They won't know, I love your face, just get away, I'm on my knees, fuck you, fuck me-Topless, Breaking Benjamin
I could barely look at Peter the next morning when I arrived in the Rainbow Room. Two was still in the infirmary, and Papa had yet to tell us what our lessons would be today. I could feel Peter's eyes burning holes into my head the entire time while we waited. My face seemed to be permanently red. I wanted to be near him, but I also felt like I needed to be on the other side of the planet from him.
It was an odd feeling. I'd gotten so used to being near him, so used to flirting with him, that I'd never thought about what it'd feel like to kiss him, let alone do what we had done. My fingers subconsciously find their way up to my own lips. The ghost of his mouth on mine made me feel warm all over. I couldn't push it from my mind if I tried. I could admit it: I wanted more of his kisses. I wanted to do what we did last night again.
I felt my entire body prickle with the sensation of wanting him, and being in the same room as him and not being able to touch him was excruciating. It was like a switch had been flipped inside of me, and I couldn't get enough. It was all I could think about. His taste, the feeling of his teeth scraping on my neck, his breath on my ear, his hands on my skin.
I practically groaned when I realized how worked up I was getting just sitting here on the floor -against the wall. I looked over, a mistake. Peter was standing in front of the doors, looking over at me with a knowing smirk and his eyes dancing with mischief. It was as if he knew exactly what I was thinking about, and my eyes drifted to below his belt. I snapped my eyes away the exact moment I realized what I was doing, and felt the amusement rolling off of him so loudly it was like he was laughing in my face.
I scowl at him, thankful Papa had given me back my headphones. They were sat around my neck, my Walkman nestled in my lap. I pulled the padded muffs over my ears and pressed play on the recording device, turning the music up loud so that I couldn't have any chance of anything else coming through to me.
Dream a Little Dream of Me blasted, and I wondered if the other children could hear it. Ella's voice soothed something in me, but when I looked up once again at Peter, he was staring at the floor with a dark look on his face. I swallowed nervously, not quite knowing what upset him so suddenly. The song continued to play, and I debated on whether or not I should turn it off. Could he hear it? Did he have something against this song?
For having known him so long, I finally found something I didn't know about him. I'm sure there was plenty I didn't know, but this seemed so mundane. It miffed me a little that I didn't know what was upsetting him.
Peter stepped aside as Eleven came into the room. His dark eyes smoothed over, returning to their usual blue, and I turned my music down. Eleven came to walk towards me, her big brown eyes finding mine almost immediately. Out of respect, I lowered the headset from my ears as she approached.
"What's up, El?"
She shrugs, her eyes looking at my growing hair. Her hand comes up to feel her own, and I frown. My hair was starting to grow out, and I wondered if that was on purpose. Papa said I'd be aging out soon, and Peter had been allowed to grow his hair out. I guess one good thing could come of this. But, I'd much rather get out of here before that. I knew I was only days away from getting Soteria.
"Want to play a game?" Peter was standing behind her now. I jumped slightly, not having expected him to just appear.
Eleven spun around, having been frightened as well. Peter looked at her kindly, and she nodded. "Okay," she said.
"Go pick one out, we'll wait."
The girl went to do as she's told and Peter came to sit down beside me. I swallowed back all of the feelings it stirred inside my gut, crossing my legs so that the pressure of my thighs might relieve the stress between them. "Why do you need her?" I ask, tilting my head slightly to peer over at him. "I could take Soteria out of you right now and we could be on our way tonight."
"Eleven is special," he says. "Powerful."
"I'm powerful," I frown. "I still don't understand."
"She's more powerful."
I roll my eyes, suddenly feeling very inferior. "And what if you tell her about your little plan and she runs and tells Papa?"
"She won't. She trusts me." His eyes connect with mine. "She trusts us both. And in this new world I'm going to create, I'll need her."
"You'll need me, too, right?" I ask quietly as I spy Eleven make her way back with a deck of Old Maid.
Peter chuckles darkly, leaning forward so that his breath sends shivers down my spine. "I'll always have a use for you, Ella. Don't you worry."
I didn't know what that meant, but it was enough. My shoulders sagged in relief, and I briefly felt disgusted with myself. Yesterday I wouldn't have worried about it. Yesterday, I wouldn't have cared whether or not I was number one in his life. Today I'm dying to have him on top of me, pressing every inch of himself to me. Today, I can't stand the thought of him not needing me. It was never my intention to let him leave me behind, but today...today I felt like I might die if he didn't want me with him.
