𝗥ayne lay on her side with one hand propping her head up as she looked out the window of their bedroom. It was the next morning, but the clouds looked angry as they spilled their stored-up liquid; if she didn't have a clock around her, she might not be able to tell what time it was.
It was a fitting ambiance if she was being honest with herself. The plans she had for the next hour were completely selfish and self-centered, but she didn't care. At the center of everything, there she was. From being tossed around by her father for looking like Nadine, to being thrown into mafia business because of Matteo, to finding out that she has another brother, it felt like everything in her life was manipulated by outside forces – like she had control of nothing at all.
That was changing.
Today would change that.
She lowered her eyes from the noisy window and looked at her boyfriend sleeping peacefully beside her. His soft breaths were blowing the few strands of blonde hair from his face; he looked like an angel. Realistically, he'd always been one; since they've gotten back, he'd been even kinder, even sweeter, and more understanding than she ever deserved.
Just an hour ago, at six in the morning, they had mutually woken up together; he pleasured her well, giving every ounce of his person to her in hopes that she would do the same. And she did – she always would, but speaking truthfully, her mind was anywhere but this bed during that time.
All she could think about was tiring him out so she could slip out of the house and away from his watchful eye. She loved Rueben, and she was glad he was such a strong wall for her to lean back on, but in this moment, at this time, she needed to do things alone.
She wouldn't get that if he was conscious.
Rayne pulled herself out of the covers, quickly and slowly crawling toward the end of the bed. When her palms stealthily slipped between his legs, she used her arms and abs to swoop herself into the air, over his body, and to the floor. She gently removed the pressure of her hands off the mattress as she looked at Rueben to make sure that he hadn't woken up.
He moved his mouth a bit, and turned over an inch, but other than that, his breathing and closed eyes indicated that he was still asleep and he wouldn't be getting up for a while.
Happy that her plan was working, she turned and walked into the bathroom. Last night, when her boyfriend was making them snacks, she came in here and stored the clothes she wanted to wear today. It was the only way she knew she'd be able to sneak out without waking him up. The drawers of her dresser were much too squeaky and much too obvious to dig through.
Once she was dressed and her laces were tied securely, she slipped out of his room. With a very quiet click of his door shutting, she turned and tiptoed down the hallway of bedrooms. Luckily, Mason spent the night at Kai's, and Blake still lived upstairs, so the only room she needed to sneak past was Isaac and Taryn's. She breathed out a breath of thanks as she reached the end and no creaky floorboards alerted her to anyone else being awake.
Rayne grabbed her car keys as she passed the kitchen on the way to Rueben's office. On this side of the house, she did not need to be as quiet. Pulling open the drawer, she took his emergency gun out and checked its contents, making sure the bullets were accounted for and that the gun wasn't jammed.
Tucking it underneath her sweater, she palmed the desk in front of her.
She closed her eyes tightly and inhaled.
Exhaled.
Inhaled.
For a second, cold tears threatened to escape her eyes, but she wouldn't allow it. All her life, all she wanted to do was be with her family – that being Matteo. But in each and every memory she has of him, some other man has taken that from her. Whether it was her father, or her sorry excuse for an older brother, it didn't matter.
All she knew was that she was done letting men walk all over her – biological family or not.
God—
Woe is me.
She pulled herself from the room and walked down the hall, slipping out the front door the moment she reached it. Slapping her hoodie up and on the back of her head, she ran down the wet steps fast, wanting to get out of the vicinity of her boyfriend as quickly as possible. She knew that if he was to stop her right now, she would listen to him.
He had always been her voice of reason – for months now.
But for once in her life, she just wanted to choose the reckless option.
"Miss Miller?" a voice in front of her halted her.
Rayne looked up and through the rain spillage. Kaiser was standing in front of her with curiosity on his face; his brown hair was becoming matted to his forehead, as he was wearing his standard uniform – a suit and a wire; no hood added.
"Yes?" she replied.
"Where are you going?"
"To work," she shrugged, "I have things to take care of."
"Oh, okay," he straightened up, "I shall follow you then."
She felt the water drip off the sleeves of her jacket; each one chilled her core even more. If she was going to carry out this confrontation plan of hers, she needed to do it solo. After spending a few moments with her brother, she knew that he was like a chicken – scared easy, and although flightless, would do all he could to escape a dire situation.
