed another man earlier in our relationship would even out the fact you had sex with another girl!” I yell out the last four words at the top of my lungs. I was beyond pissed at him. I was infuriated and I felt betrayed and unloved. Not to mention really dirty. His penis had been in another woman and now me too! For Christ's sake I could have an STD for all I knew! I was too young to have syphilis! I push myself past him to gather my clothing. “No Sergio, it doesn't. You are so insensitive! You are repulsive and you are just a monster!” I cried out as I grabbed another duffel bag to fill up. My heart was aching. It hurt so much. “No you know what no!” I shoved it to the ground, I felt the tears prickle my eyes. “You probably bought everything out of guilt.” I stomped over them. The clothes he bought me, the shopping spree he took me on just the other week. Guilt money. Guilt presents.
“Please Adalinda I'm sorry!” Sergio tries to grab me but I moved my arm away. His voice was different. He was sorry, but to an extent. He didn't fully mean what he was saying. Was it Valencia that changed the man I used to love? Did him cutting all his hair off and growing facial hair have any part of it? Was it…me? Whatever it was, I didn't like. It didn't matter, the Sergio I loved was gone for good and left this cheating monster behind with me. Hurting me far more than I ever hurt him with one kiss. Who was he to bring up something I had told him months ago! I came out clean because I thought it was the right thing to do, despite how he treated me the next few days. Was he getting back at me! I continued my way as I grabbed my coat and bag. “Alright do you want to hear what I have to say!” Sergio reasoned with me.
“Oh yes. Enlighten me!” I seeth through my teeth.
“I cheated on you, yes. But it's not as bad as what you did to me!”
“Are you insane! You fucked another girl! I only kissed a guy! How is that not as bad!”
“But that's just it Adalinda he wasn't /just/ a guy! He was the guy you loved! And I'm pretty damn sure you still love him.” Sergio frowns and I was at a loss. I didn't love Sergio Ramos. I love my boyfriend. I moved from Madrid to Valencia for him without a complaint. I've dealt with the problems like the lack of privacy and the jealous girls for him! Do you know how many women have glared at me or given me the bird in the past few months? A lot. “She was just a girl. She wasn't anything to me!”
“That still doesn't change the fact you cheated on me you bastard!” I punch him on the chest, more angry at myself than him. Angry that I let his words seep into me like they did. He was right though. I missed Ramos, but I didn't love him. Even though he was pushed to the very back of my mind… he was still there. I had tried my hardest to forget him but it didn't work. “What was she prettier than me? Did she do something better!” I continued to holler at him. Sergio grabbs my flailing wrists and stopped me.
“Calleté I already told you she was nothing! Nothing at all!” I could see he was on the verge of tears but who was he to do that? He had no right he was the one who hurt me! I should be the one crying! I /was/ the one crying. “I'm sorry Addie, I'm so sorry.” He frowns and presses his forehead against mine. His tears slipped down his cheeks. I continue to try to wrench my hands away form him but his grip was too tight. “Please forgive me I don't want you to go.” His thumbs rubbed up and down my hands in attempt to soothe me. It was working. “I love you.” This wasn't how our relationship was supposed to be like! We were supposed to be happy together, we were supposed to own a house together! But no. Nothing went as it was planned. We were still in a condominium, we fought more than the first few months we were together and it's all because Ramos had to just kiss back.
“I can't Sergio I can't.” I shake my head from side to side, backing away from him. “We're only hurting ourselves.” My frown deepened as I stare into his crying figure. It broke my heart even more than ever. This beautiful man crying because of me. I broke him like he to me. “This is for the better.” I try to tell myself though I didn't want to go. Sergio reaches out for me but I slap his hand away. “Stop it.” I say over him mumbles of telling me I shouldn't. “No.” He continues to say how this would be a mistake. “We're a mistake!” I scream, fed up with it all. The look on his face… “I'm sorry. I shouldn't hav–”
Sergio's demeanor changes into something more dark. “So you regret going out with me? Why did you stick me with all those months then Adalinda!” He yells. He rambles on about how he loved me and gave me everything I have ever wanted. And I try to tell him I didn't mean it like that but in truth I did. I could feel him drifting away. He was in his own little world nowadays, one where I wasn't in it. “Did you stick this long just to see my break!” He accuses once again. My mind snaps at this point and I didn't even think about what had happened next. My hand made contact on his face. Right across it. The sound made me cringe when I heard it and I instantly felt regret at the decision. He curses at me under his breath, while his hand covered the red I see forming. “Well fuck you then Adalinda!” Sergio screams at me before he turned his back to me. I felt new tears welling up in my eyes again. I didn't mean that. I never wanted anything like that to happen between us! I reach for his arm and it took alp the power I had left to turn him around and crash my lips against his. He fought back, pushed me away, but I just kissed him again. I needed to make things right again.
~•~
I blamed Ramos.
I blamed his scruffy facial hair.
I blamed his deep, kind, brown eyes.
I blamed the way his lips would curve to a smile.
I blamed how my heart always skipped a beat with one look.
