Double upload woooo <3
Dawn forces me to stop in Viridian City for ice cream on the way back to Pallet Town. The flight is tomorrow, so I told them they could come with me to pick Pikachu up, and stay the night. I know Mom won't mind, especially when she sees Dawn. Sometimes I think she might even like Dawn more than me, but that hardly bothers me. I'm just glad she loves my best friend.
She can tell something's up with me, and tries to probe, but when I don't give her anything she seems to give up. I know her too well, though, and I know she's just waiting to pick it back up later on, when she thinks she might have another chance. I don't feel like talking about Goh, or the stupid feelings I may have started to develop. Besides, it's not like they really had time to take hold, so after a couple of weeks I'll likely have forgotten about them completely. If I voice them to her or Chloe, it makes them so much more real. It doesn't have to be deep. It's nothing.
It's another unnaturally warm day, the sun beaming in the sky. Chloe fusses over Dawn, repeatedly topping up her sun cream. We're sitting on a patch of grass in the park, ice cream melting over the side of the cone and onto my hand. Chloe's Eevee has her own ice cream, which she's sharing with Piplup beside us.
Remembering the story Goh told me last night about Arceus and Jirachi, I look between Dawn and Chloe, and I know instantly that they're soulmates. I suppose once you know, you can just tell. Dawn raises an eyebrow at me.
"What?"
I shake my head and look at Chloe. "Did you know that soulmates are real?" I ask. Surely Goh would have told her about something like that. Dawn chokes on air, repeating herself, louder this time.
Chloe bites her lip. "Yeah, Goh told me."
"Sorry, backup a moment," Dawn says, holding up her hand. "What?"
"He told me last night that he asked Arceus about it, and that soulmates are real, and everyone has one."
Dawn shakes her head in disbelief. "There's so much to unpack in that sentence. I'm not even going to ask how he spoke to Arceus. Why were you talking about that?"
I feel myself blush. "He asked me what the psychic said to me, and I told him."
Dawn and Chloe share a private look, and my stomach twists. "What?"
"Nothing," they both say at the same time. Dawn clears her throat. "Well, then. You know that you've met yours for sure, then."
"And you," I counter, trying to get the attention away from me. Chloe and Dawn share a look again, but neither of them seems surprised. They just seem super happy. My heart swells for them, despite everything. They're perfect for one another. It makes me wonder if Arceus ever gets it wrong, if sometimes soulmates aren't perfect for each other.
We finish our ice creams and play with Eevee and Piplup for a little while before getting back in the car for the final half-hour drive to Pallet. Dawn connects her phone to my car and plays annoying upbeat pop songs, singing along loudly in the passenger seat. Chloe watches her from the back, completely smitten.
When we pull up outside my house, Mom must have saw us coming, because she's waiting in the doorway, Pikachu on her shoulder and Mr. Mime by her side. He jumps down as I step out of the car and leaps onto my shoulder, rubbing his face against my cheek and squealing. I laugh, feeling a little better, and scratch his head, whispering a greeting to him.
"I brought surprise visitors," I say to Mom as Dawn hops out of the passenger seat and Chloe steps out the back.
"Hey Mrs. Ketchum," Dawn chirps.
"Hello Dawn, and Chloe. What a nice surprise." I can tell she's already planning what she's going to cook and bake for us while we're here.
"Is it okay if they stay tonight?" I ask, looking back at them over my shoulder.
"Of course," she answers. "Are you heading back to Unova tomorrow?"
"No, actually." I smile, trying to be excited about the road trip despite the missing member of the team. "We're going on a little road trip around Galar."
Pikachu 'chu's' excitedly on my shoulder and hops onto Dawn's instead. She laughs as he rubs his cheek against hers, excited to be spending some time with her. Chloe's Eevee is hopping up and down on the path, waiting for her turn to receive Pikachu's attention.
"Sounds lovely," Mom says. "Let Mr. Mime get your bags and come inside. I'll start making dinner."
Chloe and Dawn set themselves up in the guest room, then we head up to see Professor Oak and the rest of my Pokémon for one last time before I leave again.
