Chapter one, Pilot.
"GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE"
ADA TARTT HATED ROY KENT. The seed was planted over a decade ago when her twin brother, Jamie, took it upon himself to put up a poster on her side of their shared bedroom. "I got no more space on me wall," He had pouted, hands clasped beneath his chin in a pleading gesture. "Please, Ada! Just for a little while."
But Jamie was always more cunning than anyone ever gave him credit for, and he managed to ensure that a little while very quickly became forever. He found the most permanent glue available for sale, and purchased it with the money he saved from all the teeth he lost (and a young lad whose favourite past time was kicking a ball around the streets of Manchester lost a lot of fucking teeth). Ada wouldn't have minded had the poster been at all aesthetically pleasing, but it was an ugly thing; a jagged magazine cutout of an unsmiling, menacing man holding a football. A horrible addition to their room, and certainly not welcome on her wall – which she had chosen to decorate with pictures of her own favourite players.
("That man doesn't deserve to be so close to Mia Hamm and Marta." She would cry into her mother's shoulder on more than one occasion.)
The seed of hatred slowly grew throughout her adolescence, nurtured abundantly with each chant of "He's here, he's there, he's every-fucking-where! Roy Kent! Roy Kent!" It was almost as though he was, in fact, every-fucking-where. Scoring goals in her living room, watching her sleep from his immobile spot on her bedroom wall, his praises on the tongue of every boy she kissed all throughout secondary school.
But the pip only began sprouting roots when she finally met him.
It was back when Jamie had first moved to London and was living in her guest room (he didn't really ask if he could, just showed up on her doorstep with a fuck load of luggage and a sweet enough smile). She had been the one to drop him off at Nelson Road on his first day, where he was to meet the men who'd be his teammates for the next few months. She remembered how excited he was on the drive there, shifting in his seat as they neared and chewing the inside of his cheek so that she wouldn't catch him grinning like a fool.
(She did.)
"Meeting Roy Kent today." He had tried to say casually, but even he knew he was failing. It was, after all, Roy fucking Kent.
Roy fucking Kent who was predictably unsmiling and menacing, just as the childhood relic promised he would be, but add to that rude and pretentious and shorter in person. And looking back, perhaps it was her decision to voice the latter observation out loud that properly cemented their feud, but Ada took no credit for laying its foundation. After all, she only vocalised the criticism after he proved to be a complete dickhead.
It was simple, really. Roy had been rude to Jamie, and Ada would not be Ada if she didn't defend him. And just like that, the roots of loathing were quick to spread across her internal body, wrapping around the hardy bones of her ribs and poking at the pink flesh of her entrails.
But it wasn't as though Ada was just a ball of hatred. A bit colder in the last few months, sure, but not evil. She disliked many things, like off brand cereal and denim vests, and she hated a lot of people, like who her father became after one too many pints, but she could love just as well.
For example, with the same fervour that she hated Roy Kent, she found herself loving Keeley Jones. In fact, she loved Keeley even more than she hated Roy. So much so that she was even willing to suffer through his presence if the girl asked her to.
Which she had. Many times. This morning. On her one day off.
"So glad you're here with me, by the way." Keeley cooed for what felt like the hundredth time, removing her manicured hand from where it was holding Ada's so that she could properly hold the steering wheel. Keeley hated parking.
She also just hated driving in general, hence why she had begged Ada to accompany her to the club (it was easier to drive when crashing meant losing a best friend as well as a car – death always spooked her). They were going to pick up Jamie for his appointment, and then Keeley was going to take her out for lunch as recompense.
Ada huffed an amused breath. "People don't usually say by the way when repeating something they've already said so many times."
The blonde didn't so much as twitch a brow. It was difficult to offend Keeley Jones, whose sense of self was unyielding.
"I love you, you're so smart."
"Should've dated me instead of that idiot, then."
"Well, you're twins, ain't ya? I'm dating you but with a penis!"
A surprised sound came from their left, and they both turned to see Lesley Higgins, the club's director of communications, getting out of his car. He was an older gentleman, with a warm disposition and an aversion to tart language.
