nova
friday• 5:19pm
"that was the funniest shit i had heard all day" ally says in between laughter, through the phone.
ever since that day at the studio, about 3 weeks ago, me and ally have been texting, talking on the phone and hanging out. She met my grandma, and she actually seemed to like her. Ally is actually really cool, and she's the girlfriend of juice, which is one of the boys that jah hangs out with.
speaking of jah, i haven't seen him since that night at the studio. after he finished his songs, we went and got something to eat from a nearby diner and afterwards they dropped me back off at home around 3 a.m. we text from time to time, which is usually when he wants to reply. it seem's like jah just comes and and goes when he wants, which probably shouldn't bother me but it does.
"oooo" i hear ally say, knocking me out of my thoughts.
"what is it?" i reply, hearing clicking on the other side of the phone.
"the boys are having a tattoo party" she starts, "im going... i told them i would ask you if you wanted to come" she finishes, coming back to the camera.
" what is that?" i ask, typing it into google before she can respond.
so it's a party where everyone gets tattoos...hm, sounds interesting.
"it's basically a chill kickback, where a tattoo artist comes and gives everyone a tattoo of their choice" she explains, "we've done it a few times before, thats where all of these random tattoos come from" she says, showing me her tattoos through the phone.
"i don't know ally, a tattoo?" i say, unsure of such a commitment.
"weelllll, i already kinda sorta told them that you'd come" she starts and i sigh, playing with my hair. One of my anxious habits.
"plus, you dont have to get a tattoo if you don't want, but i think you should and plus plus...." she pauses as if she's thinking.
"jah wants to see you" she says, showing me a paused screen again as i hear her nails clicking against the screen.
as soon as she says that, it's like my stomach starts to flutter, and it tends to do that these days when i hear his name. if i wasn't going before, i was definatly going now just to see his face again. and maybe, just maybe i'd get a tattoo.
before i can get the chance to reply, she speaks again.
"ooo, this is my baby calling me...i'll see you tonight babes, i'll come grab you on my way there" she says before hanging up abruptly before i can respond.
as soon as ally hangs up, i lay back on my bed staring up at the ceiling, letting my thoughts consume me.
this is the first time that someone has made me feel like this, and it makes me want to be with him all the time, but he's so distant and im not sure how to make him warm up to me, but i know i have to try.
i shake myself out of my thoughts, knowing that's the last place i want, or should be. I get up from my bed, tidying up my room a bit before taking my medications and walking into the bathroom, turning the shower on. i lean against the counter looking at various tattoo inspiration pictures while i wait on the shower to warm up.
stepping into the shower which has to be next to boiling, i feel a sense of relaxation wash over me. i wonder what my grandma will say if i get a tattoo. these days she seems to be a little uptight about my whereabouts, who i see and what i'm doing.
after about an hour and a half in the shower, i get out—if the water hadn't gotten cold, i would've stayed longer.
after i step out of the shower, i dry my body, oiling my skin and rummaging through my drawers, looking for something to wear— a daily routine.
sitting on my bed i think about if i even want to come back tonight. i know ally wouldn't mind but i text to ask anyway before starting to prematurely pack my clothes into a JanSport bookbag.
do you mind if i spend the night at yours?
7:31pm
i sit in the text conversation, waiting for action. within seconds i see the grey typing bubble.
alotti🤍
im probably gonna stay @ the boy's... i'm pretty
they have a room 4 u if you want to stay.
7:32 pm
i read her text message, deciding on my course of action, before i see another grey bubble and another text.
alotti🤍
or if u dont wanna stay, we can go back 2
my house. ur choice bby.
7:32 pm
one thing i loved about ally is that she was so selfless, she would always make sure we're comfortable before she was, but i didn't want to take her away from the fun, so i decided to stay with her at the house.
no yeah, i'll just stay the night at the M.O house, thats fine lol.
7:34pm
alotti🤍
okay babes
7:34 pm
alotti🤍
also, we're on the way. me & brit.
i didn't bother responding, but i did heart the message. brit, whom i've never met , happens to be coolie's girlfriend. also another thing about ally is that she doesn't keep bad company. so if Britney was okay with ally then so am i.
i continue stuffing my belongings into my bag before seeing ally's car pull into the driveway. i grab my phone off the bed before jogging downstairs, before skipping into the kitchen, kissing my grandma on the cheek and belting out a quick goodbye.
"imgonnaspendthenightatally'stonight" i get out quickly, making my way towards the door before she can respond.
"um..okay, have fun....text me if you need anything." she says very discomposed, probably from my sudden actions and fast talking.
i fly out the door, making my way into ally's backseat, closing the door behind.
"hi cutie" ally says, smiling as she looks back at me through her signature shades.
i dont get called that often, so when i do, you can always find me smiling from ear to ear.
