[I.M.P Headquarters, Imp City]
Everyone is chilling in the I.M.P Headquarters. Loona was talking to Y/N and the others are watching TV. As they watch, a commercial came on. It shows the gates of Heaven opening and Cherub Angel appears on screen.
Cletus: Well, howdy! I'm Cletus! Welcome to Heaven! Guess you did something good to get here, and good people deserve to give loved ones special blessings!
A Jingle suddenly begins to play on screen.
As the jingle ends, Blitzo blasts the TV with his flintlock pistol, and it explodes while Millie congratulates him.
Millie: Nice one, B!
Blitzo: Give me another, Mox!
Moxxie nervously sweeps away the mess and puts another old fashioned TV onto the TV stand. He turns the TV on with a scared look on his face. The screen shows the logo of 666 News while Blitzo pours gunpowder into his flintlock.
Blitzo: Eh, naw, not feelin' it. Next!
Moxxie changes the channel to a demonic Betty boop dancing. Blitzo was bored and unimpressed.
Blitzo: Ah keep going, keep going.
Moxxie switches to the next channel and it shows a Imp on the screen dressed in white with a black top hat, holding a cane.
Wally: I say, I say! Are you looking to get work making crazy contraptions and goofy gadgets? Well, call me at Wacky Wally Wackford's Wacky Idea 'Factory'! Where you make the things and I make the money!
Wally gets close to the screen with a pleading face.
Wally: Please, I'm very desperate!
Blitzo: Bingo!
Blitzo shoots and explodes the TV again.
Millie: Woo! You're on a roll, sir!
Moxxie: Oh come on!
Y/n: Blitz, please stop destroying tv's, they're not cheap.
Blitzo: I'll stop shooting TV's when you break up with Verosika.
Y/n: Fine, shoot away to hearts content.
Blitzo goes back to shooting TV's while Y/n turns back to Loona to finish their conversation which caught Moxxie and Millie's attention.
Y/n: So yeah, that's how I got it.
Loona: Still, it's strange that Hell would have a cure for things like syphilises.
Y/n: Not really, if you think about it. Sinners usually only die from the annual purge, so if the get a disease they're stuck with it forever until it's cured or they die in the purge. So a sinner would be heavily invested in a cure for their diseases, especially if it's a disease that causes an extreme amount of pain.
Loona: Huh, never thought about that.
Y/n: Also, unlike on Earth, medical research and practices in Hell aren't as restricted by laws. So research and practices can be very unethical and immoral, but they get more interesting results and a quicker pace... Also, hell has magic.
Loona: You're a lot smarter than I thought.
Y/n: What?! Did you think I was just a sadistic psychopath?
Loona: Well, you did frame a guy for murder which led him to being a victim of racist police brutality.
Y/n: That proves nothing.
Millie: You kept shooting that kid we brought here even after he was already dead.
Y/n: In my defense, he was the target and a peace of shit.
Moxxie: You also slashed a little girls face with an honest to Satan smile on your face.
Y/n: I saved you!
Moxxie: And you wanted to kill that little girl, her brother, and their father, even though they weren't the target and we weren't going to be paid for killing them.
Y/n: THEY WERE CANNIBALS!
Moxxie: Doesn't matter, the point is-
Moxxie/Millie/Loona: You're a sadistic psychopath!
Y/n: I'M NOT A SADISTIC PSYCHOPATH! I just take great joy in the suffering of my victims! *offended psychopath nosies*
Suddenly, the office starts shaking causing Loona's cup on the table to spill. (Poor cup)
Loona: Guys, do you feel that?
Blitzo: Oh shit, is that a hellshake?
Moxxie: That's possible?
Y/n: It's not... Stupid Moxxie.
Millie holds onto Moxxie causing his tail shoots up in fear.
Millie: Alright! Don't panic, Moxxie!
Moxxie: I'm not "panicking," because hellquakes don't happen.
Loona roughly grabs hold of Moxxie and shakes him violently.
Loona: Stop getting hysterical, fatty!
