Despite my promise to Zach, I still ran away. It was just that being in the same space breathing the same air with Jarlin for a prolonged period was utterly...overwhelming.
"I met him," I breathed over the phone the moment Zoey picked up. Which was after five tries.
"Who?" she asked.
"Trance."
Silence. If she wasn't so busy with her Media Club tasks, I would have gone to her to personally recount the details and witness her reaction.
"Then?" she asked again.
I ignored her delayed reaction thinking she was as surprised as I was so I just went on blabbing about meeting my rival-slash-someone I admire-slash-ex fiancée-now-nothing after two years of barely hearing anything about him. "We played one-on-one basketball."
"Really? Are you sure it was him though?" she pressed, sounding a little confounded.
"How could I not be sure? I already hit someone else just because I thought I was delusional!" my voice raised a pitch higher. "God, I hope Athena's okay."
"Your roommate? You hit your roommate?" she chuckled in disbelief.
I cringed at the memory again. "It was an accident. I was aiming the ball at his face but Athena caught it instead."
"So, Athena caught it? I thought you said you hit her?"
"Yeah, she caught it. With her face," I groaned feeling guilty for what I did. "I'm such a terrible roommate. She was always cheering me up and all. And I repaid her by almost causing her a concussion." Zoey laughed and I frowned. "It's not funny," I pouted although she couldn't see me as I was in the World Park, sulking on one of the hanging benches under a Fire Tree.
"Okay. Back to Jarlin. I just couldn't believe you'd play with him," she murmured, the wonder in her voice evident. "I have always imagined you running for the hills the very second you see him. I mean, after what you did the last time, right?"
I clicked my tongue because I imagined the same thing. "You know he's not the only reason why I had to fly out of the country," I defended belatedly.
"Yeah, but he didn't," she pointed out and I knew she was right. "All you left him was your version of the ten things I hate about you-"
"Shut up, Dude," I cut her off recalling the ridiculous letter that I had asked to be given to Jarlin before I left for the Philippines. "I was sixteen then. We are bound to do stupid things while we're young."
"Uhuh, and you kind of already maxed out your allowable I-can-be-stupid-at-times chances. That means there's no more room for choosing to be stupid this time," she lectured me. "You don't know until when he'd stay. So better tell him everything."
My shoulders sagged in defeat. "It doesn't matter whether I tell him everything or not, Zoey. It's not like it would make any difference."
"It might."
"Dude, don't give me false hopes. I've been there. Look where it got me?"
Zoey sighed heavily, a sign that she's dropping the subject altogether. "Fine. I'll talk to you later. Still have a lot on my plate. Stupid Geo."
We ended the call leaving me to continue moping on the bench that slightly swayed whenever the wind picked up. Once in a while, I'd look behind me just to be sure no one followed. That Jarlin didn't follow me.
My eyebrows crashed as the thought occurred to me. He couldn't have followed me to the Philippines, right? Because that would be ridiculous. Also, he was being scouted for the US National Team so why would he? If anything, maybe he was just unwinding before he went back to some famous university for training where he was currently enrolled in.
He couldn't have followed me halfway around the world just to clarify the things I said in that stupid letter. He was in love with someone else. That was clear to me before. If not, then maybe he could have moved on to another girl. I have seen him and despite the distance I have wedged between us and me denying, he had become even more than easy in the eyes. Which meant other girls have seen him too. It was just utterly impossible for him to not be seeing anyone at the moment-
I shook my head, ridding my mind of the laughable thought. What the hell was I thinking?!
But truth be told, way back in Senior high, I had thought that there was something between Jarlin and me. Hoped for it was more appropriate. Because that would mean my parents, whose marriage was already on a rough road, would rethink their impending divorce. Their decision was dependent on me-their sixteen year-old daughter- agreeing to the fixed marriage to secure a partnership with the Trance family, who was in need of financial consultant to expand the business in the West Coast. Of course my Mom was very much against it because I was young and more importantly, should not be taken as a collateral. She had threatened to leave my Dad and immediately take me to the Philippines where her only brother owned and managed a financial firm.
So, to keep our small family together even if that meant going against my will, I agreed.
And it was the classic hate-turned-to-love for me.
Prior to our first meeting, I had once thought of Jarlin as an asshole or if not, a loser. But he was neither. Jarlin Trance was a proper guy who knew what he wanted. Others might have thought he was as competitive as I was. Over-achievers, they branded us. I had convinced myself that he just knew his potential and did everything to leverage from it because that's what I also did. What was more likeable in him was his humility because he never bragged of his achievements. And he admitted his weaknesses openly. I knew because he once asked me to tutor him and he even treated me for ice cream.