"hey" i say shyly, while holding back a closed lip smile.
the girl in the passenger seat turns around towards me. the first thing i notice are are green eyes. her perfectly shaped eyebrows and her pink full lips.
"hi! im britney! everyone usually calls me brit or just B" she says excitedly.
"im nova, everyone usually calls me nova" i say jokingly, while cracking a smile at her.
as soon as i finish my introduction, she reaches her upper body into the backseat, pulling me into a hug
i guess that's something i'll have to get used to— hugging.
on instinct i hug her back, before she pulls away.
"its so nice to meet you! i hear a lot about you and it's finally nice to put a face to a name!" she says before letting me go and turning back around into her seat.
her saying that makes me wonder, who else talks about me, i guess it's more of a 'who do i want to be talking about me'. brit is actually really bubbly which i don't mind, i could actually use a bit of bubbles in my life.
after about 25 more minutes of us driving, we pull into a gated community with house that at-least have 7 rooms in each house. we eventually get to one in the middle of the cul-de-sac, that had to be the biggest in the community and also very separated from the others.
ally pulls into the driveway, parking in the midst of the 6 or 7 cars in the driveway. as i get out of the car, i grab my belongings, watching ally and brit get theirs as they lead me up the driveway into the open garage. As we make our way into the garage, ally grabs three colored bottles, passing them back to me and brit. I read the label 'seagram's escape: strawberry daiquiri". I twist the top off, taking a few sips from the bottle.
im very unsure of what this is, but i do know that it's good. i take a couple of more swigs before I follow the girls into the house, holding my bottle in one hand and my bag in the other.
As soon as we walk into the house, brit branches off, probably to find coolie, but there's a lot of commotion coming from the multiple places in the house.
I turn to my right as i watch stokeley and trunks argue, occasionally taking sips of my drink.
"NIGGA, I ASKED YOU IF YOU WANTED SOMETHING" ski yells at trunks, pushing him backwards.
"YEAH, I WASN'T HUNGRY THEN" he replys, pushing stokeley back before yelling again,
"AND DON'T BE PUSHING ME HOE" trunks finishes, turning around and walking away from stokeley.
before he can get far, stokeley, jumps on his back, dropping them both to the ground and they begin fighting.
"are they okay?" i speak up, since the first time being in the house.
"oh yeah," she starts, walking further into the house with me on her trail, "this is an everyday thing...ski is serious about his food" she continues, stepping over the boys, making her way to the stairs, where the other source of commotion is coming from.
"AY, THEY FUCKING CHEATING!" I hear an unfamiliar voice yell, before banging on the wall, i assume.
"no nigga, you just cant shoot." i hear another voice say, a voice i knew all too well. one that made me melt inside.
"bro, shut up. if you was playing you'd see that they was cheating" a third voice says defensively.
"so who is the game cheating for...cause the score is 0-0...." i hear jah say, snickering when he finishes his sentence.
i finish my drink, tossing the bottle in the garbage can before following ally down the stairs. She gets to the door, opening it up.
"everyone put your clothes on" she says as she opens the door, walking into the room.
walking in behind ally, juice drops his controller, lunging across the room to her, hugging her tightly.
"hi baby" she says, hugging him back.
Stepping into the room, theres a huge screen plastered on the wall, in front of an L-shaped couch and reclining movie seats behind it. sitting in the front on the couch includes; coolie, and brit, Isaiah which I think people call him wifi? and jah seated on the right side in a chair.
A/N- imma find yall a picture.. holon, its important to the story (:
i stand at the entrance in the back, leaning against the door frame, watching all the action in the room, once Ally and J sit down, i make my way into the room, sitting in the back row of theater seats, watching Isaiah and now, Jah play the game.
"yo, you actually weak as fuck in the game" jah says throwing his head back in laughter.
"nigga, fuck you!" he responds, standing up, moving closer to the screen.
jah doesn't respond and continues laughing as he scores again and again before the game ends. 25-4.
jah stands up, throwing the controller back to j, before turning around locking eyes with me.
he nods his head towards the door, as i get up walking outside the door waiting for him as i play with my fingers.
something in me was taking the anxiety off of me, and i felt somewhat bold. as jah stands in front of me, i pull him close to me by his the waistband of his sagging camouflage shorts, standing on my tippy toes, closing my eyes as i press my lips against his.
i feel him place his hands on my waist, slowly sliding his hands down my sides until he reaches down and places both of his hands underneath my ass, picking me up.
As if it's reflex, i wrap my legs around his waist, placing my arms around his neck and my hands in his head, feeling through his hair as i deepen the kiss.
he presses his tongue against my lips gently and I reluctantly part them, letting him in.
he roughly presses my back against the wall, making a loud 'thump' as he continues to kiss me, hungrily.
something about me loved kissing him. his lips were always soft and had a subtly sweet taste.
he keeps one of his hands underneath me, taking the other one and wrapping his hand around my neck, squeezing gently as we continue to kiss passionately, breathing in each other's air as i feel my heart, thumping loudly against his chest.
with my eyes closed, i hear footsteps approaching, and before i can have time to process i hear a voice— none other than stokeley.
