Thank you @infinite_dreamer for the poster! Sets a whole mood.
And shout out to @nohlala_1206 who is studying to become a lawyer and defend the group from all their antics :)
Chapter 93: Lost your head
"Stay away from them!" my mom yanked me aside in the parking lot, "How many times do I have to tell you that?!"
I almost tripped by the force of her pull.
"Ow, you're hurting me," I complained, feeling my arm throb.
I placed my other hand on the hood of a stranger's car for stability. Doz was awkwardly following us, trailing far behind as he tried to stay out of the argument. He kept his head glued to his phone.
I was suspended. Suspended from school for a week. We all were.
And we'd all left the principal's office under a wide range of punishments from our parents. Cearra and Austin were in a double world of trouble and I wished them luck in the next life.
On the other side of the spectrum, Chad and his father had waltzed out of there making dinner reservations.
"You deserve a world of pain for the way you behaved, Millie," my mom told me, "You've lost your head to that boy. You used to have your life together. What happened to math, your job and good behaviour?"
What are those again?
"It's not Luke's fault-"
"Aren't you embarrassed?!" she snapped.
"Aren't you?! You brought a man I've never met to my principal's office!" I replied, before looking over at Doz, "No offence Doz, you've actually been super nice in this whole situation and I really appreciate that."
He looked up from his phone and gave me a thumbs up.
"I'd rather be with this man than a Dawson any day of the week," my mom gripped me harder, digging her nails into my skin, "How can you have no shame? You accept your boyfriend's family disrespecting your own to your face."
"Ow, mom, please, you're really hurting me," I winced, seeing specks of blood from where her nails were buried in my skin.
"For a smart girl, you're really stupid," she insulted me, "Don't follow that boy into his messes. Don't you understand that the same rules don't apply? It's an unfair world and he'll get away with things that you can't. Do you know how close you were to being expelled, you clueless child?"
"I didn't do anything," I said, really feeling like my arm was about to fall off.
I was getting tired of people telling me how the world works. I choose how I want to live in this world.
The world can, the world should, and the world always changes. We change too.
"It doesn't matter if you didn't do anything," mom told me, "They need scapegoats and that ends up being you! What happened to you? I gave you tough love growing up and you still came out weak."
A small distance from us, I noticed Cearra's mom getting into her car and looking over at us a couple times. She had been lecturing Cearra in the parking lot for the last fifteen minutes.
I tried to hide the pain in my face.
My mom shook me, "Aren't you paying attention?! When we get home, you're going to go to your room-"
"You're coming home?" I asked, surprised and relieved to hear that.
I was exhausted from the responsibilities of taking care of a home – it's hard. And I was scared of being alone at night. I really needed my mom back.
She shook me again, "Are you listening to me?!"
A car rolled up beside us and Cearra's mom leaned out the window, "Sorry for interrupting, Mrs Ripley. Millie was invited to our home for dinner tonight. It'll be the last time my daughter is social in a very long time, so would it be OK if Millie still joined?"
I was surprised to hear the offer. I had no idea I was invited to their home this evening. Cearra's head popped out of the backseat window, nodding enthusiastically.
"Sure," my mom shrugged, letting go of me, "I suppose that's fine."
I adjusted my shirt and looked from my mom to Cearra's. Were the Akils really willing to take me? Forever?
Cearra's mom smiled warmly at me and encouraged me to get in the car. I didn't need to be invited twice. I swung open the car door and hopped inside faster than you can say 'bean.'
Vanilla coffee bean, to be precise.
Cearra scooted over to make room for me in the back. I found a couple power rangers wedged between the seats as I buckled my seatbelt and looked over at her. Her mascara was smeared from the crying she'd been doing a few minutes before.
The car started to drive off and Cearra asked, "Mom, you invited Millie round? Does that mean I'm not grounded?"
I watched my mom and Doz getting into their car until we drove out of sight.