After dinner, lying on the bed in the guest room with Chloe and Dawn, silence fills the room for long enough that my thoughts start to wander again. Dawn is sitting cross-legged on the floor, a handheld game console in her hands, biting her lip in concentration. I think she might be playing a racing game, but I'm not sure. Chloe's on her laptop, typing up a report, despite her dad saying he'd do it for her.
After a few minutes I sit up, unable to take it anymore. "This shit is stupid. You'd think if Arceus was going to bother making soulmates, it'd at least make it a bit more obvious who they are. Or like, help you figure it out somehow."
Dawn looks at me over the top of her game, smirking. "Hung up on this, aren't you?"
"Shut up," I growl. I'm sure she would be too if she hadn't met hers, or didn't know who it was. I'd feel a lot better if I didn't even know the concept was real. At least then I wouldn't be rolling around half-crazy, stuck in my head going through a list of every single person I've met in the last ten years that I can remember, like if I think of the name I'll receive some sort of godly sign.
"I know what you mean," Chloe agrees. "I suppose it's so people go through life naturally. I mean, that's the whole point, right? You need to experience the bad as well as the good, to appreciate the good stuff. Be with the wrong person until the right one comes along. That sort of thing."
She has a point. I think I've had enough of the bad now, though. It's not like I even care about having a relationship. I just hate not being in control of my life.
"At least you know you've met them," Dawn chimes in, cursing under her breath at the game.
"That doesn't mean anything. She said I've known them a long time, but that doesn't mean it's a friend. It could be Paul for all I know."
Dawn scoffs. "Yeah, I'm gonna go ahead and rule that one out for you."
I groan and flop back on the bed again. My thoughts wander back to Goh, my heart doing its painful twist again. I can't help but feel like I've missed the last chance I had to put some of the pieces of us back together again. I also feel incredibly stupid for feeling like our broken friendship has permanently torn a piece of me away, when he probably doesn't care at all anymore.
I feel something nudge my side and turn to see Pikachu pushing his head into me, ears flat. He can sense how I feel, and ever since he heard about me seeing Goh again he's been unnaturally quiet. He's probably thinking about the friends he lost too. I reach out and run a hand over his head, trying to force a smile. I know he wishes he had been with me now, so he could have seen Goh again too.
Feeling a lump starting to form in my throat, I sit up again, Pikachu jumping up onto my shoulder. "I'm gonna head to bed. See you in the morning." I'm already walking out before either of them can spot how bothered I am. I shoot a wave over my shoulder as they call out goodnight, and close their door behind me.
I stare at myself in the mirror as I brush my teeth, wondering what's going on with my brain. I'm praying that when I go back to Unova, the normalcy of my routine will bring me back down to earth, but when I lie down in bed and close my eyes, my thoughts go right back to where they've been all day, and I know there's no hope.
— — — —
In the morning, Dawn wakes me up far earlier than she needs to, stressed we'll miss our flight. I don't want to leave my car at the airport, so Professor Oak gives us a ride. Of course, we're two hours early for the flight, just like I said we would be, so we end up sitting around in the airport, eating overpriced food that doesn't even taste good.
When we finally board, the three of us argue over the window seat until Chloe eventually wins, and I somehow end up with the aisle seat. After an hour Pikachu leaves me to lay on Dawn's lap with Piplup, and I must fall asleep too, because the next thing I know Dawn is shaking my shoulder. My eyes flutter open, and I see people are standing and grabbing their luggage, and the pilot is speaking, announcing our arrival.
Groggy from the unplanned nap, I groan and try to stand, rubbing my eyes. I catch a couple people staring and whispering under their breath, and one even points at me. I sigh and grab my bag from the overhead storage and start to leave. It's cooler in Galar than it was in Kanto, which is a welcome change. The plan is to stay tonight in a hotel in Wyndon, which Dawn has already booked, then pick up the rental truck in the morning to head down the east coast to Wedgehurst, then back up the west coast back to Wyndon.
