Before dinner that evening, I sit on my bed brushing my hair out on a facetime, it's kind of tangled from the plane ride. I have my phone propped up on the bottom of the mirror i have propped up on my headboard. Its a very practical setup.
"Why does Chase look so pre-occupied?" I ask, glancing in the mirror I have set up behind the phone.
"Hopefully he's realizing how much of a jerk he's been," Jess says, "He asked Ava to the winter dance, and then danced with Theo Quintmere the entire time."
"Dang," I say, looking back at the screen, "Did he at least apologize to Ava?"
"Nope, he spent almost the whole night dancing and hanging out with Theo, and then went and danced with some girl from the Yearbook club, Bella was her name? And then asked me if I wanted to go with him and a few other people to the diner, Theo and Bella were both invited, but he didn't even invite Ava," Jess explains.
"If you had such a problem with it, why'd you come with us to the diner," Chase mutters.
"I should tell your mom," Jess says, ignoring his last statement.
He sighs, "I said I was sorry. We're literally only 14, I didn't know it was that big of a deal."
"You don't sound 14, you just sound like such a jerk," Jess says.
I hear her parents voices in the background. She sighs, "Alright, I have to hang up, my parents are calling me, Merry Christmas Eve, you guys. Love you."
"Love you too," Chase and I say at the same time as she hangs up.
Chase genuinely looks like he feels off about the whole situation. His white blonde hair looks freshly trimmed, and I remember him saying his mom was having a Christmas dinner tomorrow. I remember having a crush on him in middle school. Me and Jess both had crushes, it almost split up the friend group, the thought of the petty arguments we had over it makes me smile.
I miss Seattle so bad.
I set my brush down. "Jess is right," I say finally, "That wasn't right. You should have at least talked to Ava."
"I know, but I don't like her like that. I just didn't want to hurt her feeling by cancelling. I was interested in a lot of people. And once I already messed up, it was like, what am I supposed to do now? I can't take it back, so I just kept going, I don't know."
I frown, "That's not an excuse. You should apologize to all of them."
He shakes his head, "Theo and Bella weren't upset, just Ava. She was taking it so seriously."
"You can be a jerk sometimes, Chase," I say, "She'll come around, she's really nice." I was never friends with her, but she was one of the nicest people I knew.
I hear his mom calling him in the background, he looks over at where his door is before turning back to me, "My mom is hosting some important people tonight, I have to go. Merry Christmas, Mads."
"Merry Christmas," I hesitate, "Wait, Chase."
He looks back at the camera, "I know it's not prudent to ask for gifts or whatever, but I um..." I pause, trying to word it, "I just...I miss you guys a lot. Can you and Jess send me something? Don't buy anything. Something personal."
"Obviously we're getting you a gift, Maddie," He says, "We called Alessandro and we forced him to give us your vacation home address!" He sounds really proud of himself. I honestly just can't believe they had the confidence to call him. Xander gave Chase's mother Sandro's and Elijah's numbers when he was inviting Jess and Chase over.
"Seriously?" I say.
"Of course Jess jumped at the first chance she got to call Alessandro, but yeah, we shipped it last week, so it can be there on Christmas tomorrow. We really want to visit again, can you ask your brothers if we can come back to New York?"
"I'll ask, but I want to visit Seattle next time," I say.
I hear his mom's voice in the background again. "Okay, I actually have to go, I can ask my mom to ask Alessandro if you can visit," He says.
"Yeah, and tell your mom and Sebastian I said hi," I say,
"Okay, bye."
"Bye, Chase."
We hang up and my hand finds the pendant on my mom's necklace and I hold it in my hand gently and my heart constricts. I was saying how happy I was to have a home in New York that I wish I could go back to. But sometimes, I still have moments where I miss what I had back in Seattle. I try to bury that feeling as deep as I can, it makes me feel so ungrateful.
There's a knock on my door, I don't know who it is, so I startle quickly, turning towards it, but sigh in relief when it's my brother.
"Hi, Xander."
"Dinner's ready," He says hesitantly.
"Okay."
He doesn't leave, I expect sarcasm or something, it doesn't come, "Do you still miss Seattle?" He asks, genuinely curious, "Even after all this time?"
"Yeah," I say, I'm used to them eavesdropping I guess, "A whole lot. I won't bring my problems to the dinner table, I swear," I say, standing up and giving my hair one last fluff.
"Don't be stupid, nobody would blame you if you had some problems," He says before walking away.
I follow him downstairs, everyone is already engaged in conversation and dinner. There's a single candle in the center of the table, and there's a tablecloth laying on the table that wasn't there during lunch earlier. The caterers clean up nicely.
