Gerard's POV
Another week had passed, and I was slowly getting over my guilt about what had happened to Patrick. Frank was right, and even though I wasn't kind to Patrick, what he had done wasn't my fault, and I was going to try and stop torturing myself over it for now.
I still wanted to apologize to him at some point, but I was too nervous to approach Pete about it, and Frank had encouraged me to take my time. He had even offered to try and get Patrick's number from Pete for me, and even though I had told him to hold off for now, I might take him up on that eventually.
Frank was always going out of his way to help me, and even though I didn't tell him nearly enough, it meant the world to me, and I was so grateful to him for being willing to risk one of his good friendships just to help me ease my conscience.
Frank was helping me accept so many things about myself, not just the situation with Patrick, but everything. Talking to him about Bert had taken a huge weight off my chest, especially because Frank hadn't seemed bothered by it at all, and just being around him improved my self-confidence immensely.
I was currently at work again, and I missed Frank already, even though I had spent a decent amount of time with him at school today, but I always wanted to be around him lately. This wasn't usual for me; with my previous boyfriends, I was typically pretty distant with them unless I wanted to have sex, but Frank was different, and I found myself wanting to spend my entire day with him, and luckily for me, he seemed to feel the same way.
It didn't help that work was slow, and time seemed to be dragging, which made my shift feel one hundred times longer than it already was, and I was seriously tempted to fake sick and see if I could get cut for the day. I just wanted to go home and hang out with Frank for a little while, even though we would just be doing homework together, but Frank made even that abhorrent task enjoyable.
Thanks to Frank and his odd habit of doing his homework in my house, my grades had improved immensely, because I really didn't have much choice but to pull out my own papers and get something done with him. Instead of maintaining all C's like I usually did, I had gotten most of my grades up to a solid B average, and my mom had even taken notice. Being with Frank was making me a better person, and even though I had been really freaked out by it at first, I was nothing but thankful to him now.
"You awake in there Gerard?" Ryan nudged me gently, snapping me out of my daydreams involving Frank.
"Yeah - I'm just fucking bored," I grumbled sullenly. There was literally nothing left to do, Ryan and I had already cleaned everything that needed it, and there was only one customer in the shop at the moment.
"Tell me about it," Ryan huffed out, swinging himself up on the counter that we had just wiped down.
"So you never told me how you date with Brendon went." I had only just now thought about it, but it was actually pretty odd of Ryan not to have told me; he spent the majority of our breaks gushing about Brendon, but he had been abnormally silent on the subject lately.
"That's because I don't know how it went..." Ryan sighed out, and I didn't miss the worried expression on his face.
"Where did you end up taking him?" I wondered, because I remembered how badly Ryan had been freaking out about it the last time I had brought Frank in here.
"We went to Olive Garden, and the date seemed good. We talked a lot and he kissed me at the end of it," Ryan shrugged, spreading out on the counter obnoxiously since our only customer had just vacated the premises.
"And then what - come on Ry, I know you, and the fact that you haven't turned into a gushing fan boy means something went wrong," I pressed, because I really did want to know what had happened. It was discerning seeing Ryan like this, especially since just the mention of Brendon used to send him into a fit of happiness.
"Nothing went wrong that night, but now I don't know where we stand. I mean - he has my number, and I made it obvious that I want to see him again, but he hasn't called or texted me, and even at work he has been distant with me. I've noticed he has started taking the earlier shifts lately, and I can't help but thing that it's because of me...maybe I fucked up somehow, or maybe he realized he doesn't like me as much as he thought...I don't know what to do Gee," Ryan ended on a wail, and I immediately tugged him off the counter and pulled him into a tight hug.
"Oh Ry - I'm sure he still likes you. He might just be nervous about asking you, and he's still waiting on you to do it again, or maybe he has just been really busy. You should send him a text or something, just tell him you had a great time and you would like to see him again soon," I offered up, hoping that my advice was correct, and Brendon really wasn't purposely trying to avoid Ryan.
"That's not the worst thing..." Ryan mumbled against my chest, and I loosened my hold on him so he could speak without getting a mouthful of my t-shirt.
"What else happened?" I questioned gently.
"My friend...he saw Brendon the other night, and he was with another guy - Dallon. He used to go to my high school, but he graduated last year. They apparently weren't kissing or anything, but they seemed close, and now all I can think about is them together, even though I don't know if they really are or not. I'm just so confused, and I'm scared, but I don't know what to do about it. I just like him so much Gee...and I thought I had a chance..." Ryan whimpered quietly.