It was truly pathetic.
"What do you know about sex, Three?" Papa asked. I startled in my chair, the legs briefly coming up off the ground and slamming back down. If it startled him, he didn't show it. My mouth suddenly felt very dry.
"Probably more than you, Papa." I spit his name out, feeling a bit on fire today. It was a bold faced like and we both knew it. But it felt good to take my attitude out on him.
"I hardly think so, daughter," he said, sending me a scathing look as he pulled his hand up to his chin and began to pace. "Well, I suppose I ought to tell you then." He paced back and forth, back and forth, back and forth. And then he stopped, facing me, and folding his hands in front of him. "You're a young woman now and about to be granted more freedom. Now, I'm aware of how close you and Peter have become."
My breath catches and I worry I'm in trouble. Did he know what we did? How could he? Then I remember the camera that was in my room, and I bite my lip to keep the embarrassment down.
"Papa...I..."
"Adults have sex both for pleasure and as a reproductive procedure, Three." He says the words coldly, catching my eyes with his and holding firm. "I'm warning you now, should you and Peter engage in such a relationship, you're risking a pregnancy. If you become pregnant I will claim the child."
I stutter, wishing the ground would swallow me up. He stands there so scientifically, so coldly. I do not know how to reply to him. In a last ditch effort to maintain my composure, I glare at him. "That's not gonna happen. I'm not trying to have any babies, and if I were, I'd never hand them over to you."
"Do you understand how astronomically gifted a child between the two of you would be? Raised right, it could change the world."
"Oh, and you're the one to do it? You've done a fantastic job with me, and Two...let's not forget about Henry."
"His name is Peter," Papa snaps. "You know nothing about children. You know nothing about what it takes to keep them safe, cared for, and loved. It's my duty as your Papa to make sure you are well prepared. Raising children is no small feat, and it is easy to fail at. Be careful."
I bow my head and grit my teeth, trying to ignore the icy stare he is giving me. "Yes, Papa. I understand."
"Good. I'm glad that's over with. Aren't you?"
"Yes, Papa." My fire hasn't gone out, but it's been muted. I had to make sure this conversation was redundant. And if I wanted it over any faster, it would be better to just close my mouth and play along. I imagined myself picking up his perfectly neat pens and jabbing a couple into his eye sockets. He would scream, and I would laugh.
Papa nods and clears his throat. "Alright then. I think we should get you to the infirmary, just to make sure we don't have anything to worry about already."
Feeling like my whole world was burning up in the flames of embarrassment, I get up and follow him. He guides me to the clinical room and stands back as I am seated up on one of the plastic medical beds. Tears burn in my eyes as my legs come up into the stirrups and I am forced to spread my legs wide, scooting down for the doctor to conduct the exam.
I try not to look at Papa or the doctor. It hurts, having his fingers down there. Not at all like I'd experienced with Peter. Rivers of tears flow from the corners of my eyes as I stare up into the white hot light. I couldn't believe this was happening. The cranking of the instrument the doctor used scared me, and it was cold against my body. I clutched at the sheets so tightly my knuckles turned white, and I cursed whatever God existed for making me a woman.
"Her Heiman is still intact," says the doctor.
"Good, good," says Papa, nodding his head approvingly. He looks at me with softer eyes than what he had in his office earlier. "You're going to be examined once a week from now until you've officially left this stage of the program, Three. If anything changes between now and then, you will be punished. Do you understand?"
I choke back a sob and nod my head as I drop my legs and quickly wipe away my tears. He lingers a moment, the doctor nervously throwing away his gloves. The two step towards the door, whispering to each other. I look around, spying something on the desk. I inch closer, my eyes darting between the desk and the two adults. I release a breath when I see the key card just lying there on top of a manilla folder. It's got a blue lanyard attached to it, and Dr. Leslie Hale's face and name printed on it. There's a bar code.
Acting quickly before I could change my mind, I scoop it up and hide it in my bra, underneath my hospital gown.
When I am released, I practically run back to my room and throw myself onto my bed, burying my face into my pillow. I couldn't help the bitter sobs as they escaped from me. Tears wetting my pillow and making my lungs squeeze pitifully for oxygen. I go to rip my bra off to relieve some of the tension, and the key card falls out into my lap. I pick it up into my hand, careful to shield it from the camera's view, and my sobs die off as a new feeling emerges. I could get out of here with this. I just needed to get Peter to forget about Eleven, or get him to forget about tricking her and just snatch her up. We could get out of here.
Tonight.