Word Count: 2060
~Onyx
I stare back at myself in the mirror, repulsed by what I see.
An unfamilar man, dressed in a tailored, pressed suit, not a strand of hair astray. Tired, empty eyes accented by dark shadows.
I'm a man with completely unkempt eyebrows.
Pulling open the vanity drawer I grab for the tweezers before focusing back on myself. I haven't done anything about them in months, and it's painfully obvious.
What would Sienna think?
I don't flinch once as I pluck away at any errant hairs. One by one they disappear until I'm left with a passable pair of brows. Not perfect, although Sienna never got them close to manicured.
Just enough to be ruggedly handsome, she would say.
My hand falls to my stomach as a jolt of pain cuts through my ribs. It's a familar ache at this point, but fuck it hurts.
"There's my handsome son."
I flinch, turning to see my mother strolling in. She's wearing a cream dress that would be offensive considering she's dressed for my wedding, however, she's made it clear today is more about her than my future wife.
"The ceremony doesn't start for another four hours. You don't need to keep checking up on me," I mutter.
It's not her fault, I just don't want to see her right now.
"I wanted to make sure you're not getting nervous." She adjusts the lapels of my jacket before flattening my tie down.
By making sure I'm not nervous, she means making sure I'm not backing out of this.
"You didn't need to make the ceremony so big. I doubt there is a single person on the planet not aware of this wedding," I mutter.
I can't help but wonder if Sienna knows. I haven't invited her. Since she hasn't responded to a single letter of mine, I figured she just wants to move on with a life that doesn't include me.
"This shall only happen once, Angel's willing." She pats the side of my face. "Don't look so grumpy."
"I'm not. I just want this to be over with."
Once this wedding is over, I can move on past this viciously intrusive hump in my life. It won't, however, be smooth sailing for long.
Everyone is expecting an heir.
"You have a beautiful bride, a proud mother and a Pack full of people waiting for an heir." She starts brushing at some lint she finds on the black fabric. "The consumation is the perfect time to get to it."
I blanch, physically rattled by that notion.
The thought of having sex tonight makes my stomach coil into a tight knot. The thought has been far to easy to banish, and now that I'm being confronted with it, I might be sick.
"Violet and I already agreed that we will not be consummating the wedding," I growl, brushing off mother's frantic fiddling.
"It doesn't matter if you do now, but I'm expecting an heir within a year. Start when you please, but know I'm waiting," mother notes, giving me a long, pointed look before she grazes past me.
I shove my hands into my pockets, bowing my head. "Yeah. Okay."
Mother looks around my room, no doubt looking for something to pick at. Had she not spent her entire life outside of my father's bed, she would tell me to join Violet's.
"I invited Sienna," she says casually.
I whirl around to face her. "You what?"
"She's your best friend. I thought it would make you happy." She frowns, like she can't understand why anything else would be the case.
Like I hadn't told her myself I'm in love with Sienna.
"It won't make me happy," I snap. "Why did you do that?"
"Settle, son," she sighs irritably. "She's bringing Kayn, and they are going to watch the ceremony, congratulate you and return home. You're not going to combust at the sight of her."
"I wouldn't be so sure," I mutter, turning away from her.
I can't see Sienna. I don't know what I'll do in her presence. It's like my body has no control over itself, and it's been hard enough to resist going to Kayn's home to retrieve her.
"If you cannot handle yourself, stay away from her. Greet her, and move on," mother instructs. "Today is about you and Violet. Concentrate on that, Alpha."
I brace my hands on the vanity, squeezing my eyes shut.
My mother is right. I need to move on, concentrate on Violet. What I want doesn't matter now, and there is no way out of this.
The best thing will be to avoid Sienna.
I turn back to my mother, willing calm over myself. "I will."
"Good luck, and enjoy." She emphasises the last part, knowing very well I won't.
The rest of the day passes nauseatingly fast.
I don't have time to think for myself as vows are stuffed in my hand and I'm forced to memorise them moments before I walk out the manor and down the aisle to where I must wait for Violet at the alter.
I hardly notice the significant number of guests sitting on white pews, staring at me expectantly as I do what feels like a death march down the aisle.
Dull music plays and my feet sink into the white carpet laid out across the grass. Mother insisted doing the ceremony here, at home, would remind people of our control and power, but it's only tempting me to run back inside.
Violet walks down the aisle soon after me wearing frothy white and a veil that covers her face. The bouquet of pale flowers she holds tremble, her nerves palpable.
If she is doing this, the least I can do is get through this too. For her.
For the entire ceremony I keep my eyes on her. I keep my smile soft and my eyes warm, not letting them drift over the crowd where I know Sienna will be watching on.
That is, until we reach the vow portion of the ceremony.
