If I had to guess everyone's favorite past-time in this town, it would be lying. Lying straight to your face like you don't even matter. Like you aren't smart enough to pick up that something just isn't right around here.
When mom and I turned into our driveway, there was a visitor waiting for me on my front steps like the whole damn town had already filled each other in about what happened at the corner store.
Avery's nervousness was overwhelmingly loud. I felt it so strongly it gave me the shivers. She whipped her head to the truck as it started pulling in the drive and we locked eyes faster than I could blink. I instantly got so flustered I almost had to re-swallow my lunch.
She had her hair in a ponytail with wisps hanging out like she had thrown it up in a real big hurry. She was wearing clothes that looked about two sizes too big. A plain black t-shirt and grey sweat-shorts that ended above her knees. I wouldn't have been able to see the shorts if she was standing. The gigantic shirt would've covered them up completely.
I narrowed my eyes. I had never seen her in clothes like that. I know I haven't known her that long and styles change, but they didn't even look like her clothes. Her outfits are usually tomboyish in a cute way—with fitted shorts and overalls, and t-shirts that are boxy but not overly baggy.
The closer we got, the more unusual her appearance became. She had a smudge of dirt on her arm and cheek and her bare feet were all dirty like she had been running around outside most of the morning. She was rubbing her foot with her toe, more than likely to calm her nerves.
When my mom put the car into park, Avery shot up with her hands behind her back. Our eyes were still locked onto each other. I hesitated to get out of the truck because my body was a tizzy of sparklers erupting under my skin. I could barely get myself to form a coherent thought with all these extra emotions jumping around in my head.
"Hi," she breathed. I shut the car door behind me softly.
"Hi," I returned. She smiled and the fuzzies just kept on getting worse. I could barely feel my knees. Calling them jelly legs would be an understatement. "What are you doing here?" I asked. She opened her mouth to answer me, but closed it as her gaze shifted. I turned around to find Logan heading up the driveway.
"Afternoon, Mrs. Madison. Heard you might like some help with that furniture?" he said to my mom. I watched my mom lean against the truck and twirl her hair around her pointer finger. Oh, brother.
"Hi there, Logan. I sure would! Help me get this dresser out here now," Mom cooed. Logan whipped out the most shining smile I've seen him give in a while. I blinked a few times to make sure I wasn't seeing things, because as I remember, just last night he was pouty and sad.
I felt a presence next to me and turned to find Avery only about a foot away. My cheeks flushed instantly as a cold flash tensed all my muscles.
This was so weird.
I felt like I was in limbo. My body was reacting to Avery's presence like I had the fattest crush on her, as it always does, but my mind was elsewhere. Somewhere far away. I was here, but I also wasn't. It was like I was watching myself from the clouds.
"Do you... want to talk about it?" Avery murmured. I eyed her. Did she really hear about what happened at Kiersten's store? I should've been more surprised but I needed time to process this stuff. Too many weird, unexplainable things have happened lately.
I sighed, "So you heard?"
"I'm really sorry you feel like that." Her eyes held so much meaning to them.
"Why? It's not your fault," I said. Avery clenched her jaw as she glared at the ground. It looked like she was holding back a waterfall of words. I felt her anger prickle the nape of my neck.
"You shouldn't have to feel that way. It's not fair." She met my eye with a thousand hidden meanings behind her words. Her gaze was so strong it gave me a bit of reassurance.
"What are you trying to say?" I asked. I'm pretty sure I knew what she was implying—that I was right in thinking weird things were happening—but denial hit me so bad I didn't want to acknowledge it. Avery shrugged, ignoring my suspicion. She glanced around me at her brother and, when she realized neither him or my mother were paying us any attention, she grabbed my hand.
"Just... trust yourself. Okay?" Her touch was soft and gentle. Hesitant almost, but comforting all the same. I sucked in a breath at the golden warmth that cleansed my skin. "Let's go somewhere," she spoke softly.
I blinked, realizing I was back in my own skin. My heart fluttered as her pretty blue eyes took me to the sea. A breeze picked up the ends of my hair as I glanced between her face and our hands. The scent of pine trees and cold morning air swirled all around me.
