James was a little drunk the next time he arrived at St Mungo's.
It was some time after midnight. He stumbled around underneath the invisibility cloak. His feet were a little too fast for his brain to keep track of, and they kept moving in different directions than where James had originally intended to go. Damn... Sirius... must have cast a Jelly Legs Jinx on me, he thought as he more or less collapsed against the locked door that separated this wing from the rest of the hospital. All it took was a simple Alohomora to unlock it, and James wondered at that, that it should be so easy, but then he found himself standing in the middle of the Janus Thickey Ward.
The lights were off, and it was quiet. The patients were asleep. They were lined up one after the other in a long hallway with no privacy save for a thin curtain around their beds. The walls were taped over with photographs and Get Well Soon! cards. What a laugh. The only way they would ever leave this place was in a coffin. They were lifers.
James slunk past the nurse's station, heading up one floor above. This place was a little nicer. There were private rooms for the patients, in addition to a dining hall, a gym, and even an art room. Snape's living the high life, James thought with a snort as he passed by each room, a placard with the patient's name taped to every door.
He came to a stop when he spotted S. Snape.
James knocked and waited. Then he knocked again, a little louder this time. "Snape. It's me. James Potter." No answer.
"Look, you're probably wondering why I'm here," he said. He hoped he wasn't mumbling. Was he mumbling? "I wanted to keep it a secret. Anonymous, you know? But I have to talk to you. I'm the one paying your bill. Did you know that? Did the nurse tell you? It's true. See? I'm not a bad person."
No answer. James let his forehead rest against the cool wood. It soothed the headache that had suddenly bloomed between his eyes. "You're probably wondering why I'm bothering. Truth is, I don't really know either. I just... It was weird, having you disappear like that all of a sudden. You're not supposed to do that. You always gave as good as you got. Come on, what's the matter? You can't handle a couple of pranks anymore?"
Silence. "You've missed your exams. The great Severus Snape – the child prodigy – has flunked all his classes," James taunted when his earlier words proved ineffective. "You'll have to repeat sixth year when you go back in the fall. You'll be back, of course. You're probably only here because you're sick of whatever gutter you live in during the summer. I read Oliver Twist once. Is that how some Muggles really live? Did your house even have running water? You always came back to school looking greasier than usual. Well, my money's paying for everything here. This is your chance to live it up. Have fun. Go wild. Buy some new clothes. Order lobster thermidor for dinner. Have you ever had lobster thermidor? No, I don't suppose you have.
"I've always admired your backbone," James continued, huffing out a little laugh. "I know you probably don't believe me, but it's true. You came up with some good pranks too. Do you remember when you charmed Sirius's bag to hold a literal lake? He nearly drowned trying to find his homework, and when he turned his bag inside out and the entire Transfiguration classroom flooded– that was really advanced magic. It was inspired. Sirius is still pissed about it. Snape? Can you hear me?"
James pressed his ear against the door. Not a sound came from it. He tried the knob only to find it was locked and this time Alohomora did nothing to rectify it. "Snape!" He banged on the door with his fist. "I know you're in there! I'm paying for this, the least you can do is talk to me face to face!" Still no answer. "Maybe I'll change my mind! Is that what you want? Do you want to be downstairs, squeezed in-between forty other patients all crammed together!? You should be kissing my boots!" He pounded on the door for another minute, before giving up.
The next time James snuck into St Mungo's, he was decidedly more sober.
"Look, Snape," he said from the other side of the closed door. He was trying for 'reasonable' this time. "I don't like to admit it, but you're fucking smart. You're a lot of other things, too. You're ugly, and bad-tempered, and a creepy git, but no one can deny you're a genius. Are you seriously going to throw away your education because of a little teasing? You don't belong in here. You're not crazy. You're just... weird. And evil. Look, I got you something." He knelt down on the ground and pulled out a stack of papers from his bag. "These are prep exams for the N.E.W.T.s. If you apply yourself, you can take them on time with the rest of us." He shoved the exam under the door.
A few seconds later, the exam was shoved back. The edge of the paper fluttered against James's knee.
"Are you serious, Snape? Are you that childish? This is your future! Now stop acting like a baby and take it." He pushed it underneath the crack once more.
And Snape tossed it back.
"You know what? Fine! I don't care! Nobody will want to hire a psychopath who's been committed anyway! You don't have a future! You might as well stay in there and never come out!"
"Is someone here?" A voice called out from the other side of the ward.
"Shit," James swore as he tugged on his cloak, making sure every inch of him was covered, before heading back down the stairs.
