Friday, June 18
Dougie and I don't speak in the car on the way to the hospital, or even in the lobby. It's only in the elevator when he finally speaks to me.
"What is she... like?"
I turn to him. "Physically or personality-wise?"
"Both," is his honest reply.
"Physically, she's skinnier than a 24-year-old should be, and pale, but she's normal. Personality-wise, she's wise and knowledgeable and kind and sweet and understanding. She's not intimidating, but sometimes she can make you feel as though you're an inch tall."
Dougie nods, but he looks terrified.
"Hamilton, why are you worrying so much? It's just my sister."
Dougie's eyes meet mine and he has such determination in them that I blink. "It's just... I don't know. You're so awesome, and you hold your sister in such a high regard that, I dunno, I feel like I'm not good enough?"
The elevator stops, and I smile, touching my hand to Dougie's elbow (I'd ideally go for his shoulder, but I'm not reaching to my head).
"Don't worry about it. Bella's very accepting, and trust me, you're good enough."
Dougie and I exit the elevator and head to Bella's room. We stop outside the door, and I motion for Dougie to wait here. I knock on Bella's door, three quick raps of my knuckles, and hear three quick claps from within. A small smile touches my lips as I open the door. Bella is sitting up in her bed, a thick book spread across her lap. Her hair is tied away from her face in a messy bun, and she looks alive today. As I get closer to her, I notice that she's only got an IV in today, no antibiotics or blood.
"Kylie," she says, closing the book and standing up.
"Wow, you got up for me. Special," I tease her as she hugs me. She smells like a hospital but also some sort of lotion.
"I'd always get up for you, Ky."
"Thanks, Bell. How's it going?"
"Good, actually. Today's a good day."
I smile, a real, genuine smile. "I'm glad. Can I introduce you to someone?"
Bella arches an eyebrow at me. "Who might this someone be?"
I smirk instead of answering her and call out: "Come on in."
Dougie steps into the room, the light reflecting off his red hair. Bella's right hand flies to her mouth as her eyes widen, and she looks at him, then back at me.
"Bella, this is Dougie Hamilton. Dougie, this is my sister, Bella."
Dougie holds out his hand. "It's very nice to meet you, Bella. I've heard so much about you from Kylie."
Bella shakes his hand, but before she can take her hand away, Dougie brushes his lips against her fingers in a gesture I didn't know he was capable of.
Bella's pale cheeks flush a light pink and she takes a deep breath. "It's good to see chivalry isn't dead."
"It's an honor to meet you, Bella. Kylie's spoken very highly of you."
Bella gives me a sideways glance before she speaks. "The honor is mine. Kylie's also told me much about you."
I roll my eyes at their formal phrases. It's meeting my sister, not going to a cotillion. "Can we have a discussion that doesn't involve formal phrases, please?" I ask, exasperated.
"Kylie, how very rude of you," Bella says good-naturedly as she sits down on her bed, folding her legs underneath her. I sit down next to her and point at the chair across from us for Dougie.
He hesitates, seeming awkward, not sure what to do, and I don't blame him.
Bella fixes him in her hazel gaze, clearly ready to ask some questions. "So, Dougie, how do you like Boston?" She asks, looking at him attentively.
"I love it here. It's very different from where I grew up, but I love the city and the organization and even the people."
Bella nods, reading much further into him than I could've.
"You're intimidated by me, aren't you," she says simply, not asking a question but rather stating a fact.
Dougie blinks, not expecting her statement. "I- somewhat, yes."
Bella gives him a smile. "Don't be. Don't fear hospitals and death and sickness, because even while they are negative parts of life, they are still parts of life. I just happen to live in what is usually a 'negative' part."
Dougie nods, digesting her insight. "Can- can I ask you a question?"
"Sure."
"What do you do all day? How do you keep yourself entertained?"
"I read, write, think, sometimes watch TV or a movie, talk with the nurses or doctors who come to check on me, and watch the city outside. It's actually an enjoyable day."
"I could never do that. I wouldn't be able to sit still long enough."
"It is easier than you might think, Dougie."
"Can I ask another question?"
"Of course."
"You don't have to answer this but- what is living like this like? You don't have to answer, I understand completely if you don't."
I tense. This could be risky territory.
Bella senses my tension and places her hand over mine, calming me, all the while keeping her eyes on Dougie's.
