"soulmates, huh?"
i blew a cloud of smoke from my lungs, sitting with my legs pulled close to my chest as i sat on the roof of my fathers home, a poorly rolled joint between my fingers. i looked over at the vampire beside me, trying to not scrunch his nose up at my pot smoking. moonlight poured over us like it was spilled from a whine glass, pooling around in a puddle at our indefinite edges.
"so they say," he hums, brushing a finger against the outside of my thigh. his icy touch creates goosebumps on my warm skin. when paired with a cool breeze; i shiver. he means it innocently, and removes his hands once the action is done.
"i feel it," i tell him, "the strings. the webs. almost like veins, pulling. feeling you, always."
i looked up to the sky, inhaling another drag from the joint. there was twice as many stars as usual, twinkling against the dark abyss. it was rare to see something so beautiful back in jacksonville.
"everything always changes so abruptly. i wish time would stop moving," i sighed.
"what do you mean?" he asked.
"one second my sister is alive, the next she's dead. suddenly my thoughts aren't the only ones in my head anymore. i move in with my dad, start a new school. find out that vampires are real and that i'm eternally bound to one that describes his diet of animal blood as vegetarianism. i know that i'm diagnosed as crazy or whatever, but who could blame me," i shrugged.
"i don't think your crazy," edward argued, placing his cold hand over the one that wasn't occupied, "i think it's clear that you've been through a lot. that you've had to grow up fast. that would make anyone feel crazy. and discovering that monsters are real in a world that lives in denial of the truth? it's completely understandable to feel that way. though to be fair, i think you're handling it pretty well."
i turned my attention back to him, his honey irised eyes staring so sincerely into mine. i wondered if i would ever get over how beautiful he was. i didn't expect to fall in love when i woke up this morning. was that what this was? surely it must've been. what else makes a soulmate but love? why else would every atom that made me up hum when he was near? i had never felt like this before . . . like i was almost complete. almost, not quite, but so close.
i leaned in, closing my eyes and pressing my lips against his. he froze, his lips unmoving. i pulled back, wide eyed and embarrassed.
"i-i'm sorry," i shook my head, "i shouldn't have done that. i don't know why i did that. you should go, i need to get ready for bed."
i didn't dare look at him. i was full of a heavy shame. of course he wouldn't want to kiss me yet, we'd known each other for a day. our souls might be intertwined, but we were strangers.
"wait, violet—"
i stubbed out the remainder of my j and climbed in through my window, only averting my eyes back in its direction quick enough to have it slam down and lock at the will of my mind. i wasn't worried about the noise as charlie was on a night shift, but still winced at the loud bang. i flicked my eyes at my curtains, pushing them together; blocking out the moon and her child of the night. my soulmate.
i took a deep breath and began pacing my room, trying to collect myself before i sent myself into total combustion as my fingers rubbed at my necklace with bella's ashes. i was so tired of it all. a sob escaped me, a war cry howling for normalcy rippling out of my throat. i ran a hand through my hair, chest heaving.
i thought about what i could do to calm myself down. the good thing was that i was already stoned, so i was already doing better than what i could've been. if it wasn't for the fact that i had to be conservative with my supply until i could get down to la push this weekend, i would smoke more. but i couldn't. instead, i found myself sitting on my bed, surrounded by black velour sheets, with my laptop open and playing monster house, a comfort movie from my childhood. i was only half paying attention, more preoccupied with what i was curating on the wall by my bed in white chalk. a portrait of a two headed lamb, though one of the heads was decaying.
symbolism at its finest. when did the living become the dead? where/what/who is the limbo? the inbetween?
eventually my chest didn't feel like my heart was going to claw its way through and i stopped crying. that was around the same time i finished drawing, the movie ended, and i fell asleep beneath the white glow of the fairy lights i had strung along my ceiling.
i woke up the next morning to charlie knocking on my bedroom door.
"it's six fifteen, kiddo. i know yesterday was difficult, but i need you to try again today, okay?" he asked gently, pushing open the door. he came over and sat at the edge of my bed, peering inquisitively at the lamb on my wall.
i stretched out my limbs and let out a yawn, rolling onto my side to face him.
"do you like it?" i asked, hopeful for his approval.
he smiled, running a hand over my hair.
"its beautiful, kid. you're so talented."
i grinned up at my father, a need for sleep after a long eighteen hour shift smeared across his face. he was young, only thirty five, but losing bella had aged him more than his job already had and it made him look more mature.
"thanks dad. i think that today will be better," i lie, "how was work?"
charlie let out a sigh, getting up from the edge of my bed.
"a couple of hikers went missing over the weekend, their bodies were found in a creek ten miles from the trails last night. looks like an animal attack," he shook his head, "those damn bears."
i frowned a bit at the glaze that fell over his eyes.
