@iberge12 on pinterest for chapter pic :>
TW: Smoking, mentions of self harm, lime smut :)
--
My head shot up from his, adrenaline rushing through my whole body.
I felt Karl stir under me, a yawned "what is it?" leaving his lips.
He then looked at the door, his eyes widening.
"Sh- Grandma hi!" He said quickly sitting up as he smiled terrified.
"Hello Karl...and Sapnap." She added with a slight smile. "Did you guys eat? What brings him in here?"
"He um walked me home and decided to cook some pasta. Sorry for not telling you but you were outside."
He explained, nervousness still lingering in his tone.
I got up and fixed my clothes.
"Hi Mrs Jacobs." I waved awkwardly. She softly smiled in response.
"Well, I'm making some tea," She informed, holding the doorknob. "feel free to join me." She offered, leaving the door closed behind her.
As soon as she left the room a sigh of relief escaped Karl's mouth.
"Well," I said, looking at him. "At least we weren't having sex." I shrugged, a grin plastered on me.
"Sapnap you're so gross!" He accused as he slapped my shoulder, his face as red as a tomato.
"Cmon, I'll have some tea and go to my brothers."
--
A beautifully painted porcelain tea set sat on top of the table, some steam still dancing in the air from the kettle.
"We were thinking about going out with Clay and George tomorrow," Karl started before carefully sipping on his cup.
"And we wanted to sleep outside with them, can we leave the kids here so they have a sleepover?" His eyes scanned her, silently begging for approval.
"Sure thing honey, I'll take care of them." She responded, adding some honey to her drink.
She looked at me, gesturing to ask if i wanted some. I denied politely and thanked her for the thoughtfulness.
I looked at Karl to find his gaze already linger on me. He smiled sweetly and i returned it, a warm feeling storming all over my chest.
--
I put my shoes on and thanked Mrs. Jacobs before opening the front door and exiting the house, Karl following right behind.
"I'll see you tomorrow, yeah?" I said, an endeared smile on my face as he carefully wiped a hair off of my shirt.
I opened my arms to hug him, and as he did i felt him lean in to grab something.
He took the newspaper from the mailbox next to the door and opened it, shielding our faces with it so no one could see us.
He then put a hand behind my neck and brought me in a kiss, making butterflies fly all over my stomach.
I grabbed on his waist and kissed him a few more times, not even noticing the smile plastered on my face.
"Go now, don't make your brothers wait." He said as he distanced himself, slightly pushing me so i would move.
I waved at him giggling as I started walking towards Dream's house.
---
My fist knocked on the cold wood of the door, a few seconds passing by before i watched it open in front of me.
"Oh, hi Sap." Said a smiling George as he fixed his shirt, a few purple spots slightly peeking from the neck of it.
I slightly furrowed my brows and smiled, trying to hold back a scoff.
"What happened to your n-"
"George, Jesus" Dream gasped flustered, shoving him away from the front door.
"Hey um," Said the blond, pinching the bridge of his nose. "I'll umh- I'll call your brothers."
I nodded, internally rolling my eyes as i noticed a book held down dream's crotch.
Three kids ran down the stairs as their name was called.
My brother Ranboo wore black sunglasses upside-down, while Bill had a black and red bandana on his head.
The shortest, Clay's brother, was clothed in his characteristic black and yellow striped sweater that always reminded me of a bee.
"What are you both wearing?" I asked scoffing as I ruffled my middle brother's hair.
"It's called fashion, brother!" Ranboo exclaimed under my hand as he crossed his arms in pride.
"Yeah, Fashion!" Echoed the other.
"Alright, Alright. Now let's go."
I accomodated, gently shoving them out of the porch.
"Bye Tubbo!" Said the two in sync.
"Bye guys!" Responded the other waving.
"So, I'll see you tomorrow at the lake?"
I asked George.
"Yeah, we'll bring some marshmallows."
The brunet responded smiling.
"Okay, have fun you two!" I said winking before turning around and starting to walk home with the kids.
-
"Big news," i said, clearing my voice. "You and Tubbo are having a sleepover at Karl's house tomorrow."
Bill cheered, his hands up in the air.
Ranboo shook his head and started giggling as i put an arm around his shoulder.
"You know," i said scanning him, my voice so low that it was almost a whisper. "You've grown big now, you're almost twelve." I smiled looking at him up and down.
