Chapter 9
Tahjae Williams
It was literally just another day of me pampering myself. I decided that I wanted to go and get my lashes done which it was practically only going to be a fill, however afterwards I did had plans to go over to my mama's, it had been a long week honestly and I really wasn't up for nothing unexpected. I had a stop to make to her since she claim it to be so important and then off to work I was headed.
I haven't talked to my mom since Asia had told me what it was that she was dealing with. I wasn't gonna get into it either although it did bother me.
My mother was grown and she handled her own, I just prayed that she knew what it was that she was getting herself into when it came to him, I hadn't told Mecca anything, I wasn't about to bare that anger that I know he was going to give off, furthermore it just wasn't my place.
A lot had came to thought, like how long was she doing this, better yet what did she expected the outcome to be, it was so puzzling cause I didn't even know if she'd even plan on telling us since Saturday was two days away.
I had to play it cool and I knew she had caught on to my awkwardness, being me though, there definitely was no hiding.
Arriving, I had parked my car and got out making my way to the front door, I knocked a few times before looking directly into the ring camera. Not long after the door pulled open as my mom stood there with a half smile.
She was definitely off.
"Hey baby." I watched he expression closely as a smile forcefully tugged at the corners of her mouth before giving me a hug stepping aside allowing me to walk in.
"Hey mama." I walked inside throwing my Chanel classic flap onto her couch before turning to her.
The aroma of food immediately filled my nostrils and I definitely wasn't intending on leaving empty handed. If it was one thing this woman did it was stir up a kitchen.
"How you doing?" She asked as I grew confused. Her whole demeanor was down.
She looked sad and I barely ever saw her with a frown on her face.
"You alright mama?" I asked as she wrapped her arms around her body before sighing.
This definitely had something to do with Lionel.
She was going to break it to us.
"Well..."
She started.
"Mama, listen. You don't have to say anything. I-"
"Tahjae. No, listen." She said to me.
It was her story to tell, the most that I could've done was allow her a chance to explain and express herself. With that I settled myself and allowed her to speak for herself.
"Yes ma'am."
"Baby I got some news." My mama spoke as I felt a sense of relief sighing.
Girl we been knew...
"I'm listening mama?"
"Angie passed."
My heart picked up its pace and I was so still in the moment.
"What?"
There was a brief moment of silence before I replayed what she had said to me in my mind.
"Yea, she'd passed this morning."
I didn't know what to say... this was definitely something that I wasn't expecting.
Miss Angie was my whole childhood, she'd watched Asia and I when mama was to work and Mecca was running wild in the street with Elijah. She was literally the sweetest. Never asked mama for a dollar while doing it either, but she still made it her business to show her appreciation whether it was with Sundays best or baked goods.
I could only imagine the pain that Kema and them was going through right now.
I had to say though my heart immediately ached for E. I knew it was only him and his grandmother. His mom wasn't as active, and Miss Angie took care of both him and his sister, no fatherly figure. My mind only drifted to him.
"I don't get it, last I heard she was getting better." I spoke in confusion as she shook her head and looked to me.
"We all did, but the Lord had different plans." She spoke and that much was the truth.
I swore things were turning around for the better when it had came to her. Their family really been taking blow after blow after blow, and my heart really aches for that fact.
The back bone to them was gone...
.....
I cleaned up my brushes taking some of them out of soak. At this point I just felt like occupying myself with the most.
After leaving my mamas I just took a to-go cause my whole appetite was disturbed after I had gotten the news... I was so thrown off and bothered at the time.
Today was long and stressful as hell, after getting E's number from Mecca I contemplated on calling. It wasn't sitting right with me not hitting him up after what happened but then again this is apart of us completely going our separate ways.
I just didn't know what to do, I knew how much miss Ang meant to him. After all it was only the two of them... at the time. He may have someone to comfort him now and being that I wanted to enforce this separation, a part of me still wanted to know how he was doin' in this time.
It definitely wasn't my duty to ensure is well being, but at the same time it was as if myself wouldn't allow not knowing how he was doing or how he was handling something of this sort.
"TeeTee!" I looked up to seeing Mekhi walk in with his happy meal in his hand.
"My babyyy." I exclaimed kissing his forehead.
"Look at my toy." He said resting his box on the floor taking his toy out.
"Look it." He said and I smiled wide not knowing what the hell I was looking at.
"Ouu I see, it's so cool." I smiled.
"Thank you teetee."
"You welcome baby." Mecca came out of the lounge room shortly after him.
"You good?" He asked with a brow raised and I nodded.
"Yea." He looked at me as if not believing my words and shook his head.
"You know, you not obligated to do none of that right?" He as as I nodded.
"I know, but, knowing that I have the means to and not doing so doesn't really sit right with me."
"Besides, I'm no longer at the point where I hated him. I wish to see him continue to do good, it's just I'd never want him in that way again."
And that was the truth.
I did question that if my heart was in the right place while doing this and that this wasn't the for the sake of my own healing when it came to the trauma that he caused. I wasn't over it or anything, and the fact that I felt like I could've call him to over my condolences felt like a lot.
Just send a card.
These mind battles weren't it for real.