Ada hadn't properly spoken to him since he drove her home from the hospital a few days back. He was there with his youngest son ("Just a check up," he had assured her, even though she didn't ask or particularly care) and had been both surprised and delighted to see her. She told him to not mention her visit to anyone, but was happy to accept the offer of a ride.
"Morning, Higgins." She and Keeley greeted in unison.
Keeley quickly turned to Ada. "Oh, my god!" She squealed. "We spoke at the same time! Maybe I sucked Jamie's twin magic when I sucked his-"
"Stop!"
"I wasn't gonna say that! I was gonna say when I sucked his tongue."
"That's just as bad!"
"Is it?"
"No." Higgins answered honestly, still stood by their open window with a briefcase held to his chest like a security blanket and a face paling to match the white of his shirt.
Ada chose to say no more, giving her friend a sharp look (also known as the "Do not discuss any of my brother's body parts with me again" look) before sliding out of the car. She ran a hand through her hair, reminding herself to cut it again as she absentmindedly felt its growing length, and offered Higgins one more smile before walking towards the entrance.
"Jamie tell you about the new coach?" She asked when her best friend caught up to her and linked their arms.
"No," Keeley hummed. "We were busy last night." She rushed to explain herself when that earned her another look. "We were watching Lust Conquers All!"
The walk to the locker rooms was filled with Keeley recapping last night's episode, and Ada didn't have the heart to tell her that she had no idea who Katy or Angie were or what "Cock-tailing" was. She simply nodded along and let out a surprised gasp whenever it was deemed appropriate.
"What a slag! She cheated on Zack?"
Keeley nodded fiercely, face more serious than Ada had ever seen it. "And then she said it was because of her migraines."
"What?"
"Yeah, said something about how she thought giving head would heal her head."
They finally made it to the door, and covered their eyes just as their protocol demanded of them.
"You lot decent?" Ada called out from the doorway. With her eyes covered, she didn't see Keeley already walking in with swaying hips and a cheeky smile.
Okay, so, it was Ada's protocol.
"Well that's disappointing." The blonde joked when she found all the boys dressed. From behind her, Ada let out a childish yuck!
Keeley turned to tease her, but ended up locking eyes with a friendly looking man – a rare enough sight. He seemed to be in the middle of addressing the room. "Oh, I'm sorry, I'm interrupting."
Ted quickly shook his head, "No, no, that's okay. Can I help ya?"
"I'm here to pick up that one." She pointed to Jamie, who was halfway through zipping up his hoodie.
The boy turned to Ted, offering no more than a smirk and an empty apology. "Sorry, Coach, she made me an appointment. I'm getting waxed." He pulled his bag over his shoulder. "It's more for the fans than for me."
Roy Kent let out a low scoff from where he sat on the bench. His head was back down, having snapped up earlier at the sound of a familiar voice calling out to see if they were all decent.
That same voice now spoke up. "Don't think your fans wanna see your waxed moon."
Ted Lasso turned his head, and despite not knowing who the girl was, he found himself quickly putting a name to her. Well, a last name, at least. She was leaning against the doorway, head titled in the same way that Jamie would tilt his after insulting a teammate's footwork. The smirk on her face mirrored her brother's. The eyes were the same, smug shade of brown – if not a touch more intelligent.
They also had the same accent, which Ted found entertaining.
"Me moon's for me missus." Jamie cheesed, leaning over to slap a kiss on Keeley's cheek. He then turned back to Ted, "Chest's for the fans, though. Score a goal, gotta take my shirt off."
The man could only offer a smile and a nod.
"But I could stay..."
Ted lightly shook his head. "No no, that's okay."
"Cheers."
Ada finally walked into the room, walking past her brother to kneel in front of his locker. She quickly began to rummage through his things, ignoring Roy's obvious scowl (as well as his shirtless torso) and Jamie's offended squawking.
"Aye!"
"I know you made a copy of the house keys."
