A month had passed and Hongjoong had, quite literally, lost the will to live. No one had told him university would be so taxing, especially if you were forced to see the person you hated the most every day.
It was true that he'd had a tiny, minuscule crush on Seonghwa in the beginning of the project, but he was starting to regret showing that boy any form of kindness because honestly, how could someone be so full of themself?
"Hyung, I'm telling you he's a narcissist."
Yunho just laughed as the younger boy continued. "You know, every time we meet at the dance studio, he's admiring himself in the mirror! Like, I get that he's handsome, I'll give him that, but does he have to do that for every move? No! And don't even get me started on the number of selfies he takes!"
Hongjoong tugged at his hair and let out a loud groan, flopping backwards onto the older boy's bed. "How can someone be so conceited?"
Yunho snorted, pulling out his phone to text someone. "Beats me. Anyway, there's only two weeks left in this project. You just gotta grit your teeth and go through with it."
"Oh, I forgot to tell you something."
"Hm?" Yunho looked up from his phone and tilted his head out of curiosity. "What did you not tell me?"
"He also doesn't like me."
"What?!" Yunho's voice echoed around the room and immediately flinched at how loud his voice was. "Sorry, but still—what do you mean he doesn't like you? How could someone not like you? And remember when you guys went to the mall together? The day you caught WooSan? Jae said you guys hit it off really well!"
"Yeah, well it seems like we did, and now he doesn't like me because I've been nagging him about performance. Don't get me wrong—I don't like him either! He's not working on his parts at all! I swear I'm going to die young at this rate. I mean, even Pax wants to sock him in the face, and that is rare."
"Oh, shit." Yunho raised his eyebrows because Pax was possibly the nicest alter in existence, so to hear that he wanted to punch Seonghwa was quite a shock.
"Seonghwa-hyung has a way of doing that." Jongho said while walking out of the bathroom, a towel hanging around his neck. "Also, who's Pax?"
Hongjoong dropped his phone out of shock as he and Yunho looked at each other, a mortified expression on both of their faces.
Oh no oh no oh no what do I —
"Do you have DID by any chance?"
It was Yunho's turn to drop his phone.
"I, uh—huh—hold on—this is—hm," was all that came out of Hongjoong's mouth, and for the first time in his entire life, the inner world was completely silent.
Jongho laughed at their shocked expressions and took his phone out from his pocket, tapping and swiping a few times before pulling up a DIDyouknow video. "And you're DIDyouknow, right?"
"B-but how...?" Yunho whispered incredulously.
"Ah, well, I have to say I'm subscribed, and when your video about Gray came out, everything just started coming together! I remember San told us you were in the hospital four months ago, and that coincides with DIDyouknow's hiatus—oh, I probably sound too excited about this, don't I?"
An awkward silence fell upon the three before Jongho continued. "And I've seen you mutter to yourself a few times, so you having DID would explain why Seonghwa keeps complaining about being hit by you a month ago—he must've said something insensitive like he always does, and it must've triggered one of your protectors to come out and full-on smack him." The boy shrugged. "To be honest, it's about time someone smacked him like that."
All Yunho could do was stand and stare at Jongho while Hongjoong started laughing out of pure shock.
"I thought I hid it well," he said after his laughter died down.
"You did. You do! It's just that I knew you weren't autistic—call it a gut feeling, I guess—so I just kinda...connected the dots."
"Even Wooyoung and Yeosang didn't know until I told them, and Yeosang's a hardcore fan." Hongjoong muttered, his lips quirking up in a small smile. "Well congratulations, I guess! You are officially the fourth person to know about DIDyouknow and the fifth person to know about my DID. Yay!"
Yunho let out a cheer that sounded like a balloon that was quickly deflating, still amazed at Jongho's detective skills.
"I honestly can't believe you watch his channel," he weakly managed.
Jongho laughed. "Don't worry, I'll keep it a secret. I swear on everything I love!"
"Does that include Yeosang?" Hongjoong quipped, letting out a light chuckle at the sight of Jongho's face flushing red.
"It's nothing like that," the younger boy muttered.
"Listen, Yeosang can be really stubborn, especially once he's developed an opinion about someone. But because he likes you, all you need to do is spend some time with him one-on-one and get him to see that you're not who he thinks he is," The brunette gave him a warm smile, patting him on the back.
"Also, take him to the arcade and win him a stuffed animal, then treat him to a meal. It's the quickest way to his heart." Yunho added, walking over to ruffle Jongho's hair.