"Millie," Mrs Akil asked me, ignoring her daughter who she was still angry with, "Does your mom often treat you like that?"
"What do you mean?" I asked.
"She seemed to be hurting you," Mrs Akil said, looking at me in the reflection of the car mirror.
"She doesn't do that often," I said, covering the marks on my arm, "Almost never."
**
~Cearra's home~
The commotion in Cearra's home was becoming a familiar feeling to me. Her siblings ran between the living room and their bedrooms and I was learning how to dodge the flying toys. There were a lot of personalities under one roof.
Cearra and I were sitting at the dining room table, where we'd been told to do our homework until dinner was ready.
"You can say goodbye to Cearra, Millie," Cearra's mom told me as she walked out of the kitchen, "Because she won't see daylight for a month."
Cearra responded from her side of the table, "The fact that you can smile while saying that makes me see how sadistic you really are."
Cearra's mom laughed as she placed a stack of plates on the table and returned to the kitchen, where her husband was cooking dinner. She was keeping a watchful gaze on us every few minutes.
"Your hair looks incredible, by the way," I said, trying to cheer Cearra up.
I'd been meaning to tell her that all afternoon, but the principal's office didn't feel like the right time.
Cearra sighed and stared down at her textbook. She'd been forced to give up her cell phone too.
Her younger siblings blew past us like a hurricane, screaming that they were hungry. They got kicked out of the kitchen seconds later, after being told that collecting us from the principal's office was the reason why dinner was late. That made us very unpopular.
"Hey!" Cearra yelled at her little brother after he threw a lego brick at her.
A mini-Luke in the making.
After the sibling storm passed, Cearra leaned over the table and peered into the kitchen to make sure her parents were busy cooking.
Then she slid out of her chair and came over, "We need to talk, girl. I want to see you happy, and I am worried that you're about to make moves you'll regret."
"What moves am I going to make?" I asked, peering up over my math worksheet.
Cearra sighed and flicked her braids over her shoulder. She sat on my math worksheet. I tried to tug it out from under her.
"Listen," she stopped my hand, "That's not important right now. You have the hottest boy in school waging war in your name and you want to break up with him for that?"
I felt a chill run through me.
"Why are you trying to change him?" she asked, "Luke Dawson has changed plenty enough for you already. From everything I heard, he used to be wild before you came along. You know that everyone's obsessed with him. Aren't you anymore?"
"I am," I whispered, not sure how to open myself up like this. My emotions weren't as clearly defined as Cearra's.
"He doesn't ask you to change," she added, "Sorry if I'm being blunt but I don't have much time. After you leave the house, I don't know when we'll talk again and my mom's taken my phone," she quickly explained before getting back to her point, "Luke adores you for you. Isn't it a bit toxic to guilt someone into changing for you?"
That was blunt.
"I love Luke for who he is," I replied, "But being violent is not part of a person's identity. We watched Luke strap a guy to a chair and beat him in public today. Kaden's younger, smaller and physically no match for Luke. That's not a fair fight. So you know what I think is toxic? Letting the person you love behave in a way you'd never allow anyone else to. That's enabling."
I can't let love blind me. I can't let my desire to be loved by him change my morals.
Bad boys make good tv. It's all about swooning for a hard guy with a soft heart, but that's twisted if it crosses the line.
Luke is fair, kind and generous. I know he is. Today his anger and fear blinded him, and I can't encourage that. It doesn't mean I don't love him. It doesn't mean I'm turning my back on him.
"When you say it like that..." Cearra scratched the cape of her neck, "But don't you have some sympathy for him though? He keeps trying to save you from everything that's been going on. Maybe if you don't overwhelm him with the problems, he won't feel like you're a victim who needs saving?" Her voice got high pitched towards the end as she tried to make her point gently.
She didn't want to hurt my feelings, but I could already see her next point; that I've made everything about me and overdramatized everything going on in my life.
"I'm the first person to admit I'm a bit of a drama queen," she offered, "Does a small part of you enjoy the attention? He gets a lot of attention so maybe that's your way of getting his?"
