NANDINI
I was determined not to be a hindrance to Abhi. Friday night Mami had forced him to take me to that party, and I used it as an opportunity to show him that I wouldn't be a bother. Mostly, I sat in the dark by myself, away from everyone. Every thirty minutes or so I'd check if Abhi was still there or looking for me and then I'd go back to my hiding spot.
I really hoped that it wasn't an every weekend event. I didn't want to have to go through that everytime Abhi went to the field party. I preferred to stay in my room and read. Hanging out alone in a dark field wasn't exactly my favorite way to pass the time. Although, something happened that had certainly made it less... boring.
Thinking of the place I'd claimed beside that tree made my cheeks flush. I got my first kiss, and from a guy I didn't even know. He'd been so tall and his hair had been dark and thick. His face... it was like God had taken all the perfect features for man and put them together just for this guy.
It hadn't been those things that made me stand there, though, after he warned me to go. It had been his eyes. Even in the darkness, I'd seen a pain in them. Pain, that I'd never seen in anyone but myself.
He'd told his mother he loved her on the phone. Then he'd hung up and cursed while hitting his car. Anyone who talked to their mother that way couldn't be bad. He didn't scare me.
But I was worried for him, so I stayed even when he'd told me to go. When he called me Angel, I liked it, even though I hated nicknames. And then, he kissed me. It had been rough at first, but then he softened, and before I knew it, I was grabbing on to fistfuls of his T-shirt. My knees went weak, and I wasn't sure if I actually made a whimper or if it had been just in my head. I hoped it was in my head. Considering how abruptly he'd left me, I didn't want to have made a sound. And I wished I hadn't grabbed on to him.
It ended as suddenly as it had begun. He didn't say a word when he backed away from me. He didn't look at me. Instead he'd turned and stalked over to his car and left. I had no idea who he was. All I knew was that he was beautiful and haunted and he'd given me a first kiss to remember.
For the first time since a year, I felt something. Something good. When I was in his arms, I felt secure, I felt like if I break then there would be someone to hold me. That kiss was magical. But when he left, I snapped out of the bubble and reality came crashing down.
Two hours later, when Abhi had finally decided to leave, he'd found me dozing on the ground under my tree. He'd been annoyed and hadn't said anything to me on the drive home. The kiss faded into background as I focused on how to make my cousin not hate me.
Sunday, when Abhi had plans to go to a friend's house, Mami had tried to ship me off with him. But I'd written her a note telling her I'm on my periods and I didn't feel like it, and she let me stay home.
Abhi ended up being gone all day. I was sure he was worried that if he came home, she would try to foist me on him all over again.
Today I started college, and she gave Abhi a to-do list all about me. I felt bad for him. You could see the frustration on his face. So I handed him a note saying :
I got this. Do what you do, and I'll show up in class. Just cause I don't talk doesn't mean I can't get around. I'll tell Mami you did everything she said. But I don't want you taking me everywhere. I wanna do it on my own.
He hadn't looked too convinced, but he nodded took off, leaving me at the entrance.
Luckily Mama had prepared the front office for the fact I didn't speak. On Saturday, he'd had a chat with the principle and all my professors about my condition. Everyone was fine with me writing down everything I wanted to say. They gave me my schedule and wished me good luck.
A small part of me - okay, a really big part of me - hoped I'd see the guy from the field party. I wanted to see him in light. I wanted to see if he was okay. And, I hoped, maybe he'd want to see me too.
Once I had directions to my locker, I went to look for it, feeling accomplished. Actually finding it was another thing entirely. With people filling the hallways, many of them in their lockers or in front of their lockers or making out against their lockers, I couldn't see them. Finding 654 was basically impossible.
"You doing good?" Abhi's voice came from behind me, and I nodded, not wanting to tell him I wasn't exactly great and would probably be late for my class.
"Where's your locker?"
I thought about how to answer that and just handed him the paper with my locker number on it.
