Corey wanted me to meet him on Monday. I didn't know what he had planned, but I knew I didn't deserve it. I was the one who walked away. I should've been the one throwing my everything into getting him back.
Instead, after my talk with Grayson, I laid in bed, staring at my ceiling, making a very long list of should've-could've-would've's.
I should've gone through with our plan to tell Grayson a week ago.
I could've apologized by now.
I would've if I wasn't hung up on the fact that he could do so much better than me.
He could've been with someone with less drama. Someone who didn't have an overprotective brother. Someone who wouldn't have forgotten the moment he said "I love you".
Even though I couldn't remember the exact moment, imagining him say it made me feel things low in my belly.
Maybe I couldn't figure out why he loved me, but I knew why I felt the same about him. I just had to figure out a way to let him know.
● ● ●
Watching #NoFilter for a second time was even better than the first. Maybe because I wasn't in the midst of a breakup. Now, I was on the brink of a second chance romance--one of my favorite book tropes.
The idea came to me during the second act, when the mean girls hacked into Liah's character's social media and exposed all her secrets. I needed to expose all my secrets to Corey, and I knew exactly how to do it.
That night, Liah came over to help me as I went through the hundreds of photos Mom had taken over the years. She was sneaky with the camera, taking candid shots of people during holidays and get togethers.
Normally, I'd find it annoying seeing so many slightly blurred pictures of me in the worst angles, but I was thankful Mom was an amateur paparazzo.
Something hit me while I stared at my ceiling, recounting all the interactions I'd had with Corey over the years: There were a lot of them.
Corey had been a fixture in my life since fifth grade. He's been there for birthdays and graduations and even a few family trips. My feud with my brother overshadowed his presence. But for the last seven years, Corey was right there.
Maybe I didn't see it then, but it consumed my focused now. He's always been there. And according to the notes he had given me, he wasn't going anywhere.
I didn't know what my life without Corey would look like, and I never wanted to find out.
"Look at this one!" Liah cooed, holding up the laptop she'd been hunched over.
We were in my room, me at my desk with my laptop, Liah in my bed with my Mom's laptop. It was nearly two in the morning, but we were hopped up on coffee and love, as Liah put it.
Pulling my eyes from my screen to hers, I smiled at the picture of me and Corey. It was from Grayson's thirteenth birthday party.
Mom and Liselle asked Corey and me to pose together, complete with his arm around my shoulders. It was the most embarrassing moment of my eleven-year-old life and it was written all over my face. Corey had a knowing smirk on his face, like he was in on a secret.
Maybe he knew one day we'd end up together.
"Send it," I told her, turning back to my laptop. It was just the thing I needed to complete my project. "I think that's it."
Liah jumped out of bed, resting her chin on my shoulder as I added the picture she'd just sent over. "It looks so good!"
I beamed as I examined my handiwork. It did look good. Everything I had in me, I poured into this. An apology and a promise all wrapped into one.
"Wait, one more thing." Liah dug through her bag, pulling out a notebook. After flipping through a few pages, she set it in front of me. "You should add this."
It was the list. The list she came up with when I asked her a Corey to help me find a boyfriend. I didn't know she copied it down.
Someone to get you out your comfort zone
Someone who won't let you get away with being a brat
Someone who will know when to give you space and when to give you a push
Someone patient
Someone who can handle all your weirdness
Corey checked all those boxes and more. He was a perfect match, my perfect match. And come Monday, I was going to let him know.
● ● ●
Monday morning, I was up way earlier than any human being should've been. It was necessary if I wanted to surprise Corey. He woke up early, because he clearly had a defect, and I had to drag myself out of bed before he did.
It was freezing that morning, so I bundled up and headed out, walking the few blocks to his apartment complex.
It surprised me to see that the world was awake that early. People on their way to work or school, walking their dogs, jogging. The sun couldn't be seen yet, but the sky started to change to a bright blue.
The card I made yesterday sat in my pocket, a bag of Kisses taped to it. Exactly fifteen because that was how many days it's been since we'd last kissed. The longest two weeks of my life.
The apartment complex Corey lived in had a broken gate, so anyone could walk in as they pleased. There was a semi-circle of units, a small playground in the middle. Each unit had four homes, two on the bottom, two on the top. Corey lived right in front, apartment number A2.
I pulled the card from my pocket, securing it to the green wooden door with what was probably way more tape than necessary. A puff of white came from my mouth as I released a breath. Okay. Done.
Corey would find the note, follow the instructions inside and, hopefully, understand how sorry I was for doubting us. Doubting him.
Satisfied, I walked back the way I came. If I walked fast enough, I could get back into bed for another forty minutes of sleep. When I rounded the corner, I tripped over someone tying their shoe. My hands hit the ground first, scrapping against the sidewalk.
"Oh shit," the person cursed, standing over me. "Are you okay?"
I stood, dusting off my hands. They weren't too bad. "Yeah, I'm--" I paused, when I realized who I was talking to.
Shamika's eyes widened, noticing me as well. The last time I saw her, she was running away after I aired out her dirty laundry in Bath & Bodyworks.
"Sorry," she said, before turning away and continuing down the sidewalk.
I didn't agree with what she did, but I still felt bad about how things happened. "I shouldn't have said what I said," I told her when I caught up to her.
"No, you were right. I knew the situation and still did what I did," she admitted, eyes fixed on the ground.
"Why did you do it?" Corey explained his reasons, but I never understood why she went along with it. Unless... "Do you like Corey?"
"No. It wasn't like that. Promise. I saw him watching you that night at the beach." She played with necklace around her neck, sliding the charm back and forth across the chain. Her voice took on an unexpected sadness. "Let's just say, I know how it feels to be secretly in love with a Spencer. I offered him a distraction."
She was in love with Grayson? Corey told me she didn't want to be in a relationship. "But Gray likes you, and if you like him, why not be together?"
"Grayson thought he liked me," she said, hugging her arms around herself. "Maybe if we were both stuck in West Valley, it'd work. But your brother is destined for better things. Not some girl he met in high school with no future outside of the fast food industry."
Was that why she was up so early, another job other? Because the Purple Cow didn't open this early.
"Grayson knows who you are and still likes you," I pointed out.
"Because he lacked options." She sounded so certain. It seemed pointless trying to change her mind. She had hers made up. "There's my bus. See ya, Little Gray!"
She ran off to the bus stop on the corner. I understood all too well the feeling of not being good enough. Leaning in and accepting it was always easier. But putting in the effort to become the person you wished you were was its own reward. Hopefully, she'd understand that one day.
When I got home, I had a little over twenty minutes I could spend getting more sleep. As soon as I started to fall asleep, my phone dinged. I knew what it was before I grabbed my phone off my nightstand.
Corey found my note.