Jenn's previous sloppy make-out session and Alora's businesslike peck had left me underwhelmed by the concept of kissing. They had been nice, I supposed, but hadn't invoked the fireworks or butterflies or passion that I had heard about.
Now I understood the hype.
This kiss wasn't skin meeting skin. It was a soul meeting another soul. I felt her. All of her tangled emotions – longing, fear, passion, desperation – I felt everything. And I gave her everything in return. I didn't hold back, didn't hide anything from her.
Yet somehow, everything still wasn't enough. I pulled her closer to me, gripping her so hard that for a second, I worried that she might break. But she melted against me, her body offering no resistance as she gripped me back with the same force.
And yet, that also wasn't enough. Everything I did to try to quell this new fire within me simply added gasoline to the blaze.
It was only when I dropped my hand to her lower back that Alora finally pulled away. "We should slow down," she said softly.
Slow down?
I didn't want to slow down. I wanted her in every way a person could possibly want another person. The sudden loss of contact actually felt painful.
"Why?" I asked, resting my forehead against hers.
"Maybe because we're in the middle of our school parking lot," she whispered back.
To be honest, I had completely forgotten that.
"Can we go to your place?" I asked.
Alora stiffened at first but ultimately nodded.
I tried to offer my sweatshirt on the walk, but she simply laughed and told me that I needed it more. And it wasn't a long walk. It only took a few minutes to arrive at her trailer home.
This was the first time Alora had let me into her house. It was something I could sense she was insecure about, so I hadn't pushed it. And now that she was finally letting me in, I knew I had to be as non-judgmental as possible.
It was a challenge.
The kitchen had Pepto-Bismol pink walls and a burnt orange tile floor. Instead of curtains, the windows were covered with sun-bleached, lime green mandala tapestries. The frayed carpet was a yellowish color that might have been white at some point, and the heavily stained couch Terra was sprawled out on, asleep, was baby blue.
It looked as though a knock-off rainbow had thrown up on the inside of the trailer.
"My room is back here," Alora said quietly, gesturing down a hallway.
"Is she okay?" I asked, pointing to Terra.
Alora nodded. "She had a party last night that went until 4 in the morning, so she's just tired."
I glanced around at the tiny interior of the trailer. "How can she have a party in here without keeping you up?"
"She can't," Alora answered flatly. "Come on."
She led me down an extremely narrow hallway to a small room at the back of the trailer. One corner featured a mattress covered by a ragged quilt. A small desk in the other corner faced it. That was it. Her entire room could easily fit inside the master bathroom in the house where I was staying.
Alora's closet had no door, so I could see it was also very empty. But an old guitar sitting inside caught my attention.
"You play guitar?"
She nodded. "It was my mom's. She was really good...much better than me."
I glanced at the desk, which had papers scattered on top of it.
"Don't-" Alora began to say, but it was too late. I already found the thing I was guessing she didn't want me to see.
On the desk was a piece of paper with tiny, dotted square grids and my name on the top.
"What is this?"
"Chords," she answered softly.
I grinned. "You wrote a song for me?"
She snatched the paper away from me. "I wrote a song about you."
Her correction did little to change my mood.
Either way, she's been thinking about me.
"Can I hear it?"
She studied me for a moment, then slowly nodded. I sat down in the chair at her desk while she picked up her guitar and sat down on her mattress. She didn't even look at the chords as she began to play.
The music was beautiful, but somber. The melody I had never heard before, yet it didn't feel unfamiliar.
Then I realized: it was everything I had felt in her kiss. Longing, fear, passion, desperation...I could hear it all in the haunting melody she strummed.
"Wow," I said when she finished.
Her head shot up abruptly, as if she had forgotten I was even there.
"You liked it?"
"Liked it?" I repeated in disbelief. "Al, that was incredible. Why didn't you tell me you played?"
"Why didn't you tell me you did gymnastics?"
"Parkour, not gymnastics," I corrected. "And I guess there's still a lot we don't know about each other."
Alora nodded contemplatively.
"Can I ask you something about the song?" I asked as I moved to sit next to her.
She put the guitar against the wall and nodded again.
"Why do I make you so sad?"
Alora let out a deep sigh. "You don't make me sad. You give me hope. And then I remember how dangerous and painful hope is, so I push you away. You deserve better than that. That's what makes me sad: knowing that I should let you go because I don't deserve you."
I didn't have any idea where to even start with how insane any of that was. So I kissed her instead.
The kiss I gave her was meant to be sweet, simple, and reassuring.