I take the seat between Carlo and Mateo, Xander sits on Carlo's other side.
A bunch of them greet me when I sit down. I feel famous whenever I'm around them.
"Unfortunately, we won't be here for too long, we have to leave tomorrow night," Emilio says.
"Right after Christmas?" Gio says.
"Where's Andre?" Francesco asks, cutting in.
"Ah yes," Zia Cecilia says, "Andre and his fiancée are taking care of business and could make it, they were here early this morning but couldn't stay."
"Eat, before the food gets cold," Nonna urges.
After dinner, I wander out into the living room, and my breath is almost stolen.
I hadn't been in here today, just going between the foyer, my room, the dining room, and the kitchen.
It's beautiful. It's cozy despite the huge size and dimly lit by holiday lights and the candles. But the tree is amazing. I've never seen a room decorated but it's huge, decked with gold ornaments and gold garland intertwined with lights casting a glow around it. String lights are hung above the mantle along with glass figures and burgundy colored candles.
My eyes are glued to the captivating sight.
"Merry Christmas, sweetheart," Nonna says from behind me. I hadn't even heard her come in, but her voice is so gentle, it doesn't startle me. She places her arm gently around my shoulders, and I let her pull me closer to her slightly.
I'm experimenting with what it's like to have a grandmother, I suppose. Francesco warned me that I'm the only girl who has been born into this family in the last 3 or so generations so this would be new to all of them. I think that's insane.
"I was ecstatic when Enzo finally had a daughter," She says finally, "Every time one of my sons had a child, I prayed it was a little girl. And then finally you were born. You were my light and joy, you came from...Maddie, I hate to admit this, it makes me feel as though all of this was my fault, I had favorites. Come, sit." She leads me to the sofa, I keep my eyes on the tree, "Lorenzo was my favorite. He was charming, polite, friendly, he was my firstborn, and he gave me a granddaughter."
That was my father. Loved by most, yet I never got the chance to meet him.
"How did he meet my mother?" I ask.
She laughs a little, it sounds regretful, "I'm afraid the story might not be what you wish to hear," She says hesitantly, "Your grandfather and Luis Acosta arranged their marriage pretty early on, it was contracted in their senior year and they were married the year after. Your mother was an assassin, your father was a boss in training, they hated each other, but couldn't seem to stay away from each other after a while. Out of spite, maybe revenge, definitely anger."
I don't know what to say. I'd always wanted to believe their marriage was born from love that faded, but knowing they didn't love each other even at the start. It stings a little.
"If I can speak in Elena's favor for a moment," She says, but it sounds like it's something she doesn't want to do, "I believed in her, I really did. But I grew to resent her, I didn't see the way she and Lorenzo tore each other apart, she wasn't good for him, but I see now that at the young age they were at, he wasn't perfect either. She was selfish, but he was selfless to a fault, it wasn't so much a virtue, as it was a flaw of his."
I look over at her, I never got to hear much about my mother, "Alessandro was her pride and joy. She cherished him the most, she taught him everything from his immaculate aim, to being the kind of person he is today, your firstborn can change you in positive way. The more children they had though, the more bitter she became. She wanted to be young, but Lorenzo was busy often and so often she was left home with all the children.
My eyes are glued to her face, I almost can't look away. I've never heard this story before. Every store has been merely tolerant of mom, but clearly biased against her, making it hard to hear the entire story.
"Until you were born," She says, giving me a small smile. But she looks over at the tree as if recalling the memories, "Now you," She says, "You were Enzo's everything. He cared about you so much, Maddie. It angered Elena that he was never present until you were born. That he gave her and your young brothers so little of his time, yet he gave you everything, and so she left, and took you with her. If selflessness was your father's flaw, then in the same way, Elena's was vengeance."
In this moment, I can begin to see the age in her eyes, like she's lived through so much, her brows are pinched together, causing creases in places of her face, she looks worn, "I can't help but think your grandfather and I tore this family apart by arranging that marriage in the first place."
I'm speechless. Everything bounces around my head in a jumble of emotions, she places her hand on top of mine, "Regardless of who can rightfully take the blame for what's happened if anyone. It's not your fault in any way. Understood?" He voice is sharp and pointed.
"Yeah," I say unsurely.
So who's fault is it?
"Valentina? Will you join me in the kitchen, please?" I hear Nonno's voice call.
"In a moment, my love," She calls back.
She looks back at me, "Resentment is a weapon that will only injure the holder, bambina. Don't make the mistakes your parents made."