*****
James vowed he wouldn't visit again. Snape could rot for all he cared. He had an entire, glorious summer waiting for him. He wouldn't spend it hanging around a madhouse. This was it; this was his last summer before his final year at Hogwarts. He was seventeen, he had his apparition license, he was rich– he could go anywhere in the world. Nothing could stop him.
"Welcome, welcome to my humble lodgings," Sirius said as he opened the door and bowed grandly, ushering James and Remus and Peter into the large London apartment Sirius had purchased with his Uncle Alphard's inheritance.
Remus let out a whistle as he circled the grand foyer. Parquet floors, floor to ceiling windows, a chandelier. All it needed was furniture. So far, the only objects in the room was a Muggle turntable, a milk crate full of records, and a couch shaped like a pair of bright red lips. "How much did this cost you, Pads?" Remus asked, taking in the view.
"A gentleman never discusses money," Sirius said as he waved them deeper into his own home.
"You know you didn't have to do this, right?" James said as he let himself drop down on his best friend's brand new bed. "My parents would have loved for you to stay however long you wanted."
"I know," Sirius said as he sat next to James, close enough so that their thighs touched. "But I needed to do this. I want to prove to my mother that I don't need her or anyone else to take care of me. That she didn't win when she kicked me out."
James patted his knee. "If you're going to do this you should do it because you want to, not to spite your mother or anything."
"This isn't all about her!"
"Good, because, you know, I don't think she really cares, and I hate to see you get worked up like this about a woman who's never going to give you the attention you want."
Sirius looked away and an awkward silence descended on the group, only breaking when a knock was heard from the front door, followed by a woman's voice calling out, "Hello?"
Sirius immediately jumped up. "That'll be the girls!"
"Girls?"
Sirius came back with Mary and Lily in tow, the latter of whom was carrying a bottle of wine. "Housewarming gift," she said. "Where should I put it?"
"In the kitchen. Just through that door there."
She and Mary disappeared, and James turned to Sirius. He was sure his face was red from the grin on Sirius's face. His fingers automatically flew up to his hair, mussing it up. He wished Sirius had a mirror. "You invited Lily here? Lily actually came?" He didn't know which was more surprising.
Sirius grinned. "Girls love looking at houses, of course they'd want to see my new place. They're probably poking around in my cabinets right now."
As if on cue, Lily's voice rang out, "Black, why do you only have alcohol and cream cheese in your kitchen?"
They ended up opening the bottle of wine, and because Sirius had no glassware they passed it between them. Lily and Mary made a valiant effort at wiping the top with their sleeves before taking a swig, but they eventually gave it up.
"One bottle between six people does not go very far," Sirius complained. His grey eyes suddenly lit up with mischief. "Sabrina Selwyn's having a ball tonight, to introduce her to society. It's a Pureblood thing, basically announcing she's now eligible for marriage. We should go!"
"A ball?" Lily asked incredulously, as she took another swallow before handing the rest to Peter. "Like a real petticoat-and-tiara ball? I swear, every time I talk to a Pureblood I feel like I'm stepping into a Charles Dickens novel."
James, who was a little buzzed by this point, pointed at her and shouted, "Oliver Twist! I read that one!"
"Yes, Potter, good job. Charles Dickens did, in fact, write Oliver Twist," Lily said in her most patronizing voice while patting the top of his head. James preened under her touch.
"Come on, James and I got invitations, we should all go," Sirius insisted.
"Despoiling sacred Pureblood traditions with my inferior breeding?" Lily said with a grin. "I'm in."
"Haha, me too. This is going to be great," Mary crowed.
They got to work stripping Sirius's brand new bed of his sheets. Lily tied the top sheet over one shoulder so that it looked like a toga. James helped transfigure it into a beautiful, Grecian-style ballgown. Lily ran her fingers through her red hair and gave a twirl. "How do I look?"
"Beautiful, as always, my lady," James said, sweeping into a bow. He took her hand and planted a kiss on her knuckles.
"Thank you, good sir," Lily said, dipping into a curtsy.
"I need more pouf!" Mary shouted from where she stood in the middle of Sirius's bed, bouncing slightly, as Remus and Sirius added more and more layers to her transfigured skirt. "I want to be festooned in ruffles!"
Peter had made off with Sirius's quilted bedspead. He was supposed to transfigure it into a tuxedo with tails, but he had instead opted for an old-fashioned military jacket. The quilted pattern was still clearly visible, making the whole thing large and puffy so that his shoulders looked nearly twice the size they actually were. James got a face full of satin as Peter shouldered his way in-between him and Lily.