"Why would they be in there?" Jamie asked, incredulous. The rest of the boys watched on, none more amused than Colin and none more annoyed than Roy.
"Because I checked your car and your house."
"What the fuck!" He turned to Keeley, but she only offered a shrug and a laugh. "So you can 'ave the keys to me car and me house but I can't-"
"Do you have tape?"
Jamie blinked, and let out a confused "What?"
"Not you, ya knob." She turned to Ted, who also blinked dumbly. "You."
"Me?"
Ada looked around the room, face perplexed. "Am I not speaking English?"
"You are, babe." Keeley promised.
She blew her a quick kiss (which she devotedly caught), and faced the American stranger once more. "Yes, you. Tape?"
"Oh." He swivelled like a cowboy in a showdown, but stopped when he found Beard standing in front of him, holding out a roll of tape. Ted took it with a grin and passed it over to Ada. "Here ya go, ma'am."
"It's Ada." She smiled, not unkindly but certainly lacking in warmth. She took the tape and turned back to the locker, bending so that her upper body was being held up by the shelf.
A few whistles and lewd sounds echoed around the room, almost all turning their attention to the girl's position.
"Now, Gentlemen-"
"Ay-"
But Roy was louder than Ted and Jamie put together. "Oi!" He called out. "Cold showers, now!"
The boys, all except Sam and Colin and Isaac who had all been respectful, scrambled to the shower rooms in fear of their captain's cold gaze. No water could match it in temperature.
"Can't be in this room." He gritted after Jamie and Keeley decided to wait for her out in the hallway.
"Think I'm scared of footballers staring at me arse? You've never been inside the Arsenal Women's locker room." Her voice was slightly muffled as she used her mouth to rip a stretch of tape.
Roy kept his face blank and his eyes to himself as he answered. "Don't care about your arse or who sees it. I'm talking about the rules. No women in here."
"I saw a few of them running to the showers just now."
He turned to glare at her, but it was useless seeing as she still had her top half shoved in the locker. He tried not to stare. "Fuck are you doing, anyway?"
"Thought you didn't care."
"About your ass."
"What about tits?"
Roy coughed, and the few who lingered in the room briefly glanced at him. He clenched his jaw, watching as she finally pulled herself out.
"You let that dickhead plaster me friend's tits in his locker for all to see." She pointed to the posters which littered the inside of the cubby. Promiscuous photos of Keeley, now with black tape covering up her most intimate parts.
"I'm not his father."
She felt her blood run cold at that, and couldn't help herself from snapping. "No, but you're his captain, no matter how shitty."
Ted, who had been eavesdropping the entire time out of curiosity (although not subtly enough if Beard's disappointed glare through the office window was anything to go by), decided to step in before things could escalate. "Thank you." He said.
Roy and Ada turned to look at him, and he resisted the urge to shrink into himself. Mean eyes, he thought to himself, but they'll love me soon.
"For covering the, um-"
"Tits." She supplied.
He let out a nervous laugh. "Yes, a gold star for you." When that earned him nothing but a blank look, he reached out a hand for her to shake. "Ted Lasso, new coach."
Ada nodded, and slowly reached out to take his hand in hers. "Ada."
"So you said!" He grinned.
"Right."
"Got a last name, Ada?" The answer was obvious enough, but he was a man who liked to be sure of things.
"Can you 'urry up?" Jamie groaned from the doorway. "Went through me shit, fucked up me poster, what else are you gonna do?"
Ted snapped his fingers. "Tartt."
"Yeah, coach?"
"No," He shook his head with another laugh. "Tartt. Her last name. I'm guessing siblings."
"She's Jamie's twin." Keeley chirped. For some reason, the topic of twins had always seemed to fascinate her. Especially this particular set, so different and yet so alike.
"Oh, wow, our own Jaime and Cersei!"
This time the room was far quieter than the last time he made a pop culture reference. Nobody seemed to understand the other ones, and it looked liked he was the one who didn't get this one.
Isaac's snort echoed.