Even in her baggy clothes, even with her hair comparable to a rat's nest, she was beautiful. She had those sparkly, disney eyes with long eyelashes that were such a stormy shade of blue. Her smile was kind and inviting. She had one of those faces that made you feel seen. A face of love, a face that whispers you are home.
She tugged me forward and I followed without another word. My fingers slipped from hers as she let go. Immediately, the only thing I wanted to do was grab her hand again. I kept staring at her arm swaying at her side as we walked down my driveway.
Holy hell, I was so attracted to her. Her lean frame, the way she carried herself, her velvet voice. Even though I had never given much thought to liking a woman, I knew really liked her.
Growing up in North Carolina made me dismiss the thought of liking women all together. Catholic conservatives are practically around every corner telling you that way of living is frowned upon. That being gay is unnatural and things like that should be kept private. That liking the same sex makes you a freak of nature, that it's wrong, but... being close to Avery, having her hand hold mine, nothing has ever felt more right to me. Nothing in the entire world.
"Wait! Wait!" I stopped before we entered the woods. Avery whipped around like she thought I was hurt and scanned my body to make sure I wasn't.
"What's wrong?" she asked. I bit my lip.
"In town today, I saw..." I trailed off. I felt like a wimp. My hands had become entirely too interesting. I fiddled with my fingers, picking off imaginary blemishes to occupy my nerves. Then, I sighed and blurted out, "I saw a poster about a rabid fox."
Avery let out a laugh that rivaled sunshine. I glanced up to watch her leap to close the distance between us. She reached up, held the side of my face firmly, and just about pressed our foreheads together. If I moved an inch forward they would touch. I wanted to, but her boldness had me frozen to my spot.
"You're safe with me," she whispered. "I promise." And as she pulled away, she rubbed her cheek against mine.
My legs turned into noodles. I thought I might keel over right then and there from how fast my heart was going in my chest. Avery bounded forward onto the forest path.
I felt her more than ever now. Giddy, electric, and happy.
I finally understood what my mom said about sunshine in my blood—about that beautiful light that completely fills her lungs when she looks at me—because I felt that way about Avery. I couldn't understand how one person could be so entirely captivating. So pure and radiant they shined brighter than the sun. She was so carefree, so unapologetic as she continued down the forest path like what she did to me was normal. I was freaking out!
I—she—I just—oh jeez.
"Come on! I promise theres nothing to worry about," she called. I closed my eyes and shook out my head to snap myself out of this. Holy crap. These feelings are so strong. I thought they were overwhelming leading up to the bonfire... but now? After meeting her? After touching her? I swear she was the only thing I could think about.
I bit my bottom lip to smother a smile and caught up to her. We walked down the path that I run with her dog on. It was right past the root I tripped over that she turned and took a step into the wilderness.
"Trust me," she said, reaching out her hand for me to take. Apprehension didn't stand a chance against how much my heart already trusted her. The minute I witnessed her brilliant soul smash my doubt was the minute I knew I was screwed. I couldn't imagine a world where she didn't feel the same. I just couldn't. That thought was so heartbreaking I thought death a better fate.
She guided me through the fern covered ground. I hadn't stopped smiling since she took my hand again. Spits of sparks emanated from the contact of our skin like hot oil.
"Where are we going?" I asked. Avery chuckled and sent me this sexy, teasing stare over her shoulder. The brush kept getting thicker, the trees taller, the ground soggier. I heard running water louder and louder and louder until we pushed through a huge forest fern and the most breathtaking view I had ever laid my eyes on was right in front of me.
The sun glittered over a lake. Redwood trees towered over the entire body of water, running wild and free to the backdrop of thundering mountains. My lips parted as I took in the beauty of it all.
Avery watched me with a beaming smile. She hummed and turned for the water, running as fast as she could and jumped in with an innocent squeal. I breathed a chuckle and squinted as the splash spritzed over my cheeks.
"What are you waiting for? Jump in!" she yelled as she sent a splash my way. With one last look at the scenery around me, I took my shoes off and tore towards the lake.
