"I fell in love with the way you touched me
Without using your hands"
That one text from Micah had me bolting out of the basement. My blood was running thin, every horrible scenario possible was running through my head.
Running into the house I bumped straight into Micah, he was out of breath as if he ran down here.
"What's going on, where's Delilah?" I asked him and he was trying to catch his breath.
"She's locked up in your bathroom" he rushed his words out and my panic rises.
"What happened Micah?" I urge him and he shakes his head. "No time to explain right now Nathan, she took the drugs with her and if you don't get her out now she'll OD!" He gushed in fright.
I darted up the stairs with Micah right on my heels. Kicking open my room I rush towards the bathroom from where I could hear a faint cry of Delilah.
"Delilah?" I called out and twisted the handle but it was locked "Delilah, open the door" I holler but she didn't respond to me, all I could hear was rustling of a bag.
"We need to break down the door" Micah suggested.
"No, she's already panicking, the banging will make it worse, get me a screwdriver and a paperclip" I ordered him and he run out without another question.
"Delilah, can you hear me?" I press my hands against the door and call out to her "open the door Delilah, let me help you, please" I basically beg to her but she didn't respond, every passing second was putting her in more danger.
My hands were itching to break this fucking door down but she have the drugs, she's panicking and I don't wanna do something that'll endanger her further more, I won't be able to ever forgive myself.
"Here!" Micah runs back in my room and hands me a flathead screwdriver and a paper pin.
Grabbing them off his hands I kneel down Infront of the door and started working on the locked door.
As soon as the locked clicked open I pushed open the door just to find her sitting in the bath tub with a syringe in her hands, I was relieved to see she hadn't injected herself yet.
"Wait outside, I don't want her to get overwhelmed" I tell Micah and close the door behind me as I cautiously walk inside. Her teary eyes stared at me with panic and pure fear and it shattered my soul, I'll take any torture but I can't stand seeing her like this.
"I-I don't know how-" she cried in frustration and her grip on the syringe only tightened and that's when I saw my reflection in her, she reminded me of how I forced myself down that dark path and I can't allow her to go down the same path as me, that darkness is not for her.
Slowly walking to her I climbed in the bathtub with her, I didn't try to take the syringe out of her hand, it was too risky, so I approached with my safest bet.
"You don't need to" I tell her but she shakes her head as a tear dropped down her eyes and she stared at the syringe.
"The nightmares, I need them to go away" she speak and I could clearly hear the exhaustion behind her voice.
"This won't make them go away dove, this is a temporary fix to silence them, they will always come back stronger and louder" I tell her truthfully and I didn't miss the pain in her eyes.
"They don't let me sleep, they suffocate me, I need this or it'll make me go crazy" she says with her lover lip quivering and it took everything out of me to not hold her in my arms.
"I can help you silence them if you give me the drugs, but you're gonna need to trust me" I whisper gently and hold my hand out Infront of her and her eyes drop down to the syringe in her hand as she slowly pulled it away from her forearm and relief washed over me.
She slowly reached her hand forward and placed the syringe in my palm and I let out a deep breath.
This wasn't an easy decision, I know the kind of war she's at right now with herself, I've been there and I just wanna help her the way I wished someone did when I needed it.
Putting away the drugs I don't get out of the tub, I sit there with her, I don't touch her as she sit there with her face buried in her knees, she wasn't crying, she was contemplating whether or not to trust me, and I'll sit here and wait for as long as I need to if it means I can get her to talk.
∆
Half an hour passed by and I was beginning to think she was asleep till she slowly lifted her head up and looked at me with an intensity that I've never seen in her eyes before.
"Make it stop" she begs, her glossy eyes clenching my heart and I carefully reach forward and gently grab her little cold hands in mine.
"Talk to me dove, I'll listen, I'll be here to hold you when it's too much" I tell her, in a situation like that all you need is someone to listen, someone to be there while you unravel your darkest and deepest scars, and I knew she had so many.
With her trembling hands in mine I sat there, waiting for her to speak but everytime she built up the courage to speak, something would hold her back.
"Wait here" I tell her and let go of her hands and get out of the bath tub, her curious eyes follow me as I walk out of the bathroom and walk towards my desk and grab a diary and a pen.
