Days passed like they did. Slow and empty. I felt helpless as my thoughts kept betraying me. The memories consistently rewinds in my mind. I close my eyes and I see him. I open them and they search for him. First love is impossible to forget but I wish I could completely move on. I've grown tired swinging between these inconstant feelings. Sometimes I control myself and it seems like I've made it but then there are moments when each part of mine misses him. I knew all along that I had to face this some day while on the other hand I wish this time flew as fast as the good one did. I always find myself questioning that why do happy days get over quickly? And why do sorrowful days stay for so long? But some questions remain unanswered.
I was alone before he came and now when I've walked a few steps with someone, it feels immensely lonely to continue solo. My love for him is eminently deep and it shall remain this way forever. A portion of my mortal heart belongs to him and it always will. No matter if he is deserving or not. What worries me is that he has carried on with his new life whilst I'm still stuck in the trench of past. I can't spend more of my time reminiscing my first relationship. I've to move fro. I've to save my soul from sinking further into the sea of sorrow. And I believe there is no saviour who is going to rescue my drowning spirit. But whenever the feelings start fading away, something clings on and holds me back. I'm willingly resisting to stay, I'd move on only if I knew what I lack.
I have spent almost twenty minutes searching for the right clothes to wear but I indulged in the depth of thoughts as usual. When mom told that we'll be visiting the household of the old couple, the only thought I had was that it is going to be boring. However, I remembered that Amarion said he was going to be there. It wouldn't be that boring then. I grabbed my purple long sleeved tshirt and black skinny pants. The collar and cuff of the top were black. I tied my hair into a braid after wearing the clothes. I decided against taking my bag.
The house was about thirty miles away. I had never been there. The only thing that excited me was seeing Amarion. I don't know why but I sense some hope from him. The hope of getting my lost spirit back. The twinkle in his eyes and the smile on his face had me awestruck. Maybe spending time with him will aid me to get myself out of the quick sand.
We reached the house and witnessed a lot of cars parked. My younger brother saw a friend of his and rushed to him. I nervously walked to the main door. An old couple welcomed us and took my parents where the adults were. The woman asked my name and complimented that I'm pretty. I smiled at her and thanked for her kindness. She seemed friendly. She handed me a glass of squash and gestured at the staircase. I nodded and approached the stairs. I climbed slowly and looked around for Lily and Amarion. When I reached the first floor there were two doors. I heard some noise behind the nearest one and decided to enter the room. I lowered the handle and stepped in. All of the children inside stared at me. I smiled embarrassingly and made my way inside.
"Hey" Lily yelled and came running. She hugged me and took me to the rear of the room. "We were waiting for you. Brother was like when will she come? " Lily rambled. I felt shocked when she said that Amarion was impatient for my arrival. I shifted my gaze and saw Amarion seated. As soon as he witnessed me approaching, he stood and heard Lily's words. He scratched his nape and I grinned at him. He responded with a wider grin and moved his hand forward for me to shake. I glanced at his hand and then at his face. I hesitated at first but then shook hands with him. He looked deeply into my eyes as we shared the handshake.
"How are you?" He asked but didn't let go off my hand.
"Good and you?" I questioned and loosened my grip on his hand.
"Same" he replied and slowly released my hand. His fingers slightly moved from my palm to my fingertips.
His touch sent a shiver down my spine. I gulped and broke our eye contact. He sensed my uneasiness and offered me to sit. He was dressed in a red tshirt and denims.
I settled myself on the couch. He gazed at me and then asked "your bag?" "I didn't get it" I replied. "Lost again?" He asked and smirked. I looked at him surprised. "What do you mean?" I stammered. How did he know that my bag had gotten lost before? The last time he saved it from the children, he said it was for the second time. Oh no! That means he..
