Chapter 05
I wanted to sleep early, but hindi ko magawa after nung mga sinend sa akin ni Pablo na pictures, para akong teenager na pabalik-balik lang doon sa Instagram para tignan. But I knew that I really needed to sleep unless gusto kong magmukhang pagod bukas. So, I went to the gym of the condo and ran until I felt tired enough na pagbalik ko sa unit, pagod na ako para makatulog.
The next morning, I woke up earlier than the alarm. Nag-text naman na ako kay Pablo kagabi na sunduin niya ako sa coffee shop near my condo. Ewan. I had sex with the guy and everything, but still, it felt like giving him my address was 'too much information.'
Iba na talaga ang panahon ngayon—nauna pa niyang makilala iyong katawan ko kaysa sa address ko. Kung buhay pa siguro ang lola ko, kanina pa ako napingot dahil sa kalandian ng paborito niyang apo.
I prepared a small bag kung saan nakalagay iyong isusuot ko mamaya together with my makeup kit and hygiene kit. My plan was to attend the church ceremony, parade Pablo in front of my relatives, then go home after. Wala akong balak mag-stay nang matagal sa reception. Living in Manila for years now, although mataas na ang tolerance ko for bullshit, it doesn't necessarily apply to family. Ewan ko ba—may way talaga iyong mga relatives mo para i-trigger ka, e. Kahit i-mask pa nila 'yan as them 'caring.'
Since sa Bataan lang naman kami and hindi naman iyong super layo, I settled with wearing something comfortable and casual. I was wearing a straight-cut white pants, fitted black shirt, and my Adidas sneakers. I also wore gold accessories. I felt like any plain outfit could be good given the right accessories. Also in fashion, at least for me, less is always more.
Pablo said na susunduin niya ako ng 10AM. I didn't know kung siya ba iyong tao na maaga dumating, on time, or late. But I didn't want to be late kaya naman 9:45 pa lang ay nandoon na ako.
"You're early," I said nang makita ko na nandoon na siya and there was already a cup of coffee in front of him.
Fucking hell. This man just looks good anytime of the day, noh? Nung akala ko na sobrang gwapo niya na sa bar niya, mas gwapo siya sa grocery. Ngayon, he proved na mas gwapo siya kapag ganitong umaga.
Tumingin siya sa relo niya. I noticed that he's wearing Omega seamaster. Did he purposely choose to wear that dahil kapares siya nung shade of blue na napili kong suotin?
"You're early, too," he replied.
I shrugged. "Don't like being tardy. Time is important."
He slightly nodded his head like he agreed with me. "If you don't mind, I'll finish my coffee first," sabi niya.
Tumango ako. "Sure. I'll order first," sagot ko naman sa kanya. Iniwan ko iyong bag ko sa may upuan sa harapan niya and walked towards the counter para umorder ng inumin ko. Today's going to be a long day kaya naman umorder ako ng Americano with triple shot espresso. I needed to stay awake ngayon. I also debated if I'd order sandwich or something for him, but I figured that like me, baka hindi rin siya kumakain ng breakfast. Okay na kasi ako sa coffee.
"Pablo," I called. Tumingin siya sa akin. Damn him. Kahit ganoon lang, ang gwapo na agad. "Do you want sandwich or something? For the road?"
Umiling siya. "I don't eat breakfast," he replied. "But get some for yourself if you want."
"I don't eat breakfast," sagot ko sa kanya.
Tumango siya. "Let's just have lunch later, then."
I nodded back. "Great," sagot ko bago ko ibalik iyong tingin ko sa may barista. Nakatayo ako roon habang hinihintay iyong order ko. For some reason, I started to feel conscious kahit hindi ko naman sigurado na nakatingin sa akin si Pablo. Still, I straightened my back and stood like everyone's watching.
Nang hindi ako makatiis, I 'casually' turned my head around at doon, nagtama ang mga mata namin. Shit. So, he was watching me? Kanina pa? But why? Was he fascinated with me as I was with him?
Huminga ako nang malalim.
Matanda na kaming dalawa—this wasn't some teenage flirtation. For god's sake, we already had sex! Bakit ba ako kinakabahan sa kanya?