"Excuse me, excuse me," Peter said in his most pompous voice. "I'm just... so manly."
"We're going to get kicked out immediately," Lily said.
James laughed. "That's assuming they let us in through the front door."
They kept drinking. By the time they were due to arrive at the ball, the world had become slightly fuzzy and muted. James was holding onto Lily and Peter, and Sirius had Mary and Remus as they apparated with their friends to the Selwyn manor near Gloucester. James and Sirius had been here before with their families. By Pureblood standards, it was a modest country home, but their friends all stared up at the sprawling Gothic mansion with open mouths.
There came what sounded like fireworks going off all around them as more wizards and witches apparated onto the grounds. A line of carriages were making their way around the drive. Silence had descended on the group. Remus and Peter, though half-bloods, had no more experience with this world than the two Muggleborns with them, and all four were starting to look nervous.
"Don't be scared, no one here bites," James said with a smile.
"Except my mother, and she never shows up for these sorts of things," Sirius laughed.
"What do I do? Do I curtsy? Do I shake hands?" Lily hissed. "Oh God, all the women are wearing evening gloves, except for me."
"You harlot, tempting these good, upstanding men with your well-shaped wrists," James teased.
"Is there a buffet?" Peter asked.
Sirius burst into laughter. "No, no, absolutely not. It's always a formal dinner, followed by dancing."
"Wait, wait, which one is the salad fork and which is the dinner fork? Are there more forks that I need to know about?" Remus asked, looking ready to bolt.
"Just start from the outside and work your way in," James advised him, patting him on the shoulder.
Despite James's prediction, the double doors opened for them. They had missed supper – and James couldn't help but feel a little relieved at that, herding a group of drunk commoners through the rigors of fine dining sounded more taxing than what it was worth – and the dancing was in full swing.
They passed by several different drawing rooms – the Crimson Room, the Emerald Room, and the Chinoserie Room where the walls were papered in painted silk and little birds flitted through blossoms. Exotic ferns in Chinese vases dotted the corridors.
And then they were stepping into the grand ballroom that also doubled as an art gallery when not in use. Classical paintings from the Continent dotted the walls and in the back, at the place of honor, near an enchanted piano playing a waltz, was a marble statue of Ruth Gleaning.
"Sirius Black! I didn't think you'd come!" Sabrina Selwyn walked up to the group in a white silk gown trimmed with gold. She had been in Slytherin, and had only just recently graduated. Sabrina was pretty, with a cloud of blonde hair held in place with a diamond-studded clip. She lifted one elegantly gloved hand for Sirius to first kiss, and then James, while Remus and Peter opted for an awkward handshake. Lily and Mary dipped into a curtsy, their elbows jostling each other, to which Sabrina responded with a nod of her head.
"Of course I was coming. I wouldn't miss it for the world." Sirius flashed her one of his infamous smiles.
"And here Mother was all worried that you were about to stage a scene and ruin the whole party, but I told her James Potter wouldn't dare allow such a thing. Just think of how embarrassed Lord and Lady Potter would feel." She gave Sirius a smile of her own, this one decidedly less charming and full of teeth.
"We'd never ruin tonight for you, Miss Selwyn. We know how important it is for all the men to get a good look at you before the bidding starts," James said.
Lily slapped his chest and hissed out, "Potter!" before pushing her way forward. "I love your dress. It's beautiful."
"Thank you, I like yours as well. It's very... interesting. Is it Muggle?"
Rasmus Nott wandered over to the group, coming to a stop at Sabrina's elbow. "Muggles? What about them?" He was five years older than them, having graduated with Lucius Malfoy and his group back when James had only been a third year. He raked his eyes over them, lingering on Lily and Mary, the two Muggleborns.
"Miss Evans's dress. What do you think? I love the colour."
Lily blushed and smiled, and James felt a little put out at the sight. Why do girls always smile like that when another girl compliments them, but then turn around and snap when a boy tries to pay them the same attention? What confusing creatures girls were.
"Yes, very lovely, Muggles are naturally suited for such handicrafts like sewing. It's when they're put in charge that everything goes belly up. They haven't the mind for it. Did you know the Muggles here are in the middle of a war? They call it a 'Cold War' or something, they've been fighting it for literal decades. Madness," Nott said, shaking his head.
Lily's face was rapidly changing colours– from pink to red to purple, and James counted down to the eruption. 3... 2... 1... "I'm sorry, are you saying Muggles are too stupid to govern themselves?"