"You're getting old too" He said in a giggle as he pinched my arm.
We all walked down to our house, serenity surrounding us.
-
I made the kids eat and put them to sleep, then quietly slipped in my room.
The bed was still made, and some tissues laid on the cold floor.
I didn't bother picking them up, I just sat on the sheets and let the darkness sink in my eyes.
A yawn escaped my lips as i allowed myself to fall on my back, covers all around me.
My thoughts restlessy wandered through everything that happened that day as i stared at the blank ceiling.
I couldn't forgive years of self hatred for loving a boy who's touch i thought i could never reach.
I passed a two fingers down my arms, slightly wincing as all the memories flooded my mind.
It's like i could still feel the needles pierce my skin.
I laid my hands down, snorting.
As much as i tried to I couldn't sleep.
I shuffled around the bed for a few minutes, then just gave up decided to stay awake.
The silence made my thoughts loud and uncomfortable.
All I could picture was his skin gently rubbing against mine as he removed my clothes, his lustrous eyes eating me with a glance.
I reached for my lips, gently rubbing them with my fingers as i still felt his breath hitting them.
I licked them, trying to taste his kisses again.
My hand slowly traveled down my neck, lowered to my chest, then my stomach, stopping at my groin.
I took a sharp breath in, then turned around so my back was facing the ceiling.
My boner pressed against the mattress, and i dug my face in the pillow as I huffed and cried a helpless groan, just wanting to sleep.
I clasped the sheets with both my hands and bit my pillow, one leg slightly up.
My hips started slowly thrusting, the friction against the bed causing muffled whimpers to escape my lips.
My fingers gripped the fabric harder as the motion sped up.
"Karl, karl karl karl" I moaned as my breathing fastened.
-
I let the water run between my fingers, hypnotized by the view.
Eventually, i turned the faucet off and wiped my hands on a towel.
My bare feet curled up against the cold floor as i walked to my room, the moonlight reflecting my skin in blue.
I stood in front of the open door and stared the pavement down, contemplating.
I reached a spot near my bed and got on my knees, carefully lifting a tile up, trying not to make too much noise.
As i grabbed the pack of cigarette a flood of memories invaded my mind.
The ashy scent explored my lungs as i stood besides the taller man, my sight fixed on the coffee table where various bottles of alcohool stood.
"It's about time you start smoking, son." Said him as he introduced a fag between my lips and put a match in front of it, lighting it up.
I took it out and started coughing, my throat burning violently.
"I'm not sure about this, dad." I confessed, afraid for how he could've reacted.
His palm hit my face, a familiar feeling meeting my left cheek.
"You're a man, good lord!" he hysterically yelled, "Act like one!" he finished as the door slammed closed behind him.
My eyes carefully examined the cigarette in front of me, as if something was written on it.
Its end then met my lips, and my hands blindly searched for a lighter on top of the bedside.
My fingers wrapped around it and approached my face as the other shielded it.
My thumb hesitantly lifted the cap, a flame dancing around at the very top of the box shaped object.
I observed its movements, its warmth hitting my skin, its light revealing part of the dark room.
I quickly closed it and impulsively yanked it across the floor.
How dare I think about doing that?
Did I get mad, wanting to become the man I called my father?
"No." I whispered, shaking my head.
I put the long stick back in the packet and left it in the hole, covering it up with the tile i removed earlier.
I got up and sighed as i laid back on the mattress.
I let my eyes fall closed.
---
A ray of sun hit my face, my eyes squinted in annoyance.
I shuffled around trying to fall asleep again, eventually just accepting the fact I had to get up.
I rolled over untill my leg was hanging from the bed, followed by a hand, then an arm.
I let myself slowly fall onto the floor, its coldness against my bare skin making me slightly cringe.
After a few minutes of blank stares at the white ceiling, i finally got the mental strength to get up.
I huffed, then slowly made the bed.
Mornings have always been quite rough for me.
I walked to the kitchen and looked at the clock, noticing it was still 9 am. I decided to let the kids sleep a little bit more and started making some cookies for that night.
I put every ingredient on the counter and grabbed an old book from a shelf.
I carefully wiped some dust off the front, a storm of memories flooding in my mind.
"Family recipes".
Each time i looked at that book i saw my mom's figure holding it, a bowl full of batter held by her arm and my hand grabbing on her dress.