"What?" I asked as I arched my brow. Bahagya siyang umiling, but didn't say a word. That was all he did, but he managed to make my heart race inside my chest.
Ngayon pa lang, masasabi ko na na this wouldn't end well for me. I needed to reign myself in. Until he's all in, I shouldn't even let myself think about the 'possibilities.' I got to lookout for myself first.
"Thank you," I said nang ibigay sa akin iyong order ko. Muli akong huminga nang malalim bago ako maglakad pabalik sa table. Nakita ko na halos patapos na siya sa iniinom niya.
"Can I drink this in your car or you're one of those who doesn't allow food or drinks in their car?" tanong ko sa kanya.
He shrugged. "As long as you won't make a mess."
"What if I do?" seryosong tanong ko although I just realized that it sounded like I was flirting again. Damn him. Kapag ganyan kasing mukha ang nasa harapan mo, para bang nasa automatic flirtation mode agad ako.
Umayos ka nga, Cerise. He's here dahil naawa ata siya sa life story mo. Nothing more, nothing less. Don't let your imagination fill in the gaps—d'yan nagsisimula iyong false hopes na nauuwi sa heart break na hindi naman mangyayari in the first place kung hindi overactive 'yang imagination mo at niroromanticize mo lahat ng bagay.
"Nevermind," sabi ko bago pa siya makasagot. "Give me 10 minutes," dugtong ko bago ko inubos iyong kape.
I felt Pablo's eyes on me as I was trying to finish my coffee. Hindi ko na pinansin pa iyon kasi kung saan-saan na naman pupunta iyong imagination ko. I just kept myself busy with my phone habang ka-text ko si Jana.
Jana: do you think you two will hook up again?
Cerise: I don't know why
Jana: nothing curious lang. Do you think possible na sa reception ng wedding?
Cerise: Gaga
Jana: don't tell me hindi mo naisip yon!
Cerise: Hindi ko naisip gaga ka
Cerise: What if mahuli kami
Jana: so hindi kayo magllock? Kinky
Cerise: My god, Jana. Have some self-control or call your boyfriend because clearly you're horny
"What?" sabi ko nang makita ko na nakatingin sa akin si Pablo nang magangat ako ng tingin.
Bahagyang umiling siya. "Nothing."
"That was Jana," I said. "She was with me the last time I went to your bar," dugtong ko.
He nodded. "Didn't see her."
"Well, yeah... I mean, we were busy doing something else," casual na sabi ko. Right. I needed to act casually. Yes, we had sex. Yes, I immensely enjoyed it. No, I was not about to act like he's my boyfriend just because we exchanged bodily fluids.
Until he verbally asks me to be his girlfriend or to be exclusive or whatever, I'm gonna act like the free agent that I am—of course hindi kasama iyong ngayong araw because he's my boyfriend for the day.
Also, bakit ba ang advance ko magisip? Dito talaga ako madadale, e.
I looked at him and he just gave me a curt nod.
"What? You didn't enjoy it?" I asked, my brow slightly arched.
Bahagya siyang humalakhak. "Of course I did."
"I mean, you can say you didn't enjoy," casual na sabi ko.
"Did you enjoy?" diretsong tanong niya habang nakatingin sa mga mata ko.
I looked directly into his eyes, too. He couldn't beat me in this game. I once stared down a director of one of the shoots. He was being such an asshole to one of the models. I stared at him until he cried. Until now, he refused to work with me. Bahala siya sa buhay niya.
"I did enjoy," I replied.
"You're welcome," he said.
"I didn't say thank you," sagot ko na may maliit na ngiti. "I'm done with my coffee," dugtong ko bago ako tumayo at kinuha iyong bag ko.
"I'll carry that," sabi niya.
"No, it's fine," sabi ko. "Malayo ba iyong pinag-park-an mo?"
"No, just outside."
"So, I'll carry this. Malapit lang pala."
"Yes, but I insist," he said in such a way na napatingin ako sa kanya habang nakatayo siya sa harap ko. There's really something about him... Maybe it's his face... or his demeanor... or the fact that he was towering over me.
Over all, he's just so hot.
