Jamison•
Just when I thought the nightmares were gone for good, they come back.
Except this time, instead of seeing my brother drowning, it's Evie. Seeing her poor, innocent face, with a look of sheer horror on it, as she goes under, and doesn't come back up. There's nothing I can do to save her.
It keeps me up at night. I should have known not to turn my back on her. Make sure she could swim before I just left her to it. If something were to have happened to her, I would have blamed myself.
It's the same routine every night. I'm exausted. When I lay down, and shut my eyes, Evie and Mason are both in the water, both bobbing up and down from the water. Gasping for the sweet privilege of air. People watch from the shore, praying that the two make it out alive. Horror and pain wash over their faces, as they take their last gasp of air, before never coming back up again. It haunts me.
And Alexa doesn't even know. She doesn't know that half the time I need to know that Evie is okay. To make sure it really is just a nightmare, and not a twisted reality. That Evie is doing usual five year old things, like going to school.
Alexa doesn't know that I needed her so badly that summer. That her leaving was just the start of a series of tragic events. She doesn't know how much I still care about her. That I never stopped caring about her. Even now I would give my life for hers.
I sit in my bedroom, waiting for the sun to completely set, before I have to get back to the nightmares of my own mind, when someone knocks on my front door.
As I walk through my nearly empty apartment, my heart pounds against my chest. I don't know what's making me so nervous, but something is.
"Jamison I'm sorry. I'm so, so sorry," Alexa sobs, wrapping her arms around me. I can't do anything but hug her back. My immediate thought is that something happened to Evie.
"What? What happened? Is Evie okay?" I ask her, gently rubbing her back.
"Yeah she's okay." She sniffles. "I'm so sorry I didn't know." She tells me.
"Didn't know what?" I question.
"Your brother, and your parents- I shouldn't have left," She cries. I push her away from me. Her eyes so swollen, cheeks bright red. She's distraught.
"H-how'd you find out?" I ask, pure shock washing over me.
"Charlie and Sarah told me. I should have been here for you, I should have- I promised you Jamison, and I'm sorry, I'm so," She cries and cries. I softly cry with her. Our bodies pressed against each other's, nothing but the sounds of our sobs fill the apartment.
"There's a no way you could have known," I softly say.
She pushes away from me this time, wiping away her tears, then mine. A fake smile crosses her lips.
I pull her closer to me again. She doesn't push away, or fight it, she embraces it.
It feels so weird to be back in her arms after all this time. I've almost forgotten what it's like. So strong, but gentle all at once. Our bodies curving together perfectly.
"Jamison, I'm so, so sorry that you had to go through that. Especially alone. No one deservese that." She whispers into my neck. It sends chills down my spine.
"Things are going to happen, whether we want them to or not, and the best thing we can do is face it for what it is." I say to her.
She takes a step back from me, her hands running down my arms. A soft smile spreads across her face. I don't know why, or what it was for, but it makes me feel okay, comfortable.
"I'm sorry, for everything," Alexa says, breaking the silence. "I should have told you, kept in touch with you. I never forgot about you. You make me feel safe, Jamison."
A wave of pain hits me like a train. Pain for everything. Losing my brother, my girlfriend, my family, friends, and myself. I lost everything. Slowly, I've had to grow again.
Come out of my shell more, open up to people, step out of my comfort zone. Become the person I was before everything went to shit.
"Alexa, I don't know what happened, or why you left, and honestly, I couldn't care less if you want to tell me or not, but I'm here. I want you to talk to me, no matter what it is. I don't care what time it is, or if you think it's dumb or not important. I care about you, more than I can put into words." I blurt. Even though I mean every word of it, I regret saying it. She must think I'm mental.
"And the same goes for you with me. I'm here to listen. I'm always right here. I'm not leaving again." She softly says, cupping my cheek.