The rest of my day was spent with Milo and the others just hanging out. It was nice to have the day off, but I couldn't stop thinking about Lexa's fight that morning and, now, Queen Nia's murder.
I was heading back to my village that evening when I heard another horse behind me. I didn't think much of it until I heard my name being called and realised it was Lexa, following after me on her own horse. Pulling on my reigns, I came to a halt and turned around.
"What are you doing?" I asked, surprised.
"I needed to talk to you," she said like it was obvious, and I quirked a brow because it was so random.
She joined my side and the two of us began to ride forward slowly.
"What happened then?" I asked, glancing over at her. "Was everything okay?"
She gave me a look that didn't answer my question, not straight away. "Nia is dead," she said, "as you know. Shortly afterwards, Roan came to see me."
"He doesn't think it was you, does he?" I asked worriedly.
She shook her head. "Quite the opposite. He wants to swear his allegiance to the coalition when he becomes King tomorrow morning."
I raised my eyebrows, shocked. "What? You're saying that– Azgeda is– they're–"
"Finally respecting my leadership?" she finished for me. "Yes, I am. He was very eager to see me, as if he was waiting for me. As if he knew his mother was dead, or going to be. I believe he might have planned the assassination himself."
"Did he say that?" I asked, still in disbelief.
She tilted her head, pressing her lips together as she stared ahead. "Mm, no. But he never had the best relationship with his mother. He didn't seem affected by her murder. Nor surprised. It doesn't matter anyway. The less I know on the matter, the better."
"Because it's all beginning to work itself out," I realised, a smile forming on my lips. "The fight, Nia being out of the picture, Azgeda finally obeying..."
"It's getting better," she confirmed with a nod.
"I told you it would."
She smiled, glancing at me. "You did."
Relieved, I looked ahead. "Do you want to come over? I'm sure my dad won't mind you staying the night."
"I'd love to, but I have to be up early tomorrow," she said regretfully. "I have a lot to prepare. But thank you."
"It's okay, but you should get back now then, it's getting late and you need to sleep, too."
"I suppose," she agreed reluctantly. "I'll see you tomorrow. Goodnight, Y/N."
I came to a halt on my horse, as did she, and reached over to grab her hand.
"See you tomorrow," I told her with a smile, before kissing her goodnight. "I love you."
She hummed contently, squeezing my hand when I pulled away. "I love you, too. Get home safe."
I so badly wanted to stay with her, especially because she was still hurt from her fight with Roan and I knew she wouldn't have the rest she needed. But I was already almost home and my dad needed me, so I gave Lexa one last glance before moving forward on my horse again.
———————————————————
The news of the coalition going ahead was spreading across the city by lunchtime the next day. Everybody was on a high from yesterday's fight, and understandably so. The Commander had proven herself yet again! And now she'd done the impossible – secured a coalition between all twelve clans.
It had happened early that morning, and despite Queen Nia's assassination, the city were in celebration for the hopeful years of peace to come. There were already talks of a citywide celebration that evening.
As soon as the news reached the blacksmiths, I was over the moon. Lexa had done what no other Commanders had managed. I always knew if anybody could have done it, it was her. And I wanted nothing more than to see her and celebrate, so during the afternoon, I took a little break from work and stopped by the Tower.
After some asking around, I was directed to one of the downstairs studies where I found the green-eyed leader herself, hunched over a desk with some papers on it. She hadn't even noticed me, too enthralled with whatever she was doing. To my relief, she looked well rested, but the bruises on her face had darkened and it only reminded me of her fight from yesterday.
"Is working really necessary at a time like this?" I asked, making my presence known. "You've earned a break, don't you think?"
She looked up, shoulders relaxing when she saw who it was. "Y/N."
I smiled, approaching her and standing behind her, arms around her neck. Leaning down, I kissed the top of her head gently before staying there, looking over her shoulder and at her paperwork.
"What are you doing, Lexa?" I asked with amusement, fingers playing with the fabric of her shirt mindlessly.
"Taking breaks has never been my favourite thing," she mumbled, resting her hand atop mine and stroking it with her thumb.
"Oh, believe me, I know. Trying to get you to sit still after a hunt was one of my least favourite things to do when I was your handmaiden."
She turned her head slightly, so she was looking up at me, an eyebrow raised. "One? There were more?"
My expression didn't falter as I feigned seriousness. "Of course. But that's a conversation for another time or we'll be here all day."
She pressed her lips together with mild annoyance before slapping me in the stomach teasingly. I began to laugh before standing up again, this time beside her.
"What are you doing though? Seriously?" I asked with curiosity.
She glanced at me, trying to see if I was in fact being serious. "I'm just making notes. Thinking about what the next steps of this coalition will entail."
"Come on," I said, spreading my hands out. "You finally convinced them! It's done! Can't you just take a moment to appreciate and celebrate that without working?"