"ay yall j- DAMN" i hear him say, almost as if he's standing right next to us.
i look over to my left, and see stokeley in-fact standing less than three feet away from us.
jah slowly sets me down onto my feet and i push him back slightly and stokeley begins to speak again looking between us.
"nah, nah dont let me stop yall...but if yall continue, just know imma be watching.." he says laughing.
jah steps away from me pushing stokeley in the direction of the movie room, where everyone else is.
"take yo horny ass on " jah says smirking as he picks up my bag, putting it on his back.
"by the way, john's here so whoever wants to go, his chair is open" ski says, passing by us going into the movie room, i assume to tell everyone else.
walking towards the kitchen, jah grabs my hand making me follow him. he looks in the refrigerator, grabbing a sprite before turning to me.
"you want anything?" he asks, still sifting through the items in the fridge.
"uh... i had a drink earlier it was red...it was called like.. seagram's?" i said while leaning against the counter watching him.
"so you a drinker huh?" he says as he chuckles, pulling one out and handing it to me after taking the top off.
i watch him close the refrigerator as i put the bottle up to my lips taking a drink.
"i wouldn't say that" i reply as he leads me up the stairs, opening a door, entering a huge bedroom, with a connected, equally large bathroom.
everything in the room was dark. the walls were a dark blue. the bed frame around the king size mattress was black. the desk was black, the dresser too. on the walls above the bed were band posters and across from the wall sat a huge tv.
he drops my bag next to the bed, plopping down on the bed at the headboard, putting his feet on the bed.
"you gon sit? " he asks, looking across the room at me, standing at the door.
i walk into the room, sitting on the edge of the bed, facing him.
"i think i do want a tattoo...but i don't know what... are you getting something?" i ask, admiring the tattoos on his face, hands and neck.
"look at me...it'll be wrong if i don't get one" he says, laughing slightly. "you wanna see it?" he asks, picking his phone up, beginning to scroll through it.
"yes please" i say, crawling across the bed towards the headboard to sit next to him.
he tilts his phone towards me, showing me a picture of a tree.
"it's the tree of life. the tree of life represents personal development, and individual beauty. it doesn't have any leaves because i'd like to think i've shed my old self, and this is a new beginning" he say, bring his phone back towards him locking it and setting it down.
i nod my head, showing that i understand what he's saying.
"i really like that, i think it's unique" i say, looking over at him.
"you should get it." he eventually says after a few seconds of silence.
"i can't just take your tattoo...this was your idea" i say.
"yeah and? if you're really worried we can both get it." he says, looking at me, locking eyes with me.
i think about the offer. if we both get the tattoo when we're basically tied together. we have permanent art on out bodies to remind each other of this moment. i decide to do it.
"okay, i like that idea" i say, smiling at him
"iight, cool" he starts getting up off of his bed, making his way to the door.
"come on" he continues, holding his hand out towards me, inviting me to grab it and follow.
i get up, sliding out of my vans leaving them next to bed as i grab his hand, letting his lead us out out the room and down to the living room, greeting everybody else.
"oh look who it is" i hear stokeley say, smirking as he sits in the tattoo chair. he's getting 'Life is Short' on his inner forearm, which i guess is true.
"you've been gone a while now" Isaiah says, looking between the both of us.
jah ignores both of of their pestering, sitting in the last empty seat on the end of the couch,pulling me down onto his lap, leaning his head against my back.
• • •
its been about two hours, and we moved upstairs into jah's room just because i had to take off my pants for the placement. im 3 seagram's and 5 shots in and im definitely feeling it. im laying on the table, holding jah's hand as he sits next to me. i decided to get the tree on the side of my thigh, pretty big actually. it covers from the beginning of my hip to my mid-thigh, i got it there to cover up my scars, well some.
as soon as john touches the needle to my skin, i realize why people do this. it's actually invigorating. it reminds me of cutting, but in a more socially acceptable way.
he eventually finishes the outline and then he starts the shading....and now i regret it all.
"oh my fu-...." i close my eyes, squeezing jah's hand as he ignores me, texting on his phone.
me and him were the lasts to go, so everyone had dispersed throughout the house.
"please, please give me some more shots, or something. please" i say, already very noticeably drunk. I was actually very scared to stand.
jah grabs the bottle off the side table, twisting the top off before standing over me.
"open up" he says tilting the bottle towards my mouth.
i open my mouth, as he begins to pour the alcohol into my mouth. i push him away after about 4 or 5 shots, feeling the liquor take over my body instantly, closing my eyes.
after about fifteen minutes, i'll assume—i fell asleep after the shots so. he finally finishes.
i stand up slowly, making sure to take my time to not fall and i stand in the full body mirror, staring the beautiful piece on my body.
