Langa sat in his bedroom, on his bed, next to the vacant mattress on his floor. His covers were a wreck. His room was a mess. Blankets were hanging off his bed over the blankets that were thrashed onto the floor in the midst of Reki's night terror.
Reki.
Tears were dripping down his face profusely. He missed his dad. He missed feeling like a family. He missed his jokes. He missed dinners with more than 2 people. He missed how comfortable his mother was with him, how he eased her anxiety. How he made her into the person she was. How he allowed her to blossom socially. He knew how to bring out the best in everyone. There was a longing in his heart for him. For these things. Something that he felt shortly after the shock of his dad's death passed.
Everytime he thought of Reki. Everytime he thought of Reki nothing but the pain of his dad's absence came to mind. He couldn't get passed his name without thinking of what Reki's mom had yelled at his. He felt angry and sad.
He knew he shouldn't be mad at Reki, he hadn't done anything wrong. But he couldn't find another place to direct it. He ignored the countless texts and calls from the redhead out of anger. He didn't want to feel like this anymore.
But he didn't want to feel empty again either. He didn't want to feel like he did before he met Reki. He didn't want to feel like he did after his dad's death.
Right now he felt like both.
•••
Reki felt the heat of panic surrounding his body as Langa didn't answer his texts or silent FaceTime calls on the eerily quiet ride back home.
His head was pounding. Everything he needed was still there. The extra bandages the hospital had given him. His prescription pain medicine. It was all still there, forgotten in the heat of the moment. Ignored by his mother.
He could feel his sister's silently sobbing in the backseat. None of them wanted to go home. They pulled into the garage and found their dad opening the door to them, drunk.
They watched uneasily as he took swaying steps towards the car. They winced while he hunched over and threw up down the front of himself. Reki cringed, his eyebrows furrowing tensely when his dad passed out onto the hood of their car with a thump before sliding down onto the dirty garage floor.
His mother got out of the car, helping him up and starting to clean up the mess with tender and loving hands. He didn't understand how she still loved him. After everything, she still had it in her heart to care about him.
To care about him while ignoring her children.
Reki's wheelchair had been thrown on the side of the road by his mom when it didn't fit in their car. It would've fit if she had taken a moment to fold it up, but she didn't.
Reki hopped, dragging his leg to the side. It was painful. He opened the back door and ushered his sister's inside, his mother completely ignoring them.
He could only get to his sister's room before he collapsed from exhaustion, clumsily falling into the wall and sliding down to the floor. The twins were sat next to eachother silently. His other sister sat down next to him and swept his stray bangs underneath his headband.
The cast was heavy and sweaty. He breathed in deeply, trying to keep himself from crying in front of his sister's. He needed to be strong, for them and for himself.
If he started crying he wasn't sure if he would be able to stop.
Everything felt hopeless. He couldnt move around the house let alone get to work and school. Langa wouldn't text him back. Everything had changed. Everything was different. He was completely stuck in this hell hole with no ladder out.
His breath cought and he flinched when his sister placed her hand on his shoulder. She looked at him with understanding.
"S-sorry." Reki stuttered out, "it's gonna be fine. Everything is gonna be okay." He said as much for himself as for them.
His throat was strained from holding back tears and his chest tight from restraining hiccups. He took shallow and shaky breaths, trying to conceal his panic. His stomach was upset and his head was spinning. He felt like he was dying, every part of his body was shaking violently, his teeth clattering together as his jaw shook.
"Hey. We will be okay. I'll help out I promise, we'll make it work." His sister consoled, "we can talk to Langa and his mom and maybe they can help out." She said.
"Langa won't answer me." Reki said, "he keeps leaving me on read. Hes reading my messages but not responding." Reki sent him another text.
Delivered
He wasn't even there anymore.
"Maybe he's busy. Mom was really harsh maybe they are just taking a break. I'm sure he'll respond really soon." His sister said, "just leave him be for a little while. He'll get back to you."
Reki nodded slowly, let out a shaky breath, and texted one last message.
"Hey I don't know what I did wrong. I'm sorry for what my mom said, that was terrible of her and I wish she hadn't said it. I hope you are doing okay. Please text me back soon. I love you and miss you so much. See you soon <3"
•••
Read
Langa looked at the message, reading it while his pale blue eyes bounced from word to word. He was curled up under the covers in his bed, back facing Reki's abandoned mattress and covers.
He couldn't bring himself to text him back.
There was a knock on his door. He didn't want to answer, he didn't want to open his mouth to talk. His mom peeked her head in, "hey.. I ordered some pizza for us.." her eyes were puffy from crying, "are you okay?" She asked.
Langa hiccuped, tears streaming from the corners of his eyes, "I miss dad."
"Oh honey.." she said, sitting on the edge of the bed and pulling him into a hug. She had her time to cry, now it was time to be strong for Langa. He sobbed into her shoulder, "I just want him to come back. I don't wanna feel sad anymore."