I always dipped my fingers in the mixture and tasted it, trying not to get caught.
And as the cake grew in the oven, i impatiently laid my palms on its hot glass, my shiny eyes and gluttonous mind already devouring it.
One day hasn't passed without my heart aching for her disappearance.
I sighed and laid the book on the counter,
hesitantly opening it and turning each page untill i found what i was looking for.
"Butter cookies." Read the title.
I scanned the page, the instructions bringing me memories of when my mom used to make them for us.
"Good morning." Ranboo yawned as he walked towards me, still in his pajamas.
"Slept well?" I asked looking up from the book.
"Yeah um," he paused. "everything good last night? I heard some noises, like a bed moving?"
my eyes widened as i remembered what i had done, then i looked down to hide the blush creeping up my face.
"I uh" i stuttered, "i was probably just shuffling in my sleep."
He ignored my visible nervousness and asked me what i was doing.
"Butter cookies. Wanna help me out?" I offered, desperate for a change of subject.
"Of course, let me wake up Bill."
He said as he left the kitchen.
--
"Jesus, you can't even crack an egg!" Cried Ranboo looking at the eggshell in the mixture.
"Shut up!" Bill said as he grabbed a handfull of flour and chucked it on his older brother.
We both simultaneously gasped.
"You're cleaning that." I warned my littlest brother.
He ignored my words and instead just picked another egg to crack.
As he got distracted, Ranboo lifted up the whole bag of flour and emptied it on Bill's hair.
"YOU MOTHERF-" Bill turned screaming, his arms up in the air to hit the other.
"Both of you are grounded!" I yelled as i stopped him, gripping on his wrists.
"But-" they both pleaded.
"Clean this shit up and don't speak a word." I interrupted.
They both lowered their heads and got the cleaning supplies.
--
As the cookies got baked I grabbed a loaf of bread and started slicing it.
I got two plates on the counter, then laid the oiled the bread there and put some ricotta and sugar on top.
I walked up to a bowl full of fruit and got four oranges, which i squeezed in two cups.
As I opened the oven warm air hit my face.
I gloved my hands and removed the tray, an immediate perfume meeting my nostrills.
After the cookies cooled down, i put them in a lunchbox to bring for that afternoon.
I walked to my brothers' room and knocked on the door with my elbow, a platter in my hands.
"Yes." bill answered, annoyance in his tone.
"Open please." I demanded. "My hands are full." I added, my sight fixed on the hallway to my right.
The door opened and I saw his expression light up as he gasped, his older brother looking our way from the bed, a baseball in his hands.
"You still haven't had breakfast." I said entering, putting the casserole on the sheets.
"Thank you." Smiled Ranboo sitting up.
Bill walked up to us and plopped down at the end of the mattress, immediately stuffing a slice of bread in his mouth.
"You're not grounded by the way," I settled, trying not to make it sound like too much of an apology because i was still upset. "someone has to watch over you today and i can't leave you alone." I justified.
"Mmm" My little brother hummed with a full mouth, oil dripping from his chin.
"Gosh, you're so disgusting." Cried Ranboo with a grossed out face.
I scoffed and left, the door open behind me.
"After you're done get dressed, we're leaving soon." I instructed, my voice loud so they could hear me.
--
"Are you guys ready?" I shouted from the bathroom as i fixed my hair.
"Yeah, let's go." Said Ranboo entering the room to get some perfume to spray.
Before we left I made sure not to forget the box of cookies that i put in a backpack i slung on my shoulder.
I locked the door and went to the back of the house to grab my bike to then bring it to the front so we could ride to Karl's.
-
I rang the doorbell.
The door opened, Karl's Grandma standing in front of it.
"Hello kids get in, Toby is already here." The lady smiled brightly cupping Bill's cheek.
"Hello, where's um- Where's Karl?" I asked as i peeked through the entrance looking for the boy.
"He's in the rear garden watering some flowers, honey." She responded.
"Okay then, have fun you two. Bye Mrs. Jacobs!"
I said, all of them waving and getting inside.
I walked to the back and scanned the area to find him holding a watering can in his hands.
"Hi." I said walking towards him.
He looked up and instantly smiled.
"Hi." He echoed.
He put the object next to other utensils near a wall of the house and walked up to me, his arms open.
"I missed you." He mumbled against my shirt as i welcomed him in a hug.