Loona hits Moxxie against the wall before he is knocked down by a wrecking ball made of black robot tentacles. Part of the walls crumble on Moxxie and as a tentacle and loop themed demon enters the room through the hole.
Loopty: Do not be afraid!
Blitzo: Please tell me you got that insurance thing!
Millie pulls out an axe ready to get violent man.
Millie: Who are you and what are you want?
Loopty: I am Loopty Goopty! Dastardly inventor of all things loopy and loopish!
Loona: Could've just used the door, dude. Doesn't need to be this whole thing.
Loopty: I am eccentric, and must therefore do eccentric shit!
Loopy does a a weird eccentric dance.vBlitzo sniffs him and flinches.
Blitzo: Ugh! This old fuck reeks of the living world. Did you just die?
Loopty: Yes! Moments ago, in fact! Which is what brought me here!
Loona: Just sayin, the front door would've gotten you here fine.
Loopty: Shut up, dear furry!
He holds up an old photo of an old bald man in a bed.
Loopty: This is the man I'm gonna need you to kill.
Blitzo: Not even a shit's length of time in Hell and already plotting revenge? I can respect a man with that sort of passion! I'm Blitzo, the 'O' is silent.
Loopty: What 'O'?
Blitzo: Aww, thank you. Now what's the tea, sis?
Loopty: The tea?
Moxxie's arm appears as he struggles under the weight of the debris.
Moxxie: Guys, help!
Y/N: Moxxie!
Y/n rushed over a crouched down besides the crushed Moxxie
Y/n: Are you okay?
Moxxie: H-help. It hurts.
Y/n: Are you gonna take back what you said about me being a psychopath?!
Moxxie: *crushed possum noises*
Y/n: Then perish!
Y/n walks away while Moxxie reaches out for help.
Blitzo: Yeah, why are we killing this guy? I mean, what did he do to you?
Loopty: He was... my business partner! You see, I was not always an old man.
[Eccentrically Loopish Flashback]
Loopty: My partner Lyle and I ran Lyle-Loopty Robotics, a technological empire.
The scene show Loopty and Lyle working on a machine.
Loopty: Earlier today we were testing a new machine, intended to stop or reverse the aging process. It could of have saved all three trillionaires.
Lyle and Loopty stepped into the machine, not noticing that they had on the wrong setting.
Loopty: Unfortunately, we neglected to test the machine on the poor, like we usually do. We were too sure of our own genius. But the machine was accidentally set forward.
The two men tried to get out but they couldn't as the machine sped up their aging, turning them into old men.
Loopty: By the time we managed to get out, it was too late, at least for me.
Loopty died of a heart attack, right before a medical team opened the door an managed to save lyle.
Loopty: Now that evil son of a bitch is going to take over the empire we built together, without me to share it with. He'll make all the god damn money in the world and become the fourth trillionaire, and get all the credit.
[End of old man flashback]
Once he finishes explaining his story, Blitzo talks to him again.
Blitzo: Yeah, that's not really evil.
Loopty: It's evil towards me!
Moxxie: Everything. Is. Going. Dark.
Loopty: Now, get your crimson asses up above and send that heartless no-good son of a bitch to Hell, where he belongs!
Blitzo: You do know, Poopty-
Loopty: Loopty!
Blitzo: Of course, of course. If we do kill him though and he ends up down here, you know, you will be stuck with him, forever.
Loopty: Oh, trust me! I'm counting on it!
Loopty summons an array of weapons with his metal tentacles. He has several guns, a rocket launcher, and a circular saw blade.
Moxxie: That's kinda hot!
The scene changes to right outside of Lyle Liptons mansion. The Imps were on a tour boss dressed in poorly made disguises.
Moxxie: Gee, I wonder whose house this is?
Tour Guide: And to your right is the home of famous inventor, Lyle Lipton.
As the tourist took pictures, the four imps climbed out the bus and pulled out the weapons.
Blitzo: Let's do it gang!
Millie: Let's kill this rich guy!
As the four rushed to the house. The tour guide continued.
Tour Guide: And here, you'll find four tacky stalkers, about to attempt a murder. Things like this could happen to famous people, all the time.