Movement from the pews has me pulling my gaze away from Violet. Sienna stumbles past people, excusing herself quietly, her face stricken.
My heart launches into my throat.
She gathers her skirts into her hands and takes off down the aisle. The urge to follow her is potent I flinch in her direction.
Instead, I catch my mother's burning stare. It's a warning...
Don't you dare follow her.
Swallowing thickly, I look back at the celebrant, trying not to be sick.
It takes all my self control not to slip over my words, not to frown as I lift Violet's veil back and kiss her.
I'm numb as the ceremony draws to a close and people filter into the massive tent that has been set up for the reception. I accept every congratulations before I follow along with everyone else, Violet by my side.
I'm officially married. It's done.
The guests immediately dig into all the food served at the tables, starting to drink and talk amongst themselves.
I don't manage to stomach food, or even alcohol. Instead I sit, surveying the space.
With all these people I can't see Sienna. Even as people finish eating and stand, starting to dance, she alludes me.
Has she left?
Standing, I take Violet's satin gloved hand and lead her to the edge of the dance space. Nothing about this wedding suggests romance, but at some point I need to keep up with appearances.
That is until I finally spot Sienna. She's walking toward us, looking utterly breathtaking in her blush pink dress and delicate jewellery.
Months worth of anguish from being away from her falls over me, nearly causing me to crumple to the floor. She's even more beautiful than I remember, and as she approaches, I feel an invisible tug on my body as if it calls to hers.
"Hello you two," she greets, her smile strained as she looks between Violet and I.
"Sienna, how good of you to come," Violet responds tightly, unable to hide her confusion. I imagine she poured over the guest list and didn't see Sienna's name.
Thanks again, mother.
"Thank you for inviting me."
Violet blinks, unsure of what to say while I drop my gaze to my feet. Looking at Sienna for too long physically hurts.
I need to keep my distance. She can't know I care, that I still think about her. She's ignored my letters, and she arrived here with Kayn. She's happy now, and I won't do anything to jeopardise that.
Sienna clears her throat. "Ah, well, the ceremony was beautiful. Your mother knows how to wow people."
I glance up, my brows drawing together.
"Thank you."
"How have you two been?"
I take Violet's hand. She squeezes mine back, knowing how hard this is for me. I've told her everything about Sienna, and she understands completely.
"We've been well," I tell my old friend, casting my gaze to an uncomfortable looking Violet.
I could be sick right now.
The torture of having Sienna standing so close, and yet being so far from me is mixing with the lack of food I've eaten today. If I don't throw up first, I might get so dizzy I pass out.
If Sienna is bothered by the strained interaction we are having, she doesn't let it appear so. In fact, she surges on.
"Any plans for a honeymoon?"
"Onyx is taking me to the beach. I think we're going to spend a week away," Violet says, glad for an easy topic.
Sienna's smile dims slightly.
For so long she wanted to see the sea, to bask in warm weather and let go of her obligations. It never came true, at least while we were still close friends.
It's the honeymoon I would have planned for her. Except, I would have stolen her away from the world for months and I would have spent the entire time learning every inch of what she has kept from me...
That remains a dark, haunting fantasy now.
"That sounds so nice," Sienna says sweetly before she gestures back over her shoulder. "Okay, well I better go dance with Kayn. I think he's waiting."
I give her a tight, polite smile. "Goodbye Sienna."
I watch her go, resisting whatever is trying to pull my body in her direction.
Kayn grins as she approaches, holding his hand out so he can sweep her onto the dance floor.
So that's it then. She's happy, and I'm married.
"You're okay. Just breathe," Violet soothes, pulling at my forearms so I turn away from the crowd, concealing my visceral reaction to Sienna'a presence.
I look at my wife, at her solemn eyes and concerned frown. She knows intimately what it feels like to love and not be able to give yourself to that person completely. She knows how deeply I love Sienna, how badly I want her.
"I..." I can't summon any words, digging my fingers into the roots of my hair, trying to smother my panic.
"I know," Violet murmurs, running a comforting hand down my arm. "You're doing right by her, trust me."
I swallow thickly, nodding.
That's the only thing making this easier. Knowing Sienna is going to move on from this night and live the life she deserves.
"There's a reason she's ignoring my letters. She doesn't care about me anymore," I say, pulling uncomfortably at my collar, which feels like it's strangling me, even with my top button undone.
"Her moving on is a good thing. It's time you do too," Violet soothes gently.
I'm not sure how much that means considering she's in love with someone else too.
"I guess we better dance. For appearances." I take my brides hand, turning back to the crowd with a renewed smile on my face.
Maybe one day I won't have to pretend. Maybe one day I won't feel the pressing obligations of an Alpha that I know I have to fulfil.
Until then, I have to let Sienna go.
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~Midika 💜🐼