She paused, before nodding quickly. "There. Appreciated. Back to work."
Before she could pick up the pen again, I snatched it from the table, earning a disapproving sigh from her.
"Lexa," I complained.
"I'm sorry, but I can't," she said apologetically, eyes softening when they met mine. "There's still so much to be done."
I didn't reply, and when she made a move to grab the pen from my grasp, I threw it across the room. She narrowed her eyes at me.
"The whole city is celebrating all of your hard work," I pointed out, taking a seat at the edge of her desk and looking down at her. "You should be, too."
"What do you mean?" she asked, disinterested.
"Tonight," I explained. "There will be food, drinks, music. Everybody is celebrating."
"That's good for everybody," she decided, nodding, before looking back to her notes.
"Lexa," I said, nudging her leg with mine. "I was going to go, too. A few of my friends from work will be there. It'll be fun."
She glanced up at me, partly confused.
"I wanted to ask if you would come with me," I said before I could talk myself out of it. My heart was suddenly beating very quickly, especially with the gap of silence before she spoke.
"With other people?" she asked, surprised. "In public?"
She still wasn't ready to share our relationship with everyone, I realised. It was understandable, but I just thought that now the coalition had been confirmed and Nia and Azgeda were no longer a threat, maybe she'd be more comfortable with the idea. I guess I was wrong.
"Yes," I confirmed, embarrassed and standing up from my seat at her desk. "But never mind. It was stupid, sorry."
"Wait," she blurted, as I rounded the desk to create a little space between us, "I didn't mean for it to sound like–"
"It's okay," I assured her with a small smile.
She stood up, a frown on her lips. "Y/N, wait. I didn't mean–"
"It's fine," I repeated, still very much embarrassed but trying to play it cool. "I'm going to go anyway, just thought I'd ask. Don't worry about it."
She exhaled softly, eyes finding mine. "I'm sorry."
I shook my head. "Don't be." After an awkward pause, I pointed over my shoulder, beginning to back up. "I've got to get back to work, but I love you. Don't work too hard, okay?"
She nodded, looking apologetic, and I left her to it, feeling a little disheartened. Her reaction, her reluctance... I understood why. But it still hurt.
———————————————————
"There she is, Milo," Zed said playfully over the rim of his cup. "Your true love. Nora. Is this finally the moment you make your move?"
At the mention of the fruit vendor that Milo had been crushing on since before I even started my apprenticeship, Milo widened his eyes and looked around frantically. Finally, his eyes settled on Nora from down the street and he froze.
"Milo, you okay?" I asked, trying to hide my amusement. "You don't have to talk to her, y'know. Zed is just being an arse."
"Hey!" Zed defended himself. "I'm just giving him the support he needs! This is the perfect moment. It's a party, everybody is enjoying themselves – he needs to do something instead of drooling from afar!"
I rolled my eyes playfully. He wasn't exactly wrong, since Milo still hadn't worked up the courage to say anything beyond a few words at her stall. We were hanging around Polis, having fun and celebrating the coalition going forward, but I'd be lying if I said I was completely enjoying myself. It was hard to truly relax when all I wanted was Lexa. I just missed her, and it didn't help that every other conversation tonight with someone was about Lexa's fight or the hard work she put into creating this coalition.
"Do whatever makes you feel comfortable," I reassured Milo when he still hadn't done anything except stare at Nora from afar, as usual.
"Or actually do something tonight and if it goes wrong, use being drunk as an excuse," Zed suggested an alternative.
"Ignore him," I said to Milo, playfully glaring at Zed.
"I doubt he's going to take advice from little miss sour pants," Zed joked, shooting me a knowing look. "Seriously. Why are you so sulky tonight?"
"I'm not," I retorted, looking away from him. I couldn't exactly tell him about Lexa.
"Yeah, and Milo isn't staring at Nora like she hung all the freakin' stars in the sky," Zed said sarcastically, earning a slap off Milo. "Seriously, Y/N, what's up? Tonight is supposed to be fun!"
"And I'm having fun, see?" I said, raising my drink in the air. "Fun!"
He narrowed his eyes at me, thinking otherwise.
"Why don't we go and meet some people?" Milo suggested. "There's some pretty ladies down by the stream."
"Please, you can't even talk to Nora," Zed teased, earning an eye roll from Milo.
"I was thinking more for Y/N's benefit, idiot," Milo retorted, before glancing at me hopefully. "What d'you say?"
"As enticing as that sounds, I can't," I told him apologetically. "I'm, er, seeing someone."
They were both surprised, exchanging glances.
"Is that why you're down?" Milo asked considerately. "Could they not make it tonight or something?"
"She had other responsibilities," I admitted truthfully, feeling a little better having spoken to someone about it. After all, that's what friends were for. "But it's okay. I'm fine with it."