"It's fine," she said sweetly, "I'm just going to grab some papers, and then I'll be coming back."
"Okay – I will still accompany you."
"I don't need you to."
Kaiser frowned again, "If it's not that serious, I can just ask Mr. Torres for permission to stay here—"
"No!" she yelled.
As he was talking, he was beginning to take steps toward the house; that stopped the moment he heard the anger in her voice. Now, he was walking toward her. She closed her eyes and breathed through her nose, albeit, a little too heavily for her own liking.
It was needed for a few seconds – if she was going to lie her way through this.
"Miss Miller, is something the matter?" Kaiser asked, grazing her shoulder with his hand.
She flinched away from his touch, taking a couple of steps toward the side. His overbearing sense of protection and his desire to show up to work an hour early was really pissing her off, but she knew in the back of her mind that all of her feelings were being displaced. She did not want to take it out on him, as he had nothing to do with this, but the longer he continued to pester her, the longer she knew that she would not be able to keep the lid on her emotions.
Play the part, Rayne.
You know how to do it best.
"Rueben is not awake yet," she said lowly, "He didn't sleep well last night, so that's why I raised my voice and told you no. Also, sometimes you have a habit of not listening to me, so I wanted to say it strongly to get my point across. As for my well-being," she gazed up at him through her stringy, wet, red hair, "I am fine."
Kaiser narrowed his blue eyes, attempting to get a read on her. She had been in this game much too long to give anything up that easily. No one was going to stop her from reaching her goal.
"Yes, ma'am," he finally nodded his head, accepting her answer.
"Let's get out of this rain," she forced a smile, "No point in getting drenched for such a silly thing."
He reciprocated the act, "That sounds like a good idea."
Rayne nodded her head; the moment she turned around and her face was out of his vision, her smile dropped and a look that had not a crumb of sentiment replaced it. She popped open the door to her Audi, started it, and used those LED headlights of hers to navigate off the long, dirt path.
She reached up and adjusted her rearview mirror, smirking dangerously as she picked up on the beams of Kaiser's car trailing her. While she did not particularly enjoy messing around with him like this – considering all he's done for her, she couldn't lie that it was a bit thrilling.
As she reached the end of the main route, she flicked her blinker on and slipped onto the highway. Thankfully, since it was still between the hours of seven and eight, there weren't as many cars hogging the lanes as there normally would be.
She used this to her advantage.
Switching her car over into its manual setting instead of its automatic one, she slammed down on the clutch and shifted into second gear. As fast as Kaiser's BMW was, it was no match for hers. She switched again, going to third, then fourth as she sped down the interstate. By now, he was probably realizing that she was lying through her teeth about her destination, as she did not need to go this way to reach her office.
That thought was finalized as a call from him popped up on her digital screen. Instead of being the nice, listen-to-everyone-else woman she normally was, she clicked the decline button and typed in Enzo's only known address instead; she clicked the option that avoided all highways and toll booths, as it would get her there under the radar.
Once it was in, all she had to do was lose him. It wouldn't be easy – Rueben not only hired him because of his interpersonal and hand-to-hand combat skills, but also for his driving skills in the instance she was kidnapped and the means of travel was a car.
Rayne's lips flattened to a thin line as she shifted once more, going to a slower setting, noticing how fast he was gaining on her in the lane to her left. With her windshield wipers splashing the water out of her vision, she slammed on her brakes and slipped behind the car in the middle lane, separating herself from Kaiser's car. Then, without giving him a second to think, she cut off the car in the slow lane and slid off the nearest exit ramp, quickly and effectively losing her bodyguard.
Sighing heavily, trying to relax the adrenaline in her veins, she switched back to her automatic settings at the next stop light. After turning her phone off to limit any calls from coming through, as well as tracking based on cell towers, she let herself calm down.
She understood in the back of her mind that losing the one person who was put in place to protect her was obviously not the smartest idea, but if she knew anything about her so-called brother, she knew he wouldn't hurt her.
At least, not fatally.
****
Rayne closed her door quietly, withdrawing her gun once it was. She looked through the filter of rain and investigated the area around her; there were no cars, and the cabin itself had no lights on. If she didn't know any better, she'd think that while she spent the last week thinking this over, her brother and his band of fuck-face assholes moved out, taking Matteo with them.