"oh my god.." i say lowly, as i continue to look at myself in the mirror, "its so pretty!" i continue excitedly.
i run over and hug john, thanking him for that tattoo before tackling jah into a hug, kissing his lips. i actually hate hugging so we see the type of drunk that i am..
jah got the same tree on his forehead, in between his eyes on his third eye.
i grab the open bottles from the nightstand, drinking from it before laying on my back, watching the ceiling swirl before closing my eyes.
jah
11:27 p.m
before sitting down, i go through my drawers sifting through random items, before picking up two random pills — a long white rectangular one and a circular blue one. I throw them back with a sip of alcohol before turning off the lights and climbing into the bed next to nova.
after laying motionless next to her for i few minutes, speaks up.
" can i ask you a question?" she says softly, touching her hand to my neck, probably the first place she landed on.
" yeah, what's up" i say, playing with her fingers.
" do you trust me?" she replies.
i take a moment to think about the question. it's actually pretty loaded. i think about the things i've told her— and the things i haven't. there's so much that i want to tell her but it's not that i don't trust her, i don't trust myself around her. i have so much baggage that i really don't want to put onto her but if she wants me to trust her, i have to.
"yeah" i reply, keeping it short. i usually do keep my replies short, just to keep people from asking more questions. i hate answering questions about my life, about me in general and i felt that way with nova but also didn't mind her asking more questions just because i wanted to know more about her so it was only right that i answer questions about me.
"but you're so distant..." she starts, " like, i'll text you and you wont reply for days...or we'll see each other and you barely talk...is there a reason? do you even like me?" she finishes, running her fingers along my jaw.
i think about it again. i rub my face not knowing how to reply to her. i do like her, a lot actually. she makes me feel safe but i do have too much baggage for her to have to keep up with. i have mental problems, emotional problems...i have addictions and i cant do that to her.
"...i actually do like you... alot..but i don't think we should be together or anything like that....i have so much shit and i..." i pause, thinking of what to say next.
"i dont want to do that to you... i'm not good for you." i finish.
i feel the bed shift, as she sits up
"jahseh, you can't tell me what's good for me or not, i can make my own decisions" she says a louder than i've ever heard her speak before.
jahseh. nobody ever calls me that except for my mother and it's weird hearing somebody other than her call me by my full name. but it sounds so good rolling off her tongue. i think about what she's saying. i can't tell her what to do and i know i wont be able to by her response but i can advise her —a lot on what not to do.
"yeah but..." i pause again, trying to put my words together and before i do, she speaks again.
"there's no but...i want to be around you all the time and i want to know what you're thinking—because i never do. and there's nothing that you can say to make me leave, because once i put my mind to something i do it. and that something is you" she says, while climbing onto my lap, coming face to face with me in the pitch dark.
"oh...so im the something you want to do?" i say jokingly to lift the dark mood in the room.
she starts to laugh, pressing her face against mine, kissing my nose.
"oh jah, i think about it all the time, how i want you to do me everywhere. the floor, the couch, the counter, the shower...mmm..mmm" she says giggling, feeling her body move restlessly against mine.
"and im gonna hold you to that... but not tonight ,because i want you to remember everything i do to your body. " i whisper into her ear, seductively.
i feel her body tremble slightly as she gets down off of me, laying on her back next to me once again.
"jah?" she says softly, hearing her voice reverberate through the room due to the pin drop silence.
"mhmmm?" i hum, awaiting her question.
"i've never been drunk before....i've actually never even had a drink before." she says as if i didn't already know hours ago.
"i know baby." i reply, rubbing her head, playing with her loose hair.
the room falls silent aside from her light breathing, after a few minutes she speaks up again.
"jah?" she calls my name again.
"yeah?" i answer.
she pauses before she replied to me.
" i've never had a boyfriend before...im actually not even sure if you're my boyfriend...are you?" she asks softly, still dragging her fingers along the imprint of my tattoos.
i think about her question, there's no way that i can be a boyfriend for her right now. i'm not even sure about the role of a boyfriend, it's been so long. the last time i was in a relationship, everyone ended up hurt.
"no...i don't think i can be that for you" i say, thinking about all the things that come with that title.
"but...we can still hang out? and like....kiss and stuff?" she asks, and i chuckle softly at her innocent demeanor.
"of course...it's your world baby" i say, playing with her hair as she falls asleep.
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my longest chapter yet (:<
wow two chapters in 4 days, give me my props pls
i dont know if i like how this story is going but i'll write a few more chapters to see 4real
sorry for the misspellings and wrong grammar, like always it isn't edited bc im tryna just get it out 4 u guys.
uhhh vote & comment pls dassit
ily guys <3