Wyndon is no less busy than the last time I was here a few months ago for a research trip. The streets are packed, so busy I almost lose Dawn and Chloe twice on the walk to the hotel. It's a big, fancy looking thing with a huge open lobby, and I feel incredibly underdressed. I hang back while Dawn checks us in, but creep closer when Dawn drops her voice and starts whispering something. Before I get close enough to hear she's turning back to me, pocketing something quickly before holding out the key to my room.
"What was that?" I ask, raising an eyebrow.
"What?" She says innocently. "Come on. You have to get changed before we go out for dinner later."
"Where are we going?" I ask.
"She found some fancy restaurant to try," Chloe answers for her, sounding less than pleased. "And then, shopping."
"Yay," I say with as little enthusiasm as I can manage. Dawn smacks us playfully and starts dragging me by the arm to the elevator. Both our rooms are on the seventeenth floor, so we stand in the elevator in silence with a bunch of strangers.
We reach my room first. Theirs is down the hall, so they tell me they'll be back in an hour or so, when they're ready to go out. When I step in the room, I'm blown away by just how massive it is. The far wall is almost entirely glass, revealing a beautiful view of Wyndon, the sun already starting to set, casting an orange glow over the city. There's a four poster bed and a full sofa, and a table with two chairs in front of an electric fireplace. I raise my eyebrows, looking left at Pikachu, who seems equally as impressed.
I let the case drop on the floor and flop back on the end of the bed, which sinks beneath me, softer than any other bed I've ever lay on. I'm lying there for five seconds before the door flies open again. I jerk up, but it's just Chloe. "Sorry! Eevee wanted to play with Pikachu." She smiles sheepishly, rubbing the back of her neck.
I glance at Pikachu, sprawled out beside me, and he tilts his head to the side, asking permission to go. I nod, gesturing for him to get out of here, and he chirps happily, hopping off the bed to join Chloe.
"I'll bring him back soon!" She calls out, already closing the door. Alone again, I sigh, thinking about all of the things I've let myself be dragged into for this week. I'll have to do most of the driving, since Chloe can't drive, and Dawn only recently learned. Plus, her driving is terrifying. Like, Sonia levels of terrifying.
Deciding I should probably shower before we head out, I start to push myself up, the bed creaking beneath me slightly, running a hand through my hair, when an unexplainable chill runs through me, sending shivers up my arms. Goosebumps prickle across my skin, and I sit there, confused, sensing something.
Then there's a knock on the door. My stomach bottoms out, though I don't know why, because it can only be Chloe or Dawn. Swallowing hard, I cross over to the door and extend a slightly shaky hand to open it.
I pull it open, and Goh is standing in the doorway.
I don't have time to react before he steps past me into the room, his shoulders tense and his face twisted with nerves. Time almost seems to slow, and my skin prickles as he walks past me, my heart just about beating right out of my chest. I don't understand, and I open my mouth to speak, but he beats me to it.
"I know what went wrong," he starts, his voice shaking slightly. He has his hands clenched into fists at his sides. "It was me. My fault, I mean. I didn't know what was happening. There were things about me that I was scared of you finding out, but you were always so good at reading me that I knew you would, and so I shut you out."
The door clicks shut behind me. I don't even remember letting it go. Goh is rambling in front of me, his words coming out so fast they're barely coherent. "I knew it was me at first picking fights, but I couldn't stop. I pushed you away and didn't want to let you back in. It was stupid of me, I know, I should have just apologised, or I should have, like, called, or- Fuck, I shouldn't have come here at all-"
"Goh." I take a step towards him, adrenaline coursing through my veins. My body feels like the sun, burning up inside and out. His face cracks as I come up in front of him, jaw trembling like he might cry. Then he says three words that have been left unspoken for far too long.
"I'm sorry, Ash." As his face twists and his voice cracks, I feel the pieces of my heart start to come back together, slowly. I can hardly breathe, never mind speak, so I reach for him instead, pulling him into my chest.
