There are times when I feel doubt creep into my mind.
It is challenging to write, but there is a need to do something anyway. It is as if writing is something I must do even if every word I think I type is terrible or wrong or even if I think it sounds like running bitten nails over a calkboard just to hear the aching sound.
The hymn of life? What does that mean? There are so many words to describe the same feeling. There are so many ways in which hate and love are the same. The opposite ends of the same feeling. The must extreme of emotion. In many faces good and evil are the same. The opposite ends of the same feeling.
I forget myself in places where this is not commonly known. Sometimes I assume we all already know this. And the truth is, we do. Already know this to be true. Within the songs of our routines, the daily performances we put on, the rhythm of our own beat, there is real truth. Between our own notions of real and not real, of ocean and land, air and fire, opposites of this same flame, coin.
These surfaces of our faces are not our true nature, but our armour of life. Why must we chose violence if there is an option to just be. To just go with the rhythm of your own flow. How do we do this all at once, everything, nothing. Could this be it? What is coming?
Sometimes I speak so plainly, bluntly, that I come across as rude or inconsiderate. This is far from how I feel, sometimes the words we speak limit us to true feelings. I think it is okay to speak bluntly, to get straight to the point. There is no use in trying to move around the truth, in some way we get there regardless of how we try to avoid it. There is no sense in avoiding an inevitable thing. False notions of reality are challenging to unlearn or recognize, but it is only up to the individual to see their own truth. You can recognize when people tend to avoid their internal truth, it is manifested in their actions and reactions. There is no fault to this existence. To put it plainly, we are all afraid of our subconscious. Deep conditioning, rooted in fear, rooted in our society as a whole, is something we must face together, but we must individually face our uniqueness of living to then come to the collective. There is no way around it, only through.
What have you, oh
Desolate creature, trapped in the labyrinth of the dark mind
Shadow self hypnosis, delusion
Carried away by make believe
Phantoms of your dreams, a vampire
Sucking on innocent young blood, big brother
Told you not to bother, under control of
Everything, nothing.
The fates are real, unreal. We are all delusions
Of existence.
Fantasies of heaven, living nightmares of hell, the gates
Open
To kill what needs to be killed,
Is a rather important step, or process
Along the healing journey. The idea of suicide is so played around that we think it is necessary to muder the actual existence of the vessel, this is not what I mean. To kill one's own existence is to essentially fail, though if you believe in reincarnation you are luck enough to know that it is not the last life to be lived, though I think if one beleives in reincarnation, there are many other beliefs that tag alongside this, and one might not be so include to murder oneself.
There are part of myself that I would like to kill and let die.
I will tell you these parts so that we are not alone. And so that I can state here and now plainly that I wish for these things to be dead and so that maybe when I wake in the mourning, they will be.
I wish to kill the part of myself that is an addict.
I wish to kill the part of myself that is homeless.
I wish to kill the part of myself that is imature.
I wish to kill the part of myself that is naieve and unforgiving.
I wish to kill the part of myself that is lonley, for lonliness does not exist.
I wish to kill these parts of myself in an act of art and love.
I wish these parts, and any other part of myself that is a diservice to my truth, to be dead.
I wish for nothing more.
To kill oneself is an act of spiritual warefare, but to kill what need be killed and to let the dead die is an act of spiritual defense.
Healing a mother wound is challenging.
Sometimes the root cause is hidden or just challenging to understand.
Letting go of this facade of time when embarcking on such challenging inner journies is also challenging, but more willing to be let go of. Time is a tireless constraint, but it does not wish to constrain you. Maybe it wishes only to challenge you, in a good way, in a way that makes you live every day and build a certain worthiness to life. But, dear friend, let go of the time that binds you to believe you do not have enough. In fact, I believe it to be that you have just enough time to do exactly waht you are meant to do here, and you will do it, by the power of the fates alone. When you are open to your soul's potential here too, there becomes a time where you may feel capable of almost everything, but with time and the human condition, you must come to chose something to act upon.
Karma is misconstrued, we think, if I do this bad thing then I will recieve bad thing. This is primitive and a groutesque understatement. Karma is an energy, where energy flows, energy goes, no matter if it is "good" or "bad" you may align yourself to either and be okay. There are outlines within this universe, natural laws in place, not for us to decide but maybe a benevolent creature that watches us from above, toying with our little games.
That is just it, within this matrix, there is a game to be played. If you do not play, karma will come bashing down your door to make you. Energy must flow, you are energy now, so go.
Do what you must.
Good hearts might be that what is and will withstand all that is to come of us, however. May you not be confused within your actions, so might I say this.
A good heart is someone who has turned all their lead of life into gold. A good heart is an alchemist, someone who understands themself wholly and the world at large to the beest of their ability. A good heart is someone who follows their heart, someone who listens to their intuition and doesn't doubt it for a second.
You see I used to word good here for a reason. As I said there is no good or bad to really exist, it is only what we as human creatures to define specific things as.
You think, if something dies ot is bad, if someone steals they are bad, if a church burns, it was bad.
Maybe so, or you do not understand transmutation, transformation.
A most important part of the alchemical process, is to let die what needs to die. What is it within you that is called to death? What is it that is so terrifed to die that is makes excuses for transformation to be bad, what is it that does not see glorious beauty within this process?
Death is beautiful, see it.
Stealing is necessary for people who live certain lives, see it.
The flame roars at every chance it gets to destroy what no longer serves, see it.
She does not seek to destroy, but give her the chance and she will chose.
Expectations are a fool's parlor game. To begin to let go of unwanted desires, toxic people, relationships to tangible things, but to let go of expectation, is an astounding achievment.
Especially as an artist, you must learn to let go of what could come of your creations.
This was most challenging for me, it may not be for you, but when an overcrowded mind falls ill to expectation and gives up their project, this is the saddest thing to ever exist.
This leads me to think there must be something in this society that needs to die in effort for this to not happen.
Why must we be so competitive with our lives? What is it that sickens masses of people?
Some say we are living in the oh so famous prophesized ends times of the great bible. There are so many other texts that speak of such things have you no culture?
This is true, though.
Masses of people are plagued by convolution, addiction, the church, systematic education.
The zombies are among us, they have been for a long time. However, they look exactly like you and I, only their insides are filled with goo. They do not know what it means to have value, they see the world in black and white, good and bad.
This is toxic.
The world we have made towers over ancient ruins, the natural world, etc. You get the point.
There is nothing that tells me this is not and "end period" or rather, the greatest transformation of our age.
Use the language god gave you and say something useful.
Birthrights are not defined when we come into this world. We are tagged and numbered and shot up and then given to our mothers. We need a better system, one that inspires truth, not this simulated matrix of a reality.
We have a right to our bodies, against all odds, we stand here, alive, and I wonder just how has life treated you this far.
Don't you know you are an incredible happening.
It is almost unbelievable.
Do not let anyone put you down for when you are being yourself, for when you stand in your own authenticity, may there be an audience to cheer you on.
God is love.
There is a team of spirits cheering you on.
They may say that you are crazy for listening to your team, but they are not to harm you.
Your ancestors, all those that have died and passed before you, all those that might still be trapped within this soil, all those that stand with you, angels, demons, spirit animals and guides. There are hundreds if not thousands that are just waiting for you to listen.
I am giving you that permission,
Listen to your inner voice, it will not and cannot lie.
In this great age of information, the digital age, age of aquarius, whatever you call it, there are so many route to move within.
Essence is within, save yourself, follow your heart.
To live in this world is to be connected to everything, in a different way than before.
We may not know what is to come of our future generations, but this, being here and now, with me, reading this page, trust yourself, trust that the generations to come will wake up too, and realize this important importance of being alive.
Technology can become the killer, if we allow it to be so.
Love is real, do not forget your innocence.
Love is so pure a feeling, it may just cure all the ailments of living and being alive. Love away the pain, laugh away the fear, smile through what hurts you, and you will survive.
Replace what has kept you in your mental cage, with wht you know burns the metal, love.
From lead to gold again.
Through the cycle again, only this time, completely different in mind.
We may age and we may grow as we do so, but a physical vessel should not inhibit you to think lesser of your mental power.
Know your power. Feel the love.
Blood is strange. Have you ever asked yourself why it is red?
What is it that you are rooting yourself within?
What is it that you are allowing to flower through your blood?
You can change. Love always finds a way.
I am so proud of you, to have made it this far.
This world is strange, I know how you feel.
It may take a while for all of us to work together.
But there is a future, I can see it, bright and clear, I can see what it means to work together, to be really connected.
Adverse from technology, working together still, we should not define ourselves by our physical creations.
All of it,
is fleeting.
Do not be afraid of how you are in the dark.
We are all that too. A duality that we continue to refuse to ignore and keep in the shadows. What if we were to bring that to light, what if you decided one day that you wanted to incorporate those darker sides of yourself to the self that you show to the world.
What if one day, you qoke up and decided to be yourself, all of yourself, no matter the opinions of others.
Those who stand and gawk at your willingness to be fearless, are only unaware of what they can also become within their own home.
How do you treat an aging house?
With care and love.
How do you treat your fleeting vessel?
How do you treat those that are around you?
How do you treat your mind?
Blue eyes are a metaphor.
I have blue eyes, I have met many with blue eyes.
It is a mystical thing to meet similar eyes, provoking to think they might see the world through a similar lens.
The color doesn't matter much though, just how it feels to connect, through eyes.
Sometimes I wonder what it would be like to be blind.
It might be better, to live in this world without truly seeing it for what it is. Some kind of bliss, innocence that never fades.
But then what is life, without suffering.