I sighed dialing the number, putting it to my ear allowing it to ring. After the fourth ring it picked up.
"Hello..." His voice was low and deep as he answered.
"E?"
"Who 'dis?" He asked in more of a demanding tone.
"Tahjae."
The line went quiet he didn't say anything so I decided to talk.
"Listen." I started.
"I know we'd came to terms on certain things and the situation as is...." I paused.
"I just wanted to send you my heartfelt condolences." I started
"I know miss Ang has meant the world to you, and even after everything. I just wanted to let you know that I feel for you..."
The line was still as if no one was there. Like still, no breathing and not even a background noise, which caused me to grow confused.
"Hello?"
"I'm here." He spoke sighing deeply.
"I just wanted to check in on you." I continued.
"I'm good ma, gone be good regardless." He spoke in a very bitter tone.
I didn't know what to say, he wasn't trying to bend no conversation no nothing.
"I just wanted to give you my condolences, and I'm so sorry for what happened..."
I trailed off trying my best to gather what I was feeling but I didn't even know what was going on myself.
"I-." I couldn't even gather any words at this point. As of now it just felt stupid an pointless.
I called a man who I'd completely wanted out of my life and I barely even have anything to say to him.
Nothing was said.
"I gotta go Tahjae."
With that I was sure the line went dead with hearing the tone. Sighing deeply I removed my phone from my ear and rest in on my desk.
What was I thinking?
What was I thought going to come out of it?
Here I was again mentally attacking myself, due to the fact that nothing I was doing had some type of logic. I just really felt like it was the most humane thing to do.
Him leaving you wasn't humane....
"Tahj you ok?" Looking up Drea had snapped me up out of my thoughts as I saw a whole lot of concern plastered on her face.
"Your hands..." She gestured as I looked at my hands not noticing the slight tremble in them.
"I'm ok." I tried to gather.
Anxiety had me by the tail right now. I was uneasy.
"Except that you're not." She spoke coming towards me and sitting directly at my table.
"What's going on with you..." she asked and I shook my head.
"Its nothing honestly..." I shrugged gathering the dust so that the dust collector could've done its job.
Drea pried, a lot. I didn't mind her concerns but at some point I wish I held myself together more to avoid her questions. I wholeheartedly was probably just going through something that I'd sure I'd be done and over with within a months timing, I never dwelled on anything long enough. It may of ate my insides up, but that was it, I would get over this like I had gotten over everything else.
"All I'm saying is, you been soapy, and I hate soapy Tahj. Can you atleast enlighten me on what's going on, I've been trying to show you that I'm here for you, Meccas not saying anything. I'm lost here Tahjae
Nobody's giving me answers as to what going on, trying to talk to Remi about this wedding is one thing especially while her moody ass is healing and it's like I can't even come to you, cause you got your own shit going on, sulking in this damn corner as if it's the end of the world."
She'd managed to get what she was really feeling out, and I kind of felt bad but at the same time I truly didn't.
"Mecca didn't tell you?" I asked slightly confused seeing that he told her everything.
"When it came to you and Asia, he almost never. I understand though, but you gotta do better with me Tahjae. I'm supposed to be your best friend, you got me out here feeling like some bothering ass hoe." She laughed causing me to do the same.
"Trust and believe, it's nothing personal, although thinking about the situation is a bit hard and awkward now." I shrugged as she stared at me in confusing causing me to sigh.
"Ms. Angie passed, she was E's grandma..." I started as the look on her face softened.
"After E left Detroit. I guess she still gave me something to hold on to. It wasn't much but she made sure to had kept me straight." I said hinting at the fact that it was E behind all of it.
"She was the only person who he'd had in his corner, his mama was out on the street 25/8, Kema was out fuckin' on his oops, never really knew his dad, shit just was not good for him, he practically had no one..." I spoke as a whiplash of realization had hit me.
There was nothing excusable for Elijah's actions towards me, but he definitely had his share of misery.
Ms. Angie was this man's back bone, and now, she was gone.
"I don't even know what to say Tahjae, honestly. You both been through some serious ass trauma and I can't tell you how to handle that baby girl, but this," she said making gestures to my table.
"Don't let that shit get in the way of your bag baby, furthermore, if you need time off, let me know, I don't wanna see you be burned out forreal." She spoke to me as I nodded.
She made sense; my mental was no where near steady. Did I care though? Of course I did, but this was how I copped with most things, steady workaholic is what I'd become when I went into my spells. It was all that I knew how to do, it kept me distracted, and this was somewhat my therapy. Anything to keep my mind off of what things maybe could've been...
"Like I said I had done seen you at your worst, and the last thing that we're tryna do is get back there, or allow for anyone, to put you back in that space."
Nothing that Drea was speaking of right now was false, she was right, now I just needed to straighten myself up.
"Imma need you to be your best self Tahjae." She said grabbing my hand.
"That's exactly what I wanna be." I smiled lightly knowing in my heart I had to work towards being a better me.
Maybe I wasn't healed, maybe I was just suppressing what I genuinely felt and unknowingly E had woken up all of those skeletons I'd thought I had laid to rest.
It didn't matter though. None of it did, I knew that I had some self cleansing to do.