I ran into the water, loving the coldness of it. I dunked my head and came up to find her staring at me. I smiled back, then sent the biggest splash you've ever seen towards her. Avery hollered out of surprise and shielded her eyes from the water. When she turned around, she had her head angled down with the most devious glint in her eye.
She lunged for me and grabbed me by the waist, tackling me into the water, but twisting us so I could surface first if I needed to. We burst to the surface, laughing and happy, with the sun smiling down on us.
Her pretty grey eyes landed on mine and in that moment, with her two fingers lingering on my waist, I just knew. I knew she was mine. I have no other words for it. I just knew.
So I smiled, questioned nothing, and grabbed both sides of her face and kissed her.
I pulled away and got a little scared because she was stiff as a board. Reality came knocking and I started wondering if I had been making all this up. If I was really having that mental breakdown and the rabies disease was running rampant in my blood.
She blinked hard. Her eyes switched so fast between mine. It looked like she couldn't believe what I had done. There was a war behind her eyes. It didn't last long, because soon enough she grabbed my face, too, and kissed me so wonderfully I went dizzy.
My lips were chapped and so were hers, so they stuck together in places, but she fixed that real quick. Pulling away to smile, she laughed and I laughed, and she licked her lips, then she licked mine and we went back at it like starved wolves.
She tasted salty from the lake water. It kept dripping down, reminding us where we were. I would've thought I died and went to heaven if it didn't.
Avery dropped a hand to the small of my back and pulled me into her as her tongue grazed my bottom lip again. I trailed my hand down her arm, to her waist, and slid my hand under her shirt to rest it on her ribcage. I swear I heard this throaty growl come out of her, but I knew I had to be making that up. Right after it, she pulled away to kiss my neck.
There was a strong need for something more forming after hearing that sound. The need was so primal, so animalistic I couldn't resist it. If she really did growl, I don't know why I wanted more than anything to hear it again. Avery's fingers slipped under my shirt and spread over my lower back like a blooming lotus. I had my eyes closed, but they still rolled towards the sky.
Her butterfly kisses up and down my neck were warm compared to the cold lake water. A droplet started falling, I felt the trickle, but she licked it. She licked up my neck until she reached a soft spot and heard my breathing getting deeper.
The more this went on, the bolder I felt. Her tongue went in circles, sucking on my skin. I desperately wanted her to leave a mark, to give me a hickey, so everyone would know I was hers. She brushed her lips over my jawline. My body was so hot I swear I could feel my blood swirling in my veins. As her hand slid lower, over my ass, I snaked my thumb to trace the crease under her breast. She wasn't wearing a bra.
She brought her lips up to mine again. We shared a kiss that made my toes curl. I moved my finger in an arc, dragging the pad of my thumb over her nipple.
I heard it again. The growl. I didn't expect what came out of me, but I swear to you I couldn't control the whimpering moan that fluttered through my lips. It even startled me, and I was the one that made it. Just then, something viscously sharp poked my lip from Avery's mouth. She gasped real loud and I've never seen someone move so fast as Avery flew away from me in that moment.
I had been leaning into her so I stumbled to keep my balance. My head was real fuzzy, too. It took a minute for my senses to come back to me.
Avery wasn't moving. I could tell she had her hand over her mouth, but she had turned her back to me so I couldn't see what was going on. She dunked herself under the water before I could ask. I reached up and touched inside my lip, where whatever that was had pricked me.
Pulling my hand into view, there was a tiny smudge of blood on my finger. I drew my brows together and wiped over the spot again just to find I was bleeding. Barely, but still bleeding. What the hell?
Avery finally surfaced, but she was still facing the other way. I took a step towards her and reached for her arm to try to turn her around. She wouldn't budge.
"Are you okay? What happened?" I asked. Avery let out a nervous chuckle and swatted an arm towards me.
"Nothing, nothing! No worries!" she rushed. I raised an eyebrow, entirely not used to her sounding uneasy. I reached up to turn her around again. This time she complied but she wouldn't open her eyes.
