notes app of a teenage girl

text note 10/25

I don't want to write about it.
I don't want to write about
how I feel your name whispered
ever so gently in all the mellow songs
piercing - fine like a needle
into my heart.
a single drop of blood.
it's warm.
i don't want to write about
how I become slow
if i look at your smile
and how the crease in your eyes
is the place i want to be.
i don't want to write about
how I want to shout it to the world.
i don't want to write about
how your name is unexpectedly written
subconsciously, hugging my poems.
i don't want to write about it
and yet here i am.
i don't want to write about it
because then I'll have to accept
that it is all built on forbidden land
and it is never going to be.
so it fades,
in these letters and ink.
the only trace of what
i wanted in my forever to see.