"Well you don't know for sure that they are together, and I doubt that he would have gone on a date with you if he was seeing someone else."
"Then why is he ignoring me?" Ryan choked out, and I really didn't have a good answer for him.
"I don't know, but I still think you need to talk to him Ry. You will never know if you don't, and I hate to see you torturing yourself about this."
"Can we not talk about it anymore, I really don't want to cry at work," Ryan chuckled in that way people do when they are about to burst into tears.
"Yeah sure, um...what do you want to talk about?" I was sort of at a loss for topics, since usually half of what I spoke with Ryan about involved Brendon in one way or another.
"How are you and Frank?" Ryan sniffled quietly, reaching for a napkin to wipe his teary eyes discreetly.
"We are good, but are you sure you want to discuss this now?" I was nervous that gushing about my relationship would just upset Ryan even more, and I didn't want that.
"Yeah I'm sure, I want to hear about you two, and I haven't had any time to catch up with you recently," Ryan smiled weakly.
"Well then yeah - we have been pretty damn near perfect lately. I've been opening up to him a lot more, and he's just so supportive, I think I might be starting to fall in love with him, but I'm really not sure. Love always meant sex to me before, so I guess I'm sort of confused about the whole thing." I felt a smile gracing my face as I talked about Frank, even just hearing myself say his name made him grin, and I realized I really had it bad for this boy.
"So he hasn't let you into his pants yet?" Ryan chuckled.
"No - we literally have only kissed."
"I just can't get over the fact that you finally find a perfect boyfriend, and he's a prude," Ryan continued to laugh, and I joined him awkwardly, because I really didn't feel comfortable calling Frank names like that, even though he sort of was.
"Yeah...I mean I totally respect that he wants to wait, but we literally haven't done anything. I know he doesn't want to jump into sex, but he won't even let me see his dick." My stomach twisted a bit as I spoke, because I felt guilty talking about Frank like this behind his back, even though everything I was saying was true.
"How have you not died of blue balls yet?" Ryan giggled loudly, and I had to shush him as another customer walked into the shop. Once we had served them their coffee, Ryan turned back to me immediately.
"I have been jacking off a shit ton, not gonna lie, but it's okay. I don't want to freak Frank out by trying something he isn't ready for, I just wish he would move a little faster, and not just because I want sex. Sometimes I almost feel like he didn't trust me - you know? I mean I just want to give him a hand job every now and then, but if I get anywhere near his jeans, he freaks out and shuts me down, like he's afraid I'm going to attack him or some shit," I sighed out, and actually putting it in words made me realize how true it really was.
I was truly happy with Frank, and I didn't want to sound like an ungrateful asshole, but being with him was a huge turnaround from my previous lifestyle, and the lack of any physical contact had been really wearing away at me, especially the last week or so. I was going to continue to respect Frank's wishes, but it was taking more effort the longer we were together.
"Have you considered that maybe he isn't the right person to be with right now? I mean - he may treat you really well, but I know you Gee, you love sex, and I'm honestly surprised you have made it this long without cheating on him."
"What - dude I'm not a cheater!" I exclaimed loudly, because it was true. I may be a slut, and a terrible person, but I had never cheated on one of my boyfriends, and I definitely wouldn't do that to Frank.
"Hey...sorry, I didn't mean to piss you off. I just - never mind, forget I said anything," Ryan apologized.
"It's okay, I just wouldn't do that. I may love sex, but my hand is okay for now, and Frank will come around eventually."
"For your sake, I hope so," Ryan smiled kindly, and luckily for me, we got a big rush right then, which kept us both distracted until it was time for me to leave.
I couldn't get Ryan's words out of my head though, and they continued to bother me as I walked the short distance home. I couldn't believe he thought I would even entertain the notion of cheating on Frank, and it sort of hurt that my best friend considered me capable of that, but I guess I didn't have the best reputation, and cheater wasn't that far away from whore.
I wasn't that low though, and I would never hurt Frank in that way. Yes - I was getting frustrated by the slow pace our relationship was moving at, but I could wait - Frank would be worth it in the end, and I just had to keep reminding myself of that fact.
Hey guys, I don't really have much to say because I am still super tired from Warped Tour, but I hope you liked this chapter, and I love you all for reading this.
<3 starr