"You're so dramatic." I giggled, distancing myself.
"Let's go, we can walk around, eat somewhere outside and then reach the other two."
"Sure thing." He smiled.
We both got on the bike, and his cheek found comfort on my back.
I felt his grip on my waist as the wind caressed my face, butteflies storming all over my stomach.
"Here we are." I said slowing down the vehicle as we approached a park.
Its grass was tidy and scattered with tiny white and blue flowers, a saccharine scent filling the air.
Some trunks laid on the ground to serve as benches, while trees surrounded the area.
After we both got down i grabbed the bike by the handles and walked along with it untill we stopped to sit down on the grassy ground behind a large tree.
"Karl." I turned to face him.
"hm?" He mumbled making eye contact.
I carefully moved the hair that was
shielding his view and I let myself sink in his beauty.
"You're the best thing that ever happened to me." I confessed, watching as his cheeks turned red.
He put a hand on my jaw and ran his thumb on my lips, our faces mere inches apart.
"I think I'm addicted to you." He responded in a whisper.
My lips found comfort in his.
With each kiss i gave him, our gestures became more and more lustrous and passionate.
He bit my bottom lip as he leaned back, his hand rested on my cheek and my grip shifting protectively to his lower back.
"God, you're so pretty." I mumbled between breaths.
He lifted his leg to sit on my lap, his movements impatient and demanding for touch.
He gently pushed me so i would fall back, my forearms holding me up.
His fingers passed on my neck then reached for my shirt, starting to unbutton it.
I put a hand on top of his, stopping him.
"We can't do this here, Karl." I chuckled.
His expression froze for a moment to then turn to a frown.
He leaned on my chest, his hands covering his face.
I caressed his hair, trying to comfort him.
"I don't know what takes over me when I'm around you, Sap." He cried looking up at me.
I cupped his face and ran my thumb on his cheekbone.
"I want you all the time." He finished, pressing his forehead against mine after i sat up.
I kissed him, sweetly this time.
"We're gonna get arrested if we keep making out in public places." I chuckled, trying to hide the bitter taste on my tongue as i said it.
He stood up and gave me his hand to help me do the same.
"I'm hungry." He admitted, a serious expression on him.
"We can go eat." I offered chuckling.
--
I left the bike at the front before we entered a diner.
"Can I have a tuna sandwich and some soda please?"
Said Karl to the man at the counter.
"I'll have a hamburger and some Coca-Cola." I added.
We sat at a table while we waited for our food.
"Sap." He called as his eyes undressed me with a look.
"What is it?" I asked as i tilted my head to the side.
He gestured me to get closer, so i hesitantly did.
He shuffled a bit as he leaned onto the table.
"Let's go to the bathroom." He whispered smirking.
My eyes widened and i lightly slapped his hand on the table.
"Why are you always so horny?" I half screamed, blush creeping up my face.
"It's you, Sap." He cried, a dramatic expression plastered on his face. "You make me like this!" He pointed accusingly.
I rolled my eyes and scoffed.
A man interrupted our conversation as he walked up to our table with two plates in his hands and put them down in front of us.
We thanked him and started eating.
"Sap." He abruptly called, his expression alarmed.
"What?" I said, covering my mouth with the back of my hand as i finished chewing.
"What?" I repeated furrowing my eyebrows concerned as he just kept staring at me.
"I forgot my wallet." He simply murmured, petrified. "Please tell me you have extra money." He added.
I checked my pockets, then looked at him again, a worried expression plastered on me.
"Well, shit." He said pinching the bridge of his nose.
"Let's eat and leave some money on the table, they won't know untill later." I proposed whispering.
"I feel a little bad." He confessed.
"Fuck feeling bad, let's just hurry up before they give us the check themselves."
Barely a minute later we found ourselves running out the entrance and getting on the bike as fast as we could.
"You're a dumbass, Karl!" I screamed as we flew onto the streets.
"I know!" He responded giggling and tightening his grip on my waist as i sped up.
--
We went throughout the town and slowed down at the lake, looking for our friends.
"I think it's them, go straight." He instructed.
A few moments after I could clearly see the two sitting on top of checkered sheets, a shallow hole next to them.
They noticed us and started waving.
"Hey guys." Said Karl as he got down the bike.
"Hello." They responded smiling.