Holding the gun up in a tactical position, she kept low to the ground as she ran over to the side of the house. Using the wooden walls as her guide, she slid around the side, reaching the back quicker than she anticipated. The hairs on the back of her neck began to rise and stand at ease, but she ignored it and passed it off on the cold that steeped into her skin due to the weather.
As she rounded the corner and faced the backside, she lifted her gun to level with her eyes, keeping the target aimer in her vision as she scoped the place out. All that rested behind here was a deserted car, half-covered by a tarp, and piles of firewood. She licked her lips and inched closer, knowing she needed to investigate every piece so no box was left unchecked.
After checking behind every pile and choosing not to shoot the engine of the car because of the noise it would create, she cracked her neck and kneeled to the ground. Wrapping her fingers into the sleeve of her sweater, she cleared the moss off a thick rock before pulling it into her grasp. Knowing that the outside was clear, she walked freely over to the basement window, tucking her firearm back into its spot for this process.
It took six slams before the glass finally gave way – fucking tempered glass.
She used her sleeve-covered hand to knock away the hanging shards. When it was clear, she placed her hands palms up on the sill and used the position to slide herself through it. She let out a few select curse words as she landed on her ankle a little harshly.
Rayne wanted to take another minute to gather her confidence, but her curious eyes got the best of her; she lifted them before she was done coddling herself. Slowly, she stood up from where she had placed herself; to her right were the stairs, but to her left – that's where things got tricky.
The last time she was here, she had run down here hysterically. Even then – even in that moment of complete irrationality, she had known that this basement was used as a bedroom. Maybe she didn't believe it was in use until last week, but she saw the beds. She saw the appliances – she saw it all.
Right now?—she saw nothing.
Taking her gun out again, she scanned the empty room. All evidence that someone had been living down here had been destroyed. The only things that lingered now were cobwebs and rustic stains from where the furniture had once rested.
Am I too late?
Did Matteo ..?
She didn't want to finish her thought, so she didn't.
Rayne spun and faced the stairs, fully believing that there was some light in this reality. Just because the basement was cleared out – it didn't mean that no one else was here. Though, from the lack of lights she saw earlier, and from the abandoned eeriness of the place, she knew that was a solid option.
Pushing forward, she toed the creaky, wooden stairs as quietly as she could manage; she tested each step with a small amount of pressure as she rose to the first floor.
Thankfully, the basement door swung out, and not in.
She twisted the knob, sticking the barrel of her gun out before the rest of her body, just in case. She couldn't help but let the handle hit the wall as her shock matched the faint ring of noise that vibrated throughout the empty cabin.
There was no point in raising her gun to search around her anymore; she stepped one step around the staircase and saw what her mind accepted and her heart refused. The living room and the partly attached kitchen were both empty. The table in which she had her first deep conversation with her brother was gone. The couch in which she snuggled with her niece didn't leave a mark in its sad disappearance.
Rayne's ears perked up at the sound of a creak, but she knew that it was just her heart getting its hopes up; she looked to the side and saw as the only open window on this floor was blowing the basement door back and forth gently on its hinges.
Biting the inside of her cheek, and shaking her knee rapidly, she did her best to keep her frustrated tears at bay. There had been so many things she wanted to say to Matteo, if only she had the time to find him. If only she hadn't let her delusional past take hold of that lucid moment when she saw him in the basement two weeks ago.
A few hot tears managed to escape.
Stupid emotions.
Stupid family.
Stupid life.
She brushed them away and angrily pulled the front door open, slipping back into the pouring rain.
Stupid.
Stupid.
STUPID—
Her feet hit the gravel of the driveway at the same time she raised her gun and pivoted back to the face the house. Now, not only were her tears accompanied by the world's sad perturbation, but her person was adjoined by another.
With his hands in the air, he slowly stepped down to the first stair; she took a few steps forward, putting the both of them only five feet apart from each other. His identical auburn hair and always cryptic yellow-brown eyes gazed at her with an emotion he must have created just for this situation alone, as she couldn't decipher what it meant.
"Hey, Sis," he said gently.
Rayne tightened her grip on her gun, "Do not call me that."
"Is that not what you are?"
"In your damn dreams, I am," she sneered.
"Yes," he nodded solemnly, "I do dream of a real family."
