My alarm goes off and I feel so tired. When I go to turn it off, I feel a weird substance. I get a small adrenaline rush and pick up my phone. Just a sticky note. I use the flashlight to illuminate it. It's from Mom.
Dear Lilly,
Pyramid is moved to Wednesday again. Ms. Abby wants to do more audition work with the kids. I hope you don't get replaced!
Love, Mom
Great! More time to sleep! I haven't eaten in four days, and this is a perfect way to get to five. I immediately rest my head back on the pillow, feeling warm and normal for once. Time to get as many hours of sleep as I can so I don't have to eat. I look at the wall to lull myself back to sleep.
When I wake up, it's already noon. This is going to be a short day. I stay in my room, opening up my laptop and I get a text notification from Sarah. She's done with school! Yay! Half of the team, for now, is done with sixth grade.
Well, then I guess we all can get a head start on choreography and stuff like that. Brady's already done with English and math, so he just has science and history left. I decide to start playing Roblox with Violet. We get on a FaceTime call and play this mega obby.
"So, how is the show?" she asks, falling off a ball.
"It's stressful, but it's good. Really fun. Ellie left though, and we did lose last week, so a new team member will be added," I answer.
"Ooh, mystery! Argh, no!" Violet screams as she dies again.
Playing with Violet does make me feel a little better, but my stomach is constantly cramping, I'm drinking way too much water, I feel weak and dizzy, and I'm very quiet. Conserving my energy.
"I've seen you woken up. Can I get a good afternoon?"Mom tells me, barging through my door.
"Hi, Stacey!" Violet shouts and I just wave my hand.
"Hi, Violet! How are things back in NC?" Mom asks.
"Tars didn't win, they're out!" Violet shouts back.
"Damn it," Mom grumbles under her breath. "Do you want anything to eat?"
"No, but thanks. Love you!" I answer, and she walks away, closing my door.
Man, the day is flying by! All of a sudden, Violet has to go to dance class. It must already be 2:30. I instantly feel tired again. I should probably take a nap. I've already slept fifteen hours and a half.
I stumble to the kitchen. I want all of the food. How dare you think of eating, Lilliana. It's so wasteful. This reminds me of the couple of times I binge-ate when I was eight and nine. It wasn't an addiction, but more of a casual thing.
"Lilly, grab a snack. You haven't eaten all day!" Mom tells me, and I grab some more Animal Crackers.
I reluctantly take it to my room and toss it under my bed. Not going to eat these today, no sir, not today. I grab my laptop and put on an Adam Sandler movie. He's funny, but I don't understand most of his jokes. His voice is funny too.
Now it's four o'clock. I just want to sleep. Three more hours, Lilly. Three more hours. I can't take it anymore. I set an hour timer on my phone and I close my laptop, falling asleep for the second time today.
"Lilly! Dinner!" I hear.
My alarm must have not worked. I groggily get up, and I nearly pass out. I feel so cold. I've been warm nearly this entire day. It's a salad. I toss it around and act hyper and chatty to distract Mom. It works.
"I'm going to bed early. Goodnight," I say flatly, putting my dish in the sink.
"Goodnight, Lilly. Love you," Mom answers.
"I love you too," I respond, grabbing a hoodie and sweatpants and going to the bathroom.
What an easy day. No dancing, just resting. How fun! It's so boring. Nothing is fun anymore. I don't even want to cut today because nothing's been triggering. I just threw Animal Crackers under the bed and didn't eat a salad.
I weigh myself. 46.5 pounds. Another half-pound down! In three days, so Friday, if I keep this up, I should be down to 45 pounds. Then after that, I get down to 40 and then 35 until I vanish.
The shower keeps me warm, and I put on my black hoodie and timberwolf gray sweatpants, barely brushing my hair and my teeth. My stomach growls, so I drink a lot of water before I get in my bed. Today has been such a fast day. But five days down. Infinite more to go.
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