"I don't know, guys. I feel like he really doesn't like me." Jongho sighed, burying his face in his hands. He really did like Yeosang. The way his eyes would turn into little crescent moons when he smiled had him falling head over heels, and the sound of his laugh was enough to give him a mini heart-attack. When Yeosang so much as even looked in his direction, Jongho's stomach erupted with butterflies. "I'm so down bad," he whined.
A brief moment of silence fell over the room as Yunho and Hongjoong exchanged a knowing look that said, time to play Cupid.
"Where did all this come from, huh?" Hongjoong asked softly, a little taken aback because he'd never seen Jongho—strong, silent, stoic Jongho—be in such a state over anything, much less anyone, before. It was refreshing and a little cute in the way one would find a clumsy puppy cute.
Good for him. Yeosang likes puppies, doesn't he?
"Pax?" Hongjoong mumbled. "I didn't know you were here."
Someone said my name so I was summoned.
"Oh, that's Pax?" Jongho perked up when he heard the name. "Tell him I said 'hi'!"
Hi, Jongho. Joong, tell him what I said about Yeosang.
"He says 'hi' back, and he told me to tell you that Yeosang likes puppies."
The younger boy was confused. "What do puppies have to do with anything?"
Hongjoong looked up and noticed Yunho, who seemed to be deep in thought before his eyes lit up, a smooth smile gracing his features. I have a plan, he mouthed, and Hongjoong gave him an imperceptible nod back before replying to Jongho. "I'm not entirely sure. I guess he just thought you should know."
***
Can you please introduce the project? Hongjoong typed for what felt like the nth time in the last week, frustration slowly building. They were sitting together in the library, working on their paper explaining the different elements in the song and choreography. Once their papers were done and turned in, the music department would advertise a concert where the completed projects would be performed for most of the university to see. However, the students were expected to introduce their project before the performance, which was where they were running into trouble. Hongjoong had been trying to get Seonghwa to introduce the project for him because of his selective mutism, but the older boy kept turning him down for what felt like no reason other than to simply see him suffer.
Seonghwa looked at the phone with a disinterested stare. "No."
Why?
"I don't feel like it."
You want me to have another panic attack?
"No."
Then?
"What do I get in return?" he asked, dead serious.
Hongjoong snapped his head to look at the boy so quickly he almost gave himself whiplash. He'd never seen anyone, ever, have that much audacity.
Most people do things like this out of the kindness of their heart.
"Tell me what I get in return first."
You're impossible. I'll just tell my mom that I'm feeling unwell and won't be able to attend. It's not like I'm the one performing. Figure out the meaning of my song lyrics on your own, and don't call me again for the remainder of this project. Bye.
As soon as he was sure the older boy was done reading, Hongjoong packed up his things and shoved in his chair, fuming with rage before storming off.
"What a piece of work," he grumbled under his breath, deciding to head to Yunho's once again.
I want to smoke.
"Aurora, are you trying to make us die early? The last time I tried to do just that, die early, Gray got introduced to the system," he whined, although he'd secretly been craving one too. What could he say? In the most unserious way possible, Seonghwa made him want to pass away.
Joong, come on. I've had a lot to deal with the past couple months.
"What if this is what gets us started on the nic addiction again? Then what? Going cold turkey back then was hard, and I don't wanna do that again."
Hongjoong shuddered. Going cold turkey after consistently smoking for two years had essentially been torture—he'd had constant headaches and tremors, and felt jumpy all the time. As if that wasn't enough, he always felt restless, unable to sleep, fingers itching to hold a cigarette between his fingers, and his anxiety had worsened an incredible amount. That month where he tried and successfully quit smoking was one of the hardest months he'd ever endured.
He's right, you know, chimed Jade. We should try getting you to completely quit, too.
"See?" he whispered as he crossed the road to Yunho's dorm building. "Jade agrees. And we almost never agree." Hongjoong rummaged around in the front pocket of his bag, where he kept his lollipops. Because the act of smoking was so similar to eating a lollipop, he kept a bag of them on him in case he ever got the urge to smoke, like when his project partner was being a complete and utter asshole. As he was pulling out the little ziplock bag, felt his hand bump into a box and, without having to look, immediately knew what it was.
"Why would you buy a pack of cigarettes and put it right there?" He grabbed the box and walked towards the nearest trash can, about to throw it away when he felt his consciousness get ripped away from him.
Aurora, come on!
"I'm sorry, Joong. Let me smoke this one, then I'll let you front and I'll never smoke again."
.....fine.
Aurora could the entire system collectively groan as she took out the lighter from her pocket.
What the—when did you put that in there?
"When you were getting ready this morning. Now shush and let me enjoy this for the last time."