She cocked her head to the side, mostly to try to wrap her head around that statement, but also because her hood had fallen off her head in her sudden twist and the rainwater was now looping its dirty fingers through her hair, sticking it to her face at odd angles. She did not want to move it out of the way with her hand in fear of a quick reaction from him may occur.
"Explain everything," she finally managed to speak.
"You already know it all, Rayne," he said, taking another step toward her.
She stiffened, "Move again, and I will shoot you."
Enzo didn't seem to take her all that seriously, so to make the danger more apparent to him, she lifted her thumb from the handle and flicked the safety off; his eyes widened. As someone who had been tied to the bad guys for who knows how long now, he ought to know the difference between a manual and a semi-automatic pistol. One little move from her, a fraction of a touch, and he would have a new hole in his body.
Hands still in the air, he stilled in position.
"Explain," she repeated.
"What do you not understand?"
"You!" she yelled, "I don't get you—I don't understand your involvement! This entire week, I've second-guessed my feelings towards you. Sometimes you help me, and other times, you're thwarting against our brother," she breathed a sigh of exhaustion, "What do you want with us?!"
"I want us to be a family."
"Bullshit," she snorted, "A family isn't built from lies and deception alike."
"You don't get it, Rayne," his eyes suddenly grew dark, "You were not pushed into the full depths of what our father was capable of—I was. He bred me to be the person I am today – the people!"
"This isn't a battle of who Carson gave worse trauma to," she found herself laughing, "I read about what happened to you in the boy's home, and as horrible and as sick as it was, it still gave you no right to act as you did! I endured years of childhood rape too and I still came out good!"
"Rayne—"
"Don't!" she yelled, cutting him off, "Don't Rayne me—I have my answers."
Enzo narrowed his eyes, clearly not satisfied with the extent of her quizzing, but she didn't care. There were only a few things that didn't fit into the narrative, and with those few responses, the puzzle was now complete. Her older brother, as sick as he may claim to be, was none other than a psychopath without regard for natural human nature.
If he wanted a family so badly, then he shouldn't have kidnaped Matteo.
If he wanted a family so badly, then he shouldn't have run mind games on her.
If he wanted a family so badly, then he shouldn't have treated the same people, probably the only people, who would forgive him senselessly – his goddamn siblings.
"You're not understanding me," he interrupted her thoughts.
"I think I am."
"No!" he screamed at her, "Sure, we share the same type of trauma, but we did not grow up the same, nor did we develop the same! I gained dissociative identity disorder and psychopathy simultaneously at the age of eight!—my hand was forced to kill the only friend I ever had, and from that point on, I was brainwashed by everyone I work with. I was forced to do what I did because they had what I really wanted – Carson," his chest was rising and falling so heavily at this point, but he still pushed on, "I was destroyed before I ever existed. When I was pieced back together, it was all wrong. It took me years to undo all of the learning I was taught; do not stand before me with so much pride as if you're better than me. If the roles were reversed, there'd be no guns."
Rayne blinked the water out of her eyes from the downpour as she stared at him. Right now, she could see the clear image of the boy that their father ripped apart, but in reality, it wasn't enough. She spent years in therapy – years of rehabilitation to undo all that she had learned.
She hadn't needed to hurt the same people she loved to realize what she was doing was fucked up. She didn't need to ruin and play with her biological family to grasp the severity of what she was doing at the moment it happened.
His explanation and his increased anger just made the truth clear to her.
"You're a goddamn coward, Enzo," she mulled, "—your life is an explanation, never an excuse."
"You may be right about that."
She tipped her chin in the air, "Why lie to me about everything?" she changed the topic.
"Well, I don't know if you've realized, but I work for the other side; it's a lot more complicated than your black and white questionnaire," he gazed her nonchalantly, "—if I had told you the truth, even months ago when we first met, can you honestly tell me that a replay of our current ordeal would not have been likely?"
"I can't."
Enzo let a small smile line his lips, "Do you know what I find funny, Rayne?"
"No, but I'm sure you'll tell me anyway."
"How alike we are," he lowered his hands, hanging them limply at his sides, "While we were raised remarkably similar, our paths were completely different, I'll give you that. But underneath that armor you carry, you don't hate me because of what I've done – you hate me because I am you. You hate me because I am a replica of yourself, without the rationality."