Wala na akong nasabi pa at tahimik na ibinigay ko na lang sa kanya iyong bag ko. Nauna siyang maglakad sa akin. Akala ko ay didiretso na siya palabas, but he held the door open for me.
"What?" he asked nang mapansin niya na medyo natigilan ako.
"Nothing," I replied, shaking my head.
Hindi na siya nagsalita pa. Hindi ko alam kung alin ang sasakyan niya rito kaya naman hinintay ko siya. He got out his key fob and a white Audi Q9 unlocked. Naglakad kami papunta roon. Binuksan niya iyong likod at saka inilagay iyong bag ko roon.
"I thought you'd open the car door for me, too."
Tumingin siya sa gawi ko sandali habang binubuksan niya iyong makina ng sasakyan. "I normally would, but you look a little freaked out when I held the door."
"I was not freaked out."
"Weirded out, then," sabi niya. His hands were on the steering wheel. He turned to look at me. Bakit ang gwapo niya kahit ano ang gawin niya? How was this fair for me?
"I am not."
"Good," he said with a small smile. "Because those are just small gestures. Those shouldn't be surprising at all. If a guy doesn't treat you that way, dump him."
Natawa ako. "Wise words."
"True."
"Were you always like that?"
Umiling siya habang nagsisimulang mag-drive. "No," sabi niya. "The one you're talking to right now took a couple of fine tuning," pabirong sabi niya.
"So, you're saying that you were an asshole before?"
"Not a proud one, though."
"What changed?"
He shrugged. "Nothing."
"So, you just woke up one day and decided to be the perfect gentleman?"
Natawa siyang bahagya. "Oh, god, no," sagot niya sa akin. Hindi ko alam kung titingin ba ako sa sideprofile niya o sa kung paano siya mag-drive—both were ridiculously interesting to watch, if I may say so.
"So, what changed?"
"I have a younger sister," sabi niya sa akin. "We're not close because of the age gap. But one day, I visited home. She was crying. Apparently, some boy broke her heart. Then she told me all of the things he did to her. That was like a slap on my face."
"That she was practically describing you?"
He shrugged and didn't give a straight response.
"Exactly how bad were you before?" tanong ko habang medyo nakatagilid na sa pagkakaupo para nakatingin lang ako sa kanya. I normally hated being stuck in the middle of traffic, but this time, parang okay lang. Para at least mas humaba iyong usapan namin. Sure ako mamaya na hindi ko siya masyadong makakausap.
"I won't talk shit about myself," natatawang sabi niya.
"Oh, so that bad, huh?"
"Not really," sabi niya. "But could be better, to be completely honest."
Tumango-tango na lang ako. I looked at him. He was wearing a white Fred Perry polo shirt na may blue lining sa sleeves. Kahit sa outfit pa lang papunta sa Bataan, ready na talaga siya. Sino kaya mga naging girlfriend nito? Ganito rin kaya siya sa kanila?
"Enough about me," sabi niya. "Tell me about yourself."
"You basically know my life story."
"Surely your life doesn't revolve around your tragic love life."
I feigned a shock. "That was not tragic."
"Sure," sabi niya. "You scoured Manila to look for a date because you didn't want to go alone."
I rolled my eyes. "Fine, but it's not because it was tragic—more like a pride thing, you know?"
He shrugged. "I still don't understand why you care a lot about what they think."
"Good for you," sabi ko.
"Why?"
"Because it's one of those things that I know I shouldn't care about, but I still do, you know?" sabi ko na nagbuntong-hininga. "I just have to have their validation. I don't know. Hard to explain."
Umayos na ako ng upo. Nakita ko na tumingin siya sa akin.
"Can I connect my phone? Magpapatugtog lang ako," I said.
"Yeah, sure," I said.
I tried to connect my phone to his car. I didn't know what to feel kasi may mga pangalan na nakaconnect doon. May mga pangalan ng lalaki, pero mas madami iyong sa babae. And I knew I shouldn't ask because why would I? And wala rin naman siyang sinabi.
"What do you want me to do later?" he asked after long minutes of silence and music between us.
"Just make them think that I hit jackpot with you and that I'm living the perfect life," I replied as I looked outside the window and just watched the long and winding road.
**
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