//ये दूरियाँ, ये दूरियाँ, यह दूरियाँ, इन राहों की दूरियाँ
निगाहों की दूरियाँ, हमराहों की दूरियाँ, फ़ना हो सभी दूरियाँ//
❃
1st August 2016, Delhi
9 PM
Dear Diary,
It has been a year since Kabir's training began. My masters' first year got over. Everywhere, things are going well, just Kabir and I being so away from each other crushes my heart and soul.
My heart is filled with both pride and worry as he undergoes rigorous training for the Indian Army. While I can't be there physically, I find solace in knowing he's pursuing his dreams and serving our nation with dedication.
Every sunrise and sunset, my thoughts are consumed by him, my brave soldier, training relentlessly, miles away from my embrace.
In the tapestry of emotions woven by fate, our love stands as an unbreakable thread, connecting our souls across the distance.
Luckily, he is allowed to carry a phone, even though it's the basic one.
The days begin with a mix of excitement and anxiety, eagerly awaiting his messages and calls. Each time the phone rings, my heart skips a beat, hoping it's him. And when it is, a rush of happiness engulfs me, making the distance between us feel a bit smaller.
He calls me, during his free periods, for a few minutes. That's too once a week, and sometimes not even once a week.
But, are those calls sufficient? No, not at all!
So, I began writing letters to him. Not occasionally, but twice a month. And, sometimes, when I am super lucky, I receive some too.
His letters, oh, his letters!
They are my treasures, scented with his essence and sealed with longing. With each word, he paints pictures of our future together, a future where our souls dance in harmony, and our love blooms like the sweetest of roses.
Sometimes, I get irritated with writing letters and waiting for them.
Here I am, a lover of modern technology, forced to write letters.
Yet, I catch myself indulging in the art of penning these heartfelt missives to my beloved.
I think it's not the act of writing that I abhor; rather, it's the torment of separation that has turned this mundane task into a labor of love. Any mode of communication with him is super welcome, and if putting my emotions on paper is what it takes to bridge the distance, then I'll do it with all my heart.
Every stroke of the pen is an expression of my love, a declaration of my unwavering commitment to him and our bond.
As much as I yearn for instant messages and video calls, these letters, laced with my passion, are like love's whispers crossing the miles to reach him. So, I'll write, because for us, every form of connection is a lifeline, a lifeline that keeps our hearts beating as one in this enchanting journey of love.
And then, there are times when my heart craves to tell him my daily anecdotes, share my secrets and fears, but the time is just not sufficient. There are times when every cell of my body wants to run and hug him tight, but I can't.
Sometimes, I get so desperate to see him, talk to him, touch him, but I can't, and then I feel like crying. Sometimes, I miss him badly, terribly, but all I could do is wait.
I miss running my hand through his messy hair, pulling his cheeks which irritates him a lot, talking to him or listening to his stories, hearing him laugh, wrapping my arms around him, listening his voice and of course, his "hmms".
Sometimes, I get angry and frustrated, and that comes out when he calls. And after the call is disconnected, I drown in guilt and sadness.
The moments when he tells me about his day and his training sessions, there is excitement all over his voice. He talks like a child who has just gotten his favorite candy. He is just so happy. This is the only fact that keeps me sane here: that he is happy there.
But, my sanity sometimes is short-lived. I feel like crying every time I see couples having coffee together, couples going on dates, couples embracing each other, cuddling each other, laughing, and sharing jokes with each other. Even my friends keep talking about their boyfriends, every time we meet. I often feel jealous of these couples.
Those are the times when I miss Kabir a little too much, a little too often.
My mind often drifts to the memories we shared before he left for training. The laughter, the adventures, and the intimate moments when we promised to stay together no matter what. Those memories are like a lifeline, keeping me anchored in the love we share.
But at times, the longing becomes overwhelming, and I find myself clutching onto his letters, reading his words over and over again. They bring comfort, reminding me that he's thinking of me despite the challenges he faces.
In the quiet moments, I close my eyes and feel his presence, imagining his warm touch and the way his eyes sparkle when he looks at me. It's a symphony of love and desire that lingers, igniting a passion that burns like an eternal flame.
Some days, my complete focus from studies vanishes. While some days, I study just to keep myself distracted and not miss him. Some days, when we talk, he is injured or hurt due to his difficult training sessions.
There is too much to take in for me. I am stressed about my studies, about Kabir, about our relationship, and lots of things. At times, I get tired and feel like giving up. But, the immense love I have for that human stopped me from breaking the biggest connection of my life.
I can't let my brave soldier lose this battle of his life.
Even though we are miles apart, our hearts remain intertwined. We share dreams and aspirations, and I'm determined to be his pillar of strength throughout this journey.
There's an unspoken understanding that the distance is temporary, and we'll be together again soon.
In the moonlit nights, I find myself gazing at the stars, knowing that he is under the same celestial canopy, looking up at the very same sky. In that cosmic connection, I find comfort, knowing that our hearts beat as one, despite the miles that separate us.
Some days back, he was back home for his break. He came and stayed in Delhi for two days since I can't go to Chandigarh due to my college.
Those days felt like home, it felt as if a part of my soul, that had left me, has come back.
His training days are tough. I could see him having lost his weight. He had cuts and bruises. It felt awful to me. Still, the fact that he is getting closer to his dream motivates him to go through all these situations.
I hugged him and cried a lot.
He calmed me down and assured me that he is fine.
I am so proud of him!
He repeatedly requested me to never leave his side, despite the harsh situations we are facing due to his profession. Lots of his colleagues were going through breakups and he didn't want that to happen to us.
Those days, when he was home, I felt my happiness knew no bounds. But, the days passed soon, and then he went back.
I dream of the day when he returns, a day of jubilation and passion, when our souls will reunite in an embrace that speaks of the love we've preserved through the trials of distance.
We'll stroll hand in hand, relishing every moment, cherishing every stolen glance, and savoring the warmth of our love's embrace.
His absence has taught me that love is not confined by borders or boundaries; it transcends time and space.
Our love is a force that defies distance, strengthening each day apart. It fuels my dreams and aspirations, making me yearn for the day when we'll build a life together, side by side.
As the days turn into weeks, and weeks into months, I take solace in the thought that our love is like a blossoming flower, delicate yet resilient, and it will bloom gloriously when he returns. The anticipation fuels the fire within me, and my love for him grows with every heartbeat.
With the ink of passion, I write these words, pouring my soul onto these pages, capturing our love's essence, so that when we're reunited, I can read them aloud to him, reminding him of the love that knows no distance.
It's around four months more, and he'll soon be commissioned in the army. I just hope that our relationship stays strong and we, cruise through this stormy voyage, safely and strongly.
Until then, I'll keep counting the days, cherishing our memories, and looking forward to the day he'll be back in my arms. Until our souls will finally reunite, I'll keep him in my heart, my thoughts, and my dreams, cherishing every moment we shared and every moment yet to come.
Meera
❃
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Until next time
Much love