Zayn decided to leave the band but didn't tell anyone and left in the middle of the night. The guy who was always my best friend, my partner in crime, my go to guy left and didn't tell me he was going. He just left and it gutted me.
When I called him it didn't go well. He was angry and I felt he took it out on me. I loved Zayn. He had been like my brother for years. The words he said to me on that phone call hurt like hell. I ended up hanging up on him and that was that.
He did an interview after he left the band and he didn't have anything good to say about us as individuals nor as a band. When he was asked about me his response was, "I never thought Louis and I would stop being friends. I guess I was wrong." That was his fault not mine. He ended our friendship without even discussing it with me.
Harry and I were close again but not too close. We exchanged glances, touches, and laughs for the fans. We shared much more behind closed doors. We gave the fans just enough to keep "Larry" in their brains. However, management was always present and kept our interactions to a minimum. The biggest plus was we could travel together again.
A guy named Jeff had attached himself to Harry and was promising him the world and Harry was falling for it. I didn't like him and had a bad feeling about him from the start. But when Harry decided he was ready to go solo it broke me. The band announced a hiatus and I was lost.
"Is this true?" Harry asked me holding up a magazine with me on the cover.
It was the article about me becoming a dad. "You knew about this Harry."
Harry and I had been discussing the process for a while and the in vitro with the surrogate we had chosen had worked. The worst part of it was I had to become a dad with the mother for the public and leave Harry out completely. I hated that part of the whole situation.
"Did you sleep with her?" He yelled. It felt he was trying to pick a fight with me.
But instead of trying to talk rationally and normally with him my anger took control. "Of course not!" I yelled. "Why the fuck would you even ask that?"
"What the fuck Louis?" He shouted. "I can't..." he trailed off.
"You wanted a baby!" I shouted. "And now we will be parents. We discussed it. In length! It was your fuckin idea! I wasn't the one who wanted this, it was all you!"
I didn't understand why he was so angry about it. We found the girl together and he knew I made the appointment. We had even met with the attorney together to start the surrogacy. He had met her for Christs sake! He was acting like a crazy person and as though this was new news. I had told him over and over that I had reservations about doing it while we weren't able to come out as a gay couple but he pushed me to do it. "We'll have a baby that looks just like you, love." He had told me after we chose to use my sperm and not his.
"Yes I want a child but not right now," he said.
I was hurt by his words. He wanted a child, he had been talking about being a dad for a year. But, suddenly he wasn't interested in the baby. He had been spending so much time with Jeff. Obviously too much time with him.
"Then why did we do all this?" I asked him. "Why did you push me to do it when you knew I wasn't ready either. You were so ready and now you're not?"
"I jumped into it too fast," he said. "I always jump too fast where you're concerned."
"What does that mean?" I asked him with tears in my eyes.
"It means I don't want a kid right now Lou," he said and pulled his ring off. "Looks like you're gonna be a father. Congrats." He said and laid the ring on the counter.
My ring.
Our ring.
His wedding ring.
"You heartless bastard," I yelled at him and walked up to him standing chest to chest. "Why'd you change your mind Harry?"
"I want a career," he said. "I'm leaving now Lou. I need a break. I need a break from us."
"Go then," I yelled. "Don't fucking come back either Harry. We're done for good!"
He left. He didn't say goodbye, he didn't even look back at me. My husband had left me.
He and I had gotten married on a whim. One night just sitting around I gave him the ring and asked if he'd marry me. He said yes and we did it quick in his mums garden with his and my family present along with Niall, Liam, and Zayn.
Harry didn't come when Freddie was born but he called and we worked out his name together. It was the first thing we had agreed on in almost a year.
Legally Freddie was mine and Harry's; he had signed the papers when I shipped them to him. The divorce papers I sent came back as well. However, they remained unsigned and only my signature was on them. It surprised me when I got the birth certificate papers back signed by Harry Styles-Tomlinson, his legal name. Why did he leave the divorce papers unsigned? Of course I never asked him.
It made my heart happy that even though he didn't want a child right then that he was taking responsibility of him. I hadn't asked for anything from him where Freddie was concerned. I didn't even ask him to come see him. I didn't need anything from anyone to help raise my son.
I opened the door when Freddie was three months old not expecting to see my estranged husband standing there looking at me. "Harry? What are you doing here?"
"Can I see him?" Harry asked sheepishly as he stood awkwardly at the door. He had come to see Freddie, not me and that stung.
"Yeah," I said and let him in. I wouldn't keep him from seeing his son. "He won't remember you anyhow. So you might as well." That comment was meant to hurt him and I seen him flinch as he entered my house.
I had fallen into fatherhood easily and would protect my child from anything or anyone who might harm him. Even if that person was Harry.
He followed me to Freddie's room which used to be one of our spare rooms, it was the closest to the master bedroom.
Harry looked over the crib and watched Freddie sleeping. "He's beautiful Lou," he said. "He looks just like you."
"Well he is mine," I told him and stood at the crib with him watching my beautiful innocent boy sleeping softly.
"Can I hold him?"
I picked up my son from the crib and handed him to Harry. Harry wouldn't take his eyes off him and he cried as he held him.
I grabbed one of Freddie's blankets and wiped Harry's eyes. "Your tears are getting him wet, lo... Harry," I paused before calling him love and chose Harry instead.
"He's just so perfect," Harry said staring at him. "What's his real name?"
"Freddie Reign Tomlinson," I paused and Harry looked up at me. He looked so sad at that moment that I finished Freddie's name even though I had said I wouldn't ever tell him Freddie's fullreal name. "Styles-Tomlinson." I added. When Harry signed the papers he must not have seen that I had included his name on Freddie's birth certificate.
He put his arm around me and I didn't have the heart to pull away from him so I leaned into him instead. Even after a year apart I still loved him. I'd never get over him, of that I was sure.
He handed Freddie to me and I placed him back in his crib. "Thank you Louis for letting me see him, my son." Harry said almost as if he didn't believe the words he spoke.
"You're welcome," I said looking up at him. "Our son Haz."
We walked out of Freddie's room and into the living room. "Can I come see him again?"
"Yes," I said without thinking. "I mean just call first."
"I will," he said. "I better go."
"Ok," I said. "Hey Haz, don't forget about him. He didn't ask for this."
"I won't," he said and walked out.
Harry didn't forget about Freddie. He forgot about me. He came to my house when he was in town. He was there for every birthday. He was present in Freddie's life. He loved him and Freddie loved his Haz. He had heard me call him that so often he took to calling him that. It was cute, the way he said it.
Everything was going ok, not great with Harry and me because everything had become an argument with us. We kept that hidden from Freddie and co-parented quite well.
Even the music he was making had us fighting. The songs that were obviously about me were the ones we would fight about. He said they weren't obvious and I said they were.
So, because of Harry, I once again had to "date" Eleanor and go on shows and deny my relationship with Harry. I was always the one denying and every time it took a piece of my heart away from me.
Then tragedy hit...