The four imps hide in front of the house before peeking in and seeing an old Lyle Lipton laying on a hospital bed.
Moxxie: Wow. That machine really did a number on him.
Y/n(mind): Why didn't he switch the age machine into reveres and make him self younger? I mean he could basically be immortal now if he repeated the process, when ever he get's old again, and make sure not to get killed. Oh well, this just makes the job easier.
Lyle kissed a photo frame
Lyle: Goodbye, my one true love.
The photo is revealed to be a photo of money. And lyle starts making a noose from his IV cord.
Lyle: All the riches of the world can't fill the emptiness I'm feeling, now that my shitty old body can't do anything of value.
Blitzo: Oh fantastic! He's gonna do our job for us.
Y/n: Kinda disappointing. We came all the way here to kill him, only for him to kill himself.
Moxxie: Well, should we go in there and tie it for him?
As Lyle was about to wrap the noose around his neck, the imps were eating snacks while watching the suicide attempt. But before he could finish the noose glowed and turned into a flashing light the sent the four imps back, and sent the sock on on Blitzo's tail flying off into the distance. (Farewell socky, may you're adventure be great and grand.)
As the light faded three cherubs appeared before Lyle, witch he mistook for orphans.
Lyle: Oh Lord! I'm being haunted by ugly orphan children now!
Blitzo: Who the fuck are they?
Moxxie: Oh no! Sir those are-
Cletus: Cherubs! Mr Lyle!
Lyle: I hate filthy stinking orphan children!
Collin: We're here to convince you not to kill yourself sir. To grant you a blessing, on behalf of those in heaven benefited by your amazing technological advancements.
Blitzo: Oh hell no!
Blitzo burst through the window but face planted onto the ground
Blitzo: Don't forget-
Moxxie enter through the door followed Y/n and Millie.
Moxxie: Lyle Lipton! It is our humble opinion that you should continue the process to commit die?
Millie: I mean what do you expect to do with all this money now that you're old... and gross?
Keenie: Is that a serious question? He can spread his wealth around with the people of the world, and do so much good with it, and be so fulfilled.
Lyle: No
Collin: He could pay for new hospitals and schools.
Lyle: Why won't you let me die?
Blitzo: Oh sounds like you need help offing yourself there buddy. Moxxie, what do we got for this fella?
Moxxie starts pulling out weapons while listing them off.
Moxxie: I have some assault weapons, crossbow, honey bow, Tommy gun, old-fashioned shotgun, revolvers in three colors, chainsaws, katanas.
Y/n: If you ain't interested in any of that, we could go for a good old-fashioned strangling. It's not as quick or as flashy as the others, but it's less bloody and gets the same results.
Millie: What if we just snap his neck?
Y/n: I mean sure. If you want it painless, but that's boring.
Collin: He's classier than that.
He looks over to see Lyle moving the barrel of the rifle in his mouth, but Collin takes it away before Lyle could pull the trigger.
Collin: There are still plenty of reasons to live Mr Lyle.
Millie: Yeah right! Smells like he ain't been out of bed in months.
Millie sniffs at Lyle, but the smell was too much and she ended up throwing up.
Cletus: Life can be beautiful at any age.
Keenie: And we'll show him!
Cherubs: YEAH!
imps: NO!
The seen changes to the middle of the forest, where the cherubs are pushing Lyle on his bed.
Cletus: Look around Lyle. God's gift of nature is a wonder to behold, regardless of age or wealth.
Collin: If you were to end your life, you'd be missing all of this
Blitzo was wearing a lion outfit, Moxxie and Millie were wearing cat outfits, while Y/n was dressed as a Tiger.
Blitzo: You're gonna buy that load of shit from a baby and the sheep it fucks?
Keenie: Huh! That is so inappropriate!
Millie: Oh kiss our ass prude!
Y/n then sits down besides Lyle and hands him some binoculars.
Y/n: Anyways, don't listen to them. They come from heaven where it's all being passive, loving and gentle to each other.
Keenie: You're point?
