The sky appeared dark and gloomy above, birds were retreating for a warm place to find cover meanwhile I was putting on my socks getting ready for a sad day of school. I turned to look through my window where I would've seen Kenneth sitting on the rail probably thinking about something but he wasn't there. And I felt like I had lost a really important person which didn't make sense to me.
I didn't know him for long. It was just teenage hormones or maybe the lack of attention I wasn't receiving made me want a distraction. The words Kenneth said from the first day we met came to mind. You don't remember me? I suddenly fought with my memory in order to recollect knowing him but nothing came up.
Why was I so moody about him anyways? I should be focusing on the dark cloud around my house, and not the literal one. I did my best to be there for Lael so she wouldn't risk having negative thoughts. My sister was the version of what my heart yearned to be underneath all my pretense—a naive girl who wanted everything to be right with the world. That just wasn't our story. My family was doomed to end like this, father was not a good father.
He was a man whom I had to walk on eggshells with because I didn't know when his mind was clear or not. He was a man who beat his wife. He was a man who brought heartbreak to us. He even got a woman pregnant, although we never got to see the woman or get to the matter after taking a break from this all.
Mom and dad are divorced.
I should be rejoicing but I felt so lost. In the end… I guess. I thought God would make our family whole again. What is your plan for us, I thought. Your plan for me.
“Hurry up! I'm going to be late for my meeting.” Mrs Adebayo shouted at Ewatomi who struggled to get her school bag on her shoulders. “Is your umbrella with you?”
Ewatomi shook her head. “Go get it. Fast fast, we're behind, plus traffic Tomi.”
I never get to see the man whom Kenneth disliked the most. In fact I was so focused on myself that I never got to know his own problems too.
Downstairs mom was just about closing our lunch box. Lael sat on the couch staring at where the family photo used to hang. The empty spot left a pit in my stomach. “Ready to go?” Mom asked.
I wasn't. Far from it. “Yes mom.”
“No.” Lael said.
“Ify—”
“It's not fair! It's not fair mom! You guys never think about how we would feel. We're just children. I wish I never came into this world,” Lael threw her school bag to the corner. “Dad was going to come around. He was. Why couldn't I have had a happy family? We don't deserve this. I hate this life!” She yelled before stomping away, crying.
Mom too had tears in her eyes. “I don't know what to do,” her words came out in her whisper. She felt so defeated.
I wanted to be away from the house so I told mom that I would pick a bus to school. Lael would eventually come around to the idea. I wondered if Ike knows about this recent development and promised myself to call him when I could.
It started to rain shortly after. The bus had dropped me at a considerable distance away from school so I had to run, using my hoodie as a shield towards the school. Once there, my skirt was already soaked, my socks felt squishy in my shoes and my bag looked drained. Thunder reverberated through the building causing goosebumps to rise up my skin.
As I walked through the hallways students stared at me, probably because I hadn't been in school for almost two weeks. Rahila was the first to spot me when I passed by her class upstairs. “Binu!” She engulfed me in a hug. “Where have you been? What happened? How are you? Ya Allah we've been so worried.”
But she didn't call me again after the second day.
I forced a smile. “I had to travel somewhere for a family emergency.”
“Hope everything is okay now?”
“Yeah.” Isoke paused in her step as she was returning from the dinning hall with what looked like breakfast for the boarding students she went to smuggle. “Binta!” She also hugged me tightly. “Where have you been? I missed you.”
I did my best to laugh at their antics. “I'm fine guys. I've missed you guys too.”
The bell for the first period rang so we had to disperse, not without promising to gist each other during lunch. Once again I felt like no one knew me on a deeper level and I desperately needed someone to lean on. With a sigh I went to class.
Abigail, Rotimi and Grace were excited to see me back in class. I sent them a small wave before mister Ojekwu waltzed in with a cleanly shaved head, holding a big note book. “Shot gun test before the class starts!”
The whole class groaned. I wasn't exempted. Skipping school for that long means I'm likely going to flop this test.