Beard quickly made his way out the office, having heard everything through the open door. "He's never watched Game of Thrones."
Ada offered no words. She squinted slightly at the American pair, tossed them the roll of tape, and walked towards the two waiting for her. Keeley wrapped an arm around each Tartt, and then they were off.
"They're sorta like the plastics, ain't they?" Ted grinned, still juggling with the tape.
Beard sighed, "A more accurate comparison than the last one you made."
"Were Cersei and Jaime enemies or somethin? Anti-twins?"
"Something like that."
"Hope I didn't offend their bond, I bet he and Ada are closer than those Lannifers." Ted sighed.
"Lannisters."
"Oh."
Roy bit his tongue and grabbed his things, heading for the shower room. Isaac, Colin, and Sam followed, but only after allowing themselves the opportunity to laugh now that Kent was not there to snarl at their amusement.
"Hey, I think they like us."
That was answered a mere half hour later, when Ada came back to the locker room.
"I'll just be a minute." She told Nate, who had opened the door for her. Most of the staff had already gone home, as Monday was to be a half day for many this week (and it would have been a full day off for her, if she wasn't such a good friend).
"Al-alright!" Nate chuckled, although it sounded like he was choking. She stared at him in concern. "Yeah, no, um, there's still some people here. Like Ted. And, um, Roy. The captain. You know him. Of course, you do. Richard is here, as well. He likes to take long showers. He's a shaver. And, um-"
"Thanks, mate." Ada interrupted, slipping into the locker room and leaving him out in the hall.
"It's Nate, actually." He mumbled to himself. And then he paused once his brain processed her words. She'd said mate.
Did Ada Tartt consider him a mate?
(She did not.)
"They don't like you." She casually told Ted on her way to the lockers, stopping to watch him hang up a poster of Mohammed Ali.
The man started, nearly toppling off the office chair on which he was kneeling. "Ada." He greeted with a smile, as though he didn't hear what she had said.
"Coach."
"Please, call me Ted. I'm not your coach."
"Her coach's name was Teddy, actually, so not too far off. If you ignore the woman part."
It was Ada's turn to jump. She turned her head to the left, and caught sight of the other new coach. He was sat with his feet propped up on the desk, eyes trained on the book on his lap.
"You're fucking quiet."
"And you're famous."
She shrugged, but it was more indifferent than modest.
Ted briefly wondered if it was possible for someone to share the womb with Jamie Tartt and come out humble in any way, and then pinched his own thigh for allowed such mean thoughts to float around his head. "Oh, you play, too?"
"She played first." Beard hummed, still not glancing up. "Scouted at age eight. Was Manchester's youngest female striker, left for Arsenal a little over a year ago. Was also up for the position of captain."
It was odd, hearing someone acknowledging her career. Acknowledge that she was first. That she was good. Ada felt an odd warmth wash over her shoulders and pool in her belly. Like a child coming home to a warm cup of tea after playing in the cold. She stared at the man for a moment.
"Quit after a match against her old team, though. Broken foot. Mostly known for her modelling now. The face of many makeup brands."
The warmth inside her instantly cooled.
"It's a nice face." Ted grinned.
"Cheers." She mumbled.
"That's Beard, by the way. He knows everything."
"Almost everything." Ada said, turning to look back at the man. For some reason, she was amused. Which was a rare enough thing for her to be in the last few months, but even rarer still when talking about her accident. "I broke me femur, not me foot."
Beard made a sound but still kept his head down.
"Your leg looks good." Ted eyed her straight posture. "Bet you could get right back into it if you wanted! If you believe it, you can be it."
She ignored him. "Anyways, just thought you should know."
"Hmm?"
"That they don't like you, coa-- Ted."
"Oh!" He nodded. "Right, well, Rome wasn't built in a day, little lady."
"Yeah, it was built in 1,229 years. You plan on sticking around?"
Beard finally glanced up from his book, eyebrows raised. "How did you...?"
But she had already left, muttering something about looking for her phone rather than offering a proper goodbye.