Y/n: They either refuse to mention or have no idea how cruel "God's gift of nature" can be.
Lyle looks through the binoculars and sees some squirrels and rabbits grazing together. But then a wolf appears and kills the squirrels while a second one appears and kills the rabbits. Lyle look on in horror, Collin tried to make hemlock away, while Y/n was smirking.
Collin: Oh no! Stop looking!
Lyle: I can't stop!
A bear shows up and attacks one of the wolves.
Lyle: I've never wanted to die more than I do now!
The bear towers over the fallen wolf before being crushed by falling tree, cut down by a lumber jack using a chain saw. A bee hive fall and covers the mans head as he throws his chainsaw into the air. The bee began attacking the man before the chainsaw comes back down and cuts off both of the mans arms before a elf comes and stabs him from behind using it's antlers.
Lyle and Collin are shocked in horror as Y/n and Blitz smirk in victory.
Cletus(trembling): Hehe, let's check out some place else.
Moxxie and Millie fist bump making an adorable squeak.
Cletus burst Lyle's bed into a mall.
Lyle: Oh lord! Where are we now?! Let me perish!
Keenie: We're here to show you another thing life is worth living for, childhood wonderment.
A bunch of kids were gathered around a mall Santa as one sat on his lap.
Lyle: Why, look at those sweet disease ridden vermin. Their joy comes from innocence unspoiled by the burdens of adulthood and their middle-class existence. Such simple joy the have. It is inspiring. Thank you for showing me this. (I kind of miss my childhood of innocence and ignorance. Things were simpler back then.)
Blitzo: Hey dip shit!
Blitzo was wearing a red and white outfit, Millie was dressed as an elf, while Y/n and Moxxie were dress as reindeer. Blitzo was speaking to the child on mall Santa's lap.
Blitzo: Want to see whose lap you're sitting on?
Blitzo grab mall santa's beard and yanked off his entire costume, revealing mall Santa to actually be a large overweight gnome. (And this is why I don't actually miss my childhood. You never know whose behind the beard of mall Santa.)
Mall Santa: *gnome noise*
The child then start crying and running away. Even Lyle starts crying as the cherubs push him out of the mall.
At lovers lookout.
Lyle: Ugh, this place reeks of teenagers
Cletus: Lovers look out sir. We're here to remind you about life's greatest joy of all.
Lyle: Money!
Collin: No! Love.
Lyle: I've never been in love before. I imagine it's quite nice it's not too late sir. You can still find-
Blitzo: Ha!
Blitzo, Moxxie, Millie and Y/n were all dressed as women.
Blitzo: Nice try, ugly!
Blitzo then pulled out a microphone and spoke to everyone at the Lookout.
Blitzo: Hey, horny Lovers! which one of you would fuck this old man?!
All the cars sped off, giving an honest yet brutal answer.
Collin: You know you three are so utterly cruel! We're just trying to give hope to someone in need!
Moxxie: Oh, and you three are so superior to us, just because we want some selfish greedy authoritarian capitalist to keel over dead?
Blitzo: You're making things too real now Moxie.
Blitzo then spays him with a spray bottle labeled "piss".
The scene changes to an opera, where Lyle and the cherubs sat in the audience, watching the performance.
Cletus: Behold! The wonder of art and music! Something always here to comfort, entertain and live for.
Up in the cat walks, the imps looked down, deciding on their next move,
Millie: So, how do we make this bad?
Moxxie: We can't. There's literally nothing bad about opera. That's fact.
Blitzo: Unless we ruin it somehow.
Blitzo grabbed the light and started moving the spotlight, causing to the singer to stop singing every time she moves back under the moving spotlight.
Lyle: She's not very good.
As Blitzo continued moving the spot light, the light lessened until it fell from the cat walk, falling onto the singer, killing her. The audience screams in horror as the Pianist nervously continues playing.
Blitzo: Oh! At least we made it bad.
The three cherubs then flew up to the catwalk.
Cletus: That's it! I have had it! You three monsters have messed with us enough!
Collin: We're just trying to do our job!
Moxxie: Well so are we.