She nodded, "I know bud. I know."
For a while they sat in a comfortable silence.
"Have you talked to Reki at all?" She asked, worried about him and his siblings despite how nasty his parents were.
Langa stayed silent.
"You haven't?" She asked, "why not?"
He just shrugged, "I don't know. I feel mad at him but I don't know why. I don't wanna talk to him. I think I'm angry about what his mom said to you but I don't know why I feel mad at him."
"Has he texted you?" She asked. Langa nodded.
"And you havent texted him back?" She asked. Langa shook his head.
"Langa." She said in an almost condescending tone, "let him know that if he needs anything we are here to give it to him. Also he forgot his pain medicine and extra bandages. At least give them to him tommorow at school."
Langa just sighed uncomfortably, "I don't wanna talk to him. It's making me mad how he's so worried about me not responding instead of taking care of himself." Langa's mom just nodded, "try talking to him. Talking to him again might help you."
He nodded.
❄️:
i'm sorry for not responding. i love you too. are you okay? are your sisters okay?
He felt more relaxed after sending that message, but tense again when he saw read sign, quickly followed by the response.
👟:
Oml I'm so glad ur ok
Why didnt you respond?
We are okay at the moment.
❄️:
i was feeling sad and mad. i miss my dad. i'm sorry i didn't respond. i don't know why i
was feeling mad at you. i am very glad you are okay.
👟:
It's okay. I don't mind.
Sometimes feelings don't make any sense at all.
Thanks for telling me you were feeling like that and apologizing
I forgive u
❤️
❄️:
you forgot your pain meds and bandages. can I give them to you now?
👟:
Not now.
❄️:
why not? is everything okay?
👟:
It's fine.
Just bring it to me at school tomorrow
❄️:
okay. lmk if you need help for anything. i'm here for you now.
👟:
Thx
I gtg
Rn
Sorry
❄️:
youre okay. is everything okay? please let me know if you are okay when you can.
Reki??
•••
Reki set his phone down and slid it across the room under his sister's bed as his drunk father stumbled into their room. He watched with dread as he stumbled closer to the twins, who were beginning to cry.
He watched anger contort into his father's face as he raised an empty beer bottle at them. He threw himself in front, taking glass shards to the face and neck.
This just pissed his dad off more. He yelled at the girls to go hide in his room. His dad was too angry to listen to his words and continued to yell at him.
Hell with no ladder out.
The girls stayed hiding in Reki's locked room for an hour before they heard the yelling die down. They came out a little while later, hesitantly walking across the house and back to their room.
He was laying bloody on the floor, glass shards launched deep into his neck and cheeks. Blood was trickling evenly down the side of his face and onto the floor.
The twins began to cry. His sister locked the door and ran over to him, immediatly dragging some extra gauze and bandaids that Reki had bought, originally for skateboarding, out from under their bed.
She helped him sit up.
"It's fine just a few more bruises for the collection." He tried to joke. No one laughed, it wasn't funny.
"This might hurt, these are deep." She said. Reki shrugged, "just get it over with."
He winced as she pulled the first shallow piece out and placed it onto the floor. After pulling out a few shallow bits she got to a large shard that was lodged deep into his cheek, not enough to pierce through to his mouth, but he swore he could feel it.
"Ow ow ow ow ow ow." He said through clenched teeth as she pulled it out. Blood seeped out of the wound in heavier streams, dribbling down his face and dripping off his chin onto his cast.
She worked carefully and taped gauze to it. She repeated the process for the one stuck in his neck.
"I need you to take the bus tommorow." He said while she continued to take out glass shards. She nodded slowly, "are you gonna go to school?" Reki shook his head, "I cant drive like this. Plus, I'm tired." She looked at him with concern.
"Don't worry." He gave her a soft smile, "everything is all good. I'll try and pick you up but it might be easier if you took the bus home. Just in case."
She nodded, "okay." Reki pulled her into a soft hug, "I'll be okay at home. Go see your friends, it's been one hell of a weekend."
She laughed at his intentional cursing.
"Don't repeat that though okay?" He said with a grin. She nodded with a smile.
•••
Reki woke up the next afternoon, pain was throbbing from his leg and radiating in his back. He took a deep breath through his nose and exhaled through his mouth before closing his eyes again.
Tears stung at his eyes. He had this feeling in his gut. Worry and fear. Hopelessness. He couldn't get rid of it. He needed a release, a cigarette, something. He itched at the back of his hand as he stared intensly at his ceiling, his sister had helped him to his room the night before.
He blinked and his body relaxed, he looked at his scratched hand. He pursed his lips and continued to scratch at it until it was red and lightly bleeding. He had scraped off several layers of skin and the area was stinging. He moved to a different spot, now on his arm and did it again.
He looked over at his clock and decided his thoughts and the pain were too much to deal with. He managed to fall back asleep.
And sleep was barely an escape either.