Milo frowned, knowing me better than I thought, and wrapped an arm around my shoulder comfortingly.
"C'mon, let's find some food and get your mind off it," he offered.
"Yeah, it's on me," Zed added with a small smile. "My treat."
I returned their smiles appreciatively. "Thanks, guys. Really."
For the next hour, we jumped around between countless food stalls, trying anything and everything. Between that, watching Zed get rejected by everyone he attempted to flirt with and even watching Milo build up the courage to ask Nora to have a drink with him, the evening was shaping up to be better than I expected. Of course, I still missed Lexa, but I knew I had to get over it and appreciate what I did have. And so far, it was going well.
"Aww, he's still red from their kiss!" Alana was teasing Milo, making him go a deeper shade of red with embarrassment.
We'd found Alana and were all chatting, but Milo had just come back from a drink with Nora and she'd given him a kiss on the cheek with a promise to see him tomorrow for a proper date. To say Milo was over the moon was an understatement.
"I actually can't believe you did it," Zed said, an impressed smile on his lips. "You really talked to her."
"I'm so happy for you, Milo," I told him with a matching smile. "Seriously. You finally did it and look what happened? You landed yourself a date!"
He couldn't stop smiling to himself and it was adorable. "Thanks, guys."
"Maybe now you'll stop coming to the workshop with baskets of fruit AKA failed attempts at asking her out every lunch," Alana teased, making Zed and I laugh.
"It was cute," I reassured him when he didn't know what to say, making Alana join in with the laughter.
The laughter began to fade suddenly and Milo no longer seemed embarrassed. Instead, their expressions were one of surprise. I tilted my head with confusion, wondering what had stolen all of their attention, and turned around only to raise my eyebrows with surprise myself. Standing behind me was Lexa herself, dressed in her casual clothes and looking very out of place. But as soon as her eyes met mine, she relaxed.
"I'm sorry I'm late," she said seriously, and already passers-by were beginning to take notice of her presence.
"You didn't have to come," I said when I recovered from my surprise. Why had she changed her mind?
"I want to be here," she said, and made no effort to lower her voice, surprising me. "With you."
I couldn't stop the smile from curling on my lips, realising what she was doing.
"There's no threat anymore," she continued. "No reason to hide. And I want to meet everybody. Have a break, as you said."
My smile widened and I stepped forward, taking her hands in mine. Excitement taking over, I tugged her behind me and turned around to introduce her to my friends.
"Guys, this is Lexa," I said with pride, before glancing over at her to make sure she was okay with this. She was. "My girlfriend."
When nobody said anything, I looked back to them to see their shocked expressions. It wasn't that hard to believe, was it? Yes, she was the Commander, but still.
Suddenly, Milo dropped his drink on the ground and clumsily bowed respectfully. "Heda."
Before I could say anything, Zed followed suit, the two of them still bent over and looking at the ground. Alana was still surprised but tried not to laugh at their nervousness.
"Guys, get up," I muttered with amusement, slapping them gently and pulling them upright. "It's okay. She's–"
"You don't need to bow," Lexa filled in for me, making them widen their eyes and look over to her immediately. She was smiling softly, very clearly amused by their reactions. "I'm here as Lexa, Y/N's girlfiend, not the Commander. But thank you."
They swallowed nervously and I sighed, shaking my head.
"It's great to see you," Alana took the lead, the most sane of the three, and gave Lexa a welcoming smile. "Lexa."
The two of them already knew each other and so dove into conversation quite naturally, catching up. I could have stood there, watching Lexa all night as she made the effort for me, but Milo and Zed used this as their opportunity to yank me away from the conversation.
"The Commander?!" Zed whisper-shouted when we were a few steps away from them, far enough to not make them question why we'd left. "You're dating the Commander?!"
Sheepishly, I nodded. "Yeah..."
Milo smacked my arm gently. "Why didn't you say anything?!"
"It was a secret!" I defended weakly. "But not anymore. Sorry, look, I wanted to tell you both, but Lexa wasn't ready."
Still in disbelief, they glanced over my shoulder at Lexa who was deep in conversation with Alana.
"This is why you were sad all evening?" Zed asked, finally understanding.
Embarrassed, I said, "Yeah."
"The Commander," Milo kept mumbling to himself, still surprised. "You're dating the Commander."
"This explains so much," Zed realised.
"Please don't think of her as the Commander when you talk to her," I told them. "You're both my friends and she's my girlfriend. Just leave it at that, yeah?"
"We'll try," Zed said, unconvinced. "Right, Milo?"
Still adjusting, Milo nodded weakly. I smiled gratefully at them.
The three of us returned to Lexa and Alana, their conversation pausing when we did.
"You okay?" Lexa asked with mild concern, and all I could do was smile because she was really here. She'd come for me.
"All good," I assured her, before looking to the others and adding, "but do you mind if I borrow Lexa for a second? We'll be back."