"It is extremely tiring, both physically and mentally. Physically, my body has periods of time where it attacks itself and all I can do is sleep and hope that it goes away soon, otherwise it can get scary and nasty. Mentally, I have to face the fact that my death is coming closer with every second that ticks by on the clock, and I can tell you, that is not an easy thought. You aren't sure about what will happen in a day. Some days, like today, are better than others. Other days, I can't even sit up from bed. I've had this presence of disease over me for 10 years now, and I've learned to live with it, the same way you adjusted to being away from home or Kylie is adjusting to her new job. There are times when you hate it so, but you can't change it, so you have to make do with what you've got. Living like this is like constantly playing a game of cards: you take the cards you're dealt, make the best of them, and keep a smile on your face the whole time, even if you lose first. Living like this is constantly recognizing fear, but refusing to do anything about it. Living like this is finding the strength to go on in your heart and in your soul and through the people you love and who love you back. Living like this is not something I would wish on anyone, but it is not the worst that can happen."
Dougie seems blown away by Bella, and I feel a surge of pride for my sister. "You're very brave, Bella. I wish I had your strength and insight."
Bella smiles. "Days alone will give that to you. And do not dismiss yourself so quickly in my presence, Dougie. You are also quite brave. Kylie has told me about your fear of heights and how you overcame it."
Dougie blushes bright red. "I couldn't have done it without your sister's help. I owe that all to Kylie."
My cheeks heat up. "Aw, shucks."
"You need to learn how to take compliments, Ky," Bella tells me seriously.
"Yes, because I get complimented so much, Bell," I say sarcastically.
Bella raises an eyebrow at me. "Maybe not now, but I sense lots of compliments in your future."
"She's right. Keep doing what you're doing with training, and you'll be on top in no time," Dougie chimes in.
My face gets even hotter and I bury my face in my hands. "Can we move on, please?"
Bella's cool hand rubs my back as she laughs lightly with Dougie.
A sharp knock on the door makes Dougie and I flinch, but Bella looks forlorn as she calls, "Come in!"
A nurse bustles in, one of the nice ones, and starts to set up medicines on Bella's table.
"Hello, Kylie. Did you bring a friend?" She asks, noticing Dougie.
"Yes, I did."
She looks at Dougie, really looks at him, and freezes. "You- You're-"
"Yes," Dougie says, smiling.
The nurse looks at us. "You two are very lucky girls, I must say."
"Thank you," Bella and I say in sync.
"Kys, I have to take medicine and sleep for a while. Call me later, and Dougie, it was nice meeting you. I hope I can see you again."
"It was nice meeting you as well, Bella."
Bella hugs me tightly, and I hold her close before she lets go.
"Bye, Ky; bye, Dougie."
"Bye, Bella."
Dougie and I are quiet until we get to his truck.
"You were right," he says softly.
"About what?"
"Bella. She's brilliant. And she does make you feel as though you're about an inch tall."
I smile, thinking of my older sister. "She really does."
"Where are you going? Are you going home?" Dougie asks me as he starts his truck.
I sigh. Truthfully, I haven't thought about this at all. "Yes. I don't suppose I should push my luck and try two nights at your house. Then I'm just forcing my presence on you."
Dougie chuckles as he pulls out of the parking lot. "You're never forcing your presence, Kylie. If you want to stay at my place again, that's cool. I don't have a preference."
My heart stutters in my chest as I listen to his words. I want to say yes so badly, but I really don't want to push my luck.
"I think I'll stay at my place tonight."
"How are you going to get to work tomorrow?" Dougie reminds me.
"Dammit, I forgot about not having my car. Could you pick me up tomorrow morning?"
Dougie grins. "I could, but I don't want to. Either you stay at my place another night, or I don't give you a ride to work tomorrow."
"Dougie!"
"What? Chivalry isn't dead," he reminds me.
"Yes, but this sounds a lot more like keeping me hostage!"
"Then find your own ride to work tomorrow," he says in a sing-song voice.
"Dougie," I whine.
"Kylie," he whines back.
"What if you stayed in my apartment?" I suggest, then nearly clap my hand over my mouth.
Why? Why would I say that?
"Hm, inviting me over... Maybe we can compromise."
"Dougie, can you let me go to my own house tonight? Please?"
"All right, fine. I'll come pick you up tomorrow morning."
I sigh in relief. "Thank you."
Dougie drops me off at my apartment building, and I bring my Sephora bags with me. I let myself into my apartment, flop down on the couch, and nearly scream into a pillow. Today was just a rollercoaster of a day, and tomorrow it's back to the grind. Too tired to do anything fancy for dinner, I eat the rest of my ravioli from the fridge and go to bed early.
******************
Author's Note
Hey my fabulous readers! Thank you so much for 2.7k reads!
I am so so so so so so so sorry I haven't updated in a while, but I can rarely get on the computer to write and then over April break I was on a cruise! Hopefully I can start writing more consistently, and definitely over the summer will my updates be more regular. Sorry until then! :(
Bleed black and gold my readers,
Kat