But then he said he wasn't interested to meet his fiancée-which he didn't know was me (because if I wasn't checking my Facebook, Jarlin wasn't fond of looking at my photos that my parents were sending him). I felt a tiny crack in my heart that time. So my hope started to fade too. Though he asked me out a few times after the ice cream session, I guessed that was because I was his team captain and was just being polite. So I also brought Zoey and Zach along. I didn't want to listen to him rant about being married off to someone he wouldn't like.
"Jazz, you may be one of the smartest girls in the planet. But at times like this, I think you're just plain stupid," were Zoey's words to me one time.
The cracks multiplied when Jarlin told us he was going to break the engagement because he liked someone else. And he was going to do it after the Championship game.
They say that a kiss from the one you love would bring forth life.
It brought me death.
Because when I managed to drill in the winning shot and Jarlin kissed me, it was all over. At least for me.
So yeah, I told my parents I wanted out. Because come on, who wanted a one-sided relationship anyway? From the get-go, it was already doomed to fail. The very next day, Mom and I took the first flight to the Philippines. Apparently, she has had enough of my Dad's crazy ideas for business.
Not only was I nursing a broken heart. I was guilty for being the reason that ended my parents' married life. Or so I thought.
It was just funny how things turned out later on though. Because after several months, Dad came to pick my Mom up. Apparently, absence did make the heart grow fonder. For my parents that is. And since I was already enrolled in Berkeley-Reagan High, I decided to stay behind and let them have quality time. Plus, I knew I wouldn't be able to act normally around Jarlin anymore so the distance was necessary.
The distant rumbling in the skies had me noticing the dark clouds forming. Sometimes, nature did have its way of sympathising with people. I stood up and decided to head back to the dorms...
Where Athena was packing her stuff. A lot of it.
"Heeyy..." was my opening salvo. Shit. I have completely forgotten about her. "Where are you going?" I asked tentatively.
Her movements had become more forceful, angry. "Going home. I think if I stay here, I'd be dead before the Sports Fest begins," she spat out.
"Look, Athena, I'm sorry about what happened earlier. I didn't mean it, I swear," I said.
She whirled around, her sweet bubbly self gone in an instant. "I have tried everything to be friends with you, haven't I? What did I ever do for you to treat me like this?"
"Nothing-"
"Or is it because you're jealous of me." It sounded more like an accusation rather than a question.
"I'm not-"
"No, I think you are," she went on with her tirade, more confident now. "Ever since you didn't make that shot against St. Cecille and I had to step up to cover for your failure. I think you're plenty envious. Of me."
"Athena, you don't know what you're saying," was all I could say and I turned to my side of the room because defending myself against someone who was in the height of emotions was like talking to a brick wall.
But she took the time to drive me up the wall, like a vulture closing in on its prey. "You've been miserable from that point forward. You stopped talking to me, to everyone in the team. That's because you're not the star anymore. The group that once adored Jude Kristine Marthens, the prodigy, turned to me. The limelight you once basked in was suddenly on me and you hated it. You hated the fact that you have been dethroned."
Her words shouldn't affect me because I knew the truth. But still, they cut me deep. Yet I didn't want to stoop to her level. I didn't want to give her the satisfaction by defending myself even if I badly wanted to. I kept my back turned to her and busied myself by firing up my laptop and tuning her out.
"Face it, Ate," she spat with so much venom I could practically feel my skin burn. "Your shine had been snuffed out. Your time is up and there's nothing you can do about it."
"Close the door when you leave, okay?" I told her as calmly as I could although my hand that was gripping the mouse too hard was already trembling.
"I wonder why he likes you. You're clearly less than ordinary," I heard her scoff before she rolled her luggage out of the room and slammed the door shut.
I collapsed on my swivel chair, my chest clenching as an aftermath. Listening to Athena drained my energy more than playing with Jarlin earlier.
But in retrospect, I knew myself. I never got envious of anyone. I might be competitive, I used to push myself to the limit because I knew what I was capable of before I would concede. But I was never the jealous type.
However, the injuries robbed me of my fighting chance. That didn't sit well with me. And maybe unconsciously, I had been dragging everyone down with my sinking ship.
Maybe Zach was right. I was indeed and afterall, a brat.
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Posted in 3 April 2015, Friday