They nodded and I grabbed Lexa's hand before pulling her away momentarily. When we were a fair distance away, we stopped and she looked to me with confusion.
"What's wrong?" she asked, and I leaned forward, pulling her in for a tight hug.
Surprised, she returned it and I squeezed her before pulling away and looking at her gratefully.
"Thank you," I said, and it wasn't enough. But how could I express how lucky I felt that she thought I was worth it enough to finally share our relationship with everybody?
"If I can't be with the people I love comfortably, then what's the point in all of this?" she asked rhetorically. "Creating coalitions? Protecting Polis?"
My heart was bursting with joy and I didn't know what to say. So I kissed her instead, a brief but gentle kiss because I knew that she wasn't one for public displays of affection. When I pulled away, her cheeks were slightly pink and it made me laugh.
"I love you," I said, fingers intertwining with hers. "So much, Lexa."
"I love you, too," she said softly, a smile ghosting her lips as she joked, "If that wasn't obvious enough."
Stifling a laugh, I pulled her close and we returned to the others. Finally, I was able to introduce her to my friends without worrying about anything going wrong.
———————————————————
Lexa stayed for the rest of the evening, getting to know my friends better, who were still awestruck at her presence funnily enough. We were interrupted quite a few times by residents of the city who came to give their personal thanks for all Lexa had done for them, and it was heartwarming to see. Lexa responded graciously every time and it only reminded me of how amazing she was and how lucky I was to call her mine.
Surprisingly, she let me give her the whole experience and we took part in a few party games, ate and drank, even danced, though Lexa took a while to adjust to everything. I'd forgotten how new it all must have been to her since she'd had so many responsibilities from a young age and never got to simply relax and be a person instead of a leader. She made the effort though and I found myself appreciating the sight. It was the most I'd seen her smile, ever.
By the time everybody was either passed out, gone home drunk or drunk and still partying, it was very late. Early morning the next day, technically. Lexa and I were sober, since she wasn't one for drinking and I wanted to remember every moment of tonight with her. If anything, I felt high on love, the mere action of being able to hold her hand in public without it being a secret enough to give me the buzz I craved.
Aware of how late it was and how tired we were, Lexa and I went for a walk on the quieter streets, away from the celebrations.
"Tonight has been great," Lexa admitted when we were truly alone. "Much better than staying in and writing."
I smiled at her cockily. "I told you so." She rolled her eyes playfully, and I continued in a serious tone, "I'm glad you decided to come out. You needed the break. And the appreciation."
She hummed in agreement, to my surprise. "I suppose I spend so much time working for the people that sometimes I forget to be amongst them as well."
"Well, tonight was a start," I told her reassuringly. "And there's plenty more where that came from."
She smiled and we continued our walk, enjoying the quiet. Eventually, we settled on some grass a little higher up and on the outskirts of the city, giving us the perfect overlook of the celebrations taking place towards the centre. The streets were still alive with light, music and people, despite the late hour. And just above, the moon and stars were shining down on it all.
For the first time in a long time, Polis was at peace, and it was all because of Lexa.
"You're amazing," I said without thinking, looking over at her.
She smiled softly, fluorescent eyes meeting mine. "I could say the same about you."
"No," I said, sighing when I realised she thought it was a simple compliment. It was much more than that. "You're the best. The best Commander we've ever had. Everybody is lucky to have you. I'm lucky to have you."
She exhaled contently, leaning her head on my shoulder.
"I hated being your handmaiden at first," I started, and she immediately cut me off.
"You've only mentioned it a million times."
I snorted with amusement. "Just wait. I was going to say, yes I hated it, but without that job, I wouldn't have gotten to know you. The real you. How much you do behind the scenes. How much you care. I wouldn't have fallen in love with you like I have. So, yeah. Being your handmaiden was horrible at first, but it was the best thing to ever happen to me."
She fell quiet, and I wondered if I'd said too much. Then:
"Even when I was being difficult?"
I tried not to laugh. "Even then. Especially then."
Feeling her look up from my shoulder, I looked down and caught sight of her tired but loving smile. Now that I thought about it, she looked exhausted and clearly needed to call it a day and get some rest. She'd probably been busy all day and now being up this late...
But she was smiling all the same, sat here with me, for me. And my heart was full at the way she was looking at me right now. She was the most beautiful thing I'd ever seen and I wasn't sure I'd ever think otherwise.
"I love you," she whispered.
I wasn't sure I could ever truly show her how much I loved her, too. If only she could look into my heart and see. I'd leave it open forever just in case it was a possibility.
I returned her smile and leaned forward, kissing her with all the love I could muster, and still, I knew it would never be enough.
//
nice little wrapped up ending for you all! there's only one chapter left, the epilogue, and it's a long one so i do hope you like it! it's been so fun writing for lexa again ♥️