It's the first time we've touched, aside from our knees or hands, in eight years. My heart is going to explode out of my chest, and he can probably feel it pounding, but I don't even care. I don't care about anything but the feeling of him pressed against me. He pushes his forehead into the crook of my neck.
"I'm sorry too," I say into his hair. Who knew three simple words could heal a person so much?
And then, he says three words against my chest that really ignite me:
"I missed you."
The confirmation that he's missed me- that those feelings haven't been unrequited over the years- fills a void I didn't even know existed. Eight years worth of regret and bottled up feelings bubble up to the surface, and now it's me trying not to cry, the lump in my throat so big I almost choke.
I start to pull away, to look him in the eye, to say I missed him too, and ask what this means, but I freeze as an overwhelming urge to lean in and kiss him erupts across my brain, sudden and piercing, so strong I almost don't stop myself from doing it. All in a split second I imagine what it would feel like to press my lips into his, angling my face to meet his, mouths opening slightly in welcome, pushing my hands up into his hair.
My face is burning, and I step away, shaking away the intrusive thought, but it has already taken its toll. I'm breathless, and shaken, because I've never felt that urge before. Even in my relationships, I've never felt that before. Even just imagining the kiss made my body react in ways I've never felt, in every way that's been missing when I've kissed other people. After all these years, I finally feel the fireworks that have always been missing, confirming the fears that had started to sprout in my brain after the motel. And there's only one word repeating over and over in my head.
Fuck.
This can't, and shouldn't, be happening. I'm cursing at the universe because why, out of the billions of people on the planet, does Goh have to be the first person I fall for? After letting me think I was broken for years, incapable of having feelings for someone, the powers that be have one final laugh by putting Goh back in my path, and making him look like that, and-
"This is so embarrassing," Goh says, wiping furiously at his eyes. "God. Sorry." He looks so much like himself now that I finally recognise him again. This is the same Goh I knew all those years ago. The Goh that gets overly emotional, then feels embarrassed about it, and tries to hide it from me.
"So, uh, does this mean you're coming on the trip?" I ask, rubbing the back of my head awkwardly.
"Dawn didn't tell you?" He asks, tilting his head. I curse under my breath. I should have known she already knew. She's likely the one that convinced him to come here and say all these things, chirping in his ear constantly. Still, I can't be mad at her.
"No," I sigh. "She missed out that part."
"I can go," he says quietly. "If you want."
"What? No. No, of course not," I say quickly, shaking my head. Goh smiles, and a silence stretches on for a moment, though not awkward like the others. He wanders over to the giant windows and looks down on Wyndon.
"You were the best friend I ever had," he starts. "Nobody else understood me like you, besides Chloe. You were there for me when everybody else laughed and said my goals were too ambitious, and I still pushed you away. I've spent eight years regretting it, and when I saw you again it fucking hurt."
I hate how he's speaking in past tense. I want to surge forward, take him by the arms and tell him that I can still be that for him. I want to be. But I don't, because the urge to kiss him is still strong, and it's fucked up that he's pouring his heart out to me and I'm wondering what he tastes like.
"It's been hard to avoid you. You're everywhere. I've seen your face at least once a week, every week, constantly reminding me of my mistakes. Yet I couldn't just pick up my phone and call you. That would be crazy, right? I thought I'd never see you again."
"I don't think it would have been as crazy as you think." I imagine Goh calling me out of the blue one day. I wonder how I would have reacted. Honestly, I'm not sure, but I know for a fact that I would never shut him down. I would have answered.
He pauses for a moment. "So... Can we try being friends again?" He asks quietly.
A smile tugs on the corners of my lips, and I stick my hands in my pockets, saying "but I thought you and I were already friends."
His head whips around to me, eyes sparkling, and I know he remembers that those are the same words I said to him all those years ago back in the lab, when we first became partners. It's almost like I feel our connection snap back into place, revealing that it was still there all along. Despite everything, it's still there, and maybe things will be awkward at first, but for the first time I see clearly that I was wrong. Things can go back to the way they were. They're already on their way.