Cletus: ENOUGH!
The cherubs the summoned some holy crossbows and aimed them at the cherubs.
Cletus: We are saving that shitty old man's life! Whether he wants it or not!
Blitzo: Well someone wants that fucker dead, okay, and he paid in advance and I spent it all on this.
Blitzo pulls out a small horse toy that he bought while Y/n looks disappointed at the waste of money.
Blitzo: So he's gotta go!
Keenie: You are all such disgusting low some beast! Your hide is nothing but dirt, that shitty dead people dead prepare tread on! And now you're trying to meddle with the lives of humans?!
Y/n moves Blitzo out of the way before shouting into the racist cherubs face.
Y/n: So are you! So why don't you shut your mouth! YOU RACIST HYPOCRITE OF A WORTHLESS HEAVEN BITCH!!!
Keenie: FILTHY DEMON!!!
Enraged by the Imp Keenie tackles Y/n as Collin and Cletus chase after the others. Y/n threw Keenie off of him into the catwalks railing, then proceeds to tackle her and start beating her has he holds her down, making Keenie reset attacking him. Disoriented from the beating, Keenie couldn't do anything as Y/n got up and stomped on her head, adding more and more pressure, slowly crushing her head. All she could do was plead to him for mercy.
Keenie: Wait please! This is wrong!
Y/n had a disappointed look on his face and lift his boot.
Y/n: You're right this is wrong.
Keenie: Oh thank-
Before she could finish, Y/n aggressively grab her by the neck, and brought her face to face with him as he began to strangle her.
Y/m: Ah! This is much better! Now I can watch the life fade from your eyes... Oh my satan, I am a sadistic psychopath... oh well, I can live with that.
Meanwhile, Cletus chased Blitzo while Moxxie and Millie end up swinging or rope making out, shooting machine guns while spinning, killing many in the audience as Collin flew after while shooting at them. As the whole ordeal happened before him, Lyle finally found a reason to live.
Lyle: It's all starting to make sense now. Life is worth living because we only get one. We must cherish it. If creatures far beyond this living world are going through these lengths over my life, then suddenly it's worth living. Killing myself is not the answer. Plus, I'm still rich, I could just buy all the things. I NO LONGER CRAVE DEATH!!!
The audience applaud his newfound desire to live while some were still shot and killed. Up in the catwalks, Blitzo stepped onto a piece of scaffolding hanging by a single piece of rope. He see of Cletus aiming his crossbow at him. Blitzo tried to shoot Cletus, only to discover his flint lock was empty. Blitzo decides to throw his gun at Cletus, hitting him in the face.
Cletus: OH! you fucker!
Cletus accidentally misfires, the arrow shot through the rope, causing the Blitzo and the scaffolding to fall. The arrow also shot through some of the ropes hold up Y/n's platform, causing him to fall and saving Keenie.
Y/n: For fuck sake!
The scaffolding falls onto Moxxie's and Millies rope causing them to be wrapped up in the rope. The metal scaffolding lands floor of the stage, bending a board holding the piano and narrowly missing the pianist. All the Imps land right on the scaffolding together. The pianist stops playing, puts down his stool, and uses it to step down from the bent floorboard. The piano is then sent flying through the air. The Imps and Cherubs stare as the piano keeps falling. Lyle screams like a girl and scrambles out of his bed, but the piano suddenly shifts to the spot he has just moved to. He is then crushed to death by the piano.
Moxxie grins as he sits tied up to Millie and the imps grin smugly.
Moxxie: Well, well. Would'ya look at that? You... did our job... for us. Heh!
Millie smirks as she gives the cherubs two middle fingers. Collin gasp in horror.
Collin: Ohhhh my gosh, oh my gosh, oh my Gooood!
Keenie slaps Collin across the face.
Keenie: Get a hold of yourself, Collin! And do NOT use the Lord's
name in vain!
Cletus: THIS...ISN'T OVER!
The Imps smirk as Keenie creates a portal to Heaven and the cherubs fly through, only to be mysteriously repelled back.
Cletus: WHAT THE--?!
