TW: this chapter contains mentions of weight gain and negative self talk!
chapter five,
i don't know if
i can do this
ʚ ═══･୨💌୧･═══ ɞ
amelie stared down at her, looking at the time. 4:36 AM. she couldn't fall asleep no matter how hard she tried. thoughts of bell ran through her mind.
why would millie wanna know if she was free april 14-16? she knew she was.
amelie set her phone down on her bedside table, getting up and walking towards her desk. she had made a tweet a while ago telling people to expect a poem soon, except that was maybe 7 months ago.
she opened her desk drawer and pulled out a notebook and pencil. she stared down at the paper with the words "poem" written in big letters along the top.
fuck. she thought. she's writing a poem that should have been done months ago. she was just a hot mess. how could anyone like her like this? she can't even write 4 simple paragraphs.
she closed the notebook with a sigh and walked towards her bed, grabbing her phone. she opened twitter and checked her notifications.
"user90 commented AMELIE HOWS UR POEM DOING?" amelie sighed and moved her eyes to the next notification.
"donnawolfe liked a post that mention you" huh? amelie clicked the post to see what it was
"hater283 amelie isn't even that good of an actor or person. she's not pretty or anything, i don't get why @bellaramsey even likes them. @ameliemorgan ugly bitch." amelie could feel the panic rising in her. how does bella even like her? shes not that special, she's just another girl with a celebrity crush. why did bella choose her out of all people? amelie scrolled to the next notification, hoping for something better
"@ameliemorgan i've been wondering? have you been gaining weight? no offense or anything, just wanna know." amelie couldn't control it anymore and burst into tears. had she been gaining weight? she walked towards the mirror and pulled her shirt up, looking at herself. fuck.. amelie was fully breaking down at this point. she hadn't heard her dad waking up, and that was good. it's around 10-11 AM in the UK, maybe she could call millie.
amelie unlocked her phone and clicked on "millie bae".
amelie bae
millie?
millie are you there?
please.
millie bae
amelie..?
are you okay?
amelie bae
no not really
can you call?
millie bae
yeah of course.
INCOMING CALL FROM - MILLIE BAE
ACCEPT DECLINE
millie's british accent came through the other end. "am's? what happened?" amelie sniffled and wiped her nose with the bottom of her shirt.
"millie i don't know if i can do this anymore."
"what do you mean?"
"i mean, i said i had a poem i was writing seven months ago and i haven't wrote a word." amelie's voice was cracking and her vision was getting blurry from tears.
"oh baby, it's okay. you don't have to do the poem if u don't want to. and i know that's not the only reason, what else is wrong?"
"i- donna, sh-" amelie sniffled and continued, "she liked a tweet, saying that i wasn't a good a-tor and that i was ugly and bella shouldn't even like me."
millie stayed silent for a beat or two, "amelie you know that's not true. your perfect the way you are, and bella liked you for a reason."
"but what is the reason?"
"i don't know. that's for bella to say."
"um, also," amelie paused for a moment, "people are saying i'm gaining weight."
"oh babes, people gain and lose weight all the time, it's perfectly normal." millie was genuinely being truthful, and amelie could sense that. she was just overcome with emotions.
"i know."
"do you."
"...yeah."
"i love you amelie. nothing can change that."
"i love you too millie."
"talk later?"
"yeah, talk later."
"okay." millie blew a kiss to the microphone and hung up.
amelie had stopped crying, so she went to the bathroom to blow her nose, looking at the time. 5:04 PM. amelie finished blowing her nose before stopping right in the doorway.
"i have an interview with the enola holmes cast tuesday, 4-6." millie's words rang through amelie's mind. fuck fuck fuck. she probably just told that straight to peoples ears and millies mic. but, they would cut it out.. right?
ʚ ═══･୨💌୧･═══ ɞ