They both wore brown cuffed pants, but George had a white tee with a green shirt on top, while Dream had a black turtleneck.
"Well," Karl said looking at the three of them as he loosened his tie and took it off.
"I'm going for a swim," He said lifting his still buttoned shirt up his head, his bare torso showing.
I bit my bottom lip and awkwardly fixed my posture, laying my backpack on my lap.
As soon as only his underwear covered his skin, he dived in the water.
Both George and dream giggled and got up as they undressed aswell, George putting his flat hat on top of my head.
"Aren't you coming?" He asked turning around to face me as Dream threw himself in the water behind him.
"Yeah um," I looked down my pants for a split second, "Yeah in a minute." I added squinting my eyes through the beating sun.
"Uh Oka-" He started.
"OH GEEORGEEE" Dream sang interrupting us as he got out of the water, his arms open to grab the smaller boy.
"Don't you dare!" The shorter shouted backing away from him, his english accent particularly strong.
"I'm coming for you!" He warned, intimidately getting closer.
As the brunet sprinted away, the other tackled him to the ground and then lifted him up and carried him bridal style as he wriggled under his grasp, Karl clapping and cheering.
I scoffed and got up taking my belt off.
"I'm coming!" I shouted.
I smiled as i glanced at the clothes messily scattered all over the sand.
-
We all stayed in the water, casual chatter filling the air.
I stopped in the middle of my sentence and stared them down, an idea popping in my mind.
"Guys," I interrupted myself, grinning.
"What's up?" George asked.
"War?" I proposed.
"Let's do it." Clay accepted, his head turning to face George.
Karl and I exchanged looks as we smiled, then i dunk myself in the water.
He immediately wrapped his thighs around my shoulders, and as i lifted myself up, Karl on top of me, i saw george tower on Dream.
"NOW!!" Dream called as he ran against us, both Karl and George screaming like warriors in a battle.
I tightened my grip on Karl's legs as he pulled and shoved George, trying to make him slip from Dream.
"I'm gonna fall!" George warned as Karl gave him one last push.
Water splashed my face as both him and Clay sunk underwater, Karl lifting his fists in the air in victory as he laughed.
---
We all sat in front of the hole where the campfire should've been.
"I'm going to get some wood." Dream said, getting up with his towel still hanging on his shoulders.
George looked up at him, then at us.
"I'm coming with him." He smiled.
We just let them walk away, and i leaned to get my backpack.
I unzipped it and got the box of cookies, which i opened and proudly showed Karl.
"Buttercookies!" He exclaimed joyfully.
I chuckled and picked up one to give to him.
"You try it first." I proposed.
"You're such a gentleman." He complimented with a grin as he grabbed it and bit into it.
He chewed it a few moments, then chuckled.
"I think you should've used more flour." He criticized analyzing the bitten cookie.
I rolled my eyes, cursing Ranboo and Bill.
"My brothers threw it all against each other, i didn't have much to work with." I justified earning a chuckle from the boy in front of me.
"Oh," he said turning around and grabbing a box aswell.
"Me and my Grandma made cupcakes, here." He said as he handed me one.
I thanked him and tried it.
"Oh my god!" I exclaimed surprised.
"Your grandma is really good at making cupcakes!" I said cockily.
"You're such an idiot! I'm good at baking too!" He defensively shot back as he slapped my wrist, making the muffin in my hand fly.
We both burst in laughter.
"Wait-" He said, composing himself as he wiped his eyes, "Why are Dream and George taking so long?" He finished, his giggles ceasing.
"Uh-" I murmured as i looked around us trying to spot them. "I don't know, let me look for them." I offered as i got up.
I walked as the sand covered my toes, my feet curling up at the sharp pebbles rolling against them.
"Guys?" Are you good?" I called wandering through the beach, the sky starting to paint itself in beautiful warm colors.
"Guys-" I said peeking behind a large tree.
I froze as my sight met Dream kissing George's neck, which was already filled by many purple spots that weren't present earlier.
They immediately broke off the contact, their eyes widening.
"Sap It's not how it looks like!" Dream shouted, his hands protectively put in front of George who stood behind him.
--
4355 words.
Y'all... i take back everything i said about not being able to write long chapters...
I think i overdid myself. lol.
Anyways DNF LETSGO
Edit: I'm actually cringing myself LMFOAMAO take the fluff while it lasts yall this is gonna be painful LOLLL