Before he can speak, I hear a quiet knock on the door, and hear Chloe call in apprehensively from the hallway. She knows Goh is here, and she wants to know what's going on. I roll my eyes and shout for her to come in. The door swings open, and both of them are standing there, looking between us expectantly. With Goh standing by the window and me standing in the middle of the room, they can't immediately tell that we've started to reconcile.
"I hate you both," I grumble.
"But it worked, right?" Dawn asks. I glance right at Goh, who's already looking at me.
"I guess-" I answer, and hardly finish the words before Chloe is dragging Goh towards me and throwing her arms around us both, pulling us in for a hug. Dawn goes around the back of us and joins in. I laugh, the awkwardness of being pressed up against everyone insignificant compared to the relief I feel. It's like a weight's been lifted from my shoulders. Honestly, I kind of feel like I'm floating.
"Okay, get off now," Goh says playfully, wriggling away from us.
"Now get ready for tonight," Dawn says, flashing an evil grin. "We're going out."
"I thought we were going shopping after dinner," I argue.
"I changed my mind. Let's see if the clubs in Galar are better than the shit-tips in Kanto." She grabs Chloe's arm, dragging her back out of the room.
"Dawn," I call, and she stops in her tracks, sensing the change in my tone. "Stay for a minute?"
She blinks a couple of times before letting go of Chloe, who hesitates for just a second before picking up that I want to speak to Dawn alone, and gestures for Goh to follow her out, smiling. I hope she isn't upset that I want to speak to Dawn on her own. It's just that Dawn has been the best friend I needed ever since Goh left. I've always told her everything, and I don't want this to be an exception.
"See you soon," I say to Goh a little awkwardly. He shoots me back an equally awkward smile as he pulls the door shut, and I blow out a breath. Dawn looks concerned as I cross the room to sit on the edge of the bed, trying to digest everything that just happened.
"Is everything okay?" she asks, standing in front of me, frowning.
"No," I groan, and flop back on the bed, rubbing my hands up my face. "Not really."
"What is it?" She asks, sitting on the bed and looking down at me. I stare up at the ceiling, wondering how to word the bomb I'm about to drop on her.
"Remember the breakdown I had after bachelor's night?" I ask, and she nods, pressing her lips into a thin line. "Well, I think I was wrong."
"Okay," she says slowly. "What do you mean?"
Saying what I'm about to say will make everything so much more real, and the thought of voicing my thoughts makes me feel nauseous. When they're out there, I can't take them back. I sigh and close my eyes. "I think I have feelings for Goh."
A few seconds of silence stretch between us, agonisingly long until I can't take it anymore and open my eyes, just to see her staring down at me, her expression a mix of shock and excitement. "I knew there was some energy between the two of you," she says. "I felt it the moment the two of you were in the same room."
"Really?" I ask, feeling my heart quicken. If Dawn can feel the energy I'm giving off, can he, too?
She ignores my question, instead asking in a low voice: "How deep in it are you?"
That's the million dollar question, I suppose. I wince. "Deep."
"Wow." She's grinning. "Okay. Okay. This is a good thing, Ash."
"In what world?" I groan, putting my hands on my face again. "I'm not dumb. I know an apology and a hug isn't going to completely fix things. I know there's a good chance we'll still clash. I still don't understand why it all started in the first place."
"Then you take it slow," she counters. "See how things go. If it means anything to you, I think you have a good chance. A very good chance, actually."
She's my best friend, and I know she'll say whatever I want to hear to make me feel better, so I don't let her words give me hope. Instead I just nod, fake-smiling until she believes I feel better and leaves to get ready.
Once she's gone, I stare at myself in the bathroom mirror for a minute. I remind myself that I've survived this long without him. We can try working things out, sure, but if it goes badly, I'll be okay on my own. I have been for this long, after all. And if my feelings start to get out of hand... Well, I've never had feelings for anyone before. I don't know how deep they can go, but my feelings for Goh are already heavily affecting me, invading my mind almost every second I'm awake, and asleep. I don't know what'll happen if we spend more time together.
I want it all the same.