I blamed him on how my heart still skips at beat at the thought of him.
I blamed him for doing this to me and to Canales but in reality it's my fault.
I should take the blame for everything that has happened to me in the past year or two. It was because of me being so naïve, being /so/ in denial that I wasn't with the right man right now. I was laying naked in bed with a guy I wasn't even sure about since the first day. God how could I have been so /stupid/? The sex nonetheless was different. It wasn't loving anymore, it wasn't warm or intimate. It was nothing. Just complete emptiness and soft grunting. When he was done with me, he was finished completely. I could tell that after tonight he wasn't going to object my leaving him. I felt ashamed with myself for having to go with such measures in order to get him to shut up. But Sergio was being so stupid! If he would have just let me leave I would have been back to Madrid crashing in Cosette and Marcelo's place until I found a place of my own!
I've missed Cosette so much. I would have made the effort to visit her but she never had time as well. She was busy with her job. She was busy living her life to the fullest. She was busy having the best time of her life with the love of her life. I was jealous but I made sure to not hint it in whenever we got the chance to speak. Jealousy was normal. I mean I was jealous I didn't have someone to love like she had. Or the fact she was already engaged and I wasn't. I remember over a month ago when she announced her engagement to me. I was both excited yet nervous for her. What would she wear for the wedding, what about the honeymoon, how are her parents going to get here, and how long do I have in order to fit into a dress? I was so happy she was betrothed but at the same time I wondered about myself. If I could ever find something like that in the world. It seemed all the great guys were already taken. Being with Sergio, I already knew he wasn't going to be the one I was going to marry. I just never expected it to go as far as it did with him.
I turn myself around on the bed, arms tucked under my head as I face out the window. My mind wandered off on how life would have been like if I hadn't moved in the first place. If I just went out with Ramos. If I never even met him, if I never went to that stupid interview. Or if I hadn't gotten on the plane in the first place to Madrid. If I didn't graduate college and even want to move in the first place. So many 'if's but there was nothing I could do about it. Everything in the past was already set in stone there wasn't anything I could do about it. Other than to turn it around. That's what I had to do. If I waited any longer like I already had then I would just be regretting it. And I've done enough of that already.
The next thing I knew, I grabbed my duffel bags and made a grab for my clothes.
[Cosette.]
I stretch my arms above my head with a deep yawn. It was early morning, so early that the moon was still up. The sun had yet to rise. The rose pink light of dawn was always something I look forward to in the morning with Marcelo by my side. The window gave me a wonderful view that not only overlooked the beautiful backyard with the in ground pool, the flowers I took some time to plant and the patio, but gave me the city. Marcelo purchased a house for us after our sixth month together. The house was just outside the city. I frown deeply when I remembered. Beside me was a cold, empty space, with the sheet still tucked in neatly. (Save for my side of the bed.) No Marcelo to be found. He was at an away game. I hated those so much. And as sad as it was, I wasn't allowed to go to them anymore. Mourinho was still up our asses about our relationship. It still irked me to this day. I roll off the bed lazily. The only good thing that came from not going to away games were the fact I didn't have to do into work. Not like I didn't mind I loved my job, it was just the getting up that I still had trouble with. That was a trial and triumph I went through every morning. Surprisingly the guys loved me more than I expected, which only meant that I was getting appointments by the second. The guys just really needed to get some steam off whether it was their professional or personal lives. And who better to whine to then someone who has to keep their secret? But I was glad they warmed up to me that's all I wanted.
Sergio was the only exception for me. Whenever he wanted to talk, even after hours, more personally I always found time for him. I can't even imagine the pain he is going through. I would say our friendship grew but only to extent. Sure I was his confidant in all things Adalinda or whatever else he felt like talking about but we nearly really spoke of anything else. He tried inviting me out to dinner once as a thank you for hearing him all the time. After much debate, I went. It was awkward nonetheless, we hadn't much to talk about. I made a quick grab for my phone, Marcelo should be up and headed off to training by now. I dial his number I hopes to reach him before it was too late. “Bom dia.” I greet him in Portuguese. “How was your sleep?” Marcelo sighs on the other side which made me smile while I made my way to the kitchen to fix myself breakfast.
“Lonely without you.” He informs me. “You?”
“It was waking up I had the most trouble with.” I sigh myself. To others we seemed codependent but we would assure you we weren't. With us it was like we were stuck on that puppy stage of love and never getting out of it. Countless of times we were referred to as the 'Golden Couple.' At first it was a joke for the magazines but it caught on with our friends and family. We were seen as a model example of what couples should be like. Happy, smiling, cheesy, and so in love. People idolized our relationship and were jealous over it. Together he and I did magazine interviews and photo shoots which featured our relationship. It wasn't like this is what I was aiming for the entire time and I don't mean to brag but it was kind of enjoyable to know people loved us for loving each other. “I just wanted to wish you luck and to have fun.” I say to him as I get out a bowl of cereal. He chuckles on the other end and thanks me before he asks if I had any plans today. “I might run today. Might not. I have to go shopping for that gala you're dragging me into.” I roll my eyes. I wasn't entirely in the mood for social gatherings.