Finding a bench, she sat down, put the cigarette in her mouth, and lit it. She took a long drag, the taste of woodchips and truck-stop coffee filling her throat as she decided to lay down and close her eyes, holding the smoke in her lungs as a sense of hazy pleasure took over her body before she took the cigarette away from her lips and slowly exhaled. The smoke curled in the cold air before dissipating and she let out a sigh of contentment. How long had it been since she'd done this?
"R. J. Reynolds, you asshole," she muttered, taking another long drag and exhaling. If he hadn't invented Camel, the only brand she'd willingly smoke, maybe she wouldn't be in this position. She tapped the lit end of the cigarette, watching the ash fall onto the ground below as she enjoyed how blissfully empty her head was. She was killing herself, but what of it? Wasn't everyone gonna die anyways?
"You smoke?" A incredulous voice came from above her head and she opened her eyes. When she saw who it was, she fought the urge to roll her eyes.
Joong, wanna switch?
Yeah, whatever, the boy replied.
As soon as he fronted, he stood up from the bench, dropped the cigarette, and crushed it under his shoe before looking at Seonghwa.
What are you doing here?
The older boy read the message and suddenly looked incredibly sheepish. "I came to apologize..."
What?
"I'm sorry I've been a jerk the past week," the older boy blurted out, a faint red dusting his cheeks. "I-it's just...I don't know. I don't want to say anything that'll sound like an excuse. I'm sorry. I've just been in a bad mood lately, but that doesn't give me the right to take it out on you or anyone, which is kinda what I've been doing. I'll introduce our project."
Hongjoong was slightly taken aback by the other boy's apology. He'd been expecting a frantic 'I'm sorry, please help me' text the day before their papers were due, begging him to explain the meaning of the lyrics—not a straightforward apology like the one he was currently listening to, where could hear the genuine regret in Seonghwa's voice.
What's got you in such a bad mood?
Seonghwa let out a little snort. "Don't even get me started. It's a long, long story. I'll tell you on the way to the studio, if you wanna come? I need to finish doing the chorus and get started on the opening. I'd really appreciate it if you were there to give me feedback, especially because it's your song."
Hongjoong was floored. What the heck? Was he always capable of forming such coherent sentences and not being a total asshole?
Taking his silence as a hesitation, Seonghwa hurried to add, "Oh, but if you're busy that's totally okay. If you don't want to, that's also fine. I've been an asshole so I completely understan—"
A soft giggle slipped out of Hongjoong's mouth before he all but shoved his phone into the older boy's face. Yeah, I'll go. Tell me everything.
Seonghwa smiled. A real, genuine smile, one where his eyes crinkled at the corners and his face lit up like a child on Christmas, and it felt like a thousand and one butterflies were fluttering around in Hongjoong's stomach because wow, Seonghwa was pretty.
He immediately slapped himself. There's actually no way I just had that thought.
"Hongjoong? Are you okay? Why'd you slap yourself?"
The younger boy felt himself turn red and shook his head. Yeah, I'm fine. I slapped myself because I had a cigarette for the first time in a really long time. I can't say I don't miss the feeling, but I really don't wanna get addicted again. Going cold turkey was hard.
As Seonghwa read the message, his mouth formed a small 'o' and he nodded. "Yeah, you shouldn't smoke. My uncle passed because of lung cancer. He smoked like, a pack a day or something. You should try eating lollipops. I've heard that smokers are also addicted to the action of smoking, so if you have a lollipop and pretend it's a cigarette, it'll help!"
Once again, Hongjoong stared at the other boy in wonder. This is a fluke or something, right? Maybe he's just being nice because he needs my help for his paper? There's no way this is the guy who followed me to the studio that day? The same guy who's been refusing to do the introduction for two weeks straight and wanted something in return for doing it?
He probably wants something from you, Aurora whispered in the back of his mind.
"Hello? Hongjoong?"
Ah, sorry!
"No worries. I was just saying we should get going?"
Okay. And you better tell me everything, got it? I'm a busy person, you know.
Seonghwa chuckled and gave him a mock bow. "Yes, Your Highness. This humble servant will not waste your time."
Good.
The older boy ruffled his hair before slinging an arm around his shoulders. "Off to the mall we go!"
As they walked, Hongjoong was struck with another weird thought: even if this is a fluke, it doesn't feel too bad.
i'm back for a while (hopefully)! i missed you guys a lot -0-", especially the commenters! you guys always made me smile :) i'm gonna try and update when i can, especially cause i now know what direction i want to take this story in, but yeah! sorry for my rather unannounced hiatus, and thank you all for being so patient. even though i know i won't have as many readers as before, i'm still incredibly glad i came back to write :D
hope you guys liked this chapter! although i will say i am afraid i've lost my touch for writing. but yeah, let me know what you think!