"Now, now, don't take offense, I'm sure your parents are lovely people, but honestly they're like children. The Statue of Secrecy was the worst thing to ever happen to them. They need wizards to guide them. That's how society worked for ages before the Romans came. Every Celtic community in Britain had a druid to lead them."
"That is incredibly paternalistic," Lily said, the alcohol in her blood fueling the fight and making her green eyes spark. "Muggles have achieved so much. They've put a man on the moon! Can wizards claim the same?"
"Oh, and what's up there? Anything useful? A mountain of gold perhaps? Or a magical wishing fountain?" Nott mocked. "They wasted so much of their money, and for what? Nothing. They could have spent it feeding the poor or something."
"Ha! As if the Wizarding World cares about the poor. You use and exploit them just the same as Muggles do!"
"Lily–"
"No, no, I'm still talking. That 'scholarship' Hogwarts has for impoverished students is a cauldron of shit. Poor Sev had to come to school in ratty hand-me-downs and he was a fucking genius! The Board of Governors should have all gotten down on their hands and knees and begged him to attend Hogwarts!"
"Severus Snape is a foul-mouthed, dirty little half-blood that no one liked," Nott snapped back. "And he wouldn't have needed to rely on charity if his mother wasn't a whore. I heard he dropped out. I'm not surprised. Did he go into the family business? Is he out there on the streets spreading his legs–"
James wasn't quite sure how it happened, but all of a sudden his knuckles were smarting, Nott was staring up at him on the floor with blood streaming from his rapidly swelling nose. People were screaming, and Remus grabbed at his arm. "Lovely party, thank you so much, time to go!" James felt himself being pulled through space navel-first, and deposited inside Sirius's apartment.
He swayed slightly on his feet, before straightening up and announcing to the entire group, "I just want to say that I was not defending Snivellus, I just hate bigoted Purebloods!" But no one was listening to him. Sirius was lying on his back, laughing so hard he had tears streaming down his cheeks, and Lily was arguing with Mary, demanding to know why she had apparated them back here, that a single punch wasn't nearly good enough, that Nott deserved more for what he said about Sev, and did you hear him, Mary?
Peter clapped James on the shoulder. "I believe you, Prongs." And then he pulled out two bottles of French champagne from Epernay out of his ridiculous, oversized jacket and said, "Look what I managed to grab!"
They all proceeded to get wasted, very fast.
*****
It was the early hours of the morning, and Muggle London was still raging, the sounds of disco pulsing through the streets in time to the rumble of cars and the laughter and screams of the city's youth. James stood in front of the windows, looking out at the madness while Sirius, Remus, Peter, and Mary had all piled on top of the bed or else were cuddled on the floor with a mound of pillows, asleep. Only he and Lily were still awake.
It's so loud, James thought. Even here, in a wizard's home, the Muggles were pushing ever-forward, ever-expanding. He couldn't even see the stars, their city lights blocked them from view.
Lily sat on the floor, her dress having long since transformed back into a bed sheet, with Sirius's record collection in her lap. James dropped down on the red lips, sinking into the plush red velvet cushion and watched as she pulled out an album. "Look," she said, holding it up for him to see. On the cover were four mop-topped Muggles with the words Rubber Soul stamped across one corner. "Have you ever listened to the Beatles?"
She crawled over to the turntable and placed the record on it. When the needle touched the black vinyl, music filled the apartment, drowning out the sounds of chaos from below.
I once had a girl
Or should I say she once had me
She showed me her room
Isn't it good Norwegian wood?
Lily pulled herself onto the couch next to him, letting her head drop on his shoulder. This is it, James thought. I should kiss her.
"Sev always liked this song," Lily said, breaking the spell. They didn't say anything else, and they sat there until they both nodded off, not even waking when the needle started to skip.
*****
It took James almost a week before he got the courage to sneak back into St Mungo's.
He stood in front of Snape's door, fiddling a little with the present in his hands, before knocking softly. "It's me again," he said. "Did you get that, uh... table-turner I sent you?"
No answer, not that James really expected one.
"I figured you might be a little bored stuck in here with nothing to do, so I brought you another record to go with it." He bent down and slipped Rubber Soul beneath the crack under the door. He waited a moment for Snape to slide it spitefully back at him, but it didn't happen. He could hear the sounds of padded feet coming to a stop on the other side of the door, and then a shadow passing over the crack as Snape picked up the album.
"Hope you enjoy it, Snape. See you in September."