Ok.
She probably doesn't know what it feels like to be abandoned by parents. The raw emotion of my mom's departure was only a few weeks old and, during that time, it felt like my heart had been smashed to the ground and that my identity needed reconstruction. I felt meaningless when thinking how both my parents decided I wasn't worth sticking around for. Friends can come and go, but it's nothing like the pain of being purposely left behind by a parent. Not to mention, two.
She probably also doesn't know what it feels like to wake up at night and find a stranger breaking in and entering your bedroom to hurt you. A home invasion is not a 'light' experience. I have not slept in days because every time I close my eyes, I see the intruder.
It haunts me.
If she leaned over and looked at the tabs open on my laptop, she'd find 15 pending job applications. I lost my part-time job, and I didn't have enough money for dinner last week. I brought alcohol to school today. I'm scared that I'm breaking down. Addiction runs in my family and I'm scared to be next.
Have I said any of that Luke? Have I shared any of that with anyone?
People think that you can put a lock on the front door and the nightmares go away. People don't know sh*t.
Fortunate is going to school and knowing you have a home to come home to. Fortunate is knowing you can mess up and your parents will help get you out of that mess. It's easy for people to say 'toughen up' but isn't this tough enough?
I got up today and I went to school. That's enough of a win for me right now.
I haven't gone to Luke's house for dinner when I'm starving, and I haven't asked him to sleep with me when I'm terrified of being alone. I didn't tell him about my job when I first lost it. Because I didn't want to burden him with my problems. He's already burdened enough by the problems he knows.
"Maybe I'm selfish," I replied. I do spend a lot of time thinking about myself. "But you know what I hate? These blanket statements like 'never change' and 'always stand by them no matter what'. We all need to change, and we don't need to stand by actions we don't believe in."
I need to change too. I know I have issues I need to go through. But who doesn't?
"You two should help each other, not bring each other down," Cearra said, "Why not focus on the positives?"
"Because this isn't a positive situation," I replied.
Why can't we talk about the negatives? Why do we think change is toxic when change can lead to self-improvement? If you can't rely on your closest relationships to help you go through that, how deep is that relationship in the first place?
"You would be utterly insane to break up with him," Cearra said, hopping off the table and walking back to her seat, "If you let Luke go, he'll never come back."
"That's probably true," I said sadly. I don't want to let him go, but I don't think it'll be my call.
I had a feeling that, this time, it was Luke's decision to make. Like Cearra said, there's a lot of drama in my life. I wouldn't blame him if he chose to walk away.
"It wouldn't be so bad," she shrugged, opening her laptop, "You'll see him again on TV when he's playing in the NBA."
I hope I will - if that's what he wants.
"Hey girls," Cearra's mom said, standing at the doorway of the kitchen, "I couldn't help but overhear part of your conversation."
"Mom!" Cearra whined, "Not again! How long were you standing there for?! Why are you so nosy?!"
"Because I'm your mother," she answered both questions, "And I have some good wisdom in me. As much as you think I'm outdated, I used to hit the dating scene and I've been married for over a decade, so I have a little thing called perspective."
"About my relationship?" I asked, halfway between shocked, embarrassed and curious.
My phone buzzed on the table. I didn't check to see who texted.
"Yes," she pulled a chair and sat between us, "Teenage love is fickle. It's an image of sickly-sweet perfection or that unhealthy love-hate thing. When you live with someone for years, that's when you experience true partnership. It's hard. You'll complain about each other, you'll go through phases of being bored by each other, unattracted to each other and that's the reality. You don't give up at the first fight. Some fights can be ugly and the ruts-"
"OK, we get it. Being an adult sucks, but what does that have to do with us?" Cearra asked.
The look Cearra's mom gave her made her drop the attitude.
Cearra's mom continued, "I saw the boy that Millie is dating. He's a dish, I will admit. And I can see how a boy like that can feel like your whole entire world. But take it easy. Not being together is not the end of the world. I can promise you that."
