Him.
I slowly sat down the letter I received early that day. I don't know how long I sat there, emotionless, staring at the wall.
My fists were balled up, knuckles turning white as the paper she wrote it on.
God I was so blind. I was so very blind.
I wondered if she was really gone. I really hoped she wasn't. My love for her was so strong, and I don't know why I left. I can't explain why I left.
I built the courage to stand up and go to the living room to turn on the television. Once it was on I didn't like what I saw.
News Reporter: "A young teen girl was found dead this morning."
My heart dropped to the bottom of my feet.
No.
New Reporter: "Authorities are reporting it to be a suicide."
No no no no no no.
News Reporter: "Her name was Su-"
I clicked off the T.V.
Why did I leave her? Why?
She's gone and I can't....I can't.
I always promised her I'd never leave. And I broke that and then she broke. I loved her and I hurt her. All because I was scared, I was so very scared. I wanted to fix myself before I fixed her.
God I was so stupid.
I dropped to the floor, curling my body into a ball. I sobbed so hard. This hurt me so much.
And now I know how she felt. I know exactly how she felt to be alone and abandoned.
I should feel guilty like she said.
I hate myself.
I slammed my fists into the floor repeatedly screaming her name. The tight pain in my chest couldn't go away, and it never wouldn't.
Please come back.
I know it wouldn't work and that no matter how hard I cried and screamed she wouldn't be back.
I loved her, I really did.
Her brown eyes resembled that of my coffee I drank in the early morning. Light but not too dark.
Her body was the beautiful shape of an hour glass. And I enjoyed running my hands over he canvas.
Her smile. Oh her smile. It lit up the world more than the sun ever could. And the crinkles by her eyes made it more beautiful to look at.
And her laugh, was like the sound of rain hitting a metal roof or the whoosh of wind when its quiet.
I loved her.
And she was gone.
Fix Me she told me once.
And all I could do was break her.