Only after five days did Avery dare to get out of the room where she had spent the last few days. The worst of the withdrawal was over, which didn't mean everything was all good now. Only the nausea was better, the pain was less and she was beginning to feel some appetite again. Unsurprisingly, the last real meal she had was before the withdrawal. Of course they tried to get her to eat at least a piece of bread or something in the last few days. But even that mostly came out again because of the constant nausea.
With tired legs, she dragged herself through the hallway, looking for the kitchen, and squinted her eyes slightly as she stepped into the light-filled room. Ah, she'd found the living room, or the common room; whatever, it looked like a huge living room. And there she also found a sleeping Happy on the couch.
Of course she got stupid ideas right away, how could she not? The last few days she was too weak to leave the room at all, but now that she was on her feet she could actually flee and search for the next dealer.
Just because the worst of withdrawal was over didn't mean she stopped craving drugs. That craving would probably never go away completely, otherwise ex-addicts wouldn't sometimes relapse so quickly, even after ten years of being clean.
She slowly stepped back after checking to make sure the man on the couch was really asleep, making sure to tiptoe to avoid the creaking of the floor. She didn't care that she looked like shit and was only wearing an oversized shirt that Lyla had brought her yesterday, the thought of getting her next shot was too tempting to care about her looks.
"What do you think you're doing?" The raspy, deep voice that suddenly came from behind her as she reached the door, her hand already on the doorknob, made her freeze.
Chewing nervously on the inside of her cheek, she thought of a plausible excuse because as cheerful as his name sounded, she certainly didn't want to irritate the heavily tattooed biker. In the last few days her mind was too foggy and she was in too much pain to get to know Happy better. She still didn't know anything about him, but he just looked intimidating and she wasn't quite sure if she really wanted to provoke him.
"I, uh, wanted some fresh air", she lied quickly after turning around, smiling sweetly. However, he didn't seem to be impressed at all by her innocent, sweet smile.
Oh great; otherwise this always worked. Groaning, she flopped against the door and raised her hands in resignation. "Okay, I wanted to run. You expected anything else?", she asked with a snort. Most of the people always had the same opinion of junkies anyway.
"No, I didn't", he answered dryly and shrugged, then, surprisingly gently, he grabbed her arm and pushed her towards the kitchen.
"Because junkies can't be counted on, right?", she asked, her voice dripping with sarcasm as she was pushed into a chair.
"I didn't say that", Happy grunted, who got a bowl from the cupboard and filled it with cereal. "I've never seen a junkie who didn't try to run away."
"Yeah, great, but my withdrawal is over. Means I can leave." She eyed him with crossed arms, well aware that her withdrawal wasn't over yet. Now that he was standing with his back to her, he wouldn't notice her getting a closer look at him. The redhead checked him out extensively, the tattoos she saw on his arms were impressive and she was sure he had many more. But since he had always worn a shirt, she had only spotted the ones on his forearms and head until now.
"You really think it's over?" Shaking his head, Happy placed the bowl in front of her after pouring milk in it and sat down across from her, his eyes intently on her. "You just got through the beginning. And if you thought that was the hardest part, maybe you should talk to other recovering addicts."
"What could be worse than the past few days?" Frowning, she looked into the bowl and stirred the cereal with the spoon. It was her favorite cereal, Lyla probably got some and brought it here. But it was also Ian's favorite, which in turn gave her a pang in the chest. Why did everything has to remind her of her brother?
"The craving. And that's going to be the hardest part; to stay strong and not slip again", he explained with a shrug, then watched her how she absently stared into her bowl, stirring it instead of eating.
"What's going on?", he inquired.
"My brother loved these, it was his favorite", she said with a faint smile, her eyes still on the floating chocolate flakes. "I don't think there was a day that he didn't eat them."
Sighing, Happy rubbed his face, then his head, and finally rubbed the back of his neck. It wasn't his intention to give her the exact food that would remind her of her brother. But Lyla said that was probably the only thing she would actually eat.
"I can make you something else if you want", he offered her. Normally he wouldn't serve anyone like that, but in this case he really felt sorry; which of course he didn't show and kept a straight face. "But you definitely need to eat something."
"No, it's okay." The redhead just waved her hand and then actually started to eat. This time she didn't even feel sick right away. "I know I can't avoid everything that reminds me of him. Otherwise I'll have to lock myself up somewhere and never get out again."
And as painful as it was, she had to learn to deal with the fact that Ian was gone, and wasn't coming back. That's why she had started with the drugs in the first placeᅳ to forget and get over it.
Well, that didn't work out. Instead, she was now even worse and broke, too. And to add the icing on the cake, she had also become a disappointment and a burden to her mom and Lyla. Wow, Ian would definitely be proud of herᅳ not.