My phone buzzed again.
Cearra's mom yelled out to her kids, "Dinner's ready!" and the sibling storm came crashing down on us again.
I took the chance to check my phone, hoping it was Luke. But it was his brother.
Jake: Hey, I'm performing a new song tomorrow and I'd love for you to come
"Is it him?" Cearra asked excitedly.
"No, it's Jake," I said, surprised by his text, "Want to come to his show tomorrow?"
She nodded excitedly but her mother interrupted, "Cearra can't make it. My daughter is grounded until graduation."
**
~Austin's POV~
We dropped Gloria off at her home before arriving back at ours. Mom was so angry at me that I could see her doctor brain thinking of all the ways she could surgically remove my free will.
We arrived home. She dropped her bag on the table and pointed at me to stay in the room until she finished speaking to my dad.
"Honey, I have to go back to the hospital now so please come home as soon as you can," she spoke to the phone, "You need to talk to him as well. This behavior is getting out of control."
My dad said something back and after a few mushy words to each other, they hung up. I was looking at my phone while I waited for her to get off hers.
"Austin," she said with that big look of disappointment on her face, "What's going on with you? Really, is there anything I can help with?"
"I'm fine."
She thinks I'm insane.
Her buzzer beeped again, and she sighed, "I feel like a terrible mom for not staying here his evening, but I need to go back to the hospital. I'm on call. Don't leave the house. Stay here until your father comes home and we'll decide how to handle this. You are in major trouble, young man."
"OK."
"I'll see you later tonight," she said, grabbing a cookie from the tray that Gloria must've baked today. She said a muffled goodbye and headed out the door, "You're grounded, remember that. Bye!"
The door shut.
I waited ten seconds before I grabbed my car keys and walked out.
**
It was getting dark outside. I walked down the front lawn and headed to my car, when I saw a black jeep wrangler turn on my street corner.
What a surprise. I left my car door open and walked out onto the middle of the street.
The jeep slowed and Luke raised his middle finger at me for blocking the street.
"Wrong address," I told him, patting the hood of his car.
"She's at Cearra's," he answered back, "You're my next option."
"Romantic," I said and let him drive up to the curb.
The music turned off and he got out of his car. I went to shut the door to my own, keeping the keys in hand. It was hard to know if he wanted to forget about everything or talk about everything.
This time, we'd gotten so close to expelled. A suspension was not a bad outcome. Sometimes I think Luke has nerves of steel lying like that.
"Want to go in?" I offered, nodding up at the house.
"Were you heading somewhere?"
"It's all good," I shrugged, "Today was f*cked. I needed to take the edge off."
He nodded, but didn't say anything more. So, after a second, I led the way back up to the house.
I'd forgotten to turn the lights off and, when we got inside, he went to the couch. I grabbed a couple cookies from Gloria's tray.
I didn't offer Luke one because I knew he wouldn't take it. He's never had a sweet tooth.
I dropped on the other end of the couch and ate my cookie while I waited for him to speak. He took his time. He was staring down at his sneakers. Ultraboosts.
Nice.
When Luke finally spoke up, his voice was coarse, "I'm struggling, man."
"I can tell," I said, eating the second cookie.
I should've brought the whole tray.
"Did Julia tell you something about the blackmail?" I asked, trying to guess what was going on.
He sat back and pressed a hand against the back of his neck. "I'm going to need a drink."
A/N: What did Julia tell him?! The Millie/Luke conversation is coming up in the next chapter :)
POLLS ARE UP 4 YOUR VOTE - Is Luke right or wrong? Should Millie & Luke fight, make up or calmly discuss? You can vote on IG (@natalieinacorner)
Next chapter's soundtrack will also be up there!
See ya, maybe Tuesday but definitely Thursday! And please vote - I typed two chapters this week and I hope you enjoyed them *fingers finally lifting from the keyboard*
<3