"sounds intense, pops. you should get some rest."
he nodded in agreement, going over to my window and pulling back my curtains, allowing sunlight to pour into my room. even with the dreary overcast, i winced at the sudden brightness compared to my dark room, throwing an arm over my eyes.
"jesus, dad," i complained.
"up-and-at'em, vi. i'm going to bed."
i scrunched my nose up at the thought of taking the bus, deciding that i'll probably just walk the forty five minutes it'd take me to get to school.
charlie left me alone and i begrudgingly got out of my warm bed, going over to my dresser. i'd started to pull out something to wear when edward's striped, moss green, sweater caught my attention, resting on the papasan chair in the corner of my room i'd tossed it onto last night. that's when i suddenly remembered the stupid kiss and the fact that vampires are real and my entire face got hot.
despite every logical part of me begging me not to, i decided to put it back on. there was something about wearing it, about being swaddled in his honeysuckle essence, that left me in a state of ease. i assumed it had to do with the whole soulmate thing but it still felt irrational. i paired it with thigh high socks and my brown doc martens before heading to the bathroom to brush my teeth, wash my face, and do my makeup. i was too tired to do something extravagant, but i put on some mascara and some tinted chapstick. i noticed a pimple starting to rise on my cheek beneath my right eye and put one of my handy-dandy star patches over it, willing it to go away instead of worsen.
before i left my bathroom, i made sure to take my morning dose of pills that i kept in my medicine cabinet. lithium, abilify, prozac. i swallowed them down with a big gulp of tap water, using my hand as a cup.
i had just gotten down the stairs when i heard a knock on the door. i'm not sure exactly who i expected it to be, but edward's suedo-sister, alice, certainly wasn't it. it was rare for me to be taller than people in most situations, but alice stood about two inches shorter than me. she was dressed in a long, flowy, green skirt and a dusty rose crop top with eyelet lace underneath her cardigan, lots of crystal necklaces around her neck and rings on her fingers. her pixie cut was fanned out with beautiful, wispy, spikes pointing every-which-way.
"good morning, violet! i saw you needed a ride to school today and thought i would offer one," she said sweetly.
right, i thought, she was the psychic vampire. she saw my coming to forks as well as my bond with edward.
"oh uh, sure. thanks, alice. you didn't have to do that."
"it's no problem at all, violet! i've been dying for us to finally be friends!" she assured with the same amount of pep she put into her smile.
"i have to grab something to eat before we go, you can come in," i told her, well aware that i had only about another six minutes of an empty stomach left before my pills would come back up.
"i know," she quipped. "i picked you up a pumpkin muffin and an iced coffee— three pumps of mocha, right? it's in the car."
my heart swelled at her thoughtfulness and i brought a hand up to bella's locket. when bella got her first car, we'd get the the same order every morning before school.
"you didn't have to do that, i can pay you back—"
"nonsense! don't worry about it, little love."
"thank you," i sighed, knowing based on edward's summary of his siblings that i wasn't going to win.
she grinned like a evil maniac then.
"great!" she cried out, grabbing my hand.
alice pulled out me out the door and off the porch, practically skipping over to the cherry red punch buggy she had parked in the driveway.
"cute, isn't she? her name is fiona apple," she said, giving the car a gentle pat on its hood.
i nodded in response, chuckling to myself at her plush flower power esq. seat and steering wheel covers. she also had fairy lights strung up along her ceiling and a bunch of crystals and little figurines all over her dash. she turned the car on and started fiddling with the stereo.
"you listen to the smashing pumpkins, right?" she giggled.
by the time we got to school, i had finished my muffin and decided that me and alice were best friends.
"so," she said as we pulled in beside edward's sleek volvo, "your first period trig class and your sixth period, gym, are the only classes that you won't share with at least one of us. you'll share english with emmet and edward, art with me, history with rose and jasper, and biology with edward. we also all have the same lunch period."
"cool," i said, "it'll be nice to have the . . . somewhat familiar faces of my immortal soulmates adopted family that i just learned about yesterday, sitting with me in high school purgatory."
alice let out a wild laugh, distracting me and leaving me startled as edward pulled open my door with an amused smile.
i jumped in my seat, clutching my hand to my heart.
"jesus fuck," i scolded, "don't scare me like that."
edward chuckled as i unbuckled myself, before offering me his hand to take. i took it and stepped out of the car, last nights kiss incident forgotten about for the moment.
"my apologies," he hummed.
he brought his cool lips to my knuckles and kissed each one. my face flushed and my breath hitched in my throat; my skin humming against his.
"shall we?" he asked, dropping my hand and gesturing to the daunting school building.
"i guess so," i grumbled.
he laughed and gently grabbed my arm, pulling me along.