"That's right, and no one can live like that. As harsh as it sounds you have to find a way to get over thisᅳ or no one will ever be able to help you." The redhead had noticed that Happy always said straight out what he was thinking, even when she was still foggy, and somehow she liked that about him. She got only pity from every side. Everyone treated her like a raw egg and yes, even if these people meant well, it still got on her nerves.
Pity was never what she wanted, she just wanted to be understood that she couldn't just forget Ian's death and carry on as before. Man, she had partly raised him while her mother had to work two jobs to pay the bills and everything after she finally threw the father of her three kids out.
That was ten years ago, when she was sixteen and Ian just seven. So she took charge of the daytime supervision until her mom got back, which was usually late at night when Ian was already in bed. Since Lyla had already lived in Charming by then and was a mother herself, it was normal for Avery to take care of Ian.
And that's exactly why it was so difficult for her to say goodbye. Because she knew Ian best, had spent the most time with him, and had the closest relationship with him. Even after she moved out at twenty, that hadn't changed, after all she just lived across the street and they still saw each other every day. And then he was just gone.
"I know that", she answered sternly, finally lifting her head to look up from her bowl and into the man's brown, almost black eyes. A shiver ran down her spine at his cold gaze, but she had already figured that this was just his usual expression. "But it's not that easy. Ian and I were close. Hell, he was more like a kid to me than a brother."
"How come?", Happy asked calmly. There had to be a reason why they were so close and he was curious about it. And yes, maybe he could understand her pain better if he knew.
"Well", she let out a sigh, slumping back into her chair after eating two more spoons of her cereal, her stomach already feeling full. Then she told him how their mother had to work all the time to pay the bills and that she was responsible for taking care of her brother. "But she hardly ever came home before bed time. Only when Ian was older and allowed to stay up longer she was able to spend some time with him. But other than that I took care of him since he was seven."
With a grunt, he nodded in understanding. Now he saw why she turned to drugs, to numb out the pain of losing someone that was like a kid to her. She had to take care of another kid at such a young age and probably spent a lot of her teenage years at home making sure her brother wasn't alone and still taken care of. Not every teenager or young adult would have the nerves to do that.
"I bet that was a lot. Taking care of a kid while you were still one yourself", he pointed out. Not in a judgemental way, he was actually impressed.
"Nah, it was doable", she shrugged her shoulders before a slight smile took over her exhausted looking face. "Ian was a pretty easy kid. He never lashed out, was always polite and kind. Sure, he was a handful as a teenager but still a lot easier to handle than some of the other kids his age."
"He sounds like a great guy", Happy commented, hoping he wasn't crossing a line with that since he didn't even knew Ian in person, but the redhead smiled even more and nodded.
"He really was." Only after a moment of silence did she realize that she actually talked about her brother without bursting out in tears. This was the first time she even managed to smile while talking about him.
Maybe that was also because of Happy, who instead of looking at her with pity and patting her hand all the time, just listened to her and spoke of Ian as if he were an actual person and not as if his name wasn't allowed to be mentioned.
And Happy also noticed that she seemed a little calmer, more balanced. She still looked pretty tired and exhausted and weak as well. And despite her tousled hair and dark circles under her eyes, he found it hard not to look at her any longer than necessary.
"Even if it's going to take a while, I'm sure you'll be able to get over it someday", he rasped, sticking a toothpick between his lips and rolling it from side to side. "You have people who really care about you, not everyone does, little girl."
"Maybe, I don't know. But somehow I have to keep going", she answered with a slight nod and bit her lower lip, blushing slightly when he called her little girl. Happy seemed nicer than expected and now she felt almost bad that she wanted to run off to get high even though he had made sure that exactly that didn't happen for days.
Maybe he got paid for it, she didn't know, but she still didn't want to seem ungrateful.
"Hey, sorry about earlier. I don't want you to think I'm ungrateful, I'm not", she pointed out sincerely, running her fingers through her ginger colored hair, grimacing in pain when her fingers got stuck in the knotted parts. "Can I take a shower?"
"It's okay. Like I said, I didn't expect anything else. Just don't do it again, understand?", he said, seriousness lingering in his tone. "And yes, if you feel fit enough for it. Towels are in the bathroom, a bag with fresh clothes is on the chair in your room. You call when you need help. And take it slow, okay?"
"I won't", she answered eagerly, but she couldn't promise it. The redhead nodded understandably at his instructions and stood up, putting her bowl in the sink. "Thank you Happy; for your help."
She looked at him briefly when he grunted in response and then disappeared from the kitchen, still feeling his eyes on her and she didn't know exactly why, but she liked it.