"You left it by the washroom" he said and raised his eyebrow. "And you kept it by the window?" I asked and widened my eyes. "Yup" he replied and gazed at the floor. "Thank you so much" I said loudly. " I had my heart in my throat and I thought I'd never see my bag again. My tab had all memories and contacts and photos and vidoes and.." I rambled with joy.
"Calm down" he laughed and grabbed my shoulders.
"Yeah" I responded with a shy smile.
"You're my hero for that" I said out of the blues and bit my lip when I realised how it sounded.
"Really?" He asked and blushed.
"Yes, you saved it twice" I responded and moved back. He removed his hands from my shoulders.
Lily came running and talked about how fond she is of painting. After chatting with her, I turned to Amarion. I told him the entire incident and how I left it there. He laughed and enjoyed the conversation. I asked him about his favourite sport and it turned out to be soccer which is my favourite too. He is the fan of the same player as I'm. "He is a fan too" my subconscious reminded. I couldn't possibly think of him. I'm with Amarion and my attention should be towards him. We spoke about video games and our studies. He told that he'll be completing his high school this year and that he doesn't have much friends. I told him about how many friends I have. We also shared our views on the two incidents that had happened. The first one was the loss of bag and the other was the park one. We laughed at the irony of the co incidences. In little time, we really enjoyed each other's company.
After a while, Lily said that she wanted me to meet someone. Amarion and I followed her and she took us to a girl. She stood by the staircase and waved at Amarion. She looked at me and gave a surprised look. She seemed familiar but I couldn't recall where I had seen her.
"She is the same girl we saw at the corniche? The bag one? " she flooded Amarion with questions.
He looked at me and then at her. "Yeah Jade" he answered her and scratched his nape.
I shifted my gaze between the two in bafflement. She asked if I was the same girl at the corniche? She is the girl who glared at me creepily that day. And Lily was playing with my cousin sister while Amarion was the guy in the cap.
"I'm Jade by the way. And these two are my siblings" she introduced herself.
"I'm Amour" I said and smiled.
"Nice name" she complimented.
"Well, Sean is waiting for you downstairs. Go meet him" Jade informed Amarion and gestured him to leave.
"Okay" Amarion raised his eyebrow at her.
"I'll be back" he turned to me and excused himself.
"No! You won't.." Jade nagged but stopped when Amarion glared at her.
"Take your time" I responded sweetly.
He looked at me one last time and left. I sighed and waited for a response from the annoying girl. She offered to sit in the other room. I pursued her and settled on the couch.
"So?" She started her chatting.
She kept on asking about my personal life and academics. Honestly, I couldn't believe she is Amarion's sister. Not only does she differ in looks but also in behaviour. Lily and Amarion are a comfortable company but she just rambled about stuff that irritated me. I couldn't stand it when she asked if I had a boyfriend or if I've lost my first kiss? Everything reminded me of him which was unbearable. I somehow dodged her questions.
After a while of annoyance, Lily rushed in and told that they were leaving. Jade got up and hugged me while I was seated. Lily imitated her and kissed on my cheek. Jade had already taken my number. She said she would text me at night. I silently prayed that she'd be less irritating while messaging. Both of them left me in the room alone. I wanted to meet Amarion but he was downstairs. There was a window on the right side. I opened it and peeped outside. There were some guys talking. I searched for the red tshirt. I looked everywhere and then a crimson cloth caught my eye. Amarion was standing by the car along with another guy. I had to divert his attention to me but meanwhile have to hide from others. I lightly tapped the windowpane with my knuckles. I repeated for a while. Amarion looked up and our eyes met. He smiled from ear to ear and waved at me. I waved back and grinned. A distant voice called him. He mouthed "I've to go. Bye" . I nodded. He got into the car and so did his friend. Good thing his friend was using earphones thus, he witnessed nothing. The car drove away and I just stared at the empty spot.
What's so special about this guy? When I was with him my mind was at peace. Maybe my feeling of him being the hope is true.
But hopes are nothing but awful lies. They keep you waiting for something your destiny has already denied.