“I told you it's an annual club thing.” Marcelo tries to ease my mind. Yes it was. Every year the club will hold a gala that allowed the men to invite their wives or girlfriends or dates for the night so they would catch up with themselves have a little fun with the drinks that night and just relax. As cute as it was, I didn't feel like getting all dressed up but in all honesty I was worried about what some women might think of me. I had yet to meet them all so I was nervous. It was next week so I had a few days to prep myself for it. “I'll treat you to ice cream before that.” He teases me. He knew I've taken a certain liking to ice cream more than usual lately. And it was most certainly not because I was pregnant. We've been extra careful since the night we… and as much as we'd love to have babies we both decided it would be best after we got married. I didn't want to end up with a child before we got married even though it seems to happen a lot to people. It's not like I mean to disrespect them in any sort of way, they turned out great with their kids, I just didn't want to end up like that. I laugh at him before I hear his teammates calling him. “I gotta go. I love you.” I echo the words back at him before we hang up.
As I ate my breakfast I smile at myself, content with where I was in my life as of now. Engaged with a well paid job that not only allowed me to he with my fiancé but also gave me great vacation days. We lived in a great house with great friends nearby and in no ways were we rushing the wedding so our lives were pretty well off as of now. I was one of the lucky ones and I am so thankful for that. And as wonderful as my life is right now I just wished for one thing and one thing only, my best friend. I hadn't spoken much to her and I wished I knew how she was doing. In my head I knew she was doing a great as me, maybe even better. Once my breakfast was finished I decided that I did want to go for a fun. Might as well do something productive and get off my lazy ass. It was only seven am so I had more than enough time to shop if I ran for at least thirty minutes.
“Bueñas dias." I greet Sara Carbonero on the other end of the line.
“Bueñas dias.” She cheerfully greets back to me. Over the past few months I had become closer to Sara. She was no Addie but she was still just as sweet and fun to be with. It wasn't like we spoke all the time or hung out every day, we could every now and then to out for lunch. She was always busy with her work as a journalist. I ask her if she fancied a run with me this morning. “You know what I could go for one. I'll be in your house in ten minutes. Bye!” She didn't live too far away from me. I didn't usually like to run alone, I either had Marcelo or I'd run on the treadmill inside. He was sweet enough to give me my own mini gym because he knew how much I hated going out. God how much Addie has affected me.
“What about this one?” I ask Sara as I held up a simple white dress that had gold embroidering on it. She and I ran for a good half an hour before we retreated back into my home to freshen up. Turns out she still had yet to get a dress for the gala as well. She didn't want to go with Iker because she said it would ruin the surprise. She wanted to wow him on the night of the gala and there was no perfect time than now to shop for dresses while our men were gone. Sara shook her head and said to go with something slimmer, referring to the ruffled ends of it. I nod my head as I place it back on the rack. “I don't know he said he wanted us to match.” I shrug my shoulders as I take out my phone. I had to ask him what color he liked without making it seem like I was getting the dress. “I'm just hoping he doesn't want something orange.” I made a face. Orange wasn't a good color on me or anyone for the matter. “I'll text him.” I say to myself as I walk away from Sara who went back to dress looking. After a few minutes of slyly getting the color he wanted out of him, I went to find a emerald green dress.
“It's green.” Sara says with something behind her back. I nod my head and told her that's what Marcelo wanted. “Guess we're going to match.” She reveals the dress to he the same exact color as mine but a different design to the dress. We both share a laugh before going on to purchase our dresses. What I liked most about my job was it help me sustain a life of independency despite the fact I lived with my boyfriend. Some people nowadays rely on the income of others to help them get by and that's not what I wanted for myself. I wanted to be able to provide and care for myself. As good as dependency is, it's not all there is to it between a relationship or in life. “So what color shoes were you thinking of wearing with it?” She asks me as we step out of the store.
“I was thinking a tan pair of boots and a clutch. Oh let's be twins for that night!” I suggest with a wide smile. We were already half way there with not only our dresses matching but our boyfriends too. I'm sure Iker would be wearing a green tie as well. Sara nods in agreement as we link arms and head to the first shoe store we find.
“So how's everything between you and Marcelo are they okay?” She strikes up conversation as we walk around the shop.
“Oh yeah, we're perfect! I don't know exactly when we're going to start planning our wedding.” The thought of it made me smile. I was going to get married to him. I was going to be a wife and he was going to be my husband and we are going to raise kids together. I want kids with him. “I'm excited though.” Sara threw me a smile when she heard this. “How about you and Iker, I know you've set a date.” I quip about her wedding.
“Yeah but that's about the only thing we've got dealt with. We barely have the time to sit down with a wedding planner and decide the venue and the centerpieces and–” I nudge her ribs with my elbow to calm her down. She was near yelling in the quiet boutique. “Sorry.” She frowns when she realized. “I just wished we had more time for it you know? I don't want this to be a long engagement.” She walks away in search for her shoes, leaving me behind with my own thoughts. What if that were Marcelo and I?