A group of cherubs descends, two bees, two sheep and a deer as the leader. The deer conjures up reading glasses and a clipboard.
Deerie: Mmm, yeah, no, sorry, Cletus, but I'm afraid your actions resulted in the death of a human. I'm afraid you can't re-enter Heaven. Yeaaaah, noooo...
Cletus, Collin, & Keenie: WHAT?!?!
Deerie: Yeaaaah, mmmmm, sorry! Yeaaaah, no...
Collin: Is there...anything we can do?!
Deerie files her hoof, not taking the situation seriously.
Deerie: Yeaaaah, nooo! *chuckles* Oh noooo, no, no.
Keenie: Bu-But we didn't mean to! We'd never! It was all--
Keenie points to the spot where I.M.P. was, in the hopes to explain the situation, only to find them gone.
All three cherubs stare wide-eyed, whist a scream in horror sound effect plays in the background.
Deerie: Anyway, sorry, guys. But those are the rules! Yeaaaaah. Byyyye!
Deerie happily waves before she and the group vanish through the portal.
Cletus: Wait! But-
Cletus tries to fly after them, only for the portal closes on him. He then begins to cry like the little baby he is.
The Imps are now back at their office in hell discuss their believed failure.
Blitzo: Welp, the old man wanted to live again and we didn't kill him, so, we failed. Thanks to those fucking cherubs, he's probably up in Heaven now so, it's a shame. All our client wanted was eternal revenge on his business partner. And now, the two are forever separated. And now, we gotta face the fire of fuckin' up.
Moxxie: Sir, when are you going to tell the client?
Blitzo: Oh, I already sent him a text and, we're in good hands 'cause texts don't make people angry.
A metal plank proceeds to crash into the office as Moxxie scurries out of the way. Loopty slides down the plank and into the office.
Loopty: Blitz!
Blitzo: Loofa! We can explain everything. I was...
Another metal plank crashes through the roof and squashes Moxxie as Lyle, as a mechanical sinner, arrives.
Blitzo & Millie: Lyle Lipton?!
Millie: I don't understand, we thought you went to Heaven?
Lyle: Heaven? You don't make millions in technological advances in robotics by not experimenting on the poor!
Y/n: See? Unethical and immoral methods of research give more interesting results!
Loopty: Oh, you no good heartless son of a bitch! (To Blitzo) Thank you for reuniting me with my best friend!
Y/n: Hey quick question. So you wanted to die because the age machine made you old instead of old, right?
Lyle: Yes. Why do you ask?
Y/n: And the machine did actually work, it was just in the wrong setting, right?
Lyle: Correct.
Y/n: So, why didn't you just switch it to reverse and make yourself younger? I mean we still would've kill you, but at least wouldn't have been old and suicidal.
Everyone took a moment to process the obvious solution to Lyle's former problem, who now felt a bit embarrassed that he didn't think of it.
Lyle: I didn't think about that. But it's too late now. So the only question now is, what do two old genius robotic inventors do, now that we're in Hell?
Wally Wackford then crashes through the ceiling.
Wally: Did someone say, I say, inventors?! Name's Wally Wackford, and I am lookin' for creative new people to exploit! I mean employ."
Y/n: Everyone, stop fucking up the walls! I'm sick of paperwork over property damage! Moxxie! Start getting this stuff fixed!
Moxxie is shown trapped, foam flowing from the mouth.
Blitzo: Oh, chill out, Moxxie. If you kiss Y/n's ass any harder, you'll go right inside him. Satan's balls! First we deal with Heaven's table-scraps, now this?
Wally: I guess, you can say, you say, you have a holey operation here, Blitzo!
Wally slaps his knee and laughs. He doubles down on the floor.
Blitzo: Get out.
Wally: Oh hoh hoh! I said "Oh!"
Blitzo: No, I'm serious, get the fuck out!
Everyone in the room looks at Blitzo, shocked and surprised from him shouting.
_______________
Thank you for reading the chapter. Next will be the harvest moon festival and Y/n's reunion with his father, Striker. Until then, here's a meme.