It was lunch break, and I was already sporting a big migraine. I don't know but I just felt drained, like I should crawl under my bed and not get up. Every little noise irritated me which wasn't good because of the loud booming coming from the rain outside. It also didn't help that I was sitting beside Rahila and Isoke who were busy bullying a junior girl along with Jemima.
“It's okay na,” I said to them. Chisom rolled her eyes. “Just stay out of it.”
“You guys always act like this.”
Rahila was not in a good mood, I realized later.
“Like what? Abegi Binta don't start with your preaching today. Zai fi kyau idan kun yi shiru kamar yadda kuka saba.” {It would be better if you kept quiet as usual}
Jemima laughed openly at me. It annoyed me the way Rahila dissed me sometimes especially in Hausa because she thought I wouldn't understand, and with the way the day was going coupled with the way I was tired of being mistreated I was finding it hard to brush it aside.
“Look I don't like when you insult me. I'm no fool.”
Isoke frowned. “She's just playing. You sef.”
“Playing? What kind of playing is that? You're bullying all the time like you rule the school and I'm always keeping quiet about it,” something ticked. “In fact I'm always keeping quiet about a lot of things.”
Chisom exclaimed, clapping her hands together slowly. “Where is this one coming from?”
Rahila frowned as well. “No, it's like there's something you want to get off your chest abi?”
I tried to hide my annoyance. The keyword being tried. “You two are so inconsiderate. I'm always following you from behind like a lost puppy because I want your approval to be in the group for some reason but I'm fed up. You never include me in your topics, I'm always the last on your thought and you always brush my issues aside. I've been gone for two weeks! And you only called once and suddenly you want me to act like everything is okay. Do you even care? Do you two even know me? Do you know what's going on in my life. I'm fed up with this fake crap.”
“Why are you being dramatic? Where is this one coming from?” Isoke was angry. “Everything is always about you and being weak and dull. Go and get a boyfriend to give you attention.”
That's it. I hated being called dull.
“Just because I'm quiet and put up with rubbish doesn't mean I'm dull.” My frustrations transformed into tears. I hated that about myself. Whenever I was really angry or frustrated I cried, and that made people mistake me for someone weak.
I'm so done with those two.
Senior year wasn't going as I expected.
✴
“You'll be writing your first mock very soon. I hope you're ready.” Mister Jacob, a young copper doing his service, and also our temporary Integrated science teacher said to us. It reminded me of how time seemed to have flown by without me knowing. “I want everyone to get above seventy.”
My classmates groaned.
“You can do it!”
I completely zoned out after that. This is one of those times that I wish I could write a letter or actually talk to God—him sitting in front of me as I rant away. Why does he have to be far away in literal terms?
“Are you okay?” Somebody asked. It was Harmony, a girl I interacted with only to ask if she had a spare pen. She looked genuinely worried about me. I wished I could pour out my mixed emotions to her.
Instead I nodded. “Yeah. I'm fine.”
“You sure? Well if there's anything you can always talk to me. I'm friends with Theresa and she asked me to keep an eye out for you. Don't hesitate to reach out to me.” Harmony smiled at me before returning her attention back to whatever the teacher was teaching.
I decided to do same. If I want to pass my external exams I'll have to set my mind straight. Not to mention the two weeks I took off from school has left me behind. The series of exams I have ahead of me is no joke.
University has to be my main priority if I want to leave the suffocating house I'm in.
I felt guilty for having that thought.
It was still raining when closing bell rang, although not heavily as it was in the morning. That rain smell from the wet ground made me relax my tense shoulders. We had to stay behind for extra classes as usual. I sat by the staircase watching students leave the gates when a presence came to sit beside me.
“Hey,” Theresa smiled. “I love rainy days.”
“I like it depending on my mood.”
“I know you don't know me all that much but I'm still here if you need me. Seriously, Binta. It is not easy to go through these things. You're not suddenly going to be happy but there is happiness coming. I know it. Peace too.”
“Hmm,” her words made me feel less like I wasn't having control of my life.
“So I was thinking of joining SU.”
What do we think about Binta's character development?
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