"You already passed it," he replied, nodding back down the hall. "Come on. I'll show you."
I didn't have time to write down an argument. Instead, I just followed him. He was going to help me anyways and, if I admitted it to myself, I kinda needed his help.
Unlike when I had walked down the hallway, fighting through the packed bodies, everyone created a path for Abhi. It was like he was Moses and this was the Red Sea.
"Move the make out fest over about five inches. Nandini can't get in her locker," Abhi told a couple who were in mid-grope session.
"Who's Nandini?" the girl asked, turning to look at me. She had big brown eyes and olive complexion. Her long black hair fully straightened.
"My cousin," Abhi answered sounding annoyed.
I marked that usually his vocal tone to me is much more pleasant than the one he used with this girl. That means he can't totally hate me. Right?
"You got a cousin?" she asked, surprised. The guy's hands which were previously on the girl's bottom, moved to her hips and he shifted her over. Before I could see the guy's face, Abhi stepped back and held my locker open for me. "There you go. I'll eb around if you need me again." Then he left me there and walked away.
I didn't make eye contact with or even look at the couple beside me. The girl giggled, then I heard the guy whisper to her—the word mute was something I didn't miss. Apparently, Abhi had told people I was mute. I guess at least I wouldn't have anyone trying to talk to me.
"She don't talk?" the girl whispered back, loud enough for me to hear her.
I quickly put my books in my locker before closing it, making sure to hold on to my textbook and a notebook for my first class. Determined not to look at the couple, I kept my head down. My gaze landed on the guy's hands, now gripping the girl's bottom again. I guess this was something I was going to have to get used to.
I stepped into the hallway without looking up, and a hard body hit me in the side, knocking me backward.
"Shit, sorry," a male voice said as I collided with the gropey make-out couple. Great. "You okay?" asked the guy who ran into me.
I looked up to see the clearest blue eyes I'd ever seen set against pretty latte-colored skin. The combination was definitely striking but, unfortunately, he wasn't the mystery guy.
"Watch it," the girl behind me snapped, shoving me off of her.
The textbook and notebook in my hands fell to the floor, causing even more of a scene. I didn't like to draw attention, but that seemed to be all I could do.
"God, Soha, I ran into her. Chill the fuck out," the guy said as he bent down to get my books. I watched in fascination as large well-defined muscles popped from his snug short-sleeve shirt.
Soha laughed, but it sounded more like a wicked cackle than anything. "She's mute, Aryaman. And she's Abhi's cousin. So you can stop with the chivalrous thing. She ain't your type."
Then, from behind me: "Don't be a bitch, babe." That voice. I froze. I knew that voice. No . . . don't let it be.
"Abhi's got a cousin?" Aryaman asked as he stood up and held my books out to me.
I was afraid to turn around and look. Maybe I was mistaken. The guy making out with the girl beside me could not be the guy who kissed me Friday night. The guy who kissed me had been nice to his mother. Could a nice guy like that kiss another girl when he already had a girlfriend? Wasn't he a good guy deep down? I had convinced myself of that all weekend while I replayed our kiss over and over.
I tried to look unaffected as I took my books from Aryaman and tucked them against my chest.
"Yeah, he does. Surprise, surprise." That voice again. It was him. Oh God . . . it was so him.
I dropped my gaze to my books. I didn't want to look at anyone. I knew my cheeks were pink. I just wanted to be alone and get over this surprise in private.
My mystery guy continued, "She's something to look at, but Abhi's made her completely off-limits. So, Soha is right. Let it go. I did."
But he hadn't stayed away. Did he know Abhi had made me off-limits when he kissed me? Was that why he was acting now like he didn't know me at all? What a jerk! I'd let him kiss me. What had I been thinking? I wasn't normally weak just because a guy had a pretty face. My father had a pretty face too, and not once had my mother been able to trust him. I was smarter than this. That was a mistake I wouldn't make again.
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