Rayne let out a laugh – one loud enough that her head tilted back with humor. She had been expecting some type of delusional wordplay to fall from his mouth, but that was not what she expected.
"You're funny – at least there's that," she dropped her grin, tightening her grip.
"I was not being comedic."
"Really?—because that was a load of shit."
"Was it?" he cocked his head, "Tell me – does your boyfriend know where you are?" he continued once he noticed the change in her expression, "And don't you have a bodyguard? Where is he?" he tutted, "Right – they're not here because they're not supposed to be, and neither are you."
"Shut up."
But he didn't.
"You and I are the same – you act in pure selfishness because you believe it's a right you are owed, am I wrong? No, I'm not, because I know the feeling. I know what it's like to long for something everyone around you tells you, you cannot have no matter how hard you try to achieve it."
Rayne clenched her jaw and looked at him with unkind eyes. There was a pinch of the truth in that statement – whether she wanted to admit it or not; their bond was much thicker than the blood that ran through their veins. It was likely due to the inactive psychopath gene in her that made them so similar – as you know what they say: the apple doesn't fall far.
But even after admitting such careless facts to herself, the fact of the matter was that beyond their expectations and reasonings, they were different.
She longed for vengeance.
He longed for the very thing he helped destroy.
"We didn't come here to talk about that," she responded.
"Then tell me – why are we here?"
"Matteo ... and Ruby," she palmed the gun with both hands now, noticing his feet growing antsy.
"What about them?"
"What is her full name?"
Enzo folded his hands in front of his legs, "What will that information do?"
"Confirm my thoughts."
He looked at her suspiciously for a few minutes, but she was hardly looking. She was trying her best to keep her hands steady – to keep her eyes open. It was growing increasingly difficult the more she stood under the downpour. The rain had soaked through her sweater by now and was running down in so many lines in front of her eyes, that it was growing hard to see.
Her teeth chattered; she clamped her mouth shut.
He will see no weakness of mine.
I have the power.
"Her name is Ruby Ray Miller," Enzo announced, "After Rueben Torres and Rayne Miller."
Her body froze in place as the finishing touch of his words concluded. Surprisingly, her body still contained an amount of heat because the heavy, warm tears that spilled down her cheeks and mixed with the rainwater was the only thing keeping her on her feet.
Guilt slapped her across the face.
While she was out living her life, pretending like Matteo's disappearance never hurt her, he was doing what he could to protect himself – she knew that's why Ruby had to be conceived. And while she was growing with success, he was naming his daughter after her.
I'm a terrible person.
"Where is she?!" she bit through her tears.
"She's with our brother – she's safe."
Fueled by anger, she stopped paying attention to him, "They'll never be safe with you!"
Enzo's face morphed into an unforsaken look as he took a step forward with pure malice lining the outsides of his irises. Realizing her mistake, she ducked out from underneath his desperate grab and pivoted on her heel. She raised her foot and kicked him square in the back, sending his uncontrolled body forward and away from her.
He spun, not getting the memo that she wasn't fucking around.
That dodge was her being nice.
Rayne raised her firearm and aimed just barely off the side of his face – then she squeezed the trigger, only jumping back slightly from the kickback.
Enzo let out a howl of pain and fell to the ground on his ass in front of her; as she inched closer to him, he removed his hand from his cheek. If anyone was the human embodiment of shock – it would be him. He looked up at her angrily, but all she could focus on was the red pouring out of the new gash on his cheek.
"I told you," she said over the rain, "Not to take another step."
"I can't believe you fucking shot me," he covered his wound again.
"I warned you—"
"We're family!" he looked up at her painfully, "I would never hurt you!"
She was growing sick and tired of this pity party of one he was hosting before her. All he droned on about was the fact that they were related by blood, but didn't he get it?
"That's the thing, Enzo," she stepped closer, keeping her gun aimed at his head, "We aren't family—sure, biologically, we are one, but mentally?" she tapped her temple, "That's something we will never be. If you had even tried to understand that family is what you make of it, then you would have realized your petty, insignificant dreams were unattainable."
His hand slowly dropped from his face. She could see remorse, sadness – but above all, extinguished hope – in his eyes over her sentences, but she didn't care anymore. She had tried with so much effort to just be his friend and even then!—he never cared about anything but himself. Whether that was masked under his desire for a reconstructed family, she had no idea.