"You're back." Roy grunted from where he stood in front of his locker.
"Nice to know age has yet to rob you of your sight."
He just glared, and Ada, whose mind was still in that office, offered him a distracted smile in return. Roy didn't know what to do with it, and thankfully didn't have to do anything because she was already focusing her attention back on Jamie's locker.
The (newly censored) picture of a nude Keeley Jones sucking on a lollipop was giving her a knowing look. Like she could see right through her, see things that not even Ada had ever looked upon.
She quickly realised what she'd done.
Ada Tartt smiling at Roy Kent might have been stranger and even more off putting than the Game of Thrones reference from earlier.
She chanced another glance at the man and watched him put on his leather jacket, ignoring his bulging biceps as she did so.
What she did not ignore, however, were his words. "Tell your brother to stop being a fucking arsehole to Sam."
"Who the fuck is Sam?"
"Obisanya." He scoffed. "Number 24."
"Oh."
"Just fucking tell him."
Ada did not like that he was being demanding of her. "I'm not his mother." She snapped.
"Yeah, but you're his sister, no matter how shitty." He echoed her previous insult.
Roy began walking off, but she had to get the last word in. It was simply in her nature.
"Hairy prick."
He halted and turned back to face her, hoping his face did nothing to hint at his inner thoughts (Had she looked at me earlier? Long enough to know I'm hairy? Hastily followed by an indignant Which I am not!)
"What did you just say to me?"
"I said scary Rick." She smiled innocently, pointing at Richard, who had been standing in front of his locker mirror since before she even arrived. "It's my nickname for him."
"...You think his name is Rickard."
Her smug expression wavered slightly as his own one made an appearance. "Is it not?"
"It's Richard." He shook his head at her. "You've fucking met him, like, ten times."
"Whatever."
Roy wasn't so amused anymore. It was moments like these where he was reminded of who she was. Before she was a footballer or a reluctant socialite, she was Jamie Tartt's other half. No doubt attached to him as children, and no doubt having graduated from the same school of douchebaggery.
"You really are his sister."
She turned back to the locker. "And you really are a hairy prick."
Ada spent the next few minutes rummaging through Jamie's belongings, stopping only to bid Richard goodbye and to answer his question of Should I dye my hair blonde? with a kind enough Fuck no, you twat.
"I was just called Ronald bleeping McDonald by the captain of the team. Haven't felt like that since Freshman Football, when Bernie Winters said I look like American Pie was my favourite song."
"Is it?"
Ted grinned. "Top ten, easily." He then frowned. "But it was the tone he used."
"Well, I don't know Bernie Winters."
"I meant Roy."
She bit back a laugh, pocketing her phone which she had finally found wedged between between the back of the shelf and the locker wall. "Told you, they don't like you."
She also pocketed a familiar set of keys.
That little prick.
"You did." He nodded, still smiling that enthusiastic smile. Very American. "But you like me."
"We've said, like, 20 words to each other."
"28 if you include those words there."
She silently did the math, and offered an impressed nod when it added up. "Good boy."
His cheeks flushed. "Yeah, you definitely like me."
Ada smiled back. "No."
"Help me put this poster up?"
"No." She walked towards to the door.
"You have plans right now?"
Ada's thoughts drifted to Keeley, who was waiting for her in the parking lot. "Yes."
"How about tonight?"
"No." The word escaped her mouth before she could stop it.
"Fancy some dinner with me and my good pal Beard?"
"Maybe."
Ted cheesed like a child. "Alrighty!"
⚽️: Short chapter because not much happens in the pilot, but here's a little taste!!! Ada isn't likeable, yes, but this entire show is about character development – to have a Tartt be tolerable from the very beginning would just feel wrong. Also my girl is secretly going through it.
⚽️: Not to point out the obvious, but Ada is not friends with the team yet. It would be so weird if she was, given that not even Jamie (who is a member) doesn't get along with them. But she will be soon enough and I cannot wait to get into that, as well as developing her relationship with the coaches and Rebecca and ROY (obviously).