lemon balm flowers often have healing powers according to folklore. they often represent sympathy and friendship . . .
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SATURDAY, JULY 7, 2018
The next morning, when (Y/N) woke up, she was immediately startled to see Elijah sitting at her bedside. She jumped back, and he smiled fondly. He seemed vaguely amused. She glared at him, not appreciating him making light of her fear after everything.
Elijah looked away, and cleared his throat. For a moment, he'd forgotten about her anger, her fear── forgot the way everything had changed. She looked adorable. He wished he could tell her that without her resenting him further for it.
"What are you doing in my room?" (Y/N) asked, voice blunt and gaze sharp as she watched him.
"You haven't been eating," Elijah observed. "It's been almost three days now, (Y/N). Please, we'll make you anything you want, we just... we can't let you starve."
"I'd prefer not to be drugged, thanks."
Elijah sighed. He knew her finding out about that would make things more complicated, but he couldn't help but stand by the decision nonetheless. "It wasn't anything bad. I promise we would never ever hurt you." He reached to stroke her hair, but she moved away. He cleared his throat, and tried not to make the overwhelming sadness he felt at her response too obvious. "After the attack, you weren't taking care of yourself. You wouldn't let us help. And Naoki went to check on you one night, and saw you sleeping with a knife..."
"I wasn't── hurting myself... or anything like that," (Y/N) said. She felt a reluctant need to reassure him of that. If nothing else so they wouldn't attempt to coddle her further.
He nodded. "We figured as much── or, hoped, at least." It was stressful enough trying to protect her from everyone else. They didn't want to have to add herself to the list. "But we could tell you were dealing with a lot of anxiety. And you wouldn't take a break, or let us help, so..."
"So you drugged me?"
"Just a few pills for anxiety," Elijah said, as if that made it any better. "Naoki could tell you more, he got them for us. But we just wanted to keep you calm."
"Well, I don't know if you're aware, but being held captive doesn't help with the whole 'calm' goal," (Y/N) retorted bitterly.
Elijah exhaled, and nodded. "I know..."
That surprised her. They all seemed very delusional in their belief that this was her for her benefit. But of course...
"It won't be this way forever," he continued. "Once we prove we won't hurt you, you'll start to feel calmer. We just want to protect you, sweetheart, really. And to do that, we have to keep you here. Where no one can hurt you ever again."
"Don't you see that this is hurting me?" she pleaded. "I don't want to be here, Elijah. I want to live a normal life, not rot away like some prisoner."
"You're not a prisoner," Elijah insisted. He took her hands in his, before she could move away. (Y/N) watched him skeptically. "We just need to keep you safe. We love you so much. More than you can ever know."
"Stop saying that..." she muttered.
"What?"
"That you love me. You don't. None of you possibly can," (Y/N) said. "People who love you don't hold you hostage."
"I don't know how to make you understand," Elijah admitted hopelessly. "How can I make you understand how much we love you?" His eyes carried a desperation that frightened her. He was unrecognizable to the calm, funny, sweet roommate who always made an effort to make her feel comfortable. She wondered how long he'd been this way without her noticing.
"I..." She didn't know what to say. She trailed off, but he picked up right where she left off.
"I love you, (Y/N). I love you so much it's all I can think about most days. And I don't want to think about anything else. Nothing else could possibly be as important as you." His words were fervent, like a man possessed. "I love the way you constantly try to take care of everyone else. The way you look out for others. The way you always make everyone feel included, and comfortable, and happy. You're so incredibly caring, and it blows my mind 'cause I can't imagine anyone else being as sweet as you." She tried to pull her hands away, uncomfortable with the tone of worship he'd taken on, but he held her tight and kept her close. "I love your eyes, and the way you throw your head back when you laugh. I love the way you try to look serious when you're teasing someone, but you can't stop yourself from starting to smile. I love the sound of your voice, and the words you choose to use. I love the way you walk. I love the music you listen to, and the way you decorate your room." Worst of all, it would've been sweet. These were words she would've died to hear from someone before. But not this way. Not like this, when they wouldn't let her leave. "I love the way you make me feel at home. I've never felt that before, (Y/N), and with you it's as natural as breathing. So please don't say we don't love you. Please don't say I don't love you. Accuse me of anything you wish, darling. But not that. Never that."
Speechless, (Y/N) stared at him for a moment. He held her gaze, watching her with unfathomable affection. And she knew he was telling the truth. Finally, she spoke. "I believe you," she said. "I believe you love me."
Elijah couldn't express how relieved he was to hear those words from her. "Thank you, I──"
"But you have to believe me when I tell you," she cut him off, voice firm. "The way you love me is not how I want to be loved. I want gentleness. I want trust. And I want freedom." She spoke slowly, but firmly, leaving no room for doubt or argument. "A love without those things means nothing to me."
After a moment, Elijah nodded. He broke his gaze from her's, head hanging low. "I know," he admitted. "And you deserve that." He looked up at her again slowly, and this time his dark blue eyes were clouded with anguish. "But I need you to be safe before you can be free. I'm sorry. That's all I can give you."
(Y/N) sighed. It was almost more painful, understanding her captors the way she did now. They didn't want to hurt her. It was clear that was exactly the result that paralyzed them with fear. But it didn't change the fact that what they were doing was wrong, and would surely cause more harm than a blade to the stomach ever could.
"Will you eat?" Elijah pleaded. "Doesn't have to be with us. You can make it yourself, if you want, just..." He swallowed, watching her with such sadness. "We love you. We want you to eat well, and be taken care of." After a moment, he added in such sincere desperation that even after everything, it still shocked her, "please."
So in spite of herself, and everything she thought and felt and wanted... she nodded. "Yeah," she said. "I can do that."
Her gut twisted at the fear this would only be the first of many compromises. (Y/N) struggled to convince herself it would not lead to her downfall.
Was it better to know the danger ahead, even if it terrified you? Was she better off before, when she'd been happily going along with it all, oblivious to the obsessive affection they held for her? They say ignorance is bliss. And (Y/N) wasn't sure if she believed that to be true or not. Was she better off afraid but powerless, or being drugged while still living peacefully?
Regardless, it wouldn't change the end for her. Her fate was sealed the moment she stumbled, bleeding, onto their front yard after the stabbing. It was sealed when she cared for them so sweetly, feeding those she didn't know were starving. It was sealed in that pillow fort, with each of them watching her drift off while they held her. It was sealed when she prepared that first meal for them. When she made them laugh. When she smiled so beautifully. Perhaps it was even sealed the moment she first walked through their door.
Her fate was sealed. The doors were locked.
But this story is far from over.
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AUTHOR'S NOTE
remember when updates used to happen multiple times a week? crazy
honestly i really miss this book. update's a lil shorter than usual cause i just wanted to put something out. i have most of the story planned, it's just hard finding motivation when my time is already so limited between work and family and a weirdly chaotic roommate situation.
hopefully i will be putting more out, as i am pretty excited about some of the emotional aspects of this next arc. not sure exactly, but i'd say we're a bit more than halfway through the story, so buckle up, cause like i said pretty dramatically in the last line: it's not over yet >:)
hope y'all are having a good day! be warm and well fed <3 i love u all!