Walking back into the bathroom I crouched down to her and handed them to her.
"You don't have to tell me, you can write it down, and no one will read it without your permission" I tell her and she eyes me cautiously then takes the diary and pen off my hands and stare at them with a frown on her face.
"Do you want me to leave?" I ask her and she thinks over it for a few seconds before nodding her head slowly.
Even though I did not want to leave her alone, I had to respect her decision, so I picked up the drug pouch and walked out, closing the door on my way out. Now all I can do is sit here and wait.
Sliding down on the floor I rest the back of my head on the closed door and shut my eyes while everything inside me was begging to get back inside and hold her.
∆
Its been 2 hours since I left her in there with a diary and a pen. For two hours I been sitting out here, waiting.
"She's still in there?" Micah asks as he enters the room and sits at the edge of my bed.
Giving him a nod I suck in a deep breath.
"Should I go inside, she hasn't made a noise for 2 hours" I say to him but he shakes his head.
"We don't know the shit she went through Nathan, and if she has the courage to really trust you and write anything in that diary, you're gonna need to give her time" he says and I sigh in frustration. He was right but I am hardly ever reasonable when it comes to her.
"What exactly happened while I was gone?" I asked and he sucked in a breath.
"She woke up 20 minutes after you left, I got her food and she was alright, till later when she asked for you and I told her you were gone to take care of business, that was the breaking point and she panicked and started rummaging through the kitchen cabinets till she found the drugs, I tried to stop her but she hauled upstairs and locked herself in there, nothing I said would effect her, I knew I needed to get you here so I did" Micah explains everything and I run my hands through my hair in frustration.
There's no one else to blame for today but me, I let this happen. I put her in a situation where she believed the drugs would help her, she almost over dosed today and–
"Stop it" Micah's voice broke the horrifying images forming in my mind.
"I can see you blaming yourself for everything, yes, you made a mistake but all you wanted was what's best for her, if I was in your shoes maybe I would've done the same, what's important is, you came through and helped her when no one could, you saved her Nathan" he says with all seriousness and I rest my head back on the door.
∆
It's been another hour and now I can hear her soft cries coming from the other side of the door and I couldn't sit here and listen to her crying any longer, so I got up and pushed open the door just to find her standing Infront of the door, the diary pressed tightly against her chest, her eyes were swollen and bloodshot red.
"I'm done" she whisper, her voice was rough and scratchy.
She took a step forward and I could tell she was hesitant as she put the diary in my hands. Resting my other hand on the diary I gave her a reassuring smile, I need her to know everything she wrote on these papers will be as safe as possible.
Searching my eyes for assurance, she let out a weak breath when she was content.
"I'm tired" she whispered, her voice breaking at the end as she walked past me as she slide into my bed. I help her get comfortable on the bed and pull the sheets up to her chest and before I'd pull away from her she held onto my arm.
"Thank you" she mumbled ever so softly that I almost missed it.
Bending forward I pressed my lips on her forehead and let them linger there for a second longer before I pulled away and walked out of my room to let her rest.
With the diary in my hand I head towards my office.
With every step that I take my urge of reading it only grows unbearable. I turn the diary and with a scrumbled pages I could tell there was alot caged in these pages, and I could easily read it, but I promised her I'd keep it safe, she never gave me the permission to read it and I need to stop myself from doing something I'd regret, and if this diary stays in my hands for even a minute longer, I won't be able to hold myself back.
Which is why I pull the top drawer of my desk and rest the diary in it before pushing it close. For extra security and my self control I twist the key and pull it out, locking away her past as promised.
With a heavy heart I drop on my chair and rest my head back. I couldn't get her teary eyes out of my mind. I wanna she her happy, I wanna bring smile on her face.
When I think about it I've barely seen her smile, years ago when I was left mesmerized by her, even then I never saw her smile, she was always confined, kept to herself, but when she smiled at the kids, that was pure and I envy those kids who got to see her smile at them.
One day I'll fight away all your demons dove, and I'm willing to go to any lengths for that.
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End of chapter my lovelies!
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Peace out✌🏼