But the second our lips met, I felt the raging fire within me again. The taste of Alora's lips was possibly the most addictive substance on the planet, and it had the side effect of stripping away all of my self-control.
It was like my brain was on a 5-second delay. By the time I realized I was kissing her again, my hand was rubbing her thigh. By the time I realized what my hand was doing, I was laying her down on her mattress.
It wasn't until I was straddling her that I realized how far things had escalated.
"Sorry," I apologized hastily, flinging myself off of her.
"I didn't mind," Alora said softly. "But you should know...I've never..."
"Me neither," I said.
A look of surprise, then relief, crossed her face. "Really?"
I nodded. "And I don't want us to rush into it. I want us to both decide in advance when we want to. If we want to."
Alora relaxed instantly. She nodded and smiled.
"Could I use your bathroom?" I asked. "Then maybe we can just talk."
Alora nodded again. "The bathroom is across the hall."
I kissed her forehead – much safer than her lips – and left her room.
The bathroom was about as tiny as a bathroom could possibly be. With a sink, shower, and toilet stuffed into the closet-sized space, there was barely any room to maneuver.
Once inside, I exhaled a breath I didn't know I had been holding. I splashed my face with cold water and took some deep breaths. How could I have lost control so badly?
Even though I had essentially gotten permission from the Commander to date, I didn't want to rush things with Al. She was easily the most important person in my life, despite any of my attempts to deny it, and I didn't want to do anything that could jeopardize our relationship.
I thought back to Ferris's terrible sex ed talk. "Teenage hormones can be powerful things."
No freaking kidding.
Finally, when I felt calm and in control again, I went back into Al's room.
Only to find her asleep.
It made sense. I was sure that after being kept up until 4 a.m., she was exhausted.
I joined her on the bed and pulled her close.
"Chase," she murmured happily, burrowing her face in my chest.
The wave of emotions that hit me was sudden and uncomfortable. I didn't want her calling me Chase. It was a reminder that this relationship was ultimately fake. Chase wasn't actually me. Chase would never actually be me. There would always be something between us.
I ran my fingers through her hair, surprised to find how much the texture differed from my own. We had already overcome so much, and yet, there were so many things that could go wrong. I didn't want to be another in a long line of people who broke her trust.
But she was so warm and soft, and after a few moments of snuggling, I decided all those worries could wait for another day.
✨️✨️✨️
"Hello, Alora's man friend!"
I shot up from the mattress to see Terra waving at me from the doorway. Alora bolted awake next to me. Once I realized the room was significantly darker than when I had arrived, I checked my phone.
5:30 p.m.
23 missed calls
I groaned. How had I slept that long?
And why did I have so many missed calls?
"Hi, I'm Chase," I said, standing up from the mattress and extending my hand. Terra unexpectedly pulled me in for an embrace instead.
"His aura is radiant," she told Alora as she released me.
"Great," Alora replied with a tone that suggested she was uninterested in the radiance of my aura.
"The evening of the moon circle has passed," Terra told me. "Yet I can still feel its strength. We could try-"
"He's not here for a moon circle, Terra," Alora interrupted.
"No? Perhaps a cup of herbal tea then," she said to me. "It can purify your blood and increase fertility."
I felt my cheeks suddenly grow warm.
"Actually, I need to drive him home," Alora said hastily. She grabbed my sweatshirt and my arm and dragged me down the hallway.
"It was nice meeting you," Terra said with a friendly wave. "Come back for our moon circle next month!"
"What's the deal with your aunt?" I asked once we had gotten into Alora's truck.
"Some people have healthy ways of grieving," she replied. "Terra doesn't."
I didn't press any further.
"Do you want to come to Pizza Planet?" she asked after a few moments of silence. "I have a shift that starts in an hour, but we could go early."
"I should get home," I said. "I think I'm in trouble."
Alora began driving to my house as I checked my text messages. They were all from Park, and they got increasingly hostile the longer I didn't respond.
"Do you want me to come in with you?" Alora asked as we got closer to the house. "Might help reduce some of their anger."
"No," I replied. "I don't want you getting stuck in an uncomfortable position."
I also knew full well that if Park was angry with me, having Alora over would, at best, postpone her anger. Not reduce it.
Alora came to a stop outside my house.
"Well..." she said awkwardly.
"Well..." I answered.
She leaned over and gave me a quick kiss on the cheek.
"Good luck."
When I entered the house, I was unsurprised to find Park and Ferris sitting on the couch waiting for me.
And yet, I wasn't worried. Alora and I were together now. I had kissed her – really kissed her – twice. And however much Park was about to yell at me, it was absolutely worth it.