But his measly feelings weren't going to stop her.
"—you will never be my brother, do you understand that? I will never recognize you as one. In fact, I would see you as my father before that as you're a complete replication of that pitiful man."
"Stop it," he whispered.
She continued, "You were so upset over what he did to you, that you chose to focus on it singularly, instead of mine and Matteo's together! You had every right to curse that fucking man out of existence for stripping you of your right to a childhood," she was hiccupping from her sobs now, "Yet, instead – you chose revenge over rehabilitation. You chose to hate the people who were only meant to love you –despite the fact that your trauma changed you. You had so many chances to be my brother, but no," she cried, "You decided to become—Just. Like. Him."
"I said stop it!"
"You cannot possibly be the victim and the assailant at the same time!"
Rayne was breathing raggedly at this point. Enzo's face was dipped into his sunken body.
Rain and blood dripped from his chin, creating the perfect reenactment of where life brought them.
"You're never going to trust me, will you?" he finally whispered after a few minutes.
"No," she shook her head, still crying, "How could I?"
She gripped her gun as he placed both of his hands on the ground, pushing himself to his feet.
"Hey! Stop it! Get back down!"
He wasn't listening to her.
"I'll shoot you again!—I won't miss this time!"
"Then do it," he said sadly, standing on two feet now.
His voice had lost its strength and was now intertwined with a beg.
"What?"
"I deserve it."
"What?!" she repeated.
"Kill me!" he screamed, snapping his head up.
When she remained rooted in place, too fucking surprised by his words and actions alike to move, he took it upon himself to help her. He closed the gap between them and grabbed the front barrel of the gun aggressively; she thought he was disarming her, but then he pointed it at his forehead and let go of it.
He stared at her menacingly; the water spilling off his mountain of facial features alarmed her for one reason and one alone – he was calm.
"Do it, Rayne," he commanded, "Kill me."
Without waiting for another reason, she wrapped her fingers around the trigger of the gun. Her brain was screaming at her to pull the damn thing – to what he asked, and what she, herself, wanted, but her heart was pounding—screaming—louder than her rationality and she hesitated.
"I love you," Enzo's face twisted in pain, "In every single way a person like me can – and I am so sorry that it played out the way it has, but I can't risk my life, and Matteo's, in order to comfort you."
"Huh—"
At that moment, he took a large step back; at the same time, the hum of a loud engine became apparent in her ears. She turned her head to the side to see a car heading right for her. When the high beams flicked on in an attempt to blind her, she could see the mean wave of another member in the car. She could also see the exterior – it was the car from the back of the house.
I should have shot the fucking engine.
Rayne jumped as the car reached her – she hoped that lessening the speed in which she would hit the vehicle would help her in this instance.
Still, as her arm connected with the windshield, completely shattering it, and her body rolled across the roof before splattering in a puddle on the ground, she knew that her thoughts were likely false. However, having managed to hold onto her gun throughout the spins, she tiredly lifted the firearm in the direction of the car.
She had every intention of shooting at it, but at the sight of a small hand wiggling in the back seat, she knew that her opportunity had come and passed.
I hesitated.
I fucking hesitated.
Rayne pushed herself to her knees, unable to get up more than that as the aftershock was still hitting her; she watched the car disappear into the woods.
To nowhere and everywhere at once.
Without me.
"I'm sorry, Matteo," she yelled into the air, staring up at the falling droplets, "Please, forgive me."
She folded her body into itself, trying to present some warmth within her being.
As she sat there, feeling sorry for herself, she realized how much she just cost the team. All of the information Enzo could have given her, she let drive away from her.
If she hadn't been so selfish, maybe the questions she stupidly forgot to ask could have answers to them. If she hadn't been so focused on herself – the same fucking thing she called Enzo out for – then maybe Ruby would be buckled in her car on her way to a safe home.
Maybe.
Maybe.
Maybe.
Rayne had no idea how long she sat in the puddle for.
All she knew was that at some point, the rain stopped falling.
When she allowed herself to come back to reality, she was being lifted from the ground and wrapped in Kaiser's arms. He was flinging his keys to Emiko, who had come in case he needed someone to drive her car home, or to at least give her company on the ride back if she could drive.
But she wasn't paying attention to that.
The only thing circulating through her mind were two very painful statements.
I hesitated.
And I ruined everything.