"Are you sure you're alright?" I asked again. She smiled, again nervously, but still had her damn eyes closed.
"Yep! I'm great! Just got something in my eye!" She smiled and stuck her thumb up in the air. I frowned and sunk into the water to be level with her. She barely had her shoulders out of the water. I reached up to hold her face in my hands.
"Open your eyes," I whispered. I had a feeling if she opened them it would explain everything. My voice carried that tone. The tone of being tired with all this hiding, of wishing away the secrets and just hoping she would be decent enough to tell me.
Avery sighed, "I can't." Her voice was quiet, no more than a whisper, but those two words confirmed everything for me. Something was going on. Something big... something unnatural, and it wasn't me figuring out I'm gay.
"Okay," I said. I dropped my hands. My disappointment ran rampant in that one tiny word. Avery finally opened her eyes. She stared at me like I was an orphan. Her pity was so potent I could taste it on my tongue.
"I'm sorry," she said.
"Right." I rolled my eyes and started walking towards the shore. I heard her start to rush after me.
"Nelly, wait!" she called. The strongest emotion of pain I've ever felt ripped through my chest. My heart felt like it had been sliced in two so violently I thought I might've had a heart attack. I clutched my chest as I fell to my knees in the water. "Shit! Shit, I'm sorry!" Avery ran over and placed her hands on my arms. I slapped her off me and pushed myself a foot away.
"What the hell are you sorry for?!" I yelled. Anger bubbled up my throat and spilled onto my tongue. It made me say things I didn't exactly want to say out loud. "That was you? That terrible pain in my chest, that was you?" Avery clenched her jaw. Her eyes showed concern. "Why won't you—you of all people—tell me what's going on?!"
"I can't," she said again. She closed her eyes and sighed heavily as her shoulders sunk. "I want to. I want to so badly. I think it's so stupid I can't, because you're so smart you'll probably figure it out before any of us say it out loud, but I just can't and I am so sorry." She took a step closer and reached for me. I knew she was being genuine. I could feel it. So, I let her touch my cheek with the back of her hand.
"So I'm not going crazy?" I asked. Avery smiled. She grasped the side of my head, leaning her forearm on my collarbone.
"You're not going crazy," she confirmed. I smiled and felt my cheeks flush.
"So you..." I hesitated because asking this made me nervous, "...you feel it, too?"
She breathed a laugh as her thumb wiped a droplet of water from my cheek and said, "Yea, I feel it, too."
Our eyes fluttered between each other. Hers sparkled as she smiled. If I couldn't get her to spell it out for me, hearing that, hearing I wasn't crazy, hearing she felt the same way, and feeling the authenticity of her words, made it okay for now. I pressed our foreheads together.
"It's overwhelming," I admitted. The relief I felt after saying that to her felt so nice. Avery looked at me through her eyelashes and shrugged.
"Maybe we're soul-mates," she joked, though her eyes fluttered between mine like she was testing the waters. I scoffed and rolled my eyes playfully.
"Yeah, okay," I laughed, pushing her away by the shoulder. She laughed, too.
"You never know," she whispered, grabbing my waist. Her hand slid up to the nape of my neck. My stomach flipped upside down when her eyes dropped to my lips. She kissed me and spun us around in the water like we were in a movie. My hands on her shoulders, I melted into her. I had never felt such warmth, such purity and peace, than I did in her arms.
We started laughing once we parted. Her laugh was so sweet. Like honey was falling over my ears. It was like I had been waiting for that kiss my entire life. The one that finally felt right. The one that made me stop questioning what love was supposed to feel like.
She let me go and allowed herself fall backwards onto the water with a loud laugh as if she couldn't believe it.
"Finally!" she shouted to the sky. She reached her hands towards the clouds and yelled again, "Holy crap, finally!" and wiped her face with her hands as she floated on her back.
I smiled so wide it hurt. Avery went quiet after that, just floating and thinking and staring at the sky with a grin she kept trying to hide. I felt the peace she felt and decided to join her in her silence. I started floating on my back, too, and